Irvin S. Cobb Quotes

Down our way we're always had a theory that the Civil War was not brought on by Secession of Slavery or the State's Rights issue. These matters contributed to the quarrel, but there is a deeper reason. It was bought on by some Yankee coming down south and putting nutmeg in a julep. So our folks up and left the Union flat.

By now the moon was well down. Over the tree tops they had seen her cruise across the heavens to strike on a reef of jagged clouds, and now she foundered among them in the semblance of a ruined galleon, the sails lost overboard, the belly-shaped hull punctured; and just above her there swung a single red star, like a riding light set on an invisible spar to mark the wreck.

But the moon had come up, not as a ship but as a tipsy tile-layer. First, across her contract, she flung a long stepladder of celestial gold; then so wrought that the waves all turned to silver scallops with a separate bright rime for each separate tessellation. But the job was done only to be undone. As the wind went down with her, the water was smoothing out; the checkers were vanishing, the paved surface, between the shores, changing and tarnishing to a duller metal. Catching tone from this, the woodland grew denser and darker. Open spaces which ten minutes before had been glades for the fairies to dance in were mysteries for witchcraft now.

As I understand it, sport is hard work for which you do not get paid.

A woman may have a witty tongue or a stinging pen but she will never laugh at her own individual shortcomings.

Golf - a young man's vice and an old man's penance.

You had to hate the Colonel a whole lot to keep from loving him.

Middle age: when you begin to exchange your emotions for symptoms.

If I wanted to go crazy I would do it in Washington because it would not be noticed

Free schools were an invention of the Devil or the Yankees, which amounted to practically the same thing.

I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.

Of all American cities of whatever size the most friendly on preliminary inspection, and on further acquaintance the most likable. The happiest-hearted, the gayest, the most care-free city on this continent.

He also could feel it in his nostrils like an impalpable soot; the emanations of the millions about them, packed away at night in layers like martins in martin boxes and by day wriggling and squirming down between the tall buildings like larvae enclosed within the ribs of a dead horse; and with this effluvia of humans, the taint of burnt gasoline and burnt lubricating oils and the smoke and the coal grit and the dirt motes that were churned and rechurned and never at rest - the Pollen of the City.

To be born in Kentucky is a heritage; to brag about it is a habit; to appreciate it is a virtue.

Men are vain; but they won't mind women working so long as they get smaller wages for the same job.

If a woman likes another woman, she's cordial. If she doesn't like her, she's very cordial.

Humor is merely tragedy standing on its head with its pants torn.