Funny Wedding Anniversary Quotes

I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years. ~ Sam Kinison

Young men want to be faithful, and are not. Old men want to be faithless, and cannot. ~ Oscar Wilde

It's funny, but have you ever noticed that the more special something is, the more people seem to take it for granted? It's like they think it won't ever change. Just like this house here. All it ever needed was a little attention, and it would never have ended up like this in the first place. ~ Nicholas Sparks

I worry I am coming perilously close to violating both of those promises. But still. It is our third wedding anniversary and I am alone in our apartment, my face all mask-tight from tears because, well, because: Just this afternoon, I get a voice mail from Nick, and I already know it's going to be bad, I know ~ Gillian Flynn

This many pretty girls in the room, all watching you boys like you're a wedding-reception one-night stand waiting to happen - ~ Cristin Harber

The black volhv pivoted to me. "I have questions."
"Can it wait?"
"No. Your wedding is in two weeks. Have you prepared your guest list?"
"Why do I need a list? I kind of figured that whoever wanted to show up would show up."
"You need a list so you know how many people you are feeding. Do you have a caterer?"
"No."
"But you did order the cake?"
"Umm…"
"Florist?"
"Florist?"
"The person who delivers expensive flowers and sets them up in pretty arrangements everyone ignores?"
"No."
Roman blinked. "I'm almost afraid to ask. Do you at least have the dress?"
"Yes."
"Is it white?"
"Yes."
He squinted at me. "Is it a wedding dress?"
"It's a white dress."
"Have you worn it before?"
"Maybe."
Ascanio snickered."
"The ring, Kate?"
Oh crap.
Roman heaved a sigh. "What do you think this is, a party where you get to show up, say 'I do,' and go home?"
"Yes?" That's kind of how it went in my head. ~ Ilona Andrews

Heaven's Bakery help them all. ~ Jamie Farrell

Amir, you look hideous." My fiancée, Samirah al-Abbas, stared at my outfit in horrified disbelief.
"Really?" I looked down at myself. "But it's a tux!"
"A baby-blue tux!"
"With a matching ruffled shirt and floppy bow tie," I said defensively. "My uncle loaned it to me. I think it'll impress your grandparents, don't you?"
"It's Jid and Bibi's fiftieth wedding anniversary!" Sam sputtered. "You can't wear - "
"Samirah." My father emerged from the kitchen. "He is pulling your leg."
Sam's reddish-brown eyes blazed dangerously, and I suddenly realized that playing a practical joke on a Valkyrie might not be the best idea I ever had. ~ Rick Riordan

When, on their twenty-fifth wedding anniversary, Jerome had played his parents an ethereal, far more beautiful version of 'Hallelujah' by a kid called Buckley, Kiki had thought yes, that's right, our memories are getting more beautiful and less real every day. And then the kid drowned in the Mississippi, recalled Kiki now, looking up from her knees to the colourful painting that hung behind Carlene's empty chair. Jerome had wept: the tears you cry for someone whom you never met who made something beautiful that you loved. Seventeen years earlier, when Lennon died, Kiki had dragged Howard to Central Park and wept while the crowd sang 'All You Need is Love' and Howard ranted bitterly about Milgram and mass psychosis. ~ Zadie Smith

Try praising your wife, even if it does frighten her at first. ~ Billy Sunday

In the end, it's all about perseverance. ~ Dean Koontz

[The maid] went on and on about how you and three casks of wine and three women spent the week before our wedding trying to...you know"--Adrienne muttered an unintelligible word--"your brains out."
"To what my brains out?"
"You know." Adrienne rolled her eyes.
"I'm afraid I don't. What was that word again?"
"Adrienne looked at him sharply. Was he teasing her? Were his eyes alight with mischief? That half-smile curving his beautiful mouth could absolutely melt the sheet she was clutching, not to mention her will. "Apparently one of them succeeded, because if you had any brains left you'd get out of my sight now," she snapped.
"It wasn't three." Hawk swallowed a laugh.
"No?"
"It was five."
"Adrienne's jaw clenched. She held her fingers up again. "Fourth--this will be a marriage in name only. Period."
"Casks of wine, I meant."
"You are not funny. ~ Karen Marie Moning

