Humor Kiss Quotes

>>How old were you when you had your first kiss?
>>Twenty. It's pathetic. Guys don't want to kiss fat girls.
>>Not true. There are all those guys on jerry springer, and there's president Clinton...
>>Make that: no one I ever wanted to kiss wanted to kiss a fat girl.
>>I'll bet you never gave anyone a chance. Mitch says you practically beat him away with a stick.
>>I was trying to spare him. ~ Rainbow Rowell

I had a dream about you last night, for the millionth time! We did what we always do in my dreams. We talked, but we never made out. How come I still dream about you if we never freaking make out? ~ Crystal Woods

Pause while reading a book only in case of two things:
1. To kiss
2. To sip coffee
Too bad both are a luxury. ~ Saleem Sharma

In the interests of friendship, I hope you'll forgive me what I'm about to do."
"Forgive you wha - "
My sentence was cut off as he clamped his mouth over mine, kissing me deeply.

...

"Ready to make a scene?"
He raised an eyebrow. "Do I have a choice?"
"Not really. To quote something someone said to me recently, in the interests of friendship, I hope you'll forgive what I'm about to do." I drew back my hand and slapped him across the face. The smack of flesh striking flesh echoed through the hall. Conversations stopped as people whipped around to stare at us. Raising my voice to something just below a shout, I snarled, "You asshole! ~ Seanan McGuire

You've got an awfully kissable mouth. ~ F Scott Fitzgerald

Wake me for the massacre, okay? Don't want to miss it. ~ Rachel Caine

So this is what you two do when you're up here," Dean drawls. "All that deep, intensive tutoring." He air-quotes the last word, chuckling in delight.
"Actually, Garrett's just helping me brush up on my make-out skills," I tell Dean in the most casual voice I can muster.
Dean snickers. "'That so?"
"Okay…" Dean's eyes gleam. "Then I'm calling your bluff, baby doll. Show me your moves."
I blink in surprise. "What?"
"If a doctor told you you've got ten days to live, you'd go for a second opinion, wouldn't you? Well, if you're worried about being a crappy kisser, you can't just take G's word for it. You need a second opinion." His brows lift in challenge. "Let me see what you've got."
"Stop being a jackass," Garrett mutters.
"No, he has a point," I answer awkwardly, and my brain screams, What?
He has a point? Apparently Garrett's body-melting kisses have turned me into a crazy person. ~ Elle Kennedy

His princess was dusty. ~ Sarah E. Morin

You girls need to work on your fucking happy noises," Ryke says angrily. "They shouldn't sound like someone is being assaulted. ~ Krista Ritchie

>>How old were you when you had your first kiss?
>>Twenty. It's pathetic. Guys don't want to kiss fat girls.
>>Not true. There are all those guys on jerry springer, and there's president Clinton ...
>>Make that: no one I ever wanted to kiss wanted to kiss a fat girl.
>>I'll bet you never gave anyone a chance. Mitch says you practically beat him away with a stick.
>>I was trying to spare him. ~ Rainbow Rowell

You're just Little Miss Optimist, aren't you? Do you come with accessories, like a glass half full and lemons to make into lemonade, too? ~ Rachel Caine

Percy: Put your cap back on ... get out! Annabeth: What? No! I'm not leaving you. Percy: I've got a plan. I'll distract them. You can use the metal spider ... maybe it'll lead you back to Hephaestus. You have to tell him what's going on. Annabeth: But you'll be killed! Percy: I'll be fine. Besides, we've got no choice. Annabeth glared at me like she was going to punch me, and then she did something that surprised me even more she kissed me. Annabeth Be careful, Seaweed Brain. Percy: she put on her hat and vanished. ~ Rick Riordan

Harry looked around; there was Ginny running toward him; she had a hard blazing look in her face as she threw her arms around him. And without thinking, without planning it, without worrying about the fact that fifty people were watching, Harry kissed her. After several long moments, or it might have been half an hour-or possibly several sunlit days- they broke apart. ~ J.K. Rowling

There should be a device which can detect when the person is getting angry and should not let that person speak till he/she calms down. This will solve so many problems. ~ Nauman Khan

