The Jerk Quotes

Patel, the jerk, had gravely presented his diagnosis - syncope resulting from an exaggerated respiratory response, leading to ventilation exceeding metabolic demands, resulting in hemodynamic and chemical changes.

When Tommy'd looked at him blankly, he'd laughed and said, "Relax, Tommy. You hyperventilated and fainted. At least we're pretty sure that's what happened. But we'd like to watch you for a while to rule out cardiogenic causes."

And now, here he lay, confronting the fact that in layman's terms, he'd been scared shitless. ~ Norah Wilson

Most of my stuff before CSI was kind of the jerk boyfriend, so I thought this was one of those deals, where these two have a thing going on, so we had a scene where they make out. ~ George Eads

If those scientists could come up with some way to turn off the jerk circuit in guys' brains, I'd be all in favor of that. ~ Ted Chiang

People love my collard greens. They love my macaroni and cheese. They love the gumbo. They love my Jamaican jerk or my Jamaican curry chicken. They love the jerk, though. And they love my Mexican food. ~ Tamala Jones

A wise man once told me, "As a man, you have to die once in order to live." I never fully appreciated his advice, nor did I understand it until I experienced it firsthand. From that time on, I understood the origins of the Jerk vs. Nice Guy battle. Readers may be asking themselves, "What in the world is this guy talking about?" Well, I'm referring to the widely known fact that women habitually date men that are jerks while the "nice" guys are often left twiddling their thumbs in solitaire. Does this sound familiar to anyone? Figuratively speaking, in order for a man to enjoy the company of women and be able to seduce them, his inner nice guy must first die through heartache. It is at this point that his inner bad boy surfaces and goes on the prowl. ~ Glenn Geher

Every time I find something redeeming about you the jerk side messes it up. ~ Mina Carter

The fact that you just said The Jerk is your favorite movie ever is incredibly fucking hot and I'm pretty sure we need to make out now. ~ Colleen Hoover

Ysabel probably shouldn't have giggled as he pulled himself from the pool, water streaming from him in thick rivulets. But really, what did he expect? Groping her while she drove, making her all hot and distracted. The jerk. He should count himself lucky. Most guys would've ended up splattered on the sidewalk. Maybe she didn't hate him after all.
Hair plastered to his skull, dripping like a big sea monster, he glowered at her. "You are an evil witch."
Fluffing her hair she smiled. "Why thank you. I try my best. ~ Eve Langlais

I know we've only known each other four weeks and three days, but to me it seems like nine weeks and five days. The first day seemed like a week and the second day seemed like five days. And the third day seemed like a week again and the fourth day seemed like eight days. And the fifth day you went to see your mother and that seemed just like a day, and then you came back and later on the sixth day, in the evening, when we saw each other, that started seeming like two days, so in the evening it seemed like two days spilling over into the next day and that started seeming like four days, so at the end of the sixth day on into the seventh day, it seemed like a total of five days. And the sixth day seemed like a week and a half. I have it written down, but I can show it to you tomorrow if you want to see it. ~ Steve Martin

I had a stupid crush on a guy who barely tolerated me most of the time. Was that the kind of girl I was? Pick the jerk over the nice guy? ~ Kelley Armstrong

Reece, the jerk, appeared unperturbed. He raised a big hand and waved. Hi, folks. My name is Reece Peterson. I'm a wolf from the Pelly River pack in the North West Territories. I work as an ice road trucker and in my spare time I like to camp, ski and, more recently, drive Teddy nuts. ~ Eve Langlais

And from the perspective of those in need, that extra quarter of a million bucks your material person spent on the prestige addition for his house looks like an awful lot of lifesaving food and medicine that could have existed if the jerk with the big house in the suburbs hadn't blown it all to artificially inflate his sociogeographic penis. ~ Jim Butcher

What about you?" I ask her. "What do you think I should read next?" She takes my hand and leads me to the children's section. She looks around for a second, then heads over to a display at the front. I see a certain green book sitting there and panic. "No! Not that one!" I say. But she isn't reaching for the green book. She's reaching for Harold and the Purple Crayon. "What could you possibly have against Harold and the Purple Crayon?" she asks. "I'm sorry. I thought you were heading for The Giving Tree." Rhiannon looks at me like I'm an insane duck. "I absolutely HATE The Giving Tree." I am so relieved. "Thank goodness. That would've been the end of us, had that been your favorite book." "Here - take my arms! Take my legs!" "Take my head! Take my shoulders!" "Because that's what love's about!" "That kid is, like, the jerk of the century," I say, relieved that Rhiannon will know what I mean. "The biggest jerk in the history of all literature, ~ David Levithan

