Springer Quotes

Let's try to find ten good things to say about Albert Belle:
10. So far as we know, he's never killed anyone.
9. He is handsome, and built like a God.
8. He played every game.
7. He has never appeared on the Jerry Springer Show.
6. He was an underrated base runner who was rarely caught stealing.
5. He hasn't been arrested in several years.
4. He is very bright.
3. He works hard.
2. He has never spoken favorably about Adolf Hitler, Saddam Hussein, or any other foreign madman.
1. The man could hit. ~ Bill James

Any country that enjoys fighting and bitching as a recreation as much as America does will always be, in some way or another, walking along a knife's edge. We're a nation that spends its afternoons watching white trash throw chairs at each other on Jerry Springer, its drive time listening to the partisan rantings of this or that hysterical political demagogue, and its late-night hours composing feverish blog entries full of anonymous screeds and denunciations. All of this shit is harmless enough so long as the power comes on every morning, fresh milk makes it to the shelves, there's a dial tone, and your front yard isn't underwater. But it becomes a problem when the magic grid goes down and suddenly there's no more machinery between you and whomever you happen to get off on hating. ~ Matt Taibbi

The bias against the show is purely elitist. We're all like the people on the show - the difference is that some of us speak better, or were born richer. There's nothing that happens on my show that rich people don't experience. ~ Jerry Springer

I opposed the war in Iraq because I did not believe it was in our national security interest, and I still don't. What we [America] did was akin to taking a baseball bat to a beehive. Our primary security threat right now is terrorism
and by doing what we did in Iraq, we've managed to alienate a good part of the world and most of the allies whose intelligence and other help we need to combat and defeat terrorism. ~ Jerry Springer

>>How old were you when you had your first kiss?
>>Twenty. It's pathetic. Guys don't want to kiss fat girls.
>>Not true. There are all those guys on jerry springer, and there's president Clinton...
>>Make that: no one I ever wanted to kiss wanted to kiss a fat girl.
>>I'll bet you never gave anyone a chance. Mitch says you practically beat him away with a stick.
>>I was trying to spare him. ~ Rainbow Rowell

To go from politics to news, at least the subject matter is the same, even if the view is different. ~ Jerry Springer

I can't deny that Jerry Springer supposedly beating us didn't affect me. There was a point where I felt like, Golly, you work so hard, you try so hard and the people say they want meaningful television and then Jerry Springer ends up beating you. It was disturbing. ~ Oprah Winfrey

Faith Springer-Brown's Christmas Roast Chicken 1 whole chicken, with skin Vegetables: Potatoes, carrots, parsnips, celery, mushrooms A few cloves of garlic 2 onions Olive oil and butter One lemon Stuffing or herbs: Bay, sage, rosemary, fennel Defrost your chicken and bring it to room temperature before cooking. Turn the oven on to 240 C so it becomes nice and hot for the chicken. Prepare your chicken and the vegetables. Wash and chop the vegetables, and remove the skin from the garlic and smash it to let it release flavours. Mix them up, splash some olive oil over them and sprinkle some salt over the mixture as well. Remove the giblets and anything else from inside the cavity of the chicken. Roll the lemon on the ~ Mishana Khot

TV is a huge draw. It's a magnet. Even when I was a policeman, if I was on a police scene and the news showed up, I'd race home to see if I would be on TV for 2 seconds! ~ Jerry Springer

I think one of the sweetest proofs we have of the Father's loving care for us is that we often find in this life the things which gave us great happiness below. ~ Rebecca Ruter Springer

[Invading Iraq] would create generations that hated the USA. ~ Jerry Springer

There is nothing that makes us feel so good as the idea that someone else is an evildoer. ~ Robert Lynd

I'm in shape, but only if you consider a circle a shape. ~ Jerry Springer

To be a man, apparently, was to lack the ability to be a woman ~ Nancy Springer

Jerry Springer' is just kind of the chubby, redneck version of throwing Christians to the lions. ~ Hal Sparks

I've been watching 'Pawn Stars' every week for the last year. I like learning about the history behind the items that people bring into the pawnshop. I actually pawned a ring once that a woman sent to me while I was on 'Jerry Springer.' It was really gaudy. ~ Steve Wilkos

