Snark Quotes

Perhaps if he stumbled onto a bath and a tailor he could even be considered handsome. ~ Katherine McIntyre

You didn't feed from her," he said, and this was not a question.
"Swill poison? Not my kind of fun, little brother."
One corner of Stefan's mouth quirked up. He made no response to this, but simply looked at Damon with eyes that were ... knowing. Damon bridled.
"I told the truth!"
"Going to take it up as a hobby? ~ L.J.Smith

I'm sure you've had many musicians in your soft spot. ~ Caisey Quinn

Rook Thomas, you look different somehow."
"Well, I recently got the shit kicked out of me," she said.
"Ah, that would be it then. ~ Daniel O'Malley

Woman, you got a mouth on you."

"It's not 1955 any longer. Women swear as much as men."

"I miss women who talk about women things."

"You're changing the subject. Keep it up and I'll talk about my period. That's a woman thing. ~ Edie Ramer

Way I figure it, if I'm forced to have a partner, might as well have one with benefits. If you're annoying me, fucking you will be more satisfying than punching you." Prophet grinned, then added slyly, "And I could punch you afterwards. ~ S.E. Jakes

I can't believe he's making you wait till January for an appointment."
"I could threaten to bomb the school. That'd get me in quicker. ~ Jeannine Garsee

As distasteful as it is to decline your invitation, I'm afraid that it is preferable to attending yet another half-assed weekend eating gunky canapes in that cesspool of a shack you call a beach cottage. ~ A.C. Kemp

Sorry, one night stands don't stack up as credentials for tending bar. ~ Katherine McIntyre

Vampire Willow: "Bored now. ~ Joss Whedon

In this age of Twitter and Snark every misstep gets posted online in twelve seconds. ~ Howard Kurtz

You don't have to make fun of it."
"Actually I do," I said. "I make fun of almost everything. ~ Jim Butcher

For a killer, you are not overly ruthless. You should probably work on that before you next decide to kill someone. ~ Nicki Chapelway

When words come out of your mouth, do your ears just block all incoming sound waves? ~ Amethyst Marie

Whatever crimes this man had committed, they weren't as egregious as his inflated self-image. ~ Katherine McIntyre

He hung a patient expression on his face, the kind usually seen on people who talked about releasing your anger and surrounding yourself with good feelings while writing off anyone who disagreed with them as unenlightened. ~ Amy Fecteau

Gabi glared. If you want to add some variety to your sex life, why don't you just use your other hand? ~ Cherise Sinclair

What do you want, MacGuffin, a duel?"
"No." Julian held out both hands, one palm flat, the other held over it in a fist. "Rock, paper, scissors. Two out of three."
Ty rolled his eyes and held out his fist, apparently willing to play. Julian hit his palm three times, and Ty kept time with his fist in the air. But when Julian threw a paper, Ty reached into his jacket with his other hand and pulled his gun, aiming it at Julian.
"Ty!" Zane said in exasperation from the front seat.
"Glock, paper, scissors. I win."
"You are an ass," Julian muttered. ~ Abigail Roux

Snark encourages the fakeness and stupidity it is supposedly trying to rail against. ~ Ryan Holiday

But she needed ice on the roads. She needed her accident to look as accidental as possible. And she just didn't think she was capable of waiting another three months. Julia, however, knows none of this. She looks down at what remains of her best friend, and she thinks of all the times Liz was quiet and not really there. The times when she was the Liz everyone else knows, all snark and insanity, and the moments when she was the one that stared at invisible things and hadn't truly smiled in a long time. ~ Amy Zhang

How bad do you want cancer? Bad enough to eat a rainbow of it? Personally, I think the red cancer would be the worst, but anything you swallow with artificial hues in it is going to pop a tumor out of your body the day after you eat it. ~ Laurie Notaro

Oh god, what now? Are you in jail? Being held by the IRA? Stuck on a reef in the Caribbean?"
"Wow," Kelly said. "That's uncalled for."
Zane laughed. "I thought being engaged to Ty gave me some extra snark privileges. ~ Abigail Roux

