Jerry Springer Quotes

Let's try to find ten good things to say about Albert Belle:
10. So far as we know, he's never killed anyone.
9. He is handsome, and built like a God.
8. He played every game.
7. He has never appeared on the Jerry Springer Show.
6. He was an underrated base runner who was rarely caught stealing.
5. He hasn't been arrested in several years.
4. He is very bright.
3. He works hard.
2. He has never spoken favorably about Adolf Hitler, Saddam Hussein, or any other foreign madman.
1. The man could hit. ~ Bill James

Any country that enjoys fighting and bitching as a recreation as much as America does will always be, in some way or another, walking along a knife's edge. We're a nation that spends its afternoons watching white trash throw chairs at each other on Jerry Springer, its drive time listening to the partisan rantings of this or that hysterical political demagogue, and its late-night hours composing feverish blog entries full of anonymous screeds and denunciations. All of this shit is harmless enough so long as the power comes on every morning, fresh milk makes it to the shelves, there's a dial tone, and your front yard isn't underwater. But it becomes a problem when the magic grid goes down and suddenly there's no more machinery between you and whomever you happen to get off on hating. ~ Matt Taibbi

The bias against the show is purely elitist. We're all like the people on the show - the difference is that some of us speak better, or were born richer. There's nothing that happens on my show that rich people don't experience. ~ Jerry Springer

I opposed the war in Iraq because I did not believe it was in our national security interest, and I still don't. What we [America] did was akin to taking a baseball bat to a beehive. Our primary security threat right now is terrorism
and by doing what we did in Iraq, we've managed to alienate a good part of the world and most of the allies whose intelligence and other help we need to combat and defeat terrorism. ~ Jerry Springer

>>How old were you when you had your first kiss?
>>Twenty. It's pathetic. Guys don't want to kiss fat girls.
>>Not true. There are all those guys on jerry springer, and there's president Clinton...
>>Make that: no one I ever wanted to kiss wanted to kiss a fat girl.
>>I'll bet you never gave anyone a chance. Mitch says you practically beat him away with a stick.
>>I was trying to spare him. ~ Rainbow Rowell

To go from politics to news, at least the subject matter is the same, even if the view is different. ~ Jerry Springer

I can't deny that Jerry Springer supposedly beating us didn't affect me. There was a point where I felt like, Golly, you work so hard, you try so hard and the people say they want meaningful television and then Jerry Springer ends up beating you. It was disturbing. ~ Oprah Winfrey

TV is a huge draw. It's a magnet. Even when I was a policeman, if I was on a police scene and the news showed up, I'd race home to see if I would be on TV for 2 seconds! ~ Jerry Springer

[Invading Iraq] would create generations that hated the USA. ~ Jerry Springer

There is nothing that makes us feel so good as the idea that someone else is an evildoer. ~ Robert Lynd

I'm in shape, but only if you consider a circle a shape. ~ Jerry Springer

Jerry Springer' is just kind of the chubby, redneck version of throwing Christians to the lions. ~ Hal Sparks

I've been watching 'Pawn Stars' every week for the last year. I like learning about the history behind the items that people bring into the pawnshop. I actually pawned a ring once that a woman sent to me while I was on 'Jerry Springer.' It was really gaudy. ~ Steve Wilkos

She had several books she'd been wanting to read, but instead she sprawled out on the couch surrounded by pillows and blankets, and spent the hours flipping channels between Judge Judy, The People's Court, Maury, and Jerry Springer, and rounded out her afternoon with Dr. Phil and Oprah. All in all, it was a complete waste of a day. At least until school got out.
Jay showed up after school with a bouquet of flowers and an armful of DVDs, although Violet couldn't have card less about either...he was all she wanted. She couldn't help the electric thrill of excitement she felt when he came strolling in, grinning at her foolishly as if he hadn't seen her in weeks rather than hours. He scooped her up from the couch and dropped her onto his lap as he sat down where she had been just a moment before. He was careful to arrange her ankle on a neatly stacked pile of pillows beside him.
He stubbornly refused to hide his affection for her, and if Violet hadn't known better she would have sworn that he was going out of his way to make her self-conscious in her own home. Fortunately her parents were giving them some space for the time being, and they were left by themselves most of the time.
"Did you miss me?" he asked arrogantly as he gently brushed his lips over hers, not bothering to wait for an answer.
She smiled while she kissed him back, loving the topsy-turvy feeling that her stomach always got when he was so close to her. She wound her arms around his neck, forge ~ Kimberly Derting

We can't just have mainstream behavior on television in a free society, we have to make sure we see the whole panorama of human behavior. ~ Jerry Springer

Obviously I wanted to be a bus driver - and I still do. If only I could get a part time job. ~ Jerry Springer

