Midgets Quotes

When one speaks of sex with midgets, one must speak French. ~ Dennis Vickers

Ron, we're supposed to show the first years where to go!"
"Oh yeah," said Ron, who had obviously forgotten.
"Hey
hey you lot! Midgets! ~ J.K. Rowling

Shoot eagles on the Jack Nicklaus course,
Porsche with the triple exhaust,
Seats soft like a midget's cough ... ~ Action Bronson

Some people have a phobia of midgets. They're, like, scared of them. I have the opposite - I see them, and I want to hold them down, cuddle them, be like, 'Come here, you little nugget. Who's your mommy now?' So cute! ~ Chelsea Handler

I had such plans for this evening. The pursuit of blind drunkenness and wayward women was my goal. But alas, it was not to be. No sooner had I consumed my third drink in the Devil than I was accosted by a delightful small flower selling child who asked me for twopence for a daisy. The price seemed steep, so I refused. When I told the girl as much, she proceeded to rob me."
"A little girl robbed you?" Tessa said.
"Actually, she wasn't a little girl at all, as it turns out, but a midget in a dress with a penchant for violence, who goes by the name of Six-Fingered Nigel. ~ Cassandra Clare

If I were among midgets I didn't know, I'd be afraid they'd see I was uncomfortable making small talk. ~ Jarod Kintz

I disagree with Muhammad. I'm against hate, anti-Semitism and homophobia. ... This is not a village of hate. It's a village of hope. ... Don't let midgets give us a bad name. There are still giants in Harlem giants who will stand up for our children. ~ Al Sharpton

The book "Little Women," what, is that about midgets? I freaking love midgets. ~ Jarod Kintz

One exhibition to which Tom Norman became particularly attached was his family of midgets. It consisted of two midgets, billed as man and wife and always brought into town in a specially constructed miniature coach drawn by ponies. In each town on the tour he made a point of closing the show down for a few days so as to allow the lady midget to 'give birth to her baby'. A new-born infant would then be hired to stand in for the hypothetical offspring, and even larger queues always gathered after such a 'happy event' to see the new arrival. The only problem was the difficulty he had in restraining the 'mother' from swearing volubly, smoking a pipe and drinking gin in front of the customers. The exhibition finally came to grief when the 'mother' ran away one night, objecting to being displayed as a woman any longer, both midgets being men. ~ Peter Ford

Santa blows all these shipping companies away. He delivers more than 2 billion packages in just 24 hours. He does it by sleigh. He doesn't use tracking numbers and doesn't use trucks. He just uses midgets and a giant bag. ~ Craig Ferguson

Im being haunted by midgets. Heavy, determined, club wieldind midgets ~ Paul Magrs

A blanket could be used as a makeshift trampoline, to attract midgets to your picnic. The great thing about dining with dwarves, is since they are little people, they eat very little. ~ Jarod Kintz

I've got a theory, it could be bunnies ... I've got a theor- Bunnies aren't just cute like everybody supposes They've got them hoppy legs and twitchy little noses. And what's with all the carrots-? What do they need such good eyesight for anyway? Bunnies, bunnies it must be bunnies! ... or maybe midgets ... ~ Joss Whedon

We have far too many kids. At one time in the playpen there was standing-room only. It looked like a bus stop for midgets. It used to get so damp in there, we'd have a rainbow above it. ~ Phyllis Diller

It takes me a while to drag him out, he's got himself stuck to the axle, and by the time I am done and stand over the body something strange has started to happen. The alley's filled with a half-dozen cats, runty little things with their ribs showing and their tails worn high like they're pointing to the moon. I stand there, breathing froth into the snowflakes and watch them gather round me, soft kitty paws, and now and then a patrol car rolls past in the distance. The cats are circling us, tails cocked at the moon, their muzzles bloodied by the tail lights' glow. They are vicious bastards, let me tell you: frost on their whiskers, eyes like cut glass, a half-dozen pairs, on me and the dead man. And then they start licking. Licking at the snow I mean, the blood in the snow, they lap it up like mother's milk. And all the while from their throats, from their whole bodies, there issues this sound, you hear it with your skin, it's like an engine running under your palm. That's when I realize they are purring, man, purring as they feed on the midget's death. ~ Dan Vyleta

(Of Marilyn Monroe) She was good at being inarticulately abstracted for the same reason that midgets are good at being short ~ Clive James

A major shortcoming of the Resistance is the outnumbering, before long, of the genuine warriors by camera-carrying midgets intent on leaving a record of their purported heroism. ~ Coco Chanel