This "who's on top" banter continues until one wrestler (who has slyly gone to hide behind a chair) leaps upon his rival with an animal cry. The pair then proceeds to create a series of tableaux that appear to be from the Kama Sutra, Vatsyayana's ancient Indian textbook of carnal satisfaction. Occasionally, the tension is broken by a wrestler who picks up a large object, such as a table, to throw on the other's head, as if suddenly disgusted by his forbidden love. ~ A.C. Kemp

Snark is what people on the inside call any attempt at protest from people on the outside. I hate it on principle, as do all Columbia professors, Catholic priests, and Mississippi Klansmen. ~ David Denby

Ditto, Ethan said, a surprising amount of venom in his voice. I bit back a proud smile; he seemed to be adopting a little of my snark. ~ Chloe Neill

He shakes his head and his mouth is quirked at one corner. I can't tell if he thinks I am sort of amusing or truly pathetic. It's especially hard to tell because we are both looking resolutely at the teacher so she can't accuse us of not paying attention. We talk out of the sides of our mouths, like gangsters in those old movies my dad likes to watch. ~ Stephanie Wardrop

Do you know where Jason is?" she asked Dmitri when they exited the morgue. Dmitri pressed the car remote to unlock the flame red Ferrari parked in the employees-only lot. "Tired of your Bluebell already?" A tendril of champagne circled around her senses, cut with something far harder. Never had she felt that harsh edge in Dmitri's scent. She pitied the woman he took to his bed today.
"Yeah, that's it. I'm building a harem. ~ Nalini Singh

To those about to snark, we salute you. ~ Jacey Conrad

As expected, the church lady grumbled something incoherent and put Bridget's call on hold. A peppy rendition of "City of God" blared as hold music just long enough for Bridget to start to sing along with the chorus. Catholic brainwashing at its best. ~ Gretchen McNeil

When I talk to students or young writers about the importance of being unafraid to take controversial positions, I'm struck by the degree to which they can't entertain a thought, much less commit one to paper, without imagining the cacophony of snark they'll get in response. ~ Meghan Daum

How devastated I am to say that I will not be present at your petite soiree on June 10th. Unfortunately, the exceptionally weak drinks you ordinarily serve at these occasions are not sufficient to dull my senses to your boyfriend's futile efforts to grope me in the hallway. ~ A.C. Kemp

These were wannabe elites who, once they popped on big-boy pants, would be infiltrating New York with their pretentiousness. ~ Alexandra Martin

You will never find me in trouble. You will find me in the library. If you can remember where that is. ~ Sarah Rees Brennan

Next time I'm taking down hellhounds for you, I'll remember to tone down the pretty. ~ Pippa DaCosta

Although Lewis Carroll thought of The Hunting of the Snark as a nonsense ballad for children, it is hard to imagine - in fact one shudders to imagine - a child of today reading and enjoying it. ~ Martin Gardner

You told me, girlfriend. Will your boyfriend be jealous we're tossing bitchy banter back and forth? ~ Lorelei James

Suddenly a force greater than my common sense - which, I'll admit, has been pretty faulty lately, propels me - and I find myself creeping up the long staircase to the forbidden second floor.
I need to see Michael's room.
I need to find out if he is a secret slob, or if there's even more interesting evidence of whom he is up there. I'm not expecting to find anything big, like a literal skeleton in his closet. But I am going to find it, whatever it is. And I will know once and for all who he is.
I make it to the landing when I hear a burst of barking below me and I freeze.
Someone has let a dog in.
Which means that some member of the Endicott family is actually in the house.
Which means that one of Michael's parents is about to catch me snooping. ~ Stephanie Wardrop

I don't know whether to punch you or kiss you."
"A combination of both is usually the best," Prophet advised. ~ S.E. Jakes

Such a sweet letter from Lady Conway ... You remember my telling you about her? Her memory's bad. Can't recognize her relations always and tells them to go away."
"That might be shrewdness really," said Miss Marple, "rather than a loss of memory. ~ Agatha Christie

Johnny, he is bounce, effort, and snark. ~ E. Lockhart

He bowed. "You hear correctly." His gaze didn't leave her, the examination making her skin crawl. He shook his head. "Astonishing. I never imagined I'd meet a real Nahid."

