Humor Tedros Quotes

You don't know me well enough to know that I spend half my life saying stupid things and the other half apologizing for them, said Tedros. ~ Soman Chainani

What in the seven levels of hell did my son see in this place?" Horace asks.
We're standing on the street on Thursday morning, staring up at the house, after taking inventory of the place. From here, I can see five different spots where the brick needs to be repaired and pick out where shingles are missing on the sloped roof. The porch sags, and the windows are dingy. But if I let my eyes go out of focus and ignore all that, I can kinda picture what the place might look like after a little - never mind - a lot of TLC.
"It has good bones?" I suggest.
"It's got old bones," he mutters.
I smirk. "Yeah? So do you. Doesn't mean they're all bad."
He smacks my arm, but he's grinning. "Just wait till you get to be my age, and then tell me how good old bones are. ~ Erica Cameron

He smiled in a way that made me want to kiss him right on the spot. Or the lips. Whichever was closer. ~ Shannon Hale

But children are our future!' Yes, but does that not also mean that we are their past? I don't understand why we're helping them. You don't see union factory workers throwing a benefit for robots. ~ Stephen Colbert

One does not laugh because one is happy; one is happy because one laughs. ~ Mireille Guiliano

I'm very tired of staring out into your vacant faces looking back at me. Wanting to fill your empty lives with humor you couldn't possibly think of yourself ... Good evening! ~ Bill Hicks

I know when people think of New York, they think of theater, restaurants, cultural landmarks and shopping," I told him. "But beyond the iconic skyline and the news from Wall Street, New York is a collection of villages. In our neighborhoods, we attend school, play Kick the Can, handball and ride our bikes. I grew up knowing the names and faces of the baker, the shoe repair family, the Knish man and the Good Humor man who sold me and the other kids in my neighborhood half a popsicle for a nickel. My father took me to the playground where he pushed me on the swing, helped balance me on the seesaw and watched as I hung upside down by my feet on the monkey bars. Yes," I told the interviewer, "people actually grow up in New York. ~ Gina Greenlee

The pink rose Zayvion had given me looked a little worse for the wear, but it wasn't dead yet. Tough flowers, roses. ~ Devon Monk

Sir Beldevere: What makes you think she's a witch?
Peasant 3: Well, she turned me into a newt!
Sir Beldevere: A newt?
Peasant 3: [meekly after a long pause] ... I got better.
Crowd: [shouts] Burn her anyway! ~ Graham Chapman

Don't worry, boss," HARV said. "I get the feeling that this is only the tip of the iceberg of complications."
"HARV, you're a machine. You don't get feelings."
"Would it make you feel better if I said I've done a numerical analysis on the probabilities and the results are skewed toward you having more problems with this case? ~ John Zakour

Stevie can learn anything from a book. And when it comes to psychiatry, she's read them all. So she wields guilt like a master swordsman. And Max isn't nearly as much of a psychopath as the social worker said because otherwise, she wouldn't feel any guilt at all. At least that's what I tell myself. All the time. ~ Shelly Laurenston

Feel free to look around, but being as though there aren't any people eighteen or older here, stay off the bed. I'm not allowed to get pregnant this weekend. ~ Colleen Hoover

A Pope usually worked fourteen-hour days, seven days a week, and died of exhaustion in an average of 6.3 years. The inside joke was that accepting the papacy was a cardinal's 'fastest route to heaven. ~ Dan Brown

People ask me what the most important thing to take on the race is, and I always say it's a sense of humor. If you've got nothing but a sense of humor, you will survive. ~ Phil Keoghan

Other priests, he knew, found an intense pleasure in the raw, salty dialect of peasant conversation. They picked up pearls of wisdom and experience over a farmhouse table or a cup of wine in a workingman's kitchen. They talked with equal familiarity to the rough-tongued whores of Trastevere and the polished signori of Parioli. They enjoyed the ribald humor of the fish market as much as the wit of a Cardinal's dinner table. They were good priests too, and they did much good for their people, with a singular satisfaction to themselves. ~ Morris L. West

