Daily Show Quotes

I'm not really much of an actor, so when I started on 'The Daily Show,' I was just trying to adopt the faux authority of a newsperson. Having a British accent definitely gave me a sonic leg up on that because there is a faux authority to the British accent in and of itself. ~ John Oliver

At first the difference will be in whatever atmosphere I bring into it. It's not going to be like, 'I really want to do The Daily Show and I'd love to turn it into an abstract musical.' I like the format and the chance to satirize the news. ~ Jon Stewart

I am a man who used to wear the tights. We traveled the country doing two Shakespeare plays for bored college students for about a year. I think I'd probably still be doing it now if I hadn't just randomly decided to go to a sketch group audition. That led to doing improv, which led to the Daily Show. But it was fun while it lasted. ~ Rob Corddry

My first 'Daily Show' piece was pretending I had this terrible immigrant journey, so I went to talk to an immigration lawyer who would help out people, and I ran into him in Penn Station about three months after I'd gotten the green card. I said, 'I got my green card yesterday.' And he hugged me because he understood that level of relief. ~ John Oliver

I spent 11 years at 'The Daily Show,' and I learned everything there about how to write funny, how to write funny on topic. ~ David Javerbaum

There are more facts and more truths told in the first eight minutes of The Daily Show than most political news conferences in Washington. ~ Tom Brokaw

I don't think faith is positive, because faith means belief without evidence, and you shouldn't believe anything without evidence. ["The Daily Show" 24 Sept 2013] ~ Richard Dawkins

I'm literally driving in the middle of the night, and my phone rings, and my manager says, 'How would you like to be the host of the 'Daily Show?' I get out the car, and I didn't have legs. You know in those movies where there's an explosion? But instead of the sound of the explosion, you hear the silence. That's literally what happened. ~ Trevor Noah

I worked with Ismail Merchant on 'The Mystic Masseur,' I did 'Sakina's Restaurant,' I've done plays, I've been on Broadway, I've done movies, I've done TV ... but nothing has had the pop culture penetrative impact as 'The Daily Show' has. It's the nature of the beast. ~ Aasif Mandvi

People, I guess, generally come to see me do stand-up with a working knowledge of my broad sense of humor on 'The Daily Show' ... I don't think anyone would mistake me as an actual anchor. ~ John Oliver

I love the 'Daily Show,' and I think Jon Stewart is hysterical. But literally, the answer to every single problem is, 'Congress should pass a new law.' It's this unbelievably optimistic view of, 'We can pass a law, and then everybody will get along.' ~ Marc Andreessen

There's no school that you can go to and learn how to be a "Daily Show" correspondent and how to interview people and, you know, essentially leave your soul outside the door and go in there and kind of, you know, destroy people's lives sometimes. ~ Aasif Mandvi

THE HUMAN CONDITION The Daily Show reported recently that scientists in Japan had invented a robot that is capable of recognizing its own reflection in a mirror. "When the robot learns to hate what it sees," said Jon Stewart, "it will have achieved full humanity. ~ Steven Pressfield

I care about politics, but I have a tough time making comedy out of it. I was so happy to have a chance to be on The Daily Show, and I think Jon Stewart's so funny ... but mostly in my own comedy, I care about less relevant things. ~ Demetri Martin

Apparently it's cool to watch The Daily Show. ~ Rob Corddry

Republican or Democrat, this nation's affluent urban and suburban classes understand their bread is buttered on the corporate side. The primary difference between the two parties is that the Republicans pretty much admit that they grasp and even endorse some of the nastiest facts of life in America. Republicans honestly tell the world: "Listen in on my phone calls, piss-test me until I'm blind, kill and eat all of my neighbors right in front of my eyes, but show me the money! Let me escape with every cent I can kick out of the suckers, the taxpayers, and anybody else I can get a headlock on, legally or otherwise." Democrats, in contrast, seem content to catalog the GOP's outrages against the Republic, showing proper indignation while laughing at episodes of The Daily Show. But they stand behind the American brand: imperialism. They "support our troops," though you will be hard put to find any of them who have served alongside them or who would send one of their own kids off to lose an eye or an arm in Iraq. They play the imperial game, maintain their credit ratings, and plan to keep the beach house and the retirement investments if it means sacrificing every damned Lynndie England in West Virginia. ~ Joe Bageant

