Midget Quotes

It was two whacked-out guys who said they always wanted to kidnap a midget. ~ Janet Evanovich

That goddam stunted, red-faced, big-cheeked, apple-cheeked, curlyheaded, midget assed, , google-eyed, undersized, grinning, buck-toothed rat!!" Yossarian sputtered.
~ Catch-22 ~ Joseph Heller

At my bachelor party I had Elton John's "Tiny Dancer" play on repeat, while I enjoyed the spectacle of a midget stripper dressed like jet fuel (Rocket Man). ~ Jarod Kintz

Let's go inside. I always find walking inside buildings has this bizarre effect on me. I immediately forget uncomfortable situations, like when tiny midget women straddle my best friend's boyfriend and face-rape him. ~ Frankie Rose

Shoot eagles on the Jack Nicklaus course,
Porsche with the triple exhaust,
Seats soft like a midget's cough ... ~ Action Bronson

I met my first midget in Mexico, and he was a waiter with a sombrero on his head, filled with chips and salsa. Like I was gonna let that guy get away - I don't think so. ~ Chelsea Handler

Somehow, the notion that Professor Moriarty had parents - might have been a child - never sat right. A viper is a snake straight from the egg. I couldn't help but picture little Jamie as a balding midget in a sailor suit, spying Cook and the baker's boy rolling in the flour on the kitchen table through his toy telescope, and blackmailing them for extra buns. ~ Kim Newman

Education will only take you so far. To go even further, I'd recommend getting a piggyback ride from a midget half your body weight. ~ Jarod Kintz

I got a small package in the mail today, and I thought it was the midget stripper I bought off eBay. But it was just a pair of shoes I ordered. Didn't matter, I still made them dance for me. ~ Jarod Kintz

I had such plans for this evening. The pursuit of blind drunkenness and wayward women was my goal. But alas, it was not to be. No sooner had I consumed my third drink in the Devil than I was accosted by a delightful small flower selling child who asked me for twopence for a daisy. The price seemed steep, so I refused. When I told the girl as much, she proceeded to rob me."
"A little girl robbed you?" Tessa said.
"Actually, she wasn't a little girl at all, as it turns out, but a midget in a dress with a penchant for violence, who goes by the name of Six-Fingered Nigel. ~ Cassandra Clare

I long for your love like the length of a midget. ~ Jarod Kintz

Midget wrestling on channel 3, it costs me 50 bucks a month. ~ Al Yankovic

Musk loves costume parties as well, and turned up at one dressed like a knight and using a parasol to duel a midget wearing a Darth Vader costume. ~ Ashlee Vance

I knew how to raise my own child, what did he think it was, a game of Scrabble or Monopoly, there are no rules, was she so blind that she couldn't see that all that mental midget had done was turn her into a nervous wreck, full of doubt about something that had come naturally to her from the beginning, something any idiot could see, which was that she was a wonderful mother, full of love and patience? ~ Nicole Krauss

If you want to be called a dwarf you must be in immediate possession of a battle axe cause otherwise your just a midget with an attitude. ~ Ralphie May

I am one pair of roses away from the grave," I told the midget with the twelve-inch erection. It wasn't his - he was just holding it for a friend (that impressive penis belonged to a much taller man). Ah, but that's life, no? ~ Jarod Kintz

There are only two ways to get in and out of an MG Midget sports car – the elegant way or my
way. The elegant way is how you see the film stars do it on TV when they arrive at the Oscars. To get
in, put your bum inside first and then swivel legs round. Similarly, to exit, swivel legs out, bum last.
My way is to get everything but bum in first, leave bum out in the cold for a bit while struggling with
other appendages, and then bum can come in. To get out, I simply fall on to the pavement. ~ Sarah Mason

He was able to find the intensity and beauty that he wanted, in the plung itself. Physical forces in a complicated coalition of gravity, acceleration, and temperature were powerful and intense enough to satisfy him. It made sense. Nothing was as comforting as the enduring purity of elemental forces, and returning to them could not mean defeat. But he never thought that he would die in a bark suit, strapped to a shock pancake, next to an incompetent midget. ~ Mark Helprin