The entire hospital seemed to go still, watching and waiting, and what the hell was up with Sin and guys on horses anyway? "Well, who is he?"
"War."
Con stared at her. "War. Just ... War. What kind of name is that?" Nope, not jealous at all of muscle-bound handsome guy.
"Yeah, you know, the original War. Second Horseman of the Apocalypse?"
Con nearly swallowed his fucking tongue. Everyone else in the ER scrambled backward. Even Eidolon backed up a step as the guy swung down from the horse. Christ, standing, the guy was damned near seven feet tall.
"Sin," he said in an impossibly deep voice. He approached her, bent to kiss her cheek, and Con bristled.
"Big horse," Con ground out. "Compensating much? ~ Larissa Ione

Everyone hates clowns," Otis said. "Even other clowns hate clowns. ~ Rick Riordan

I love to read; I love to listen; I love to talk
in that order. ~ C.L. Gammon

The Law of Moronic Ubiquity: Anything in the universe that is generally considered to be idiot-proof will eventually be ruined by an idiot. ~ Ian Strang

Don't kiss me like a woman if you're going to treat me like a child. ~ Jeaniene Frost

I turned up the inane sound effects and let them fill the room, setting up an atmosphere of mind-body pollution while Miss Chianti and I got better acquainted. A couple of glasses had me convinced that she's a real sweetheart, though a protracted rendezvous was probably going to leave me regretting the entire encounter. It's always the quiet ones that come back to bite you. ~ Alice Yi-Li Yeh

Just be careful, hon," Rosanna said.
"Oh, are the plates hot?" I flinched back just before my hands made contact.
Rosanna laughed. "No, but hot boys can burn you just as easily. ~ C.J. Duggan

He did not let me move. I was heated up in his warmth, could feel him on my lips.. and then he said, "I.. I want to kiss you" I opened my eyes, his eyes were looking at my lips and I said, "then, Kiss me"
He was a gentleman. Well behaved, decent, shy, and all desirous to make love with me.
..and I ended up saying, "Gentleman, do it gently ~ Himmilicious

A woman should be able to kiss a man beautifully and romantically without any desire to be either his wife or his mistress. ~ F Scott Fitzgerald

Shakespeare used the word 'flush' to indicate plenty of money. Well, just remember there was only one Shakespeare, and he was the only one that had a right to use that word in that sense . You'll never be a Shakespeare, there will never be such another - Nature exhausted herself in producing him. ~ Joseph Devlin

Most people are but a fake-art, and as real as a concealed fart. ~ Fakeer Ishavardas

I felt just the way I imagine the shade of poor old Samuel must have felt when the witch dragged him up from Sheol. "Why hast thou disquieted me, to bring me up?" In fact, I had spent the morning darkness praying for the wisdom to do well by John Ames Boughton, and then when he woke me, I was immediately aware that my sullen old reptilian self would have handed him over to the Philistines for the sake of a few more minutes' sleep. ~ Marilynne Robinson

So he could talk to Jane and find out what had happened between her and Blakeborough after he left. He could finally get an answer to his marriage proposal.
Proposal? Jane would probably call it a marriage command.
He groaned. Perhaps it wouldn't be a bad idea to talk to her while he waited. He could always pack her off in another hackney before it was time for Meredith to return home. Yes, that would be best.
Climbing inside the hackney, he doffed his hat and shrugged out of his box coat. But all of his perfectly logical reasons for being there went right out of his head the moment he saw her looking so luscious and lovely in her sunny gown.
Because he desired only one thing. Jane. In his arms. Now.
She must have seen the feral need flare in his face, for her eyes went wide. That was the only reaction she had time for, however, before he dragged her into his embrace so he could take her mouth in a hard, urgent kiss.
God, he wanted her. He would never stop wanting her. Fisting his hands in her puffy sleeves to hold her still, he plundered her mouth the way he ached to plunder her body.
Suddenly she shoved him back. "What are you doing? That's not why--"
He clasped her head in his hands, dislodging her bonnet, which tumbled to the floor. Then he kissed her again, demanding her to kiss him back, to need him back. It took her a moment, but then she moaned low in her throat and melted against him.
And he exulted. She was soft, so wonde ~ Sabrina Jeffries