She had several books she'd been wanting to read, but instead she sprawled out on the couch surrounded by pillows and blankets, and spent the hours flipping channels between Judge Judy, The People's Court, Maury, and Jerry Springer, and rounded out her afternoon with Dr. Phil and Oprah. All in all, it was a complete waste of a day. At least until school got out.
Jay showed up after school with a bouquet of flowers and an armful of DVDs, although Violet couldn't have card less about either...he was all she wanted. She couldn't help the electric thrill of excitement she felt when he came strolling in, grinning at her foolishly as if he hadn't seen her in weeks rather than hours. He scooped her up from the couch and dropped her onto his lap as he sat down where she had been just a moment before. He was careful to arrange her ankle on a neatly stacked pile of pillows beside him.
He stubbornly refused to hide his affection for her, and if Violet hadn't known better she would have sworn that he was going out of his way to make her self-conscious in her own home. Fortunately her parents were giving them some space for the time being, and they were left by themselves most of the time.
"Did you miss me?" he asked arrogantly as he gently brushed his lips over hers, not bothering to wait for an answer.
She smiled while she kissed him back, loving the topsy-turvy feeling that her stomach always got when he was so close to her. She wound her arms around his neck, forge ~ Kimberly Derting

We can't just have mainstream behavior on television in a free society, we have to make sure we see the whole panorama of human behavior. ~ Jerry Springer

My dear sister...

His dear sister.

Those words - how oddly they affected me ~ Nancy Springer

Obviously I wanted to be a bus driver - and I still do. If only I could get a part time job. ~ Jerry Springer

My guess is more reporters probably vote Democrat than Republican - just because I think reporters are smart. ~ Jerry Springer

I'm sitting in front of the TV, watching Jerry Springer, and it makes me think of how many mad people there are in the world, and whether everyone is mad deep down, they just pretend they're not, and it's the people in asylums or on Jerry Springer who are the honest ones. I have a notebook and a chewed-up pen, and I'm trying to think of a topic for the Youth Issues speech. Mrs Thomas says she thinks I have a lot to say, but I don't. Nothing I can put words to anyway. I could talk about bullying, or alcoholism, but I don't think I could speak about that out loud, it's too real, and it'd be like I was standing up there naked. More than naked. It would be like my skin was all peeled off and I was just standing there with my heart all bloody and thumping in my rib cage for everyone to see. ~ Megan Jacobson

I don't have 'The Jerry Springer Show'. I just got 'Family Feud', but some of them families, when they lose, man, they have some real conversations with each other back behind that wall, but I've never been involved in any of them. ~ Steve Harvey

In one generation, my family went from extermination simply because of how they pray to God to this ridiculously privileged life I live today. So how can I not love America? ~ Jerry Springer

I watch sports and cable news. I'm a political junkie, so that's my interest. ~ Jerry Springer

You beef wit me, I'm-a even the score equally. Take you on Jerry Springer and beat your ass legally. ~ Eminem

He doesn't hug back.
But he doesn't pull away, either.
Yeah, we're improving. ~ Elyse Springer

The talk show, as a genre, has been in decline for a while. It started with Jerry Springer, when the talk shows suffered a metamorphosis, going from the real and social issues to the hair-raising. ~ Cristina Saralegui

He doesn't blame people for many sins, but he does hate uncoordination, the root of all evil, as he feels it, for without coordination there can be no order, no connecting. ~ John Updike

Who was I to meddle in people's love lives? Mine was a mess. My heart
wanted the one thing it wasn't allowed to have - love with someone besides my
cupid-appointed soul mate. I was so screwed up, I made the dysfunctional
relationships on Jerry Springer look wholesome. ~ Jenn Windrow

I'm a New Yorker. I'm liberal and open-minded. Things don't really shock me. But I was reading the second-act today and thinking that if you're religious, you could be. But you shouldn't be! You can be extremely religious and have your faith and still be open-minded to art. Because this is art. That's part of the excitement. It literally is "The Jerry Springer Show" on-stage set to beautiful operatic music. That's what's so incredible about it! ~ Max Von Essen

Mr Davis was a middle class tremble of a man worried about an unseemly display and his Jerry Springer moment ~ Saira Viola

Love is great for us, but we don't always love who is great for us. ~ Jerry Springer

Why have we books in heaven?"
"Why not?" asked my brother. "What strange ideas we mortals have of the pleasures and duties of this blessed life!... ~ Rebecca Ruter Springer

