Romance Funny Quotes

You dance?"
"I think that might be overly optimistic," he said. "I do something. I'll try not to hurt you. ~ Robyn Carr

After dunking his thoughts in a quick cold shower, he got his mind back on track. ~ Tracey Alvarez

His brain cells had sunk to an area of his body that didn´t help his vocabulary skills. ~ Tracey Alvarez

Two days after my dad's funeral, my mom went on a mission. I never understood it until then
that sometimes a spy doesn't need a cover so much as she needs a shield. ~ Ally Carter

You're doing this for Kimmie for free."
"I'd do anything for Kimmie."
"Including bury a body?"
"Especially bury a body. ~ Jamie Farrell

The hotness of a sex scene lies in the loins of the beholder. ~ J.Leigh Hunter

Sugar, what the fuck did I say about games? I don't fuckin' play them. You ain't gonna make a scene about somethin' you don't know. Get out to my bike, shut your mouth and we'll talk."
"I hate you when you're bossy," I say, before spinning on my heel.
"You fuckin' love me, you moody little shit. ~ Bella Jewel

It wasn't right. A rescuer shouldn't have a hard-on while performing a heroic act. Charles was pretty sure there was a rule about that somewhere, but he'd be damned if it was one he could follow right now. ~ Tiffany Allee

Ryan, when did you get a girlfriend?" his sister asked.
"She's not my girlfriend, Kaylen," Ryan replied. "Go away. ~ S. Walden

Scroll through a list of books online, and you will find page after page after page of book covers with shirtless guys and titles that scream BILLIONAIRE ROMANCE! or ALPHA-MALE PARANORMAL WEREWOLF ROMANCE! or something equally ridiculous. All these shitty books look like clones of each other. There's not an original thought in sight. ~ Oliver Markus Malloy

A fake ring. A fake engagement. Fake love. Everything was fake. Shiny and put together on the outside, empty on the inside. ~ Jamie Farrell

Now I really feel sorry for her. Your hand is as bad as Rob's paddle," Cassie shuddered.
"Thank you."
"I didn't mean it as a compliment! ~ Breanna Hayse

You have a gorgeous ass, and it holds handprints beautifully.
Oh, well, how nice for me. ~ Cherise Sinclair

Jesse, we can't do this."
"Sure we can, honey. It's the perfect night for it. You're a woman, I'm a
man. Those little twinkling things overhead are stars. I believe it's referred to as romance. ~ Christine Feehan

Right on time, sugar." Josh draped his arm around her shoulders and steered her through the lobby. "Traffic okay?"
"Yeah, except when that alien spaceship landed on I-90 and then all those crickets jumped out to perform Beethoven's Fifth on kazoos. Otherwise, clear sailing. ~ Jamie Farrell

With his blond hair, broad shoulders, and perpetual tan,
Bryce looked like a California underwear model. Not that I'd thought about him in his underwear.
Much. ~ Chris Cannon

Charlotte!" Denbigh roared. "What are you doing in my bedroom, and why didn't you knock?"
"I brought the doctor," she said with asperity.
"A young lady does not enter the bedroom of a gentleman to whom she is not married," Denbigh retorted.
"Then what is Olivia doing in here?" she asked.
"Olivia is my sister."
"So?"
"You are my ward."
"So?"
Olivia laughed. "Oh, Lion, you won't win an argument with Charlotte. Believe me, I've tried. ~ Joan Johnston

He shifted his attention back to me and leaned in closer. "I told you to behave. I don't want to have to arrest you ever again."
"Um ... okay."
I felt him slide something under my hand. He leaned in even closer, his mouth by my ear, and whispered, "Although I wouldn't mind handcuffing you."
Oh. My. God. ~ Robyn Peterman

In the third cabinet under the counter, she hit the good stuff. "Oh! You have a KitchenAid."
"If you're planning on caressing my mixer, you should know that might make my testicles explode," he said from behind her.
Her cheeks went hot enough to glow. "That would be awkward. ~ Jamie Farrell

He´d followed her in, locked the door and tried to kiss her,…. He missed having the tip of his tongue bitten off by millimeters. Then she kneed him in the nuts and went at him with the closest weapon at hand, which happened to be a toilet brush - but hey, those bristles could hurt if shoved somewhere with enough force. ~ Tracey Alvarez

Peyton, I'm not married and you're not a lesbian. Think of the possibilities. ~ Robyn Carr

Agent Julianne was always looking for ways to spin things. She would have been better off owning a laundromat. ~ Jonas Eriksson

