Dave Chappelle Nutty Professor Quotes

Lady, I'm just a nigga that loves titties. ~ Dave Chappelle

Is this the 5:00 Free Crack Giveaway? ~ Dave Chappelle

No one wants to get their ass beat to a soundtrack. ~ Dave Chappelle

Why don't you click your heels three times and go back to Africa. ~ Dave Chappelle

What is wrong with me i just bought a bag of weed from an infant. ~ Dave Chappelle

You know you must be doing something right if old people like you. ~ Dave Chappelle

Chivalry is dead. Women killed it. ~ Dave Chappelle

Stand-up is the kind of gig that'll show you where you're at. ~ Dave Chappelle

My generation is under-entertained. ~ Dave Chappelle

I'm an introspective dude. ~ Dave Chappelle

There's something about doing stand-up that's cathartic. ~ Dave Chappelle

I think every group of black guys should have at least one white guy in it. ~ Dave Chappelle

Comedy is a very approval-oriented field. ~ Dave Chappelle

I love the fact that I have a show where you can run over a kid and everyone busts out laughing. ~ Dave Chappelle

The only thing harder than leaving show business is coming back. ~ Dave Chappelle

I think extreme sports are really good for relieving stress. ~ Dave Chappelle

No matter how old you are, if a little kid hands you a toy phone ... you answer it. ~ Dave Chappelle

The language you are about to hear ... is disturbing. ~ Dave Chappelle

After a while, a joke, if you say it too much, just becomes contrived, or fake-sounding. ~ Dave Chappelle

Cause my life is dope, and I do dope sh*t ~ Dave Chappelle

I've done 10 or 11 pilots for network television, which is ridiculous. ~ Dave Chappelle

Once you been performing on the streets you can conquer any venue. ~ Dave Chappelle

All white people talk about when they get high is other times that they got high. ~ Dave Chappelle

Constantly take inventory of what's important to you. ~ Dave Chappelle

I got a lot of positive people around me. ~ Dave Chappelle

I love being famous - it's phenomenal. ~ Dave Chappelle

Fame for me is like a place, a country I'm taking a tour through. ~ Dave Chappelle

Because I was surrounded by so much negativity at some point that it took me going back and doing stand-up to realize, you know, people really like me. ~ Dave Chappelle

I don't care if I ever work in TV again. ~ Dave Chappelle

I have all these weird fantasies. Going coast-to-coast on my motorcycle and having random barbecues all over America. No show, no nothing. ~ Dave Chappelle

Everyone around me says, You're a genius! You're great! That's your voice! But I'm not sure if they're right. ~ Dave Chappelle

I care about the work I do. But I'm not going to say that money's not an issue. ~ Dave Chappelle

I get a little heated when I talk about the past. But I wanted to be clear - I'm not mad at anybody - not anymore. ~ Dave Chappelle

My wife asked me once if I weren't a comedian what I would do. I couldn't answer the question. I never imagined doing anything else. ~ Dave Chappelle

I'm cool with failing so long as I know that there are people around me that love me unconditionally. ~ Dave Chappelle

I'm happier in the way a guy gets happier when he starts to mature. It doesn't make things easier, but I'm so much better at handling them. ~ Dave Chappelle

If I put forth a legitimate effort, then I feel like, if that doesn't work out, that's all I can do. ~ Dave Chappelle

My own life is accessible to people still. I could see a guy walking down the street and, even though I'm famous, I got more in common with this guy than, like, Brad Pitt. ~ Dave Chappelle

I was doing sketches that were funny but socially irresponsible. I felt I was deliberately being encouraged and I was overwhelmed. ~ Dave Chappelle

I still think people do have racial hang-ups, but I think one of the reasons I can joke about it is people are shedding those racial hatreds. ~ Dave Chappelle

I support anyone's right to be who they want to be. My question is: to what extent do I have to participate in your self-image? ~ Dave Chappelle

I wish I had more hands, so I could give those titties four thumbs down! ~ Dave Chappelle

Every black American is bilingual. All of them. We speak street vernacular and we speak 'job interview.' ~ Dave Chappelle

I felt in a lot of instances I was deliberately being put through stress because when you're a guy who generates money, people have a vested interested in controlling you. ~ Dave Chappelle

The higher up I went, the less happy I was. ~ Dave Chappelle

The world can't tell you who you are. You've just got to figure out who you are and be there, for better or worse. ~ Dave Chappelle

One of the things that happens when people make the leap from a certain amount of money to tens of millions of dollars is that the people around you dramatically change. ~ Dave Chappelle

Something about New York, man: You can do more comedy there probably than you can anywhere in the world. If you're interested in being funny, New York is the place to go. ~ Dave Chappelle

I'm famous today. People like me today. Might not like me tomorrow. You can't count on it. ~ Dave Chappelle