I had dreams, and they were not about ending up a speck. I didn't dream of becoming a star, but I thought I might have a small nonspeaking role in a grand epic, an epic with a touch of artistic credentials. I didn't dream of becoming a giant - I wasn't that delusional or arrogant - but I wanted to be more than a speck, maybe a midget. ~ Rabih Alameddine

Midget, midget, midget, how he struts and winks,
For he knows a man's as big as what he hopes and thinks! ~ Kurt Vonnegut

One exhibition to which Tom Norman became particularly attached was his family of midgets. It consisted of two midgets, billed as man and wife and always brought into town in a specially constructed miniature coach drawn by ponies. In each town on the tour he made a point of closing the show down for a few days so as to allow the lady midget to 'give birth to her baby'. A new-born infant would then be hired to stand in for the hypothetical offspring, and even larger queues always gathered after such a 'happy event' to see the new arrival. The only problem was the difficulty he had in restraining the 'mother' from swearing volubly, smoking a pipe and drinking gin in front of the customers. The exhibition finally came to grief when the 'mother' ran away one night, objecting to being displayed as a woman any longer, both midgets being men. ~ Peter Ford

I have finally taught Dean that he can do anything he wants, become mayor of Denver, marry a millionairess, or become the greatest poet since Rimbaud. But he keeps rushing out to see the midget auto races ~ Jack Kerouac

Aren't you something," Grandma said. "I never saw a midget up close."
"Little person," Briggs said. "And I never saw anyone as old as you up close, either. ~ Janet Evanovich

They were "galvanized iron bake ovens," said Carl LaRue, commenting on Fordlandia's foibles years later. "It is incredible that anyone should build a house like that in the tropics." Another visitor described them as "midget hells, where one lies awake and sweats the first half of the night, and frequently between midnight and dawn undergoes a fierce siege of heat-provoking nightmares." They seemed to be "designed by Detroit architects who probably couldn't envision a land without snow."19 Ford managers, said the priest, "never really ~ Greg Grandin

Is this the baby?" I said.
Ma turned on me again.
"What do you think it is?" she said. "A midget that can't talk? ~ George Saunders

That's bad luck: three on a midget. From At The Circus ~ Groucho Marx

If you work hard, and become successful, it does not necessarily mean you are successful because you worked hard, just as if you are tall with long hair it doesn't mean that you would be a midget if you were bald. ~ Lemony Snicket

Yes, Hart, I went commando to a diplomatic function," Harry said, and then motioned to his body. "And now, as you can see, I'm going Spartan so a midget can whack me with a stick." He bent and picked up his Bongka. "Honestly, Hart. Help me out here. Focus a little. ~ John Scalzi

The house I grew up in is one of a kind. It's a bibliophile's fantasy, and if the Library of Congress had a little brother who was a midget, you could find him residing in my parents' house. ~ Jarod Kintz

I have a wonderful assistant. I tell her I need four amputees and a midget, and she finds them. ~ Nikki Sixx

That's right, bitch. Goldie Schwartz. And I'm not a fucking midget. I prefer the term 'fun sized'. ~ Jaye Wells

I don't use coarse humor, but occasionally I'll joke about intercourse - between midget siblings. ~ Jarod Kintz

I've got a theory, it could be bunnies ... I've got a theor- Bunnies aren't just cute like everybody supposes They've got them hoppy legs and twitchy little noses. And what's with all the carrots-? What do they need such good eyesight for anyway? Bunnies, bunnies it must be bunnies! ... or maybe midgets ... ~ Joss Whedon

He checks the horns. They're small: not truncated like Hellboy's, but wee, budding, trainer-bra efforts. Definitely not the thing that killed Dazza. In demon terms, he's looking at a midget or a waen. He recalls the ten second rule, and though they only clashed for a moment, it was more than enough. He understands. He has the measure. There is no paralysis by fear. There will be no subconscious surrender to superior mental force and aggression.
In short, he can take this cunt. ~ Christopher Brookmyre

I was bullied a lot because I was a midget in this land of giants I lived in. Sometimes, my only weapon was whatever I could throw. I couldn't be held responsible. I didn't choose the short life; the short life chose me. ~ Nicole Banks

We have far too many kids. At one time in the playpen there was standing-room only. It looked like a bus stop for midgets. It used to get so damp in there, we'd have a rainbow above it. ~ Phyllis Diller