Nahri gritted her teeth. "Occasionally we're allowed out to terrify the populace. ~ S.A. Chakraborty

Tell me you aren't crying. My whole image of you as a bad-ass warrior is crumbling. ~ Heather R. Blair

Here the query A320 returns algorithmic search results about the Airbus aircraft, together with advertisements for various non-aircraft goods numbered A320 that advertisers seek to market to those querying on this query. The lack of advertisements for the aircraft reflects the fact that few marketers attempt to sell A320 aircraft on the web. ~ Hinrich Schutze

Look, this is helping me out quite a bit, but could you just get to the punishment part? We're at the end of World War Two in history, and I can't wait to find out who wins. ~ Rob Thomas

John: I'm experiencing an odd sensation. I think it might be patriotism.
Spitfire: Steady. Too much of that can damage your health. ~ Paul Cornell

Want a closer look? (Tate) Like a screwdriver through my eye socket. Sure, let's have a look-see. (Simone) Ooo, welcome back, Ms. Snark. I've missed you. (Tate) ~ Sherrilyn Kenyon

We don't have dealings. He just stalks me. I'm popular like that. ~ Nenia Campbell

Carla was wearing a No Fear sweatshirt. You are too old, Amy wanted to tell her, for legible clothing. ~ Jincy Willett

I'm a rat. I used to believe in the Golden Rule but now question it. It's too easy to be snarky at those who are snarky toward me. I like how it feels - the yellow cheese giving way between pointed teeth. My tail begins to twitch. ~ Chila Woychik

I am fluent in snark.
Bethany only notices snark when snark grabs her off the sidewalk, throws her in the back of a sketchy van with tinted windows, drives to the middle
of the Meadow-lands in the dead of night, and uses a heavy blunt instrument
to smack her repeatedly about the head as it screams, "I'M SNARK. DO YOU FUCKING HEAR ME? I'M SNARKY SNARKY SNARK!" And even then she's like, "Ohhhh? Snark? Is that you? ~ Megan McCafferty

The jury's still out on your level of intellect. After all, you signed up with Evil Incorporated in the first place. ~ Katherine McIntyre

But oh, beamish nephew, beware of the day,
If your Snark be a Boojum! for then
You will softly and suddenly vanish away,
And never be met with again! ~ Lewis Carroll

Flirt with the old ladies and you'll be fine," I muttered, shoving my stuff into the cubby.

He hung his green hoodie on the hooks right beside me. "Is that how you get by?"

"Doesn't work on the old ladies for me, but the old men on the other hand?" I paused and glanced at my nails. "Yeah, doesn't work on them either. ~ Katherine McIntyre

How the hell did you know where I was?" Prophet demanded.
Cillian said simply, "Don't bother searching your phone for chips."
"Then how did you know?"
"Prophet, I know everything."
Fuck him. Cillian did. ~ S.E. Jakes

Snark from nerds is a leading indicator that I'm wasting their time and when I find it, I ask questions until I understand the inefficiency so I can change it or explain it. ~ Rands

Because I want to have sex with him
and because that's sinful
I'm blushing and flushing furiously under his scrutinizing scrutiny. ~ Jess C. Scott

Public opinion, in its raw state, gushes out in the immemorial form of the mob's fear. It is piped into central factories, and there it is flavored and colored, and put into cans. ~ H.L. Mencken

I am very tired of this Government, which I have never seen, and which is always insisting that I must do disagreeable things, and does no good to anybody. ~ Naomi Novik

The fairies came to christening parties and gave the babies magical gifts.
Bounce, effort, and snark.
Contemplation and enthusiasm. Ambition and strong coffee.
Sugar, curiosity, and rain.
And yet, there was a witch.
There's always a witch. ~ E. Lockhart

Snark is a fabulous defense mechanism. ~ Betsy Schow

That's my girl," he murmured.
"I'm not your girl."
"Well," he said not bothering to hide his smile from her sightless eyes, "the good news is that the honey gave you back your sparkling personality."
"And the bad news?"
"The honey gave you back your sparkling personality. ~ Larissa Ione

