Sarcastic Ditched Quotes

...and yes that was meant to be interpreted in a sarcastic bubblegum tone complete with clapping and jazz hands. ~ K.R. Grace

I'm sure you heard a lot of sarcastic remarks when you first arrived, but by the time I got there, to everyone else you were just a part of the party. But unlike everyone else, you were the whole reason I came. ~ Jay Asher

Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence. ~ Ashleigh Brilliant

The government is good at one thing. It knows how to break your legs, and then hand you a crutch and say, "See if it weren't for the government, you wouldn't be able to walk". ~ Harry Browne

Was he joking? Was he being sarcastic? Aggressive? Impertinent? Or just courteous? There was no telling from his impassive face. What a country, he thought despairingly. In Russia you always knew. If a man made a stern face he was threatening; if he was laughing uproariously, he was joking. ~ George Mikes

I'm very bubbly, so when people meet me, they sometimes think I'm fake. I'm excited to meet new people, but I guess I sound like I'm being sarcastic. ~ Lyndsy Fonseca

You know, when most girls say they want a big rock, they don't mean, you know, literally a big rock."
"Very amusing, my sarcastic friend. It's not a rock, precisely. All Shadowhunters have a witchlight rune-stone. ~ Cassandra Clare

Wes says I'm a Count." I watch his reaction, but he doesn't even blink. Obviously if he knows about Spectators and Fems, he must be in the know of all things Nephilim.
"Noster." He holds his hand out and I shake it, warm and strong. "Nice to meet you." It comes out sarcastic, playful at the same time. ~ Addison Moore

It's easier to replace a dead man than a good picture. ~ George Bernard Shaw

John," I murmured, rising from the bed and going to stand by the table, staring down in astonishment at the gold-rimmed china plates and intricately embroidered napkins in sapphire rings. "How did all of this get here?"
"Oh," he said casually. "It just does. Coffee?" He lifted a gleaming silver pot. "Or do I seem to remember you being more partial to tea?" His grin was wicked.
I gave him a sarcastic look-it was a cup of tea I'd thrown into his face to escape from the Underworld the last time-then sank down into the chair where the bird was perched. ~ Meg Cabot

Christ's humor is always redemptive, never mocking the individual. But He is sharp and sarcastic in His derision of those institutions such as Pharisaism, which posture in their self-made self-importance. Wisdom ~ John Crowder

Never be SARCASTIC. A clever remark might gain you a few laughs but the butt of your remarks will be offended and will remember you for it. ~ Gary L. Graybill

Just because it looks like a leprechaun and talks like a leprechaun, it doesn't mean it can't act like the little fucking demon it is. ~ N.L. Gervasio

Is all pink entirely banned?'
'Not if it's like a sassy pink,' I say. 'But if it's a sweet, girl pink, yes. Maybe some shade of sarcastic pink if it isn't too abrasive. ~ Laura Nowlin

The French are sawed-off sissies who eat snails and slugs and cheese that smells like people's feet. Utter cowards who force their own children to drink wine, they gibber like baboons even when you try to speak to them in their own wimpy language. ~ P. J. O'Rourke

My dream part would be to play Mitt Romney's sarcastic black maid. We could call it 'Mammy & Me.' ~ Natasha Leggero

I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man, and I hate people like that! ~ Tom Lehrer

I'm sarcastic, skeptical, and sometimes callous because I'm still afraid, deep down, of letting myself be hurt. ~ Sylvia Plath

The exact meaning of irony is so narrow that the word is hardly worth using; in its broad, current definition, it's a euphemism for sarcasm. 'I'm not being sarcastic; I'm being ironic.' No, you're not. You're evading the responsibility for being sarcastic. ~ Richard Corliss

My mom was sarcastic about men. She would tell me Adam was the rough draft and Eve was the final product. She was a feminist minister, an earth mom who wore a bra only on Sundays. ~ Daphne Zuniga

Oh, well, you go to poor school." He gives a comic eye roll. "At rich school, we take notes on hundred-dollar bills using unicorn tears, and our grief is vastly different and more complex. ~ Delilah S. Dawson

If you're going to tell people the truth, be funny or they'll kill you. ~ Billy Wilder

The typewriting machine, when played with expression, is no more annoying than the piano when played by a sister or near relation. ~ Oscar Wilde