The worst thing about falling in love with her so early in life was that he'd been an absolute snot at fourteen, at once arrogant and self-pitying. Almost as bad was the fact that he'd been nearly half a foot shorter than she at their first meeting - she'd been five foot nine, and he barely five foot four. Though she was only a few weeks older than he was, she'd looked upon him as a child - while he broiled with the heat and anguish of first love.
When nothing else garnered him her attention, he turned horrid. She was disgusted by this midget who tried to trick her into broom closets to steal kisses, and he was at once miserable and thrilled. Disgust was better than indifference; anything was better than indifference. ~ Sherry Thomas

It takes me a while to drag him out, he's got himself stuck to the axle, and by the time I am done and stand over the body something strange has started to happen. The alley's filled with a half-dozen cats, runty little things with their ribs showing and their tails worn high like they're pointing to the moon. I stand there, breathing froth into the snowflakes and watch them gather round me, soft kitty paws, and now and then a patrol car rolls past in the distance. The cats are circling us, tails cocked at the moon, their muzzles bloodied by the tail lights' glow. They are vicious bastards, let me tell you: frost on their whiskers, eyes like cut glass, a half-dozen pairs, on me and the dead man. And then they start licking. Licking at the snow I mean, the blood in the snow, they lap it up like mother's milk. And all the while from their throats, from their whole bodies, there issues this sound, you hear it with your skin, it's like an engine running under your palm. That's when I realize they are purring, man, purring as they feed on the midget's death. ~ Dan Vyleta

Any time a little midget does something like this, you gotta give him a 10!. ~ Charles Barkley

(Of Marilyn Monroe) She was good at being inarticulately abstracted for the same reason that midgets are good at being short ~ Clive James

Come, midget, and use my pillow as a sleeping bag. ~ Jarod Kintz

The cat saw me at once, of course, and every hair on his body stood straight up, and he made a sound like the mountain lion's roar but much tinier. That's all cats are - midget lions. I'm nobody's midget, baby. ~ Spencer Quinn

DOWN THESE MEAN STREETS A MIDGET MUST GO! ~ Art Spiegelman

I don't know why small chocolates are called fun-sized; I mean, if I called a midget fun-sized, they'd kick off. ~ Karl Pilkington

My shadow's so substantial that it has its own shadow. It isn't as tall, but that's OK, because sometimes it feels like I'm being followed by a black midget. ~ Jarod Kintz

Don't you think baby corns are scary? There's just something wrong about their midget bodies. ~ P.C. Cast

The midget, Bush, and that Rumsfeld deserve only to be beaten with shoes by freedom loving people everywhere. ~ Mohammed Saeed Al-Sahaf

Everything you do, burns calories. Getting up in the morning, 100 calories; kicking the hooker out of your bed, another 100; diapering your monkey, 35 calories; laughing at a midget, fun and 10 calories; catching your girlfriend with another guy, 2000-3000 calories, depending on backswings. ~ Dave Attell

She was good at playing abstract confusion in the same way that a midget is good at being short. ~ Clive James

Expect nothing. Live frugally
On surprise.
become a stranger
To need of pity
Or, if compassion be freely
Given out
Take only enough
Stop short of urge to plead
Then purge away the need.

Wish for nothing larger
Than your own small heart
Or greater than a star;
Tame wild disappointment
With caress unmoved and cold
Make of it a parka
For your soul.

Discover the reason why
So tiny human midget
Exists at all
So scared unwise
But expect nothing. Live frugally
On surprise. ~ Alice Walker

A little girl robbed you?" Tessa said.
"Actually, she wasn't a little girl at all, as it turns out, but a midget in a dress with a penchant for violence, who goes by the name of Six-Fingered Nigel."
"Easy mistake to make," Jem said. ~ Cassandra Clare

Many of us are confessional giants but ethical midgets. ~ Mark Buchanan

I took the Nuban's bow. I didn't trust the midget to be able to run down any thieves, and besides, I might want to shoot a circus clown or two. Just for laughs. ~ Mark Lawrence

That's bad luck: three on a midget. ~ Groucho Marx

The way my team are doing, we could get Wilt Chamberlain in a trade and find out that he's really two midgets Scotch-taped together. ~ Gene Shue

There are far too many people born into the world, and far too many words written. Millions and millions of them pouring from the presses every minute. It's a horrible thought." "You sound constipated," said The Midget. ~ Josephine Tey