Weed's not as bad as everything else ... 'cause weed is a background substance. You know what I mean, you can smoke some herb and still function. You ain't crisp ... but you'll function. ~ Dave Chappelle

I don't normally talk about my religion publicly because I don't want people to associate me and my flaws with this beautiful thing. And I believe it is beautiful if you learn it the right way. ~ Dave Chappelle

You know, be able to do something great in your life, you're gonna have to realize your failures. You're gonna have to embrace them and figure out how to overcome it. ~ Dave Chappelle

Whether it means having a show, or a movie, or just being on a stage, I need an avenue to say what I have to say. ~ Dave Chappelle

The biggest enemy of an artist is apathy ... A kid gets killed by the police and I buy a T-shirt and before I can wear that one, there's another kid (killed) and I'm running out of closet space. ~ Dave Chappelle

I enjoy my own thoughts sometimes. ~ Dave Chappelle

I want be a guest-star on as many television shows as I possibly can. I love television. The fact that television ultimately made me famous was very gratifying for me. ~ Dave Chappelle

I want to tell my jokes. I want to have time with my children. I want to entertain people. And at one point, I'll walk away from show business. But I don't want to walk away empty-handed. ~ Dave Chappelle

Hey,hey,hey. Smoke weed everyday ~ Dave Chappelle

They do what they do for money - that's all. I don't even know why you're listening to me. I've done commercials for both Coke and Pepsi. Truth is, I can't even taste the difference, but Pepsi paid me last, so there it is. ~ Dave Chappelle

I've been a comedian since I was fourteen. But I've never really been a CEO. ~ Dave Chappelle

Dave gazed at Melanie like Professor Brian Cox eyeing up a particularly thought-provoking mountain range. ~ Dave Turner

I don't want the money. I don't want the drama. I just want to do my show. I want to have fun again. ~ Dave Chappelle

I just like seeing people. I just like meeting people. I like finding out new walks of life and new ideas. ~ Dave Chappelle

I have angst in my life, but I'm like anybody. We all have angst in our lives that we pick up and fidget with and then we put down and look at some other things that make us feel good or enjoy our lives. ~ Dave Chappelle

If someone sits and stares at you while you eat, you won't even eat the way you normally do, because it'll make you so uncomfortable. If I look at my dog when he's eating, he will look at me like, "Dave, I will bite you. What are you looking at? I'm trying to eat." It's something that dehumanizes a person, being on display like that. ~ Dave Chappelle

I just always loved stand-up. It's like magic. You say something, and a whole room full of people laughs together. Say something else, they laugh again. The fact that people come to see that and participate in that ... I don't know, it's just like magic. ~ Dave Chappelle

I have a very good life, a high quality of life. I have both money and time. No one has that. ~ Dave Chappelle

Working on the Dave Chappelle show was amazing. ~ Bill Burr

Most of the people around me have a vested interest in how much money I make. You know, so a celebrity could find themselves in a position where people could have meetings about their life without them involved. And when I say 'their life' I mean not their professional life either. They could talk about their personal life. ~ Dave Chappelle

Money is the fuel for choices. Money gives me choices, so it's not nothing, it's something," he continued. "But it's not the end all, be all. There are other things in my life that I did not purchase with money that are very valuable. ~ Dave Chappelle

You can't get unfamous. You can get infamous but you can't get unfamous. ~ Dave Chappelle

I think one artist to another artist, the best compliment you can pay one another, because the part of you that is inspired or creates something, to write a joke or a song, that's like the God-like part of a person. ~ Dave Chappelle

I like the Stooges. You know what movie I saw that I sort of discovered late was Jerry Lewis in 'The Nutty Professor'. I really liked that. ~ Mike Judge

It's funny to think of Dave Chappelle's show and how popular it was and he was before YouTube. I would imagine 'Chappelle's Show' would be even more giant if there was a chance to put his stuff online and pass it around. ~ Paul Scheer

Most people don't know what it's like to stand up there and speak their mind. I have a venue to do that. I get paid to do that. It's not like I'm doing heavy lifting up there. It's not like I'm solving the world's problems. It's like I'm hanging out with a bunch of people and it's cool. ~ Dave Chappelle

There's a lot of people who don't want anything from me but to laugh and have a good time. You see them at the show and they like - they dress up to come see your show and stuff. And they pack these auditoriums and it's a lot of fun, man. It's like, this is how I started, and it's still fun for me. ~ Dave Chappelle

My life is dope and I do dope shit. ~ Kanye West

There's not too many people that don't think I'm crazy, for walking away from so much money," he said. "I'm at a restaurant with my wife, it's a nice restaurant, we're eating dinner. I look across the room, I say, "You see this guy over here, across the room? He has $100 million." And we're eating the same entree. So, OK, fine, I