The taxi driver felt that it was a good observation, and said he was planning to build for the future, too: he had some money on the horses, and if he won, he would buy his own taxicab, and really do well.
I felt very sorry. I told him that betting on the horses was a bad idea, but he insisted it was the only way he could do it. He had such good intentions, but his method was going to be luck.
I wasn't going to go on philosophizing, so he took me to a place where there was a steel band playing some great calypso music, and I had an enjoyable afternoon. ~ Richard Feynman

Only two bags, huh?" Helga was eighty, feisty, and the fastest knitter Elsie had ever seen. "We'll have to work on that. It's not a respectable stash until it has its own room. ~ Debora Geary

You mean that because I have no name I cannot die and that you cannot be held answerable for death even if you kill me?"
"That is about the size of it," said the Sergeant.
I felt so sad and so entirely disappointed that tears came into my eyes and a lump of incommunicable poignancy swelled tragically in my throat. I began to feel intensely every fragment of my equal humanity. The life that was bubbling at the end of my fingers was real and nearly painful in intensity and so was the beauty of my warm face and the loose humanity of my limbs and the racy health of my red rich blood. To leave it all without good reason and to smash the little empire into small fragments was a thing too pitiful even to refuse to think about. ~ Flann O'Brien

My childhood, adolescence and high school days are unusually important. If there has ever been a time that I developed a uniqueness and sense of humor and the ability to organize, it was then. In those early days, I developed the skills that gave me a certain degree of success in American politics. ~ Lee Atwater

If you don't know what a funnel is, get Mommy to show you one. ~ Kurt Vonnegut Jr.

We learn from history that we learn nothing from history. ~ George Bernard Shaw

Until-as often happened during those first months travel, whenever I would feel such happiness-my guilt alarm went off. I heard my ex-husband's voice speaking disdainfully in my ear: So this is what you gave up everything for? This is why you gutted our entire life together? For a few stalks of asparagus and an Italian newspaper?
I replied aloud to him: "First of all," I said, "I'm very sorry, but this isn't your business anymore. And secondly, to answer you question ... yes. ~ Elizabeth Gilbert

Why did you pull the arrow out?" she demanded, pulling her sweater over her head. She had a tank top on under it. She patted his chest and side with the sweater, absorbing as much of the blood as she could.

Jules's breath was coming in harsh pants. "Because when someone - shoots you with an arrow - " he gasped, "your immediate response is not - 'Thanks for the arrow, I think I'll keep it for a while.'"

"Good to know your sense of humor is intact. ~ Cassandra Clare

Yeah, world peace would be all right, but what about a day off in a slab of ham the size of my head. ~ Lois Greiman

Mounting anything on a plaque instantly transforms it from trash into an award. For example, a dry disposable pen goes from junk clutter to the first annual writer's award for dry humor. ~ Jarod Kintz

:I am Topaz,: the unicorn on the hill haughtily announced, :and this is my vale.:
:I was not aware unicorns could own vales,: Wareska linked.
The unicorn stiffened, and even from this distance, Wareska could see her bright, golden eyes narrow dangerously. :Now you know,: she said with quiet menace. ~ Ash Gray

I like very dry humor. I don't like things that are over the top. I like subtlety. I like things that are nonchalant. I like characters that are sort of monotone and based in dark comedy. ~ Emily Rios

A taste for irony has kept more hearts from breaking than a sense of humor, for it takes irony to appreciate the joke which is on oneself. ~ Jessamyn West

My sister lived in the moment. She said she would love the summer only when it came and warmed her. But I lived and still live in the future. Where it's warm when it's cold. Where dreams are not yet reality. Where the sad people are happy. The only problem with living in the future is that everyone has died, including yourself. So your plans are fiction and your predictions are fantasy. Living in the future is pure fantasy. I think that's why I love it so dearly. ~ F.K. Preston