It really was a hell of a motorcycle, ..It was arguably the first American motorcycle company, beating Harley by a year or so. Indian was the standard by which everything was gauged. ~ Jerry Springer

General systems theory and cybernetics are
deterministic while human actions are not! ~ Springer

Nothing last forever except change ~ Nancy Springer

If you ask me, I think Jerry Springer destroyed the public image of the USA. I mean up to early in the nineties I still imagined it like it was presented in hollywoodfilms and stuff. But then, early in the 90's they started broadcasting that freakshow in the Netherlands, and that new idea of entertainment, where you put the biggest morons you can find on screen so you can watch it and feel superior. Later on, politics also discovered the same formula. We want politicians we feel superior to. The very idea of anything being 'better' or 'higher' than us makes people extremely uncomfortable. ~ Martijn Benders

To her, everything is beautiful in its own way, and everyone is a friend just waiting for her. And somehow it works for her. ~ Nancy Springer

Confound my genteel upbringing! I could not think of any name foul enough to call him. ~ Nancy Springer

Representative William McK. Springer, remarks in the House, quoting Henry Clay: As for me, I would rather be right than be President. Reed: Well, the gentleman will never be either. ~ Bill Vaughan

I couldn't do my show without spending 12 years on the streets of Humboldt Park. It made me a better interrogator. Still, if they had taken me out of my squad car and gave me a show, I would've been terrible. But on 'Springer,' the spotlight was on Jerry and I got to grow up within the show. ~ Steve Wilkos

Fathers - half of anyone's life seemed to be about who fathered them. ~ Nancy Springer

Jean-Pierre Marquis, From a Geometrical Point of View: A Study of the History and Philosophy of Category Theory, Springer Science & Business Media, 2008. ~ Roger Scruton

You know how is it when you love someone? And the hard part, the bad part, the Jerry Springer Show part is that you never stop loving someone. There's always a piece of them in your heart. ~ Neil Gaiman

Somewhere in the land, a monster lurked. ~ Jerry Springer

Writing fiction has always, for me, been an alchemy of turning pain into poetry, ugliness into beauty. It has been a kind of redemption. ~ Nancy Springer

The only way for me to be safe and free was to be - be what my name decreed me. Enola. Alone. ~ Nancy Springer

I treat politics kind of like my religion. It's something I believe in, but I don't want to have to make a living at it, because if you make a living at it, you somehow become dishonest. ~ Jerry Springer

I should get a weekend show where all I do is play country music. ~ Jerry Springer

In the end we're all Jerry Springer Show guests, really, we just haven't been on the show. ~ Marilyn Manson

I play a crazy talk-show host, but that's not me. It's like an actor playing a role. ~ Jerry Springer

The Statue of Liberty means everything. We take it for granted today. We take it for granted. Remember the Statue of Liberty stands for what America is. We as Democrats have to remind ourselves and remind the country the great principles we stand for. This is a place of protection. This is not a country of bullies. We are not an empire. We are the light. We are the Statue of Liberty. ~ Jerry Springer

I knew early on that I would do politics, but I would never make a living at it. I would do something else. ~ Jerry Springer

Thank God for Jerry Springer's show. I thought only black folks were that screwed up until I watched Jerry Springer. ~ Charles Barkley

We are all born as empty vessels which can be shaped by moral values. ~ Jerry Springer

>>How old were you when you had your first kiss?
>>Twenty. It's pathetic. Guys don't want to kiss fat girls.
>>Not true. There are all those guys on jerry springer, and there's president Clinton ...
>>Make that: no one I ever wanted to kiss wanted to kiss a fat girl.
>>I'll bet you never gave anyone a chance. Mitch says you practically beat him away with a stick.
>>I was trying to spare him. ~ Rainbow Rowell

A mother who is afraid to admit that she resents her children may interfere so much in their lives, under the pretect of being concerned about their welfare and safety, that her over-protection is really a form of punishment. ~ Calvin Springer Hall

It's hard thinking about Iraq at night when I'm dancing with transvestites in the afternoon. ~ Jerry Springer

Jean sat at the end of the bar, watching Jerry Springer as she drew deeply on a long cigarette. The woman smoked like a freight train, especially while watching talk shows. ~ Rose Wynters

I'm a happy guy, but if I'm in a rare dark mood, I won't go out because I don't want to be horrible to people. ~ Jerry Springer