Alarmed and bordering on terrified, Frankie reached for the closest thing she could find that might work as a weapon – which in Louise's house was a curling iron – and tiptoed downstairs to confront the intruder - Chapter One ~ Kerri Thomson

Gannon came from loud, passionate Italian stock that wasn't afraid to smash a plate to make a statement. Paige, on the other hand, systematically choked down any temper and, with frosty efficiency, made him dance like a fucking puppet. ~ Lucy Score

Dr. Freeman said she couldn't have children. Christ, I'll never touch her again."
"You'll touch her," Houston said.
Dallas looked up, determination etched deeply in the lines of his face.
"No, I won't."
"Yes, you will. One night, she'll curl up against you, all innocent-like - " Compassion, understanding, and a wealth of sympathy filled Houston's gaze. "You'll touch her. ~ Lorraine Heath

He should probably make love to her. ~ Tara Janzen

His hands still on his shoulders.

"Hi," he says. "Sorry."

"For what?"

"For the fact that you are such a big flirt."

He laughs. "You're the one in my lap. I was just sitting here minding my own business."

"Just the plane, then?"

"Of course."

I try to stand up, but he pulls me back down again.

"Man, the plane is really bumpy today," he says. ~ Kasie West

I'll always be your friend," he said. "Your best friend, if you let me. But I want to be your lover, too." He groaned and shifted in his chair. "Soon. I want to be that soon." Then a look came over him. "Oh Gina ... I didn't even court you! God, I should date you first before I beg you to take off your clothes! ~ Robyn Carr

When I think about books, I touch my shelf. ~ Unknown

You certainly do heal fast. But you'll still have some impressive bruises, so if I were you I'd avoid your father for the rest of the night."
"I'll just tell him you abuse me," Helen said with a shrug. She jumped off the examining table.
"And I'll tell him you like it," he teased back. ~ Josephine Angelini

So is that why you're hanging out here? To seduce bookish chicks?"
"I don't know. Maybe. Is it working? ~ Elizabeth Brown

Now, can I help you with something? I'm new, but I'll do my best to figure out how to get what you need."
...
"That's good to hear, Abby, since I need your breasts for a few minutes. ~ Cherise Sinclair

My cousin fell in love with a dom, so I checked into it to see if I needed to kill him before they got married. ~ Cherise Sinclair

Women were tricky creatures under the best of circumstances. This was not the best of circumstances. ~ Genevieve Dewey

Did I mention how cute you look in my clothes?"
Blushing I just look at what I'm wearing and laugh.
"Chicks Dig me? And Sponge Bob boxers?"
"Chicks do dig me! And Sponge Bob is a great cartoon in your world. ~ Sara Daniell

Big surprise, I put you to sleep. Don't feel bad. It happens all the time. ~ Robyn Carr

If I let you go are you going to hit me again?"
"What do you think?"
"Then I'm not going to let you go. ~ Sarah Mayberry

You should get a better boyfriend. One with an IQ higher than a turnip. ~ Robyn Carr

She's mine. She might not know it yet, but she's mine. ~ Pippa Grant

I have to console myself with the hope that I'd seen Isabeau soften, even hesitate, as if she might actually have taken my arm. It was suddenly very easy to picture her in a gown with petticoats and ringlets in her hair and diamonds at her throat. It was just as easy to picture Magda with horns and pitchfork. - Logan, page 95 ~ Alyxandra Harvey

Are we going to be stupid?" she whispered.
"Define stupid."
"Anything that involves either one of us exposing our favorite body parts." Or their hearts ...
"I want to hear about your favorite body part," he said. "In great detail. ~ Jill Shalvis

They say money talks, but all mine ever says is 'good-bye sucker. ~ Jill Shalvis

Have you ever played Killer Bunnies?" she asked.
"Killer Bunnies?" he repeated, blinking the way people always did when they didn't follow her brain's train.
"It's a card game. Not spades and clubs, kings and jacks cards. It's like a board game, with cards instead of a board. Here. I'll show you." She stretched up to the top shelf beside her TV and pulled down a bright blue box. "But I have to warn you, I never hesitate to use the nuclear warheads or the anti-matter raisins. Your bunnies are going down. ~ Jamie Farrell

one simple kiss? Something must`ve shorted in her brain, because this kiss tap-danced all over simple. ~ Tracey Alvarez

She was an idiot. An adorable, gorgeous, feisty, funny, sweet, sexy idiot. ~ Sarah Mayberry

