Funny Insomnia Quotes

Many things
such as loving, going to sleep, or behaving unaffectedly
are done worst when we try hardest to do them. ~ C.S. Lewis

Sleep, rest of things, O pleasing Deity, Peace of the soul, which cares dost crucify, Weary bodies refresh and mollify. ~ Ovid

Don't fight with the pillow, but lay down your head And kick every worriment out of the bed. ~ Edmund Vance Cooke

O bed! O bed! delicious bed! That heaven upon earth to the weary head. ~ Thomas Hood

The funny thing about GPS was it didn't always send you in the right direction.
I knew that if I took a right and took Twelfth instead, I'd get there faster, so I turned right. Ozzy did not approve.
Wut the foock? ~ Darynda Jones

If you're not sure what to do with the ball, just pop it in the net and we'll discuss your options afterwards. ~ Bill Shankly

The show doesn't go on because it's ready; it goes on because it's 11:30. ~ Lorne Michaels

Chekhov, when it's done well and you're ready for it, can actually be quite funny. ~ Vera Farmiga

It's so funny that people think I actually ran for President. I am maybe the most un-political person you're ever going to meet. When I put "Elected" out, it was definitely a satire ... "Alice Cooper for President" ... when everybody realized I was running against Nixon, you known, even on a joke level, I think I got a lot of write-in votes. ~ Alice Cooper

I'm walking out my door to get like a Snapple, and someone's like 'yo man, you want to buy some heroin?' 'No ... got any Snapple?' ~ Mike Birbiglia

I've nothing against people. Just a***oles. But then, most people are. ~ Fakeer Ishavardas

It may not seem funny now, because it's happening to us, but centuries from this moment, people will laugh in wonder. ~ Matt Taibbi

He always smelled like warm wood and brandy, even when he hadn't had a drop of drink. Funny how he managed that. Funny how his smell was in her bed.
Henry's eyelids fluttered open.
Funny how he was in her bed. ~ Julia Quinn

Owl love you forever ~ David Sedaris

He resisted for a while and there were some legal boundaries, you know, keeping me from being near him or his family, but in the end, love overcame. And I got what I wanted. I always get what I want ... ~ Kristen Schaal

If life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade ... ~ Ron White

What I think is funny is when people, despite tragic situations, are still hopeful, still trying. It's sweet and sad - and, to me, hilarious. ~ Casey Wilson

I'll eat rabbit pellets before you get me into something pink with ruffles. ~ Deb Baker

The midnight disease is a kind of emotional insomnia; at ever conscious moment its victim - even if he or she writes at dawn, or in the middle of the afternoon - feels like a person lying in a sweltering bedroom, with the window thrown open, looking up at a sky filled with stars and airplanes, listening to the narrative of a rattling blind, an ambulance, a fly trapped in a Coke bottle, while all around him the neighbours soundly sleep. ~ Michael Chabon

Every time you try to flirt with her, a puppy dies. ~ Maureen Johnson

If at first you don't succeed, lie, lie again. ~ Laurence J. Peter

I guess it was about loneliness. And it's funny, because I don't really think of myself as lonely. But there was something so familiar about the way Blue described the feeling. It was like he had pulled the ideas from my head.
Like the way you can memorize someone's gestures but never know their thoughts. And the feeling that people are like houses with vast rooms and tiny windows.
The way you can feel so exposed anyway.
The way he feels so hidden and so exposed about the fact that he's gay. ~ Becky Albertalli

Things happen or they don't happen, that's all. Nothing is accomplished by sweat and struggle. Nearly everything which we call life is just insomnia, an agony because we've lost the habit of falling asleep. We don't know how to let go. We're like a Jack-in-the-box perched on top of a spring and the more we struggle the harder it is to get back in the box. ~ Henry Miller

You know, it's funny; when you look at someone through rose-colored glasses, all the red flags just look like flags. ~ Wanda From Bojack Horseman

