Fifty Shades Of Grey Humor Quotes

Your stepfather? I'd like to meet him."
Oh no ... why?
"I'm not sure that's a good idea."
Christian unlocks the door, his mouth in a grim line.
"Are you ashamed of me?"
"No!" It's my turn to sound exasperated. "Introduce you to my dad as what? 'This is the man who deflowered me and wants to start a BDSM relationship'. You're not wearing running shoes. ~ E.L. James

From: Anastasia Steele
Subject: Moaning
Date: May 31 2011 19:39 EST
To: Christian Grey
Gotta go.
Laters, baby.
...
From: Christian Grey
Subject: Plagiarism
Date: May 31 2011 16:41
To: Anastasia Steele
You stole my line.
And left me hanging.
Enjoy your dinner.
Christian Grey
CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings Inc. ~ E.L. James

If Fifty Shades is your idea of a good book, you have no idea what a good book is. ~ Oliver Markus Malloy

You sure are a sweet girl, Scout. I'm half tempted to keep you."
"Ummm ... Thanks?" Knowing she was a potential Alpha I worried about what "keeping me" might entail. Probably chains. And whips. And maybe a dog collar.
And now I was going to have to live with scary Fifty Shades Aunt Rachel pictures living in my head for all time. ~ Tammy Blackwell

Look at the huge success of Fifty Shades of Grey. The girl in the book lets a rich guy beat her and ritually rape her, and she likes it! She finds it erotic! But imagine if Christian Grey wasn't a billionaire. Imagine if he lived in a dirty old trailer down by the river. Then that story wouldn't be a sexy romance novel, but an episode of CSI. ~ Oliver Markus Malloy

The average man thinks about sex every tits seconds. ~ Oliver Markus Malloy

Maybe it's the age difference, but when my wife told me she was turned on by Fifty Shades of Grey, I thought she was talking about my hair color! ~ J. Thomas Steele

Some people will like it [Fifty Shades of Grey] and some won't. I have other movies coming up, this is not what my whole life turns around. ~ Dakota Johnson

He is Jason and Hercules and Perseus
a figure so strong and beautiful and heroic that the blood of the gods must flow through him, because how else could a being so fine exist in this world? ~ J. Kenner

Put the chicken in the fridge. This is not a sentence I had ever expected to hear from Christian Grey, and only he can make it sound hot, really hot. ~ E.L. James

Drawing up my knees, I fold in on myself. I want to make myself as small as possible. Perhaps this nonsensical pain will be smaller the smaller I am. Placing my head on my knees, I let the irrational tears fall unrestrained. I am crying over the loss of something I never had. How ridiculous. ~ E.L. James

But we were at your parents' dining table." I stare up at him, completely bewildered.
"No one's ever said no to me before. And it's so - hot. ~ E.L. James

God, I'm a lucky son of a bitch." - Christian Grey ~ E.L. James

I think it's common sense to shy away from the erotic. Perhaps this grand experiment, which started with Lady Chatterley's Lover, of seeing what you can write and how you can write about sex, has reached a certain weary terminus with Fifty Shades of Grey. ~ Richard Flanagan

Sometimes I wonder if there's something wrong with me. Perhaps I've spent too long in the company of my literary romantic heroes, and consequently my ideals and expectations are far too high. ~ E.L. James

I'm reading a lot of different books, but I always think I have to switch it up a little bit. It's like food - everything in moderation, same with my books, same with my reading. You read books that are good for you and you learn a lot of stuff, then you read 'Fifty Shades of Grey,' which is like candy. ~ Shay Mitchell

One hundred facets of Mr. Diamonds "The new saga that will make you forget Fifty Shades of Grey! ~ Various

Christian Grey: [answers phone] Anastasia.
Anastasia Steele: Yeah, this is me. I'm sending back your expensive books because I already have copies of those. Thanks though for the kind gesture.
Christian Grey: You're welcome. Where are you?
Anastasia Steele: Oh, I'm in line because I have to pee really bad.
Christian Grey: Anastasia, have you been drinking?
Anastasia Steele: [laughs] Yeah! I have, Mr. Fancy Pants. You hit ... you hit the hail on the nead. I mean the head right on the nail.
Christian Grey: Listen to me. I want you to go home right now.
Anastasia Steele: You're so bossy! Ana, let's go for a coffee. No, stay away from me Ana! I don't want you! Get away. Come here, come here! Go away! ~ E.L. James

And so a pattern develops: wake, work cry. sleep. I can't even escape him in my dreams. Gray burning eyes, his lost look, his hair burnished and bright and bright all haunt me. And the music ... so much music-I cannot bear to hear any music. I am careful to avoid it at all costs. Even the jingles in commercials make me shudder. ~ E.L. James

I've never wanted more, until I met you. - Christian Grey, Fifty Shades of Grey ~ E.L. James

And the baby?" The words are anguished, breathless.
"The baby's fine, Mr. Grey."
"Oh, thank God." The words are litany ... a prayer, "Oh, thank God. ~ E.L. James

Darlin', I've heard all about fifty shades of grey but I never knew there were fifty shades of denim! ~ Joanne McClean

In this nasty-ass strip club bathroom full of pissing dudes and possible rogue ejaculators, Shades is no longer some guy I love fucking. He's some guy I fucking love. ~ Kendall Grey