There is nothing funny about Halloween. This sarcastic festival reflects, rather, an infernal demand for revenge by children on the adult world. ~ Jean Baudrillard

You don't have to be the Dalai Lama to tell people that life's about change. ~ John Cleese

I find myself to be quite sarcastic, and I wouldn't want to be with someone who didn't get that. ~ Andrej Pejic

I know that there are several people in my life that I love that probably have no idea, but there are plenty of people I love that have been the subject of a "well-placed" sarcastic comment. ~ Will Walker

A nasty letter or a sarcastic one can make you righteously angry, but what can you do about a polite letter of rejection? Nothing, really, except cry. ~ E.L. Konigsburg

I'm no model lady. A model's just an imitation of the real thing. ~ Mae West

She's the kind of girl who climbed the ladder of success wrong by wrong. ~ Mae West

They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human knowledge. ~ Thomas Reed

When I see a man of shallow understanding extravagantly clothed, I feel sorry - for the clothes. ~ Josh Billings

Carpe Diem, just remember that we're partying on the Titanic. ~ Will McIntosh

Anybody can win - unless there happens to be a second entry. ~ George Ade

The English may not like music, but they absolutely love the noise it makes. ~ Thomas Beecham

Action speaks louder than words but not nearly as often. ~ Mark Twain

Dear lady, ... dear gentleman, reader, [it's] not right ... to put down this writer on his writing ... And I'll tell you why, too: it hurts, that's why.... People try to understand why writers commit suicide by jumping off boats or by alcoholism or by being heroic continuously or by rope or gun or drug or knife or water, and ... I can tell you straight out, ... it is reading slurring remarks about their writing that drives writers to the grave. Dirty remarks passed by ... dirty but damned nicely educated and very highly-paid ladies and gentlemen have the effect of killing writers. Yes, that's right. Dirty words ... in slick paper magazines read by smart people do assassinate writers. ... And boy let me tell you I am all for it, even when by some ... misunderstanding the dirty words are directed to me rather than to the party really deserving them. Accidents happen, dear clever reviewer or critic, and let it not be said that William Saroyan is one not to see a situation from the point of view of the other party, ... and I shall be the first to defend your right to be critical and even sarcastic, knowing full well that it is not about me and my writing, although my name is by mistake taken in vain by you. ... But go on, go on, do your good clever writing, every one of you, I am home, your are home, and we are each of us not yet on Variety's Necrology list, so if we can't take it, who can? ~ William Saroyan

God, I've just figured out what's missing – you ditched the hallowed Albermarle Teddy Bear!'

I nodded. 'Banished to a dark cupboard for all eternity.'

'You cold-hearted bastard.'

'Give me a hot water bottle any day. At least they have some appreciable function. Not like that pathetic pile of overpriced fake fur and anthropomorphic bullshit I locked in the wardrobe.'

'You have serious teddy bear issues. ~ Tabitha McGowan

He's completely unspoiled by failure. ~ Noel Coward

She speaks French," Graeme muttered.
Traigh turned quite serious and nodded his head. "Aye, she be speakin' French. Mayhap she learned it from listenin' to ye and yer French friend speakin' it these past days." Though his tone sounded serious, there was a decidedly sarcastic undertone to it.
"Ye knew," Graeme said as he glared angrily at his brother.
Traigh feigned innocence. "Moi?"
Graeme's glare intensified. "Why did ye no' tell me? Why did she no' tell me?"
Traigh smiled thoughtfully and placed a hand on Graeme's shoulder . "Ye did no' ask. ~ Suzan Tisdale

Compassion: listening to a month's worth of snivelling when you break up with yet another asshole. ~ Martyn V. Halm

But she's ditched Dean! ~ J.K. Rowling

Everyone has the right to run his own life- even if you're heading for a crash. What I'm against is blind flying. ~ Mae West

I already know how I'm going to die"..."How?" I asked. "Spider bite. Or being sarcastic at the wrong time. ~ Abby Jimenez

You've turned into a sarcastic, unbalanced, judgmental dick." To herself, she muttered, "Man, can I pick 'em. ~ Kresley Cole

In her single person she managed to produce the effect of a majority. ~ Ellen Glasgow