Speaking of cupcakes, Will wants two dozen off your special menu to take on the road after the wedding."
"The, erm, peach kind?"
"The peach kind," Lindsey said.
"I like the peach kind," Josh said.
Mikey had named them Sex on a Peach. And they were Kimmie's second biggest seller, after the Hairy Dicks, which were coconut cake balls strategically placed with Dahlia's chocolate-covered, ice cream-filled bananas.
And Josh's frown had disappeared, and now he was grinning as if he knew it.
All of it. ~ Jamie Farrell

Isn't it funny how we all will end up? Best friends today, communicating via internet tomorrow. Crush today, dancing at their weddings tomorrow. ~ Manasa Rao

I said no strippers, I said, watching dumbfounded as Trenton danced around the room to Britney Spears. ~ Jamie McGuire

I'm just going ahead and say what everyone else here is thinking.
This has got to be the weirdest fucking wedding that has ever happened. ~ Jessica Gadziala

You can't stop loving or wanting to love because when its right it's the best thing in the world. When you're in a relationship and its good, even if nothing else in your life is right, you feel like your whole world is complete. ~ Keith Sweat

Fascination takes many forms, but all tap into instinctive triggers, such as the need to hunt, to control, to feel secure, to nurture and be nurtured. Some fascinations last only a heartbeat, while others last beyond a seventy-fifth wedding anniversary. ~ Sally Hogshead

Xav sprinkled olive oil on his lettuce. 'Lola was very particular that it all had to fit properly.'
'Lola?' squeaked Diamond. I wanted to warn her not to rise to the bait Xav was dangling in front of her but it was too late.
Xav added some Parmesan and pepper. 'Suspicious, Diamond? You should be. This is a bachelor party I'm organizing, not a school outing, and it is going to tick all of Trace's boxes. Lola is either a very efficient water sports instructor or an exotic dancing girl; I'll leave it your imagination.'
I rolled my eyes at Diamond. 'Myabe she's both. I mean the guys will really go for that, I guess. Don't worry,Di, Luigi and his crew will not disappoint us girls.' Luigi was in fact Contessa Nicoletta's little bespectacled chef with whom I had been consulting about the menu for Friday, but the Benedicts weren't to know that. 'He has promised to provide something suitably spicy for our tastes. ~ Joss Stirling

Women like silent men. They think they're listening. ~ Marcel Achard

Even in pictures of their youth, old people look old.
He watched as the pictures moved to crisp black-and-white and then to the bland colour of Polaroids, watched as children were born and then grew up, as hair fell out and was replaced by wrinkles.
And all the while Starnes and Mary stayed in the pictures together, from their wedding to their fiftieth anniversary.
I will have that, Colin thought. I will have it. I will. ~ John Green

Don't count on me to take you in because I'm angry. I'm angry at you for leading us on such a song and dance all these years, not just these few years but all the years, skipping all those holidays and staying away from beach trips and missing Mom and Dad's thirtieth anniversary and their thirty-fifth and Jeannie's baby and not attending my wedding that time or even sending a card or calling to wish me well. But most of all Denny, most of all: I will never forgive you for consuming every last little drop of our parents' attention and leaving nothing for the rest of us. ~ Anne Tyler

Did you really just invite Adrian to your room later?" asked Lissa.
Avery shrugged. "I don't know. Maybe. Sometimes we hang out once you guys are all tucked into bed. You aren't going to get jealous, are you?"
"No," laughed Lissa.
"Just curious. Adrian's a good guy."
"Oh?" asked Christian. "Define 'good'." Avery held up her hand and began ticking items off with each finger. "He's devastatingly handsome, funny, rich, related to the queen ... "
"You got your wedding colors picked out?" asked Lissa, still laughing.
"Not yet," said Avery. "I'm still testing the waters. I figured he'd be an easy notch on the Avery Lazar belt, but he's kind of hard to read."
"I really don't want to be hearing this," Christian said. ~ Richelle Mead