I assure you that the training that you get in a midget, in a sprint car and perhaps in a Silver Crown car is really the kind of experience that makes you into a damn good race driver. ~ Rodger Ward

I feel like a midget with muddy feet had been walking over my tongue all night. ~ W.C. Fields

Watch out for the medallion, my diamonds are reckless,
Feels like a midget is hangin from my necklace! ~ Ludacris

Wearing a turtleneck is like being strangled by a really weak guy, all day. Wearing a backpack and a turtleneck is like a weak midget trying to bring you down. ~ Mitch Hedberg

You see, to tall men I'm a midget, and to short men I'm a giant; to the skinny ones I'm a fat man, and to the fat ones I'm a thin man. ~ Norton Juster

There is no role I cannot play except a midget. ~ Theodore Bikel

Ninety-five per cent of my language problems are the fault of that stupid little midget. ~ Gianfranco Zola

When ... I've thought of madness, it seems most easily explained to me as poetry in action. A life of symbol rather than reality. On paper one can understand Gulliver, or Kafka, or Dante. But let a man go about behaving as if he were a giant or a midget, or caught in a cosmic plot directed at himself, or in heaven or hell, and we feel horror - we want to disavow him to proclaim him as far removed as possible from ourselves. ~ Helen Eustis

Another visitor described them as "midget hells, where one lies awake and sweats the first half of the night, and frequently between midnight and dawn undergoes a fierce siege of heat-provoking nightmares." They seemed to be "designed by Detroit architects who probably couldn't envision a land without snow."19 Ford managers, said the priest, "never really figured out what country they were in. ~ Greg Grandin

Like a midget, I walk tall and proud. ~ Jarod Kintz

These days, teachers have it rough. Kids can be hyperactive, disobedient, and obnoxious. It must feel like being locked in a room of drunk midgets. ~ Craig Ferguson

Right, because I'm flat-chested and a midget. ~ Cassandra Clare

There's a Drunk Midget in My House
Ah, babies! They're more than just adorable little creatures on whom you can blame your farts. Like most people who have had one baby, I am an expert on everythiing and will tell you, unsolicited, how to raise your kid! ~ Tina Fey

I would pore for hours over the stalls of worn necklaces, sets of gilt spoons, sugar tongs in the shape of hen's feet or midget hands, clocks that didn't work, flowered china, spotty mirrors and ponderous furniture, the flotsam left by those receding centuries in which, more and more, I was living. ~ Margaret Atwood

I am the leprechaun I rainbow into being. Buy me a beer, and get to know my inner midget. ~ Jarod Kintz

Day baseball is now dead for all practical purposes. Sooner or later, the game will be played in its entirety at night, and as I've said before, then baseball will be squarely in the amusement, the entertainment business along with wrestling, midget auto racing and the trotting tracks. ~ Larry MacPhail

I just don't accept midgets as human beings. There's only so much political correctness I can accept. ~ Gilbert Gottfried

Since pigs are anatomically similar to humans, dissecting one must be like cutting up a midget. And I haven't done that since middle school. ~ Jarod Kintz

This particular event had been somewhat more raucous than usual as Derek Jameson had just lost an arm wrestle with Ann Diamond. The match was the second semi-final of the morning after Belinda Carlisle had been pipped at the post by Rusty Lee. Carlisle had caused some consternation after, upset at losing and forfeiting the chance to compete for the first prize of a quarter of midget gems, she had spat port in Lee's handbag. Carlisle had been asked to leave and, after a brief tussle, had been ejected from the building whilst screaming and spitting in Simon Parkin's face. ~ St John Morris

The one thing little people don't like is the 'M' word, 'midget.' ~ Martin Klebba

Classic Ballet,

Keep away, keep building your creaky fairy castles, keep cloning clones and meaningless manners, hang on to your beanstalk ballerinas and their midget male shadows, run yourself out of business with your tons of froufrou and costly clattery toe shoes that ruin all chances for illusions of lightness, keep on crowding the minds of blind balletomanes who prefer dainty poses to the eloquent strength of momentum, who have forgotten or never known the manings of gesture, who would nod their noses to barefoot embargos ("so grab me" spelt backwards). Continue to repolish your stiff technique and to ignore a public that hungers for something other than a bag of tricks and the empty-headedness of surface patterns.