I'm free to see things objectively because I don't consider myself American, and I don't consider myself British or Indian. I'm kind of an amalgam or mongrel of a lot of different places and experiences. In a lot of ways it's been a good thing for me. It's enabled me to do what I do on 'The Daily Show.' ~ Aasif Mandvi

My tenure at 'The Daily Show' started during the decade after September 11, and fear of Muslims was at an all-time high. Politicians and the media seemed to dial the fright, mistrust, and animosity up to a fever pitch to gain votes and ratings. ~ Aasif Mandvi

Eventually, somewhere - be it on the Internet or somewhere else - I will host some version of 'The Daily Show.' ~ Marcus Brigstocke

Welcome to The Daily Show, I'm John Oliver. Jon Stewart is still not here. He is currently living out a live-action Lord of the Rings role-playing experience deep in the New Zealand wilderness. ~ John Oliver

Why should I be feeling tension? It's The Daily Show. ~ Rob Corddry

When I got to 'The Daily Show,' they asked me to have a political opinion. It turned out that I had one, but I didn't realize quite how liberal I was until I was asked to make passionate comedic choices as opposed to necessarily successful comedic choices. ~ Stephen Colbert

Thank God for Occupy and thank God for 'The Daily Show,' Colbert and the rising up that's going on around the world. ~ Bonnie Raitt

I could take over as host of The Daily Show for Jon Stewart and make that thing actually watchable. ~ Seth Rollins

LIZZ WINSTEAD Instead of Jon playing a character - the news anchor, one of the derelicts in a derelict world of media - Jon made a creative decision to take the show in the direction of the correspondents presenting the idiocy, and then Jon is the person who calls out the idiocy with the eloquence that the viewer wishes they had. And he did it in a way that's not condescending, it's not smug. It's funny, it's emotional, it's calling out bullshit. So Jon became the voice of the audience. ~ Chris Smith

I was a fan of "The Daily Show" I watched it,I never imagined being on it, but I figured I would just go down there and do my best Stephen Colbert impression. ~ Aasif Mandvi

I'm kind of a 'Daily Show,' Bill Maher junkie. I listen to NPR and I still get the 'New York Times' paper delivered to my door, even though I live in L.A. ~ Constance Zimmer

What's similar between 'Daily Show' and 'RJ Berger' is that people are grabbing me - not quite the groovy intelligentsia Starbucks barista, but the Latina nurses at my gynecologist's office - and telling me they love the show. ~ Beth Littleford

Both 'The Daily Show' and 'The Colbert Report,' you're working with the best. When you work with the best, you have to raise your game. If you're working with people who are sub par, you're not forced to give 100 percent because you can get by on 80 percent. ~ Nate Corddry

Because I went from the 'Daily Show' where I was a fake news guy on a fake news show, to 'Bruce Almighty' where I played a news guy, to 'Anchorman' where I played a news guy, now I'm ... yeah, I tend to gravitate towards suits. ~ Steve Carell

I always used to watch 'The Daily Show,' and there were all these comedic geniuses there. I didn't know if I was going to be hired full time or not. At the beginning, I was sort of hired as a part time, on and off guy. When I first got hired - it was August 2006 - and I was working on and off, and they'd call me whenever. ~ Aasif Mandvi

Love what you do. Get good at it. Competence is a rare commodity in this day and age. And let the chips fall where they man. ~ Jon Stewart

I came from a very different sort of background and pedigree from the people who were on "The Daily Show". I was an actor. I was sort of - the irony is that I've done as much dramatic work in my career as comedic work and I don't really think of myself as a comedian. ~ Aasif Mandvi

I get all my U.S. politics from 'The Daily Show.' ~ Margrethe Vestager

To be sure, the hard-to-come-by interview - the 'get' - isn't an uncommon phenomenon here at 'The Daily Show.' We've had high-profile dignitaries, low-profile indignitaries, stars you've heard of, authors you should have read. ~ Kevin Bleyer