For the snark was a boojum, you see. ~ Lewis Carroll

The placement of a perfect perfumed turd passive-aggressive zinger is equal to the flush of an orgasm. It is sublime. ~ Angela Ricketts

Oh, but my netherling side did, and she casts my human armor aside.
She guides my hands, knots my fingers through his hair, teases his tongue with hers. She won't let me pull away, because she wants to be there again. In Wonderland, where his tobacco-flavored kisses always take us . . .
Because the things I loathe are the things she adores: His snark, his infuriating condescension. His menacing mastery of half-truths and riddles. The way he shoves me into the face of danger, forces me to look beyond my fears and reach for my full potential.
Most of all, because he encourages me to believe in the madness ...in her . . . the darker side of myself: the queen who was born to reign over the Red kingdom and to give Wonderland a legacy of dreams and imagination.
His gloved palms seek the bend of my waist, the bow of my hips. He moves me on top of him, so close there's not enough space for a blade of grass between us. His kisses grow insistent, desperate. His flavor winds through me, fruit and smoke and earth, and other things born of shadows and storms . . . things I can't put a name to. ~ A.G. Howard

He looked a bit more confused by Stevie and David, but nodded politely. "I'm a watch ad," David said. "She's a hipster grandpa. Together, we solve crime. ~ Maureen Johnson

Miss Fitt, you know curiosity gets men killed."
I grinned. "Then I daresay it's good I'm a woman. ~ Susan Dennard

Hungry licked her spoon and then pointed it at me. 'Aren't you forgetting the dishes?' she asked.
'Absolutely not,' I said. 'I'll remember the dishes as long as I live. See you later, Hungry. ~ Lemony Snicket

Snark functions as a device to punish human spontaneity, eccentricity, nonconformity, and simple error. Everyone is being snarked into line, ~ Ryan Holiday

I'm a writer, not a DJ. I don't take requests. ~ Kate LeDonne Black

Snark vs. Insult [10w] + {Couplet}
Snark remarks are passive aggressive;
insults are put-downs impudently impressive. ~ Beryl Dov

Social media has created a legion of social delinquents, billions of people speaking not their minds but their spleens, venting everything from the gum-cracking snark befitting a hair-twisting mallrat to the froth-flecked rage of a bell tower marksman. ~ Steven Weber

If there's any greater exhibit of the malleability of human nature than the sight of someone standing, absently waiting for the light to change at a deserted intersection, I don't know what it is. ~ Christopher Sorrentino

The internet can be many things, of course. Too often it's a cesspool of distraction, a place we indulge in the modern sport of snark and schandenfrende, building the case for our own bigotries, where we mock and thereby dismiss the suggering of others. ~ Cheryl Strayed

I understand that you don't want to marry me," I said. "I mean, I don't know why, since I'm simply delightful to be around. But to each his own taste. ~ Merrie Haskell

Sherrie would be there, and the last time I'd seen her at a social event she burst into tears when she saw me and ran out of the room. You're upset, I'd yelled after her, meanly. ~ Aimee Bender

You're a wild and disobedient girl with violence impulses who chafes at authority and your thin veneer of polished civility has all the transparency of a whore's nightgown. ~ Nenia Campbell

The trouble with today's snarky pipsqueaks who break off a sentence or two, or who write a couple of mean paragraphs, is that they don't go far enough; they don't have a coherent view of life. Spinning around in the media from moment to moment, they don't stand for anything, push for anything; they're mere opportunists without dedication, and they don't win any victories. ~ David Denby

I like sarcasm. I like snark. ~ Alexis Ohanian

That's me, keeping things bitchy from open to close." I turned around and gave him my customer service smile. ~ Katherine McIntyre

I could help you," I said. "Counseling, drugs, a religious advisor, a girlfriend. ~ Janet Evanovich

It was borne in upon her audience that the outside of Jane's charming head was distinctly superior to the inside. ~ Agatha Christie

In Lewis Carroll's poem, when the hunters finally capture the deceptive Snark, it reveals itself not to be a foreign beast, but one of the human hunters sent to trap it. And so it had turned out with cancer. Cancer genes came from within the human genome. Indeed the Greeks had been peculiarly prescient yet again in their use of the term oncos. Cancer was intrinsically "loaded" in our genome. ~ Siddhartha Mukherjee