I'm 48. For a while after 'The Jerk' (movie) I had a feeling of failure. I was a little scared. First people discover you and they love you. You get big and then you fail. And people are glad that you fail. But I've always come back and I've started to trust myself. ~ Steve Martin

You took a seal club and threw it in the water."
Watson's response:
"Well holy shit. The jerk was about to bash in the brains of a baby seal, for Christ's sake, I was not going to stand there and watch it. ~ Karen Dawn

Fi laughs at me, the jerk. "Become real familiar with your hand."
"Pillow," I correct without thinking.
"What?" Her eyes are wide, her smile scandalized.
"Nothing. I said nothing." Fucking booze. I'm never drinking again.
"Sure you didn't, Miss Hump-and-Pump."
The throw pillow flies out of my hand and whacks her face. "Eew," Fi shouts. "This had better not be the pillow!"
"Better smell it and see. ~ Kristen Callihan

I'll get cast occasionally as sort of the jerk version of myself, and I have fun doing that. But it's really better for everyone if I stay behind the camera. ~ Aaron Sorkin

I've known you a long time. I've seen you before you made the team and gained the popularity, turning into the jerk that's standing here now. I've seen you care about people even though you didn't want anyone to know you did. I heard some stuff today and it's because I know the person you used to be that I'm here. ~ Melyssa Winchester

Movies always are open to being remade because times change so much, and the tempo of movies changes. I think of it like a James Bond. They can have different actors play the same role ... I've had people come up to me and say, 'We want to remake 'The Jerk' with so and so.' And I say, 'Fine.' It just doesn't bother me. It's an honor actually. ~ Steve Martin

There's a saying that when you go on traveling tours, you get to know whom the designated jerk is going to be within three days, and if you don't know it by then, you're the jerk. ~ Carolyn See

This is a terrible plan," he says to Han Solo - Solo, who crouches down so as not to be seen. Han Solo, the jerk. The very handsome, very charismatic jerk. "And I hate you very much. ~ Chuck Wendig

There's always a high school jerk, isn't there? But I didn't date much in high school, because I went to an all-girls' private school for ten years. ~ Emmanuelle Vaugier

We're talking your wife for an eggshell; that brand of jerk. ~ Bratniss Everclean

THEO: Who do you picture when you think of me?
MORGAN: Papa Smurf.
THEO: Do you have a camera in here somewhere?
MORGAN: Yes, Theo. I watch you jerk off to smurf porn every night. ~ Con Riley

Sometimes people change their minds, sometimes they meet someone else, sometimes they get sober, and sometimes he was just a jerk who you're lucky to be rid of. ~ Greg Behrendt

When I say I love you and you don't believe me, you're being a jerk. Basically what you're saying is I only love conditionally. You think you're being self-deprecating and funny, but you're really saying I'm not a good enough person to love you if you have a few flaws. It gets old. ~ Donald Miller

It occurs to me that as different as we are in our behavior and decisions, our most basic, knee-jerk emotional reactions to really big things are often remarkably similar. And it is in these moments that I am most grateful for my sister. ~ Emily Giffin

TWENTY I BATTLE MY JERK RELATIVE ~ Rick Riordan

He stopped, finally, and smiled. Honestly? With this thing I think I could get my jerk-off muscles so well-developed that I could rub out a spooge with one pump! If that's not worth $19.95, I don't know what is. ~ Debra Anastasia

Life sucks when you find out Superman's a jerk. ~ Lisa Turner

If I'm going to follow a god, why would I want to follow a god of my creation? That would be an alcoholic idiot nitwit jerk god! ~ Willie Aames

Grief is when you feel so helpless and stupid that you think nothing will ever be right again, and your macaroni and cheese tastes like sawdust, and you can't even jerk off because it seems like too much trouble. (172) ~ Sherman Alexie

I wish I had more friends, but people are such jerks. If you can just get most people to leave you alone, you're doing good. If you can find even one person you really like, you're lucky. And if that person can also stand you, you're really lucky. ~ Bill Watterson

Yeah, I guess he had a right to be a jerk."
"I guess he had reason to be. ~ Amy Harmon

Jerk equals narcissist.Narcissists tend to be risk takers. Risk takers happen to do better in general in businesses. So jerk equals narcissist, equals risk taker. ~ Eric Bolling

Writing, for me, is very inspiration-dependent. And inspiration can be a jerk. ~ Gene Luen Yang

Every day when I get home from work, I feel so frustrated, my boss is a jerk. ~ Todd Rundgren

I'm not religious, but by nature I am spiritual. I'm an artist, and creativity seems to go hand in hand with spirituality. But I have a knee-jerk reaction against organized religions. Actually, I have knee-jerk reactions against anything that's organized. ~ Nikki Sixx