Just keep it up, keep imitating yourself, and, , go grow your own dance makers. Come on, don't keep trying to filter modern ones through your so-safe extablishment. We're to be seen undiluted, undistorted, not absorbed by your hollow world like blood into a sponge.

Yours truly,
A Different Leaf on Our Family Tree ~ Paul Taylor

I was madder than a midget with a yo-yo ~ Larry The Cable Guy

How can you have a rock n' roll circus without a midget? ~ Nikki Sixx

Are you a producer or a looter? If diversity were always and everywhere good we would be clamoring for more midgets in the NBA. ~ Jonah Goldberg

If you hit a midget on the head with a stick, he turns into 40 gold coins. ~ Patton Oswalt

That's racist. you maple sucking moose loving midget! ~ America Hetalia

They say a midget standing on a giant's shoulders can see much further than the giant. So I got the whole rap world on my shoulders, they trying to see further than I am. ~ Jay-Z

I've got two neptunes here," said Harry after a while, frowning down at his piece of parchment, "that can't be right, can it?"
"Aaaaah," said Ron, imitating Professor Trelawney's mystical whisper, "when two neptunes appear in the sky, it is a sure sign that a midget in glasses is being born, Harry ... "
Seamus and Dean, who were working nearby, sniggered loudly, though not loud enough to mask the excited squeals from Lavender Brown- "Oh Professor, look! I think I might've gotten an unexpected planet! Oooh, which one's that, Professor?"
"It is Uranus, my dear," said Professor Trelawney, peering down at the chart.
"Can I get a look at Uranus too, Lavender?" said Ron. ~ J.K. Rowling

If you were to ask me if I have ever loved a woman, I'd probably reply, "Two gallons of milk and a midget. ~ Jarod Kintz

What can I do, I asked myself, that is so spectacular that no one will be able to say he had seen it before? The answer was perfectly obvious. I would send a midget up to bat. ~ Bill Veeck

I frowned. This from a man who just watched a midget riding a gimp? ~ Jaye Wells

Unrequited love," I'd say. He'd look at me sideways in that cunning way he did and say, "what about it?" and I'd reply, "it's not your color." Pithy. Just to show him that I'd noticed. Or maybe I'd show myself to her and say, "Guess I'm not the only one who uses humans around here." And then I'd summon some of Owain's hounds to chew off the bottom bits of her legs. Then she wouldn't fit just right into his arms. She'd be too short. It'd be like hugging a midget.
Nuala- pg. 75 ~ Maggie Stiefvater

They say the princess is a stunner," said Peashot. "They also say she's eighteen and twice as tall as you," Vayle replied. "I meant the younger one." "The younger one is a boy." "Oh. Well then I meant the older one. Five years is not so much, and anyway, I'll grow." "Yes, I'm sure she thinks daily of a delinquent midget apprentice growing up to claim her hand ahead of all the nobles and princes of the realm. What could any of them possibly give that you don't have, except titles, land, wealth and all that. You don't have any of those things lying around, do you?" "You're an idiot, Vayle. What does delinquent mean?" "It means you. If anybody asks you to describe yourself, that's the word you want." "Thanks. Idiot." "My pleasure. Allisian is pretty though, but I've heard that the prince chops off the heads of men who stare at his sister." Peashot snorted. ~ Jonathan Renshaw

There are a lot of good comics, no doubt, but as far as the quality of the comics goes, I think what you have is a bunch of situational comics - there are black comics that work only black crowds, gay comics that do only gay crowds, and southern comics that only work down South, and so on with Asian, Latino, Indian, midgets, etc. The previous generation's comics were better because they had to make everybody laugh. ~ Chris Rock

We want to convey that the modern-day GOP looks like the conservative party that stands on principles. But we want to apply them to urban-suburban hip-hop settings. We need to uptick our image with everyone, including one-armed midgets. ~ Michael Steele

It's not my fault, that I'm flat chested and a midget! ~ Cassandra Clare

You open a door and find a midget, and there's no way you can be in a bad mood. It's just not possible. ~ Tim Dorsey

With anal sex, I suggest you start gently. Find a slender midget. Or a member of Congress. ~ Jarod Kintz