You're at your best when you don't know what you're doing. ~ Paul Stanley

It was like when I'd taken a trip to some foreign land and everyone asked about it when I got back: my accounts would grow similar, focusing on this impression, that cool place, a certain funny anecdote, until there was just the one account which then substituted for my memory. Remembering this tendency, I felt an honest fear. It was the familiar fear, made honest through sudden intensity, that once all the sensation had evaporated from my life the residue would be a cliché. I'd die, St. Peter would be like, "So how was it?" and I'd say, "Great place. I liked the food. I was sick for part of it. But all the people were really nice." And that would be it. ~ Benjamin Kunkel

True, you're the weakest of us all, but you're still one of the five, and there is power in collecting the complete set."
He paused, then grinned. "The complete Set! That's funny! Now let's consume your energy and entomb your soul, shall we? ~ Rick Riordan

Never follow the crowd ...
Until and unless you're crossing the road ... ~ Sanhita Baruah

Funny how people don't really see each other. Men and women. They invent each other in their minds and then they see what they invent.They don't really see each other. Now she was in love with him and she didn't even know his real name, didn't know anything real about him. ~ Andrew Klavan

Music that gentlier on the spirit lies, Than tired eyelids upon tired eyes. ~ Alfred Lord Tennyson

I love how people walk around with crucifixes, skullcaps, pointy hats, funny beards and then say 'you should keep your atheism to yourself.' ~ Ricky Gervais

Those numbers with Tony are so often and so interesting. ~ Jerry Coleman

There's nothing less funny than someone who looks cool. There's nothing more unappealing. ~ Eric Wareheim

Eddie Murphy is just so off-the-cuff and can make anything funny. You hope that someday you'll acquire that skill, but maybe you're born with that. ~ Michael Pena

A text comes from Wallace.

An actual text too, not a message through the forum app. I gave him my number awhile back, before Halloween, but not because I wanted him to call me or anything. I wrote it on the edge of our conversation paper in homeroom and slid it over to him because sometimes I see something and think, Wallace would laugh at that, I should send him a picture of it, but the messaging app is terrible with pictures and texting is way better.

So he texts me now, and it's a picture. A regular sweet potato pie. Beneath the picture, he says, I really like sweet potato pie.

I text back, Yeah, so do I.

Then he sends me a picture of his face, frowning, and says, No, you don't understand.

Then another picture, closer, just his eyes. I REALLY like sweet potato pie.

A series of pictures comes in several-second intervals. The first is a triangular slice of pie in Wallace's hand. Then Wallace holding that slice up to his face - it's soft enough to start collapsing between his fingers. The next one has him stuffing the slice into his mouth, and in the final one it's all the way in, his cheeks are puffed out like a chipmunk's, and he's letting his eyes roll back like it's the best thing he's ever eaten.

I purse my lips to keep my laugh in, but my parents are fine-tuned to the slightest hint of amusement from me, and they both look up.

"What's so funny, Eggs?" Dad says.

"Nothing," ~ Francesca Zappia

I've brought you some things from home,' I said, gesturing at the bag on the floor. 'Some clothes and books – things like that.'
'Books – great! That'll make things easier. You know I can't read worth a damn right now!'
'There's also some music. Schubert's fifth, Mendelssohn's third, Mozart's Clarinet Concerto, Mahler's fourth - '
'I would have preferred his sixth.'
'You're not well enough for his sixth'. ~ Gavin Extence

I'd like to lose enough weight so that my bones creaked louder than the floor ~ Stanley Victor Paskavich

Horace sniffed the pleasant smell of wood smoke from the chimney. "Hope they're cooking something," he said. "I'm starved." "Who said that?" Will asked, feigning surprise and looking around in all directions. Then he pretended to relax. "Oh, it's only you, Horace. I didn't see you there in that cloak." Horace favored him with a long-suffering look. "Will, if it wasn't funny the first half-dozen times you said it, why do you think it would be funny now?" And ~ John Flanagan

It's just funny to see him so territorial over a woman. He's practically growling at any man who talks to you, even the married ones. He's never even brought a woman around so I hope you don't mind me saying that it's a little entertaining." Before ~ Katie Reus

I love a novel that's funny, and The Taxman Cometh is very funny, delightfully well-written, yet with a serious message about how government bureaucracy affects us all. Read. Enjoy. And if a comparison to Catch 22 pops into your mind, that's not surprising. ~ Marvin Kalb