I was born a poor black child. ~ Al Gore

What a snarky jerk. (Obviously, I later slept with him.) ~ Lena Dunham

There are 5,000 great people for every jerk on Usenet. But that still is a lot of jerks. Proceed with caution and eyes wide open. ~ Don Rittner

Did you recently turn into a jerk or have you been one since birth? ~ Priya Ardis

I'm not afraid to be a jerk or anything and laugh at myself anymore. ~ Mike Tyson

As I've gotten older, I've realized that things are a lot more permeable. It's not so black and white: not every journalist is a jerk. ~ Kathleen Hanna

Age seldom arrives smoothly or quickly. It's more often a succession of jerks. ~ Jean Rhys

Cherk: a charming jerk. ~ Kim Culbertson

Hemmingway was a jerk. ~ Harold Robbins

I fall in love with characters when they're out of their element or are uncomfortable and you really feel for them in a knee-jerk sympathetic way. ~ Anna Kendrick

I think there's a knee-jerk reaction to things from parents. ~ Spike Jonze

Well, maybe you should tell me before you get angry at me for doing something I didn't know you didn't want me to do. And maybe when you get angry you'll find a way to let me know you are without being a total jerk. ~ Kristen Ashley

I want someone who builds people up, not tears them down. I need someone who makes me laugh and isn't afraid to rib me when I'm being a royal jerk.' She smiled a little. 'You're that girl. I want to be with you, and I want everyone to know it. ~ Jen Calonita

My liberal friends are such a bunch soft-headed, politically correct jerks ... ~ Jack Germond

Just one thing I know for sure, chicks dig jerks. ~ Bill Hicks

Girls have periods and boys jerk off. Everybody. ~ Haruki Murakami

I became a bit of a jerk. A kind of a nasty jerk. ~ Kevin Spacey

I act like a jerk sometimes. ~ Bill Murray

I am staggered by you. I am intoxicated by you. I think about you way more than I should. I want to get to know you as much as possible, but you have to let me. I mean, if that's what you want. Maybe you think I'm a huge jerk, and maybe you're done with me. So tell me that if you need to." He kissed her hands again and peeked up at her, his eyes sparkling. "But please don't, because I desperately want to take you out tonight. ~ Jessica Park

I gritted my teeth. "You're such a jerk."
"You are mailēshta and nailis and taridis-"
"Stop instuling me! ~ Annette Marie

In my opinion, we don't devote nearly enough scientific research to finding a cure for jerks. ~ Bill Watterson

She's liked you since chemistry last semester," Carmel says, scowling.
"Then you should have told her what an ass I am. Made me sound like a moronic jerk."
"Better to let her see it for herself. ~ Kendare Blake

Well, maybe, you should. Because frankly, Brock, you're being a jerk and you know it." "I'm blind. Why can't you people see that? ~ Katherine Owen

Keesha looked at me for a long time. "I did leave you alone. We all did. But you didn't get better. You didn't stop. You're still doin' all your weird shit. And I think it's time to stop."
"You think it's time to stop!" I exploded, and lunged at her with my hands outstretched. I pushed her real hard. She almost fell down. "I don't care what time you think it is!" I screamed. "Do you think I want to do this! Do you think I like it?"
"You pushed me!"
"Yeah. So what?"
"You're so afraid of being interrupted that you pushed me!"
"I'm not scared of being interrupted, you jerk! I'm ... I'm scared ... I'm scared of being." I crumpled into a ball and sat down where I was standing. I sat on a crack. Unevenly.
"Who are you anymore, Tara?"
Tears spilled over my frozen lashes and disappeared across my cheekbones. I had never felt so defeated. "I don't know. ~ Terry Spencer Hesser

If you want to call it quits, just tell me. Man up and say it to my face. Don't just skulk around. ~ J.M. Richards

Don't be a jerk. ~ Pierre Dimaculangan

You are avake, yah?" said a voice in a horribly recognizable accent.
"Yah," I muttered, rubbing my head. "And you are still a jerk, yah? ~ James Patterson

Maybe it was bad, maybe he was a jerk. But looking at her made him want Teresa back. ~ James Dashner

I glanced back at my merry little band of travelers. A hornless gay unicorn. A half-giant. A knight who was a jerk but that I wanted to have for breakfast. ~ T.J. Klune

Jolted by a twentyfold increase in testosterone, a bull changes into a sort of spinach-eating Popeye, a self-confident jerk ready to fight anyone in his path. ~ Frans De Waal

When my stomach grumbled, I filled up on hamburgers, hot dogs, gyros, tacos, jerk chicken, pizza, and a side salad because I was watching my figure ~ Y.A. Marks

Sometimes it is very useful to have a reputation for being a reclusive, amoral jerk. ~ Brandon Sanderson