How far away the stars seem, and how far is our first kiss, and, ah, how old is my heart. ~ Nora Roberts

The important question is, what will your wear for a wedding dress, Alexia? You look horrible in white. ~ Gail Carriger

I've been writing verses
For 60 years ... phew!
And d'yer know why I did it?
T'was especially for you ~ John Walter Bratton

You know ... there is a name for people who are always wrong about everything all the time ... husband!!! ~ Bill Maher

It's a funny thing that when a man hasn't anything on earth to worry about, he goes off and gets married. ~ Robert Frost

May every memory that you share
Of dreams you've seen come true,
Help make this special anniversary day
A happy one, for the two of you ~ John Walter Bratton

Right on time, sugar." Josh draped his arm around her shoulders and steered her through the lobby. "Traffic okay?"
"Yeah, except when that alien spaceship landed on I-90 and then all those crickets jumped out to perform Beethoven's Fifth on kazoos. Otherwise, clear sailing. ~ Jamie Farrell

A husband is like a fire - he goes out when unattended. ~ Evan Esar

As Marlboro Man slid open the huge barn doors and flipped on the enormous lights mounted to the beams, my heart began beating quickly. I couldn't wait to smell its puppy breath.
"Happy wedding," he said sweetly, leaning against the wall of the barn and motioning toward the center with his eyes. My eyes adjusted to the light…and slowly focused on what was before me.
It wasn't a pug. It wasn't a diamond or a horse or a shiny gold bangle…or even a blender. It wasn't a love seat. It wasn't a lamp. Sitting before me, surrounded by scattered bunches of hay, was a bright green John Deere riding lawn mower--a very large, very green, very mechanical, and very diesel-fueled John Deere riding lawn mower. Literally and figuratively, crickets chirped in the background of the night. And for the hundredth time since our engagement, the reality of the future for which I'd signed up flashed in front of me. I felt a twinge of panic as I saw the tennis bracelet I thought I didn't want go poof, disappearing completely into the ether. Would this be how presents on the ranch would always be? Does the world of agriculture have a different chart of wedding anniversary presents? Would the first anniversary be paper…or motor oil? Would the second be cotton or Weed Eater string?
I would add this to the growing list of things I still needed to figure out. ~ Ree Drummond

A man does not look behind the door unless he has stood there himself ~ W.E.B. Du Bois

Better never to have met you in my dream, than to wake and reach for hands that are not there. ~ Otomo No Yakamochi

You've travelled through life together
Enjoying years of wedded bliss
We congratulate you on reaching
And we toast your happiness ~ John Walter Bratton

There is never a right time to break someone's heart. And anyone with even a microgram of sensitivity in his or her body will agonise for an age over that timing. Only problem is there is always some reason not to make someone unhappy. The day a relationship end, if that relationship was at all important to the suckers involved, becomes as important an anniversary as a wedding day or birthday.
Obviously, the average person doesn't want to kick someone they once loved while that person is down.
It's not just hard times when someone is down that become obstacles to making your getaway. After times of bereavement, unemployment and general unhappiness, those events that should be happy ones also make some times off limits for the eager would- be dumper. Christmas, birthdays, Easter all impossible. A clever person with a sensitive lover that they sense is not quite as into them as he or she used to be, could starve off the inevitable for years by carefully spacing out this crucial dates. ~ Chris Manby

It's funny how things don't matter any more when it's too late. ~ Carole Matthews

When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife. ~ Prince Philip

Six happy years together
Such a perfect matching
You're entering the 7 year itch zone
This is no time for scratching ~ John Walter Bratton