My guess is more reporters probably vote Democrat than Republican - just because I think reporters are smart. ~ Jerry Springer

I'm sitting in front of the TV, watching Jerry Springer, and it makes me think of how many mad people there are in the world, and whether everyone is mad deep down, they just pretend they're not, and it's the people in asylums or on Jerry Springer who are the honest ones. I have a notebook and a chewed-up pen, and I'm trying to think of a topic for the Youth Issues speech. Mrs Thomas says she thinks I have a lot to say, but I don't. Nothing I can put words to anyway. I could talk about bullying, or alcoholism, but I don't think I could speak about that out loud, it's too real, and it'd be like I was standing up there naked. More than naked. It would be like my skin was all peeled off and I was just standing there with my heart all bloody and thumping in my rib cage for everyone to see. ~ Megan Jacobson

I don't have 'The Jerry Springer Show'. I just got 'Family Feud', but some of them families, when they lose, man, they have some real conversations with each other back behind that wall, but I've never been involved in any of them. ~ Steve Harvey

In one generation, my family went from extermination simply because of how they pray to God to this ridiculously privileged life I live today. So how can I not love America? ~ Jerry Springer

I watch sports and cable news. I'm a political junkie, so that's my interest. ~ Jerry Springer

You beef wit me, I'm-a even the score equally. Take you on Jerry Springer and beat your ass legally. ~ Eminem

The talk show, as a genre, has been in decline for a while. It started with Jerry Springer, when the talk shows suffered a metamorphosis, going from the real and social issues to the hair-raising. ~ Cristina Saralegui

Who was I to meddle in people's love lives? Mine was a mess. My heart
wanted the one thing it wasn't allowed to have - love with someone besides my
cupid-appointed soul mate. I was so screwed up, I made the dysfunctional
relationships on Jerry Springer look wholesome. ~ Jenn Windrow

I'm a New Yorker. I'm liberal and open-minded. Things don't really shock me. But I was reading the second-act today and thinking that if you're religious, you could be. But you shouldn't be! You can be extremely religious and have your faith and still be open-minded to art. Because this is art. That's part of the excitement. It literally is "The Jerry Springer Show" on-stage set to beautiful operatic music. That's what's so incredible about it! ~ Max Von Essen

Mr Davis was a middle class tremble of a man worried about an unseemly display and his Jerry Springer moment ~ Saira Viola

Love is great for us, but we don't always love who is great for us. ~ Jerry Springer

It really was a hell of a motorcycle, ..It was arguably the first American motorcycle company, beating Harley by a year or so. Indian was the standard by which everything was gauged. ~ Jerry Springer

If you ask me, I think Jerry Springer destroyed the public image of the USA. I mean up to early in the nineties I still imagined it like it was presented in hollywoodfilms and stuff. But then, early in the 90's they started broadcasting that freakshow in the Netherlands, and that new idea of entertainment, where you put the biggest morons you can find on screen so you can watch it and feel superior. Later on, politics also discovered the same formula. We want politicians we feel superior to. The very idea of anything being 'better' or 'higher' than us makes people extremely uncomfortable. ~ Martijn Benders

You know how is it when you love someone? And the hard part, the bad part, the Jerry Springer Show part is that you never stop loving someone. There's always a piece of them in your heart. ~ Neil Gaiman

Somewhere in the land, a monster lurked. ~ Jerry Springer

I treat politics kind of like my religion. It's something I believe in, but I don't want to have to make a living at it, because if you make a living at it, you somehow become dishonest. ~ Jerry Springer

I should get a weekend show where all I do is play country music. ~ Jerry Springer

In the end we're all Jerry Springer Show guests, really, we just haven't been on the show. ~ Marilyn Manson

I play a crazy talk-show host, but that's not me. It's like an actor playing a role. ~ Jerry Springer

The Statue of Liberty means everything. We take it for granted today. We take it for granted. Remember the Statue of Liberty stands for what America is. We as Democrats have to remind ourselves and remind the country the great principles we stand for. This is a place of protection. This is not a country of bullies. We are not an empire. We are the light. We are the Statue of Liberty. ~ Jerry Springer

I knew early on that I would do politics, but I would never make a living at it. I would do something else. ~ Jerry Springer

Thank God for Jerry Springer's show. I thought only black folks were that screwed up until I watched Jerry Springer. ~ Charles Barkley

We are all born as empty vessels which can be shaped by moral values. ~ Jerry Springer

>>How old were you when you had your first kiss?
>>Twenty. It's pathetic. Guys don't want to kiss fat girls.
>>Not true. There are all those guys on jerry springer, and there's president Clinton ...
>>Make that: no one I ever wanted to kiss wanted to kiss a fat girl.
>>I'll bet you never gave anyone a chance. Mitch says you practically beat him away with a stick.
>>I was trying to spare him. ~ Rainbow Rowell