Christian Grey, expect the unexpected - fifty shades of fucked-up. ~ E.L. James

Do you know what you mean to me?" he murmurs, "If something happened to you, because of me ... " His voice trails off, his brow creasing, and the pain that flashes across his face is almost palpable. He looks so vulnerable - his fear very much apparent. ~ E.L. James

I don't think [Fifty Shades of Grey is] a model for anything. Except maybe in bed. ~ E.L. James

The movie Fifty Shades of Grey is considerably better written than the book. It is also sort of classy-looking, in a generic, TV-ad-for-bath-oil way. ~ Lisa Schwarzbaum

If you want to cry. cry in front of me.
I should know - Cristian Grey ~ E.L. James

This is all I know, too. Perhaps together we can chart a new course. ~ E.L. James

It's very simple: I want his love. I need Christian Grey to love me. This is why I am so reticent about our relationship
because on some basic, fundamental level, I recognize within me a deep-seated compulsion to be loved and cherished. And because of his fifty shades, I am holding myself back. The BDSM is a distraction from the real issue. The sex is amazing, he's wealthy, he's beautiful, but this is all meaningless without his love, and the real heart-fail is that I don't know if he's capable of love. He doesn't even love himself. I recall his self-loathing, her love being the only form he found acceptable. Punished
whipped, beaten, whatever their relationship entailed
he feels undeserving of love. Why does he feel like that? How can he feel like that? His words haunt me: It's very hard to grow up in a perfect family when you're not perfect. I close my eyes, imagining his pain, and I can't begin to comprehend it. ~ E.L. James

Fifty Shades Of Grey proved you can write about a dude choking women and shoving stuff up their butts but heaven forbid if you tell a legitimate joke about it. Sure I doubled the number of feminists who hate me, but I also doubled the number of shows I have on TV. No regrets. ~ Daniel Tosh

You wanted hearts and flowers. You have my heart - & here are the flowers. ~ Christian Grey

I'd like to bite that lip. ~ E.L. James

You are one brave woman," he whispers, "I am in awe of you. ~ E.L. James

Completely committed to adapting 'Fifty Shades of Grey'. This is not a joke. Christian Grey and Ana: potentially great cinematic characters. ~ Bret Easton Ellis

Do you trust me Ana?"
Ana! "Yes,I do."I respond spontaneously, not thinking ... because it's true-I do trust him.
"Well,then"he looks relieved. "The rest of this stuff is just details"
"important details ~ E.L. James

And in this quiet moment, as I close my eyes, spent and sated, I think I'm in the eye of the storm. And in spite of all he's said and what he hasn't said, I don't think I have ever been so happy. ~ E.L. James

Never trust a man who can dance. ~ E.L. James

I had started on the marriage and motherhood beat by accident with a post on my personal, read only by friends, blog called 'Fifty Shades of Men'. I had written it after buying Fifty Shades of Grey to spice up what Dave and I half-jokingly called our grown up time, and had written a meditation on how the sex wasn't the sexiest part of the book. "Dear publishers, I will tell you why every woman with a ring on her finger and a car seat in her SUV is devouring this book like the candy she won't let herself eat." I had written. "It's not the fantasy of an impossibly handsome guy who can give you an orgasm just by stroking your nipples. It is instead the fantasy of a guy who can give you everything. Hapless, clueless, barely able to remain upright without assistance, Ana Steele is that unlikeliest of creatures, a college student who doesn't have an email address, a computer, or a clue. Turns out she doesn't need any of those things. Here is the dominant Christian Grey and he'll give her that computer plus an iPad, a beamer, a job, and an identity, sexual and otherwise. No more worrying about what to wear. Christian buys her clothes. No more stress about how to be in the bedroom. Christian makes those decisions. For women who do too much - which includes, dear publishers, pretty much all the women who have enough disposable income to buy your books - this is the ultimate fantasy: not a man who will make you come, but a man who will make agency unnecessary, a man who will choose you ~ Jennifer Weiner

No new reader, however charitable, could open "Fifty Shades of Grey," browse a few paragraphs, and reasonably conclude that the author was writing in her first language, or even her fourth. ~ Anthony Lane

I don't make love ... I fuck hard. Fifty Shades of Grey ~ E.L. James

Sometimes I worry I'm writing 'Fifty Shades of Grey' for teenagers, but I'm not. ~ Lauren Myracle

Jesus Haven, I'm going to brush your hair. Why do you think I might hit you with the hairbrush?'
'I don't know what you're into. I've read Fifty Shades of Grey.'
'What, and he hits her with a hairbrush? ~ Louise Bay

. . . communicate their desires. My book club is discussing a novel this month on this very subject. Fifty Shades of Grey. Would you like to borrow my copy, Matthew?" I take a long drink of water. "No, I'm already familiar with it, thanks." The fact that my dear, sweet mother is familiar with it, however, will definitely be giving me nightmares. ~ Emma Chase

Running a successful company is all about embracing the talent of the individuals you have at your disposal. if that's where your talents and your interests lie, then you structure the company to enable that ... Christian Grey ~ E.L. James

A Dom never takes away. He only builds. ~ Delaine Moore

There is a very fine line between listening and stalking. ~ Jay Baer

Why does he have such an unnerving effect on me? His over-whelming good looks maybe? The way his eyes blaze at me? The way he strokes his index finger against his lower lip? I wish he'd stop doing that. ~ E.L. James

I want to bite this lip, he murmurs against my mouth, and carefully he tugs at it with his teeth. ~ E.L. James