You're not my words, Emma." I said, standing up and staring at the door while pretending to be gazing deep into her pretty hazel eyes. "But you're my numbers. You're all of my numbers." I paused, listened, and figured she had fallen asleep. "You're my infinity. ~ Morgan Parker

I won't share you, Dylan. I mean that. If you think for one second now that we're married, you can try and pull some kind of shit over on me, you'd better think again. I can take whatever you can dish out when it comes to pain, embarrassment and humiliation, and whatever else you have going on in that wicked mind of yours, but I'll be damned if I'll share you with another woman. Or man."
What the fuck? I almost laugh at her, but she's so serious she would probably slap the shit out of me. "Calm the hell down. I'm not trying to pull anything over on you, okay? And seriously, a man?"
"Well, I don't know. Maybe one of your secrets is that you like getting pegged in the ass or something."
This time I laugh out loud at her and she narrows her eyes at me.
"Don't ask me to peg you either, because it's never going to happen."
I laugh even louder. Good God this woman is funny. "I promise you that I don't want to be pegged, Isa. ~ Ella Dominguez

So why are you so mad at me for kissing you?"
"Because you took too long. If you'd done that, say, three years ago, we wouldn't have only had one kiss before we both get horribly mutilated. ~ Rusty Fischer

He tends to go for girls who are-Shelby, honey? Put your hands over your ears for just a sec." Back into the phone he said, "He likes the real slutty ones. Ow!" he yelled when he received a whop to the back of the head. ~ Robyn Carr

I like my money, and if you mess with it, I fuck with you."
I raised my eyebrow. "You want to fuck with Alec?"
"What? No, that's not what I meant."
"But you said you-"
"I know what I said you smartass, ~ L.A. Casey

Three Denises wobbled in front of her, all of them watching her with fond concern. You're a sweetie. I appreciate you cheering me on from the sidelines. But I think I need to go to the bathroom now and throw up. ~ Sarah Mayberry

Did you want to change into something more comfortable?" Adrian asks with a raise in his eyebrows, breaking me out of my train of thought, but not away from naughty thoughts.

I smack his knee. "I'm comfortable, but I know you're not." He doesn't mind dressing up, but on most days I see him in casual clothes like screen-printed tees and hoodies.

"You're right," he says, tapping my knee lightly, standing up. As he walks toward the hallway, he slips his shirt off the rest of the way. I can't look away from the sight, even if it is only from the back. Damn. What is happening to me? Have I gone mad?

Before I can tear my eyes away from him, he turns around. Judging by the look in his eyes, I've been caught. I have so been caught. Damn again. I didn't want him to see me practically drooling. It's too late for that now.

He smirks. "You know, I could spend the rest of the night just like this." He places a hand to the hard muscles of his chest.

I clear my throat, trying really hard not to imagine my hand in place of his, and say, "If I'm wearing clothes, you're wearing clothes."

"So if I'm not wearing clothes..." I grab a coaster from the coffee table and fling it at him. He catches it in his hand. "Just remember, all you have to do is say otherwise. ~ Lilly Avalon

Fuck. I don't remember her being so scary. She's got those momma eyes down to a T, yet, somehow...on her, they are hot as hell. The term M.I.L.F. now makes all the sense in the world. ~ Heather M. Orgeron

The fact that she made this beeline for me both warmed my soul and made me want to turn around, walk out the door, and find a cliff to fling myself off of. ~ Lia Habel

I mean, I don't want to pass judgment - I just wish my husband didn't shoot deer."
"Oh, Mel, don't worry. I've been hunting with your husband - the deer are completely safe. ~ Robyn Carr

Cages, spanking benches, sawhorses, bondage tables. Scene after scene. Throaty moans, high screams, whining, whimpering, and groaning. Jesus, Mary, and Joseph. All his cop instincts shouted for him to get his cuffs out and start arresting people. ~ Cherise Sinclair

Late twenties, single, female. Do the math.
Flirty flings were fabulous until you hit the big three-O, all downhill
from there. Biological clocks started ticking like time bombs waiting to
detonate, gravity exerted more force on your life than your mom, and
suddenly, the dog-ugliest creep looked like Jake Gyllenhaal. ~ Nicola Marsh

Don't see me as a girl. See me as a buddy of yours or something."
He cast his eyes downward and didn't look back up to my face. I looked down and groaned. Such a guy.
"My buddies don't have boobs, as far as I know."
"Because you felt them up to be sure?" I chuckled, against my better judgement.
Once again, his mouth dropped open. ~ Stephanie Witter

I shook my head back and forth as though I was a human etch-a-sketch, erasing the memory. ~ Nicole Gulla

Your mother can't hear you here."
"Distance is no match for my mother's eavesdropping and mind-reading skills."