Ben Karlin is a friend of mine and was a writer on 'The Daily Show.' He's just put out a book and asked a bunch of writers from various disciplines to contribute. It was called 'Things I've Learned from Women Who've Dumped Me,' and of course I agreed, and then I actually had to sit down and write it. God, writing fiction is terrifying. ~ Tom McCarthy

What's great about 'The Daily Show' is I can use satire and push the envelope. I couldn't do that anywhere else. Even if I was a journalist. ~ Aasif Mandvi

They wanted to audition people for the Middle East correspondent on 'The Daily Show.' They wanted to hire somebody ethnic for that slot. Helms had left, Cordry had left, and they felt that they needed an ethnic face. So, I went in and auditioned, and I got the job. ~ Aasif Mandvi

I got a job as a human rights and refugees officer, working on youth-based projects. But I realized all the kids I was working with were far more into 'The Daily Show' than the policy briefings. ~ Hannah Simone

The longer I spent time on 'The Daily Show,' standing in front of a green screen pretending to report from war zones and hot spots around the world - most often from somewhere in the Middle East - the more I began to realize that 'The Daily Show' was radicalizing me. ~ Aasif Mandvi

The World Trade Center cross has become a Christian icon. It has been blessed by so-called holy men and presented as a reminder that their God, who couldn't be bothered to stop the terrorists or prevent 3,000 people from being killed in his name, cared only enough to bestow upon us some rubble that resembles a cross. [The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, Comedy Central, 4 August 2011] ~ David Silverman

My first big gig was as a correspondent on Comedy Central's 'The Daily Show.' My job was to parody TV reporters and political pundits. As a result, I was often invited onto cable news shows as comic relief. ~ Beth Littleford

I get younger people who watch Conan or The Daily Show, but before that it was mostly people who knew me from public radio. Those people are kind of old. ~ Sarah Vowell

The first time I met Jon Stewart was at the press conference that Comedy Central held to announce Jon would be the new host of 'The Daily Show,' which back then was not called 'The Daily Show with Jon Stewart.' ~ Stephen Colbert

Samantha Bee said to me when I first started on the "Daily Show", she was like no - there is no - the only way you'll learn this job is by doing this job. ~ Aasif Mandvi

I had a tumor. But it was great. ~ David Rakoff

This is a practical country. we have ideals, we have philosophies. But, the problem with any ideology is that it gives the answer before you look at the evidence. ~ Bill Clinton

I think people like him think work is supposed to be drudgery punctuated by very occasional moments of happiness, but when I say happiness, I mostly mean distraction. You know what I mean?"
"No, please elaborate."
"Okay, say you go into the break room," she said, "and a couple people you like are there, say someone's telling
a funny story, you laugh a little, you feel included, everyone's so funny, you go back to your desk with a sort of,
I don't know, I guess afterglow would be the word? You go back to your desk with an afterglow, but then by four or
five o'clock the day's just turned into yet another day, and you go on like that, looking forward to five o'clock and
then the weekend and then your two or three annual weeks of paid vacation time, day in day out, and that's what happens to your life."
"Right," Clark said. He was filled in that moment with an inexpressible longing. The previous day he'd gone into the break room and spent
five minutes laughing at a colleague's impression of a Daily Show bit.
"That's what passes for a life, I should say. That's what passes for
happiness, for most people. Guys like Dan, they're like sleepwalkers," she said, "and nothing ever jolts them awake. ~ Emily St. John Mandel

The one show that I will continue to be a guest on is 'The Daily Show' with Jon Stewart, if he'll have me. It's not competitive with CNN and it's too much fun. ~ Fareed Zakaria

I'm six feet tall. No one realizes that because on 'The Daily Show' I'm usually sitting. ~ Jessica Williams

Worried about fitting in, being part of a group, feeling accepted? People gather in groups of similar interests, but these interests are usually based on external preferences and attires.
"We think that if other people like this sport or activity, they'll accept us without an interview or further questions, and we need that because we are afraid of standing naked in front of others, of showing whom we really are underneath the fake smiles and bland expressions of anger and pain: this nakedness is one of the heart and mind.
"It's within these groups that most people find their 'soul-mates' and 'fall in love' with the person they'll never get to know for real.
"Little did you know, you have to keep pretending to be someone else, while your partner is exhausted from having to put on a daily show just to please you. ~ Nityananda Das