Jack didn't fully get Jesus. Audrey tried to explain it, and he could repeat it back to her, word for word, but he still didn't comprehend most of it. The best he could gather was that Jesus lived long ago, told people to be nice, and they killed him for it. At the end, he asked who was Jesus' necromancer and if he was in the Bible, then Kaldar couldn't stop laughing and had to sit down. ~ Ilona Andrews

Ack! Parables. I hate parables. ~ Christopher Moore

Marcus took a deep breath "Alex, what happened exactly?"
"I've already told you everything. I ran into her in the garden. She was talking one second and the next, she just sort of poofed
"
"She poofed?" Seth laughed. He lounged in the corner, arms folded across his chest, and that damn smile plastered across his face. "Seriously? ~ Jennifer L. Armentrout

All right, shadow-priest, you've been spying - on what? What state secrets have you learned watching me groom these horses?'
'Only that they hate you, Daru. Every time your back was turned, they got ready to nip you - only you always seemed to step away at precisely the right moment-'
'Yes, I did, since I knew what they were intending. Each time.'
'Is this pride I hear? That you outwitted two horses? ~ Steven Erikson

Eat ten of your five a day and live twice as long ~ Benny Bellamacina

I'm a conundrum. Or an enigma. I forget which. ~ James A. Owen

Happiness is having a scratch for every itch. ~ Ogden Nash

Very well. I shall try to think like an idiot. ~ Gerald Morris

You are worth it! You may be a stubborn, chauvinistic, cold-hearted, ruthless, self-righteous son of a bachelor-"

"Don't flatter me too much, Miss Linton."

"-but you're a good man. Well, to me, anyway. Sometimes. Mostly."

"Are you quite sure that you are in love with me?"

"Yes!"

"Just checking. ~ Robert Thier

So-called intellectuals have ego-power; Fools have willpower. ~ Saurabh Sharma

Ugh." Another shudder racked through Presley before he hurried out the door, muttering under his breath about being suspicious of anything that bleeds for a week and doesn't die. ~ Chloe Walsh

A lot of action characters are a little bit too serious as well. They take themselves a bit too seriously, which I don't find particularly interesting, whereas I like the fact that there was at least some humor in this because really it's a piece of entertainment. ~ Guy Pearce

Humor is merely tragedy standing on its head with its pants torn. ~ Irvin S. Cobb

I have no intention of dying. In fact, that will be the last thing I do! ~ Milton H. Erickson

Storytelling is a gift from God ... with some assembly required. ~ Ane Mulligan

The goodie drawer of all goodie drawers. This dildo not only throbs, vibrates, expands, and comes equipped with hands-free feature, it sings a choice of five popular tunes."
He crouched beside her. "You couldn't have tried it out that quickly."
"Pervert. I turned it on to see. He's got some illegals sprinkled through here, too. ~ J.D. Robb

Perhaps you're not crazy, but you're very creative. ~ Ellen Sussman

I could've punch him in the nose, but there wasn't a stepladder anywhere handy. ~ Jay Crownover

Whatever the unknown in Europe, it had to be better than the known in a small town, where truth was hidden behind smiles, pleasantries, and an abundance of stretch lace at weddings. Whatever, the yet-to-be-written truth about her own life, it seemed certain to be waiting elsewhere on a blank page, somewhere people made no attempt to predict the future based upon a person's past.
Quote from: A Summer Abroad, Mrs. Duchesney's First Real Mystery
c. 2013 Peggy Kopman-Owens ~ Peggy Kopman-Owens

Cars like that shouldn't be left in storage. It causes mechanical issues. With brakes and tires and engines and such."
My smile returned. "You have no idea what you're talking about, do you?"
"Not a word. ~ Kelley Armstrong

It was strange to stand there in front of the mirror and see myself like I was my own best friend, a kid wanted to hang with forever. This was a boy I could travel to the seacoasts with, a boy I'd like to meet up with in foreign cities like Calcutta and London and Brazil, a boy I could trust who also had a good sense of humor and liked smoked oysters from a can and good weed and the occasional 40 ounces of malt. If I was going to be alone for the rest of my life this was the person I wanted to be alone with. ~ Russell Banks