It's hard thinking about Iraq at night when I'm dancing with transvestites in the afternoon. ~ Jerry Springer

Jean sat at the end of the bar, watching Jerry Springer as she drew deeply on a long cigarette. The woman smoked like a freight train, especially while watching talk shows. ~ Rose Wynters

I'm a happy guy, but if I'm in a rare dark mood, I won't go out because I don't want to be horrible to people. ~ Jerry Springer

Filip was from San Jose, but his painfully good looks excused that. He was tall, six-foot-something-or-other, intensely blue eyes, chiseled features, massive package. Didn't have Prince Albert in a Can, but he did have a thick gauged one through his cock head. His name really wasn't Filip, it was Brent, an all-American moniker about as dark and mysterious as pastel-colored bobby socks. Initially, I joked about his choice of sobriquet, changing his name to go off to the big city, transform into Mr. Big Stuff, until it dawned on me I'd done the same damn thing with my 'Catalyst' surname. So I shut up.

He comported himself with rigid shoulders and stiff gestures, as if he had a secret. Turns out he did. Filip was married, had a wife for more than a year now, but they had some kind of crazy arrangement. Days they were a couple; evenings they were free to do as they pleased. Where'd they come up with that idea, Jerry Springer?



"If you wanted to go back to your place, we could," Filip suggested. "But only until dawn." Yeah, right. An affair is an affair, the way I see it. What difference is there between 5 and 7 a.m.? Was their marriage some sort of religious fasting thing, starve until the sun sets then binge and party down? I'd never sunk my teeth into married meat, but figured it was a logical progression from my I'm Not Gay But It's Different With You saga. And if I was going to sin, I was gonna sin good. That means no peeking to see whether it's still d ~ Clint Catalyst

My daughter made me a Jerry Springer-watching kit, with crackers, Cheez Whiz, polyester stretch pants and a T-shirt with two fat women fighting over a skinny guy. ~ Roseanne Barr

For instance, my friend would never go on the show to air her dirty-laundry. But Tremont is outrageous! I've been watching a lot of clips of "The Jerry Springer Show" on YouTube (I can't tell you how many clips there are!) I get to witness these men going through the process to become women and what they're sharing. My character is pre-op. She's had the breast augmentation but still got "the goods" down there. ~ Max Von Essen

Look after yourself and each other ~ Jerry Springer

You're a transsexual fighting with a hermaphrodite over a mistress. ~ Jerry Springer

The Broadway audiences are very vocal and seem very engaged. For certain shows, especially with a show like 'The Heiress,' the audience's reactions sound like 'The Jerry Springer Show' sometimes. That seems to be a very New York thing. Oh, there's also the entrance round of applause here, which we don't get too much in London. ~ Dan Stevens

All of us, whether or not we're celebrities, every one ought to spend part of their life making someone else's life better. ~ Jerry Springer

Yesterday Jerry Springer bowed out of the Ohio Senate race. He said, 'If I can't run the most embarrassing campaign in America, then I'm out of here.' ~ Craig Kilborn

With a face like mine, I do better in print. ~ Jerry Springer

Stand-up is hard. Or to keep it at a certain level is hard: I have no writers but me. ~ Jerry Seinfeld

You know what they say in Arkansas ... manure happens. ~ Jerry Lawler

Left Behind takes what to some people may be unbelievable predictions from the Bible and shows how they might play out. It makes the events of biblical prophecy understandable and thus believable. ~ Jerry B. Jenkins

great stocks to short. ~ Jerry Henrie

My first tattoo is a full-on Sailor Jerry situation on my hip - it's a swallow with big spread wings. When I got it I was 20 on St. Mark's Place in New York; I just walked in in a frenzy. It's still there 17 years later and it's not a terrible thing to look at. ~ Maria Dahvana Headley

Show (don't tell) your customers that you have good quality by actually delivering fresh coffee and tea. Intelligent people are active recipients of information, and prefer to reach conclusions by themselves. ~ Jerry Baldwin

Trusting God is not a matter of my feelings but of my will. ~ Jerry Bridges

I am personally not advocating violence. I am simply saying that it is a morally acceptable tactic and it may be useful in the struggle for animal liberation. I don't know. ~ Jerry Vlasak

If you don't think it's safe, it probably isn't. ~ Jerry Smith

No When. No Then. Only Now. ~ Jerry Spinelli

The message of the gospel speaks loudest when people can see Christ in us. ~ Jerry Kinard

That which should distinguish the suffering of believers from unbelievers is the confidence that our suffering is under the control of an all-powerful and all-loving God. Our suffering has meaning and purpose in God's eternal plan, and He brings or allows to come into our lives only that which is for His glory and our good. ~ Jerry Bridges