A budget?"
He'd expected an explosion.Even, perversely,hoped for one.Margo's tantrums were always so..stimulating.It didn't appear that he was going to be disappointed.
"A budget?" she repeated,storming to him. "Of all the unbelievable,bloody nerve.You arrogant son of a bitch. Do you think I'm going to stand here and let you treat me like some sort of brainless bimbo who needs to be told how much she can spend on face powder?"
"Face powder." Deliberately, he scanned the papers,took a pen out of his pocket,and made a quick note. "That would come under 'Miscellaneous Luxuries.' I think I've been very generous there. Now,as to your clothing allowance-"
"Allowance!" She used both hands to shove him back a step. "Just let me tell you what you can do with your fucking allowance."
"Careful,duchess." He brushed the front of his shirt. "Turnbill and Asser."
The strangled sound in her throat was the best she could do.If there had been anything at all to throw,she'd have heaved it at his head. "I'd rather be picked apart,alive, by vultures than let you handle the money."
"You don't have any money," he began, but she barreled on as she whirled around the room. Watching her, he all but salivated.
"I'd rather be gang-raped by midgets, staked naked to a wasp nest,be force-fed garden slugs."
"Go three weeks without a manicure?" he put in and watched her hands curl into claws. "You go after my face with those, I'll have to hurt you."
"Oh,I hat ~ Nora Roberts

It has been said that the great scientific disciplines are examples of giants standing on the shoulders of other giants. It has also been said that the software industry is an example of midgets standing on the toes of other midgets. ~ Alan Cooper

Many of us are confessional giants but ethical midgets. ~ Mark Buchanan

Don't creationists ever wonder about the fact that the paleontologists found ape-like skulls with the 'human leg and foot bones,' rather than the other way around, i.e., human skulls with 'ape leg and foot bones?' ... Come on, creationists, think about it! Did God hide the human skulls, only leaving behind leg and foot bones belonging to human midgets with misshapen feet, and mix such bones only with the skulls of ape-like creatures with larger cranial capacities than living apes? What a 'kidder' the creationists' God must be. ~ Edward Babinski

The way I wrestle five-year-olds makes me think if I were ever attacked by a pack of midgets, I'd be OK. ~ Jarod Kintz

The way my team are doing, we could get Wilt Chamberlain in a trade and find out that he's really two midgets Scotch-taped together. ~ Gene Shue

Next to fat babies, midgets are my favorite things to hold. I love them so much, and I want to help them to do adult things like drive cars, Jet-Ski, and lip-synch. I'm in awe of their little limbs, their large craniums, and their medicine-ball asses. I love the little baby steps they take while shifting their weight from side to side, and the fact that when you knock one over accidentally, he flails like a turtle on its back that can't get up right away. ~ Chelsea Handler

Tucker: You guys going to Milwaukee? Guy: Yes sir, heading home after a vacation. Tucker: Did you know there are midgets in Milwaukee? [The man and his wife are silent and confused.] Tucker: HUNDREDS OF THEM! ~ Tucker Max

When Jed comes in and gives you that look where his forehead wrinkles up and his chin drops so low that his baggy eyes can't even look you square in your eyes, well, I guess you realize that it must be your turn to get out into the winter snow and round up the midgets. ~ Jarod Kintz

Life is short. But so are midgets. ~ Jarod Kintz

Before bed I do a bit of light reading. I'm reading a 50-pound book on midgets. ~ Jarod Kintz

These days, teachers have it rough. Kids can be hyperactive, disobedient, and obnoxious. It must feel like being locked in a room of drunk midgets. ~ Craig Ferguson

When Hodges returns to his chair with his small bundle of mail, the fight-show host is saying goodbye and promising his TV Land audience that tomorrow there will be midgets. Whether of the physical or mental variety he does not specify. ~ Stephen King

If he ever got back to earth, he was making them list that as one of the dangers of outer space exploration, dammit. Watch out for big damn space perverts, all you earth midgets. ~ Twisted Hilarity

I just don't accept midgets as human beings. There's only so much political correctness I can accept. ~ Gilbert Gottfried

How many midgets does it take to take over the world? I'm not sure, but I'd guess twice as many. ~ Jarod Kintz

My penis isn't big. It just appeared that way because the midget's hands were so small. ~ Jarod Kintz

Are you a producer or a looter? If diversity were always and everywhere good we would be clamoring for more midgets in the NBA. ~ Jonah Goldberg

Whoa," I say. "Look how tall he is." "Actors are always midgets in person," says Brandon, "But writers ... they're giants. ~ Matthew Norman

There are a lot of good comics, no doubt, but as far as the quality of the comics goes, I think what you have is a bunch of situational comics - there are black comics that work only black crowds, gay comics that do only gay crowds, and southern comics that only work down South, and so on with Asian, Latino, Indian, midgets, etc. The previous generation's comics were better because they had to make everybody laugh. ~ Chris Rock

We want to convey that the modern-day GOP looks like the conservative party that stands on principles. But we want to apply them to urban-suburban hip-hop settings. We need to uptick our image with everyone, including one-armed midgets. ~ Michael Steele