For Liza, a greeting is an opportunity to make new friends. For me, it's yet more people I'll have to avoid. ~ Ariel Leve

That moment she was mine, mine, fair,
Perfectly pure and good: I found
A thing to do, and all her hair
In one long yellow string I wound
Three times her little throat around,
And strangled her. No pain felt she;
I am quite sure she felt no pain.
As a shut bud that holds a bee,
I warily oped her lids: again
Laughed the blue eyes without a stain.
And I untightened the next tress
About her neck; her cheek once more
Blushed bright beneath my burning kiss ... ~ Robert Browning

It has all the right ingredients: rich contents, friendly, personal language, subtle humor, the right references, and a plethora of pointers to resources. ~ Steven S. Skiena

To answer your question, you want me because I'm made of awesome. ~ Gena Showalter

Two small figures were beating against the rock; the girl had fainted and lay on the the boy's arm. With a last effort Peter pulled her up the rock and then lay down beside her. Even as he also fainted he saw that the water was raising, He knew that they would soon be drowned, but he could do no more.
As they lay side by side a mermaid caught Wendy by the feet, and began pulling her softly into the water. Peter feeling her slip from him, woke with a start, and was just in time to draw her back. But he had to tell her the truth.
"We are on the rock, Wendy," he said, "but it is growing smaller. Soon the water will be over it."
She did not understand even now.
"We must go," she said, almost brightly.
"Yes," he answered faintly.
"Shall we swim or fly, Peter?"
He had to tell her.
"Do you think you could swim or fly as far as the island, Wendy, without my help?"
She had to admit she was too tired.
He moaned.
"What is it?" she asked, anxious about him at once.
"I can't help you, Wendy. Hook wounded me. I can neither fly nor swim."
"Do you mean we shall both be downed?"
"Look how the water is raising."
They put their hands over their eyes to shut out the sight. They thought they would soon be no more. As they sat thus something brushed against Peter as light as a kiss, and stayed there, as if to say timidly, "Can I be of any us?" It was the tail of a kite, which Michael had made some days before. It had torn i ~ J.M. Barrie

Hope had gone so white, it was a wonder someone didn't accuse her of being a Strigoi. ~ Richelle Mead

Why. Do. People. Do. Stupid. Things."

"Because we're stupid," she said. ~ Maureen Johnson

At 5.45 a.m. the important scientists finished their coffee and played rock paper scissors to see who had to phone the government. ~ Mitch Benn

Lesbian humor isn't trying to sell anything, it doesn't have to sell out. Coming out as a lesbian onstage is still a very political act; if it weren't, more women would do it. ~ Kate Clinton

A horse needs a tail more than one season. ~ Maya Angelou

Plans?" he snorted. "I'm ninety-three years old! Who in tarnation makes plans at my age? I could stop breathin' any minute now. ~ Linda Howard

Obviously, if I was serious about having a relationship with someone long-term, the last people I would introduce him to would be my family. ~ Chelsea Handler

Arguing with a dead man in a lavatory is a claustrophobic experience. ~ Ian McEwan

He offered to make-out with Hunter if it would prove that he's ok with me being gay."
"Hmm," said Adam. "Yeah I think I need to see proof."
"Shut up."
"Tell him it has to be shirtless. Wait, let me get my phone out- ~ Brigid Kemmerer

Beer must be made by food companies. It makes you wander the streets at 3 am looking for things to eat. "What's that, is it moving, get it!! It's a nun! FRY HER!! FRY HER!" ~ Dylan Moran

One out of four people in this country is mentally unbalanced. Think of your three closes friends; if they seem OK, then you're the one. ~ Ann Landers

traffic was as mean as a constipated lion ~ J.D. Robb

Flurries early, pristine and pearly. Winter's come calling! Can we endure so premature a falling? Some may find this trend distressing- others bend to say a blessing over sage and onion dressing. ~ Old Farmer's Almanac

To paraphrase Oedipus, Hamlet, Lear, and all those guys, I wish I had known this some time ago. ~ Roger Zelazny

Softly, he inhales and exhales as we kiss. He never stops kissing me; he simply continues to steal my breath, returning it to me only when he's infused it with his essence. Pure lust lives inside him. Every breath I take should come from his lungs. ~ C.J. Roberts