Sounds mean nothing without music. ~ Jerry Goldsmith

The shuttle tomorrow is truly like laying the last spike on the transcontinental railroad, only much more so. And whether or not we're going to see in in the next 10 or 20 years, there are people alive today who will see manufacturing in space from moon materials or from asteroids. ~ Jerry Brown

What a great hitch to pit! ~ Jerry Coleman

Marriage is like a game of chess except the board is flowing water, the pieces are made of smoke and no move you make will have any effect on the outcome. ~ Jerry Seinfeld

Sometimes I try to erase myself. And then, if I've done a good job, I'm erased. I'm nothing. And then the world is free to flow into me like water into an empty bowl. And I see. I hear. But not with eyes and ears. I'm not outside my world anymore, and I'm not really inside it either. The thing is, there's no difference between me and the universe. The boundary is gone. I am it and it is me. I am a stone, a cactus thorn. I am rain. ~ Jerry Spinelli

The world's my oyster. But it worries me, all this showing off about being happy. Life is so precarious, and I know terrible things can happen. At the moment, everything is happy. ~ Jerry Hall

You know when Jerry Ford gets the best joke, you know you're in trouble. ~ Mark Russell

Ginger twitched his ears and the loose skin on his back and legs to let Jerry know he was here and he was happy. Then he lowered his head down on his paws again and he let out a deep sigh that sounded almost like a sob, there was in it so much relief and pain and pleasure and remembering. ~ Eleanor Estes

The government is becoming the family of last resort. ~ Jerry Brown

He just did it for the same reason he does everything else - he felt like it. ~ Jerry Spinelli

We have a problem now with parents stealing their kids' CDs, so the roles have been reversed. ~ Jerry Only

Your worst days are never so bad that you are beyond the reach of His grace. And your best days are never so good that you are beyond the need of God's grace. Every day should be a day of relating to God on the basis of His grace alone. - JERRY BRIDGES ~ Mark Batterson

A lot of people still think caring about clothes is a dubious, unserious, frivolous, girlie thing. ~ Jerry Saltz

Star people are rare. ~ Jerry Spinelli

Her voice rose to a Vincent Price octave. Yes, I'm wandering the earth, seeking revenge on Ben and Jerry for giving me the fat ass and massive coronary. And I give out love advice to the tragically lonely. ~ Molly Harper

While it is certainly true that God's love for us does not protect us from pain and sorrow, it is also true that all occasions of pain and sorrow are under the absolute control of God. If God controls the circumstances of the sparrow, how much more does He control the circumstances that affect us? God does not walk away and leave us to the mercy of uncontrolled random or chance events. ~ Jerry Bridges

We began our hospital visits: one day Susan, one day me, everyday The Big Hoom. On one of these visits, she told me about the tap that opened at my birth and the lack drip filling her up, and it tore a hole in my heart. If this was what she could manage with a single sentence, what did thirsty years of marriage do to The Big Hoom? ~ Jerry Pinto

All believers share a common life in Christ, whether or not we recognize it. We are in fellowship with literally thousands of believers from every nation of the world. Although we have never met most of them, we are in fellowship with them. We disagree with many of them over various issues of faith and practice, yet we are still members of the same body. Even though we struggle to like some of them, that does not alter the fact that we share together a common life in Christ. Neither our attitudes nor our actions affect this objective sense of koinonia. We are in community with all other believers, whether or not we like it or even recognize the fact. ~ Jerry Bridges

The thing is, all my heroes were junkies. Lenny Bruce, Keith Richards, William Burroughs, Miles Davis, Hubert Selby, Jr ... These guys were cool. They were committed. They would not have been caught dead doing an ALF episode. ~ Jerry Stahl

Jerry Bruckheimer is the most hands-on producer that I've worked with. Jerry's very involved in the music, and he's such a fan of film. When you watch him playing back the cues to the picture, he's like a kid in a candy store. ~ Trevor Rabin

No matter what day it is, no matter what time, no matter where I am - I'm always at the star party, staring at the slhouette on the crest of the hill, whishing that one dark shape would split in two. But it never does. ~ Jerry Spinelli

Holiness begins in our minds and works out to our actions. This being true, what we allow to enter our minds is critically important.
The television programs we watch, the movies we may attend, the books and magazines we read, the music we listen to, and the conversations we have all affect our minds. ~ Jerry Bridges

A psychology degree doesn't get you very far. ~ Jerry Bruckheimer

You were a warrior, you are a warrior, you will always be a warrior! ~ Jerry Gladstone

You might want to put this in the back of your craw and think about it. ~ Jerry Coleman

Jealousy is the fear of losing the thing you love most. It's very normal. Suspicion is the thing that's abnormal. ~ Jerry Hall