Snark is not the response of "the masses" to the inane doublespeak of politicians. It's a defense mechanism for writers who, having nothing to say, are absolutely terrified of being criticized or derided. Snarky writing reflects a primal fear - the fear of being laughed at. Snarky writers don't want to be mocked, so they strike first by mocking everyone in sight. ~ Ryan Holiday

The day you ever have that much control over my behavior, it will be because somebody's asking you, should she get the pine box or a plain white shroud? ~ Michael Chabon

Cleverness is like rouge - liberal application makes a woman look common and desperate. Wit is knowing how to apply it. ~ Tessa Dare

I prefer to make up my own quotes and attribute them to very smart people, so that I can use them to win arguments ~ Albert Einstein

Venom's pupils contracted the instant before he slid his sunglasses back on.
She couldn't help it. "Why isn't your tongue forked?"
"Why can't you fly?" A smirk. "Those things on your back aren't accessories you know. ~ Nalini Singh

Lindworms are a sign of a healthy ecosystem," I said, straightening. "Now let's get out of here before the healthy ecosystem eats us. ~ Seanan McGuire

I'm sorry I missed the meeting and hurt your little feely-weels okay? ~ Nenia Campbell

A lot of people have it in for me. It's practically a school sport. ~ Nenia Campbell

He was my age and in my imagination he was a fireman, not the kind that actually fights fires but the kind who travels the country shirtless posing for calendars. ~ Marika Christian

Everybody better stay out of my way because I'm steamrollering my way through this town, powered on snark. ~ Sean Kennedy

Boys", Buffy hissed through clenched teeth, "being quiet is an important part of sneaking."
"Oh, sorry", Xander said, reducing his voice to a whisper.
"Besides, ritual sacrifice is a religious rite", Giles went on quietly. "They wouldn't sacrifice just anyone at random. It's far more likely they'd suspect you of being a Roman spy scouting for the invasion and just outright kill you".
"Oh great! Great! Way to be encouraging Giles. And I suppose you'll just watch that happen, in your Watchery way. ~ Alice Henderson

Zane Parata," she said, settling into the seat opposite him. "I thought you'd gotten swallowed up in a twister and settled among the indigenous people of Oz. ~ Katherine McIntyre

Rumors had their own classic epidemiology. Each started with a single germinating event. Information spread from that point, mutating and interbreeding - a conical mass of threads, expanding into the future from the apex of their common birthplace. Eventually, of course, they'd wither and die; the cone would simply dissipate at its wide end, its permutations senescent and exhausted.
There were exceptions, of course. Every now and then a single thread persisted, grew thick and gnarled and unkillable: conspiracy theories and urban legends, the hooks embedded in popular songs, the comforting Easter-bunny lies of religious doctrine. These were the memes: viral concepts, infections of conscious thought. Some flared and died like mayflies. Others lasted a thousand years or more, tricked billions into the endless propagation of parasitic half-truths. ~ Peter Watts

Why aren't you dressed like a leopard with butterfly wings, or a unicorn?"
A sliver of a grin. "Not even Legend could make me dress like a unicorn."
"But unicorns are magical, and then all the ladies would want to pet you. ~ Stephanie Garber

Why does a horse need to steal a horse?" Taylan held the reins of the bay stallion while Zad swung into the saddle of his new acquisition - a dapple gray that threatened to bite anyone who came within easy reach.

"Why would I run the whole way when someone else can do the work?" Zad settled onto the gray stallion's back and smacked the horse's nose as it nipped at his leg.

"It looks like you two will get along perfectly."

"Shut up and start destroying things so we can get out of here." Zad urged the scowling horse into the cover of the trees. ~ Sarah Delena White

Yeah, Cardan should definitely trust you more. You seem really trustworthy. It's not like you're actually currently betraying him. ~ Holly Black

The guy had guts - I had to give him that. Later on I was hoping for a first-hand look at them. ~ Rob Thurman

A human is not a device that reliably reports a gold standard judgment of relevance of a document to a query. ~ Hinrich Schutze