No, no, no separate but equal ... never the twain shall meet. And the pendulum kept swinging and it came to rest in the bastard hybrid known as the Daily Show. ~ Mo Rocca

I am not SURE whether people have watched DID show from ZEE TV or not, Its big ambiguity whether they have really liked Teriya Magar's performance or of anyone else. But I'm SURE that they have voted Teriya and even begged other fellows to vote her just because she IS NEPALI.
This way patriotism rocks and talent is sucked........ ~ Anup Joshi

If I'm not mistaken, I think Data was the comic relief on the show. ~ Brent Spiner

He told me that it would have been possible to have a father and have a child to look at the flaws of time, but in this time and with your money you can get the highest certificates in the highest specialties only. The price is poor. A doctor caused my wife's uterus to explode and the fetus died. The world is lonely. And this library is my dwelling place and my work spend day and night at work and night if it honors sleepiness and guest guest on it if not come and live with my memories and my pain.
If you become concerned with the affairs of the public and the people, what you have to do is to show faith in the Creator, because what you hear your ear enters your heart and makes it cold. It is possible to cool a word when you reveal what is inside it and leave you and your scars in your chewing.

قايتباي ~ Ahmed Elhosary

It's a man's world, they say; but in its daily textures it is a world created by and for women. ~ John Updike

I was always singing and dancing for my mother when I wasn't glued to the television watching I Love Lucy or the Carol Burnett Show. ~ Debra Messing

One of the pleasant things those of us who write or paint do is to have the daily miracle. It does come. ~ Gertrude Stein

If you want something, get it. If you like someone, show it. If your sad, cry. Happy, smile. no point in hiding things and pretending to be one thing when your really another. ~ Marilyn Grey

Said Doremus, "Hm. Yes, I agree it's a serious time. With all the discontent there is in the country to wash him into office, Senator Windrip has got an excellent chance to be elected President, next November, and if he is, probably his gang of buzzards will get us into some war, just to grease their insane vanity and show the world that we're the huskiest nation going. And then I, the Liberal and you, the Plutocrat, the bogus Tory, will be led out and shot at 3 A.M. Serious? Huh! ~ Sinclair Lewis

If you choose to be a Muslim then you believe that it is on some level wrong to show the image of the Prophet Muhammad. ~ Aasif Mandvi

I open the door for old ladies, I help old ladies across the road. I do a show for leukemia every year, but I don't broadcast that because it's against my image. ~ Ozzy Osbourne

Too many people start their day like a five-alarm fire. Instead, I teach people to start their day a little earlier than they usually do, and urge them to take the time to prepare, to practise, so when you get to work, it's show time and you're at your best. ~ Robin S. Sharma

No man is equal to his book. All the best products of his mental activity go into his book, where they come separated from the mass of inferior products with which they are mingled in his daily talk. ~ Herbert Spencer

You guys are lucky, cuz in Europe, like you can show boobs on TV and like in magazines and what not. We're Americans so the slightest, the slightest glimpse of a nipple will ... ~ Mark Hoppus

I like the idea of it. Just look at the world around you. Wars, terror, starvation, poverty, disease. Take the Middle East conflict, for example. An area on earth that contains so much hatred, so many frustrations, that a bomber is always lurking around the next corner, and where checkpoints and walls have become a permanent part of daily life. When I look at such a world from here in my little Danish ivory tower, it's a very appealing idea that there might exist at least--at the very least--36 righteous people on this earth. Small human pillars to ensure that we maintain a minimum of kindness and righteousness. ~ A.J. Kazinski

We'll show you that you can build a mind from many little parts, each mindless by itself. ~ Marvin Minsky

There's a few movies I wanted to do, and I didn't get to do them partly because they wanted me to be part of the horse and pony show, getting the money, and I'm just not doing that. There's a few movies that people wanted me to do, but they were too safe. ~ Frank Oz

You've been watching Sons of Anarchy, haven't you?" Pic asked, sighing heavily. Cody swallowed, then nodded. "Fucking show. Whole damned world thinks they're Jax Teller. ~ Joanna Wylde