Why is it that Serge Lange's Linear Algebra, published by no less a Verlag than Springer, ostentatiously displays the sale of a few thousand copies over a period of fifteen years, while the same title by Seymour Lipschutz in the The Schaum's Outlines will be considered a failure unless it brings in a steady annual income from the sale of a few hundred thousand copies in twenty-six languages? ~ Gian-Carlo Rota

Filip was from San Jose, but his painfully good looks excused that. He was tall, six-foot-something-or-other, intensely blue eyes, chiseled features, massive package. Didn't have Prince Albert in a Can, but he did have a thick gauged one through his cock head. His name really wasn't Filip, it was Brent, an all-American moniker about as dark and mysterious as pastel-colored bobby socks. Initially, I joked about his choice of sobriquet, changing his name to go off to the big city, transform into Mr. Big Stuff, until it dawned on me I'd done the same damn thing with my 'Catalyst' surname. So I shut up.

He comported himself with rigid shoulders and stiff gestures, as if he had a secret. Turns out he did. Filip was married, had a wife for more than a year now, but they had some kind of crazy arrangement. Days they were a couple; evenings they were free to do as they pleased. Where'd they come up with that idea, Jerry Springer?



"If you wanted to go back to your place, we could," Filip suggested. "But only until dawn." Yeah, right. An affair is an affair, the way I see it. What difference is there between 5 and 7 a.m.? Was their marriage some sort of religious fasting thing, starve until the sun sets then binge and party down? I'd never sunk my teeth into married meat, but figured it was a logical progression from my I'm Not Gay But It's Different With You saga. And if I was going to sin, I was gonna sin good. That means no peeking to see whether it's still d ~ Clint Catalyst

My daughter made me a Jerry Springer-watching kit, with crackers, Cheez Whiz, polyester stretch pants and a T-shirt with two fat women fighting over a skinny guy. ~ Roseanne Barr

For instance, my friend would never go on the show to air her dirty-laundry. But Tremont is outrageous! I've been watching a lot of clips of "The Jerry Springer Show" on YouTube (I can't tell you how many clips there are!) I get to witness these men going through the process to become women and what they're sharing. My character is pre-op. She's had the breast augmentation but still got "the goods" down there. ~ Max Von Essen

Look after yourself and each other ~ Jerry Springer

Not only was Miss Cribbe bearded, and always trying to get chummy with us like we we're her real children or something, but she had a disgusting incontinent springer spaniel called Misty, who was constantly sneaking in to the dorms and weeing on our duvets ~ Tyne O'Connell

You're a transsexual fighting with a hermaphrodite over a mistress. ~ Jerry Springer

Yet one could speak truth and still be a villain ~ Nancy Springer

In the blue sky overhead, larks sang like my heart. ~ Nancy Springer

One world: everybody fucks everybody. When he thinks of all the fucking there's been in the world and all the fucking there's going to be, and none of it for him, here he sits in this stuffy car dying, his heart just sinks. He'll never fuck anybody again in his lifetime except poor Janice Springer, he sees this possibility ahead of him straight and grim as the known road. ~ John Updike

The Broadway audiences are very vocal and seem very engaged. For certain shows, especially with a show like 'The Heiress,' the audience's reactions sound like 'The Jerry Springer Show' sometimes. That seems to be a very New York thing. Oh, there's also the entrance round of applause here, which we don't get too much in London. ~ Dan Stevens

All of us, whether or not we're celebrities, every one ought to spend part of their life making someone else's life better. ~ Jerry Springer

Yesterday Jerry Springer bowed out of the Ohio Senate race. He said, 'If I can't run the most embarrassing campaign in America, then I'm out of here.' ~ Craig Kilborn

With a face like mine, I do better in print. ~ Jerry Springer

All the words I had prepared turned coward and fled my mind like conscripts deserting a battlefield. ~ Nancy Springer

She'd grown to hate people in authority. They did bad things and got away with it. ~ Jan Springer

"One cannot be a mother without first being a person; family, husband, and children should not be allowed, as is so often the case, to steal a woman's selfhood and her dreams."
Mother to Sherlock, Mycroft, and Enola Holmes by author Nancy Springer ~ Vannessa Anderson

Day by day we are building for eternity ... Every gentle word, every generous thought, every unselfish deed will become a pillar of eternal beauty in the life to come. ~ Rebecca Ruter Springer