"I had steel anti-mind-reading plates installed this week. Specially designed to be Marilyn-proof. Also sounds an alarm if she gets within two hundred yards of the building, and I sent the guards downstairs to ninja training. You're safe. ~ Jamie Farrell

The important thing for any writer to remember is to take the writing seriously, but not the writer. ~ A.E. Poynor

He fits me without a flaw. At the beginning, I was apprehensive that he might swallow me whole and I'd disappear for having him. After the time spent together, I'm certain that Colton is the day to my night. And we both have the same value, power, control, individuality and independency. No one disappears. We are like an equinox. Just like the day moves into the night and then night into day, we both complete each other and build a partnership. We are two different entities co-existing superbly, letting each other be but never leaving each other's side. ~ Kristina Steiner

Life Is Too Short--So Kiss Slowly,
Laugh Insanely, Love Truly,
And Live With Passion. ~ Andy Vogt

His eyes were growing darker. They dipped to her lips. "Make any dirty cupcakes this week?"
"Yes. Two orders."
"What flavors?"
"No."
"No?"
"I don't want to tell you." She totally wanted to tell him. She wanted to watch his eyes go darker when she said the dirty words. And she wanted him to keep touching her cheek. And then touch her in other places. "You should stop."
"Probably. ~ Jamie Farrell

I don't have a cherubic bone in my body."
"Maybe you've got your bone in someone else's cherubic body then? ~ Jane Washington

Why had she set limits like no sex? I want sex. ~ Cherise Sinclair

Is there a reason why you're standing there, staring out the window and watching the neighbors? Are we preparing to kill them and drag them down to the basement and bury them alive? ~ R.L. Mathewson

Women who've made peace with living alone," she started, counting off on one finger, "and women with healthy self-confidence ... " She counted off a second finger, then cocked her head at Kate. "Are you getting this?"
Kate nodded. "Women who've made peace with living alone and women who have a healthy self-confidence ... "
"Can always, BUT ALWAYS, afford to be picky. ~ Becky Wade

There's a reason why most men don't read romance: Romance novels are wish-fulfillment for women. The fictitious men in romance novels fall all over themselves trying to please a woman. Does that sound like your real life experience with men? No of course not. (Except for guys who want to fuck you. There is no man more attentive
as the guy who wants to fuck you for the first time.)

That's why you read romance. To get something you don't get in real life. Because your husband's idea of romance is bringing out the trash and not farting during sex. ~ Oliver Markus Malloy

Whew," he said. "You clean up good. You don't look like the same girl."
She frowned right before she laughed. "Do women usually thank you for saying things like that? ~ Robyn Carr

He caught her staring and smiled-not a conceited I-work-out-and-have-a-great-body type smirk, but more of a I'm-a-boy; you're-a-girl; life is good. ~ Cherise Sinclair

I pulled back and stared up into his eyes. "You're gettin' very deep on me."
Alec's hands gripped my behind. "I'll be getting very deep in you if you keep looking at me like that ~ L.A. Casey

I tell yeh, Bright-eyes. Men and women? A bloody mess. Every time. ~ David Kudler

Speaking of cupcakes, Will wants two dozen off your special menu to take on the road after the wedding."
"The, erm, peach kind?"
"The peach kind," Lindsey said.
"I like the peach kind," Josh said.
Mikey had named them Sex on a Peach. And they were Kimmie's second biggest seller, after the Hairy Dicks, which were coconut cake balls strategically placed with Dahlia's chocolate-covered, ice cream-filled bananas.
And Josh's frown had disappeared, and now he was grinning as if he knew it.
All of it. ~ Jamie Farrell

Every man's dream is to be able to sink into the arms of a woman without also falling into her hands ~ Jerry Lewis

Heaven's Bakery help them all. ~ Jamie Farrell

Oh for Christ sakes. Ay carrumba, chimichanga. I have no idea what you're saying, but shut your pretty pie hole. ~ Cristin Harber

What sort of look are you going for?"
Damn, how did he answer this? "Something ... normal," he finally said. ~ Toni Blake

He'd never been shy, but he'd always been a little uncertain around girls. He just couldn't believe they liked him. ~ Robyn Carr

The look he shot his sister could`ve given her a free chemical peel. ~ Tracey Alvarez

I can't help it, I run up to him and put my arms around him. Shocked he pulls away, just a little because my arms are still around him and he lifts my head to look at him and kisses me. "And you've been trying to act like you aren't interested." he says while smiling that smile that makes butterflies suddenly appear in multitudes in my stomach. ~ Sara Daniell

Kate giggled. "Excellent choice."
"I always make excellent choices."
"I don't know about that."
"Of course I do. I picked ye, didn't I? ~ Whitney K.E.