Lord Jesus, cause me to know in my daily experience the glory and sweetness of Thy name, and then teach me how to use it in my prayer, so that I may be a prince prevailing with God. ~ Charles Spurgeon

He said that seeing and understanding are two different things. Our eyes show us one side of an object, but that doesn't mean there aren't five other sides we can't see. So why thrust your eyes? Why live your whole life thinking that just because you can't see every side to something, those other sides don't exist? ~ Jessica Khoury

If you want to call attention to your good deed then it isn't a good deed, it's a self-serving one. Why? Not only have you patted yourself on the back but you're fishing for others to do the same. ~ Donna Lynn Hope

Our kids didn't do this to themselves. They don't decide the sugar content in soda or the advertising content of a television show. Kids don't choose what's served to them for lunch at school, and shouldn't be deciding what's served to them for dinner at home. And they don't decide whether there's time in the day or room in the budget to learn about healthy eating or to spend time playing outside. ~ Michelle Obama

You look at me like you see something." He drew his thumbs over her cheekbones and felt the swell as she smiled.

"I do."

"No. Nothing to see."

She blinked and her eyes cleared and opened fully. "That's not true, Show. I see kindness. Strength. And sorrow." One hand slid from his neck, and she put her fingers over his mouth and through his beard. "When I look at you, I can feel you. I don't know why. ~ Susan Fanetti

BY 2013, SEINFELD WOULD BECOME the most successful show ever in syndication. Networks buy reruns in packages sold in "cycles," and Seinfeld was the first show in history to get to a fifth cycle, taking its rerun sales through 2017 - nearly twenty years since its finale. ~ Jennifer Keishin Armstrong

The big show is inside my head, ~ Kurt Vonnegut

If you don't hurry up and let life know what you want, life will damned soon show you what you'll get. ~ Robertson Davies

Don't be a show-off. Never be too proud to turn back. There are old pilots and bold pilots, but no old, bold pilots. ~ E. Hamilton Lee

Success consists of a series of little daily efforts. ~ Mamie McCullough

A woman lives under pressure on a daily basis. Nearly every day a woman is being criticized for the way she looks, thinks, acts, how she raises her children and her role in the workplace. She is criticized by other women, her husband and/or significant other, her children, family, and friends. Goodness gracious, when will a woman's love ever be good enough?
She's constantly beaten down by being told what she's doing wrong, and barely hears what she has done right. Needless to say, she isn't praised for her accomplishments; often, all she hears is criticism. I would love to see the detractors walk in her shoes for a while. ~ Charlena E. Jackson

I know we've only known each other four weeks and three days, but to me it seems like nine weeks and five days. The first day seemed like a week and the second day seemed like five days. And the third day seemed like a week again and the fourth day seemed like eight days. And the fifth day you went to see your mother and that seemed just like a day, and then you came back and later on the sixth day, in the evening, when we saw each other, that started seeming like two days, so in the evening it seemed like two days spilling over into the next day and that started seeming like four days, so at the end of the sixth day on into the seventh day, it seemed like a total of five days. And the sixth day seemed like a week and a half. I have it written down, but I can show it to you tomorrow if you want to see it. ~ Steve Martin

But what else can I do, other than to plead with you like this? Other than to write down my story, our story, to show you that what you've done ... to make you realize that what you did wasn't fair, wasn't right. ~ Lucy Christopher

I don't even like to show midriff - it's my characters who are always showing midriff. ~ Jennifer Sky

Simple spells were light and fun, like a good joke. This spell was as simple as a symphony and as splendid. After adding the last runes, I swirled power through the old spells ensuring they merged with the new spells. The entire castle of spells flexed with the added power, my sign to retreat and hope it worked. Watching the spells bend and move was captivating. One moment they were crawling over each other looking for structure and the next they'd formed a fortress of magic seeking targets, calling them home....
"Jones?"
"Right behind you." He walked around to my left.
"How'd it go?"
"Good. Really good."
"I can tell. You're glowing."
I thought he was joking until I glanced at my hand. I had to look like a giant firefly.
"Narselfart!"
He laughed. "Don't worry about it. It's kinda' cute. Besides, those boys" - he jerked his head to indicate the younger cops - "aren't ever going to forget this power show. ~ N.E. Conneely

