Abby Jimenez Quotes

Nothing offended me except for cauliflower and stupidity.

You know what I like about you, Josh?"

"My way with small, vicious dogs?"

I snorted. "I like that you don't do that guy thing where you try and solve all my problems. Guys do that. Sometimes we just want to complain. That's it. We don't want advice. We just want you to listen. You're a good listener."

He fiddled with a coaster and his smile sank a little. "I would try and solve all your problems." His eyes came back up to mine. "If you wanted me to."

God, yes, I want you to. But you can't and you never will.

I was a ghost, wandering the rooms of a museum of the person I used to be, and Jason was like one of the living who could somehow see me and decided to wander the place with me.

You're sure you want to do this? What if she eats him?"

I smiled, lifting the baby into my arms and grabbing his sippy cup. "Evelyn's trying. She deserves a chance." I closed the door and turned to her.

My wife eyed me. "She called you a rapscallion."

I laughed. "Yes - yes she did."

Kristen and I had good fun with that one. It was Kristen's favorite nickname for me.

I gave Oliver his sippy cup. "But in all fairness, you told her you were married and pregnant via Potatogram. She had a right to be upset. Give me this." I took the diaper bag from her. "You shouldn't be lifting more than you need to."

She scowled at me. "It's been four months since my surgery. I can carry a five-pound diaper bag."

I kissed the side of her stubborn head.

I already know how I'm going to die"..."How?" I asked. "Spider bite. Or being sarcastic at the wrong time.

I slipped my arms around his waist, hooking my fingers behind his back, and he held me to him, smiling down at me.

I put my chin to his chest. "I'm only hugging you because those cougars over there have their eye on you," I lied. "It's my duty as your friend to protect you from impending cougar attacks."

He chuckled. "Thanks for clearing that up. I was afraid for a second there you were hugging me for real."

I would do everything with you. For real.

My "happiness" wasn't always the real thing. Most of the time it was a fabricated, forced version that cracked around the edges if examined closely enough. But it was the choice that was the accomplishment.

When did you stop drawing penises on stuff?"

He snorted. "What?"

"Like, how old were you when you stopped drawing penises on stuff? I was just thinking how great a guy roommate would be and I realized the only downside would be finding penises drawn in the steam on the bathroom mirror."

His dimpled smile made me grin.

"I just drew a penis on Brandon's truck the other day."

I laughed. "So men never outgrow it. Nice."

He smiled at me. "Is this really what you're standing there thinking about?"

"Welcome to my brain. Strap in and keep your arms inside the ride at all times.

Josh? Can you come to my room?"

My wolfish grin broke some of the tension on her face.

"Oh, stop. There's a spider. I need you to kill it. Please. Before it disappears and I have to burn my whole house down."

I laughed. "Should I get my gun or…?"

She bounced nervously. "Josh, I'm serious. I hate them. Please help me."

I pulled a few tissues from the box on my nightstand. "You know, you seem too fearless to be afraid of spiders."

"A black widow killed my schnauzer when I was a kid. Embracing a lifelong debilitating fear of spiders is cheaper than therapy." She stopped in the doorway of her room like there was an invisible force field, and I almost bumped into her back.

I summoned my most convincing smile, the one that seemed to work on Kristen, and I walked up to the counter.

The middle-aged nurse manning the station looked up, eyed my firefighter badge, and gave me a warm grin. "Well, hello. What can I do for you, young man?"

I was grateful for my profession at the moment. Nobody was ever unhappy to see a fireman.

You know what I think the trick to dealing with family is? I've been thinking about this a lot lately."

"What?" I said, spreading strawberry jam on my toast.

"Marrying your best friend." He wiped his mouth with a napkin. "You marry your best friend, and at family gatherings you deal with your shitty relatives together. You laugh about it and have each other's backs. Share looks and text each other from across the room when everyone else is being an asshole. And nobody else really matters because you have your own universe."

He held my eyes for a moment. "That's what I want. I want someone to be my universe."

He'd have no problem finding that. No problem at all. Josh could have any woman he wanted. After all, he was the sun. Warm and vital. He would be the center of a big family one day, just like he wanted, and they'd all adore him.

And I was just some passing comet. Momentarily distracting. Useless and unimportant. I was nice to look at, fun to observe, but I'd never give life or be the center of anything.

I'd streak through and be gone, and Josh would forget me before we knew it.

I'd found my person.
She was the foundation. She was the thing that all other things are built on. Everything was secondary to being with her. It didn't matter where I worked or if I liked my job, where I lived or how many kids I had. My happiness, my sanity, my well-being – it all started with her. And now that I knew that, I didn't want to just be her boyfriend – I wanted everything.

A cell phone rang from the end table to my right and Kristen bolted up straight. She put her beer on the coffee table and dove across my lap for her phone, sprawling over me.

My eyes flew wide. I'd never been that close to her before. I'd only ever touched her hand.

If I pushed her down across my knees, I could spank her ass.

She grabbed her phone and whirled off my lap. "It's Sloan. I've been waiting for this call all day." She put a finger to her lips for me to be quiet, hit the Talk button, and put her on speaker. "Hey, Sloan, what's up?"

"Did you send me a potato?"

Kristen covered her mouth with her hand and I had to stifle a snort. "Why? Did you get an anonymous potato in the mail?"

"Something is seriously wrong with you," Sloan said. "Congratulations, he put a ring on it. PotatoParcel.com." She seemed to be reading a message. "You found a company that mails potatoes with messages on them? Where do you find this stuff?"

Kristen's eyes danced. "I don't know what you're talking about. Do you have the other thing though?"

"Yeeeess. The note says to call you before I open it. Why am I afraid?"

Kristen giggled. "Open it now. Is Brandon with you?"

"Yes, he's with me. He's shaking his head."

I could picture his face, that easy smile on his lips.

"Okay, I'm opening it. It looks like a paper towel tube. There's tape on the - AHHHHHH! Are you kidding

Let me get one on your phone too," he said to me. "You can send it to Kristen. Maybe she'll print it and keep it where she keeps your balls.

I'm cool buying tampons, but I'm not walking a tiny dog into a store in a purse.

My granddad used to always say, 'Even duct tape can't fix stupid,'" I said, putting my straw in my mouth.

"Hmm. No. But it can muffle the sound.