Moving on was going to require leaving the woods and getting a friend set that didn't have gray hairs, hip replacements and a few false teeth. ~ Rebecca Brooks

I'm thinking of Anna, who kissed my bruises with a tenderness that made my heart flip over in my chest before she sucked my cock until I lost my mind. Anna who, with her plain speaking and fierce declarations, gave me back a piece of my pride. Anna, who still won't kiss me on the mouth or let me kiss hers ~ Kristen Callihan

I would be anyone if only I could be with you. ~ Shelly Thacker

In the spirit of the Olympic Games, they traditionally ask that all fighting and warfare around the world stop. So, there's hope for a ceasefire within the Jackson family. ~ Jay Leno

Christianity is such a silly religion. ~ Gore Vidal

We sat there in silence for a while, just taking in the moment of reflection between us. It's funny how a woman feels different to a man. They feel nice and soft, but because there isn't that spark of attraction there it's more of a sisterly or maternal warmth that you feel from them. It's wonderful. And it brings out this strange protective streak that seems borne from intuition if you have man parts, regardless of whether your man parts like other men's parts. And I wanted to protect Fran. ~ Sean Kennedy

The body is a funny piece of meat. How it inflates and deflates in order to keep you alive. But how simple words can fill you up or pierce the air out of you. ~ Elizabeth Acevedo

You fucked the groom fifteen minutes before he was to say his vows."
"Ah, yeah." I adjust my erection again.
"Then you took the father-in-law."
"Well, I was already naked and you know I recover quickly-"
"Eros! ~ Candi Kay

I'd lick you numb, Mariah. You have no idea the things I'm capable of. ~ Pella Grace

When her touch feels like this is the way perfect should be.
When her heart beats so peacefully next to mine.
When we intertwine our fingers and pretend like we're never going to be apart and it feels like everything is right with the world.
When every moment I spend with her, feels like I'm falling in love all over again.
We might never find forever, or a happily-ever-after. Not with the things I now know. But for those few moments, we can pretend that we have it all.
But that's the thing about moments.
No matter how hard you try to hold on -
They always end. ~ Kady Hunt

Jocko likes salty, Jocko likes sweet, but never bring Jocko any hot sauce, like with jalapenos, because it makes Jocko squirt funny-smelling stuff out his ears. ~ Dean Koontz

You want to break the curse, I want to break the curse. We don't need to be nice. We need to be effective. Just help me figure it out, and I'll make you a rich woman. ~ Kate Avery Ellison

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly; but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it too. ~ Tommy Cooper

And I don't even know you. It's too soon for you to take me home. I'm scared of getting attached to you. Really scared."

"The feeling's mutual."

Mentally, I stopped dead in my tracks. Whatever train my thoughts had been on screeched to a halt between stations. I looked in his eyes, searching for a bit of guardedness, a little double meaning, but there was none. He wasn't lying. ~ C.D. Reiss

Which would give her an ulcer first? All the aspirin and prescription pain medication she took, or Jack Carlton? Then again, that left only one cause, since he was the reason she needed the drugs to begin with. ~ Dawn M. Turner

As a lady of clocklike precision yourself, you may appreciate my schedule. I have kept strictly to it every day for the past decade. From eight in the morning to eight in the evening, I devote myself to my duties. Then from eight in the evening to eight in the morning, I . . . do . . . not. ~ Erica Ridley

Like a ghost that dances on the tip of a lit cigarette,
I know what romance is, but it hasn't happened yet.
Watch it floating up to heaven only knows,
Disappearing before you get too close-
It's only smoke. You might say a flame was burning, only smoke--
but my heart is more discerning,
I keep dreaming of a fire
But when I wake up to the cold--
It's only smoke.

Eyes are hypnotizing when they hold you within their embrace.
Words are mezmerizing even when they've got nothing to say.
The game is charming in an empty kind of way.
What's the harm in asking me to play?
It's only smoke. You might say a flame was burning, only smoke--
but my heart is more discerning,
I keep dreaming of a fire
But when I wake up to the cold--
It's only smoke. ~ Jane Monheit

Science moves with the spirit of an adventure characterized both by youthful arrogance and by the belief that the truth, once found, would be simple as well as pretty. ~ James D. Watson