If you show up late [for anger management], you don't get credit for the class, which made that car ride even more of a test of your temper. Being late was great-you could leave if you wanted to, but that wasn't going to help you at all. I was late a few times and I always stayed, hoping to get credit for good behavior. I never did, and that made me really fucking angry. Thank God I was learning how to deal with that. ~ Tommy Lee

You cannot prove realism to a complete sceptic or idealist; but you can show an honest man that he is not a complete sceptic or idealist, but a realist at heart. So long as he is alive his sincere philosophy must fulfil the assumptions of his life and not destroy him. ~ George Santayana

Some realizations can only come from truly looking into the mirror. However, the only thing that the mirror can show one of a false face is the moment before death. Who truly looks into the mirror and sees the painting within it? Who looks into the reflection beyond the looking-glass and see the truth hidden within it? All it takes is one look into the mirror, to come to a realization of truth. But those that do not see the truth, simply falls into another illusion - within an endless refrain. ~ Lionel Suggs

How many more investment bankers need to show up in court before people stop incriminating themselves in writing? ~ Penelope Trunk

We have a great time on that show, and we enjoy one another's company on stage and off. And sitcoms don't have bad schedules. We started out working five days a week, but now we're down to three. ~ Kurtwood Smith

Anything that you think is wild or fun, or can't wait to see or show your friends, go for it. ~ Roman Coppola

It allows the team to culture the many gut bacteria that are extremely intolerant of the gas. "If you write the word oxygen on a piece of paper and show it to these bugs, they'll die," jokes Gordon. ~ Ed Yong

As a student at the time, I kind of felt like my only options as a nonfiction writer were to either jump on the personal essay bus or linger back at the station, hoping that some other heretofore unknown mode of transportation was going to magically show up to take me where I wanted to go. ~ John D'Agata

I can put tweets on a map to show who is saying what where, which could be used for marketing or social research. ~ Jack Dangermond

Human beings love stories because they safely show us beginnings, middles and ends. ~ A.S. Byatt

You are all soldiers of Christ," he said, "and now is an opportunity given to you to show that you are worthy soldiers. When the troops of a worldly monarch go into battle they do so with head erect, with proud and resolute bearing, with flashing eye, and with high courage, determined to bear aloft his banner and to crown it with victory, even though it cost them their lives. Such is the mien that soldiers of Christ should bear in the mortal strife now raging round us. Let them show the same fearlessness of death, the same high courage, the same unlimited confidence in their Leader. What matter if they die in His service? He has told them what their work should be. He has bidden them visit the sick and comfort the sorrowing. What if there be danger in the work? Did He shrink from the Cross which was to end His work of love, and is it for His followers to do so? 'Though you go down into the pit,' He has said, 'I am there also'; and with His companionship one must be craven indeed to tremble. This is a noble opportunity for holding high the banner of Christ. There is work to be done for all, and as the work is done, men should see by the calm courage, the cheerfulness, and the patience of those that do it, that they know that they are doing His work, and that they are content to leave the issue, whatever it be, in His hands. ~ G.A. Henty

I think it's not uncommon for new television shows to spend certainly the first year, but without a doubt, like, the first eight or ten episodes, kind of figuring out what the show is. ~ Michael Spiller

My first job was singing on the Cas Walker radio show in Knoxville, Tennessee. I was about 10 years old, and I thought it was big time. ~ Dolly Parton

I thought he might hit me over the head, knowing that he wanted to do the whole show. He was young, ambitious, and a huge talent. But he was also very gentle, and we got along fine. ~ Jule Styne

I think one of the great strengths of 'The Flash' is just how close everyone is on the show. They tend not to have these raging conflicts, like what we keep giving everybody on 'Arrow.' That show is more of a soap opera, and I don't say that derogatorily. ~ Andrew Kreisberg

Because of our forgetfulness, God has created the physical world to be mnemonic, to help us daily remember that we are not alone, that we are not at the center, that life is not primarily about us, and that there is a grander story than the little stories of our individual lives. Physical things are meant to remind us of the grandeur and glory of the One who created all those things, set them in motion, and keeps them together by the awesome power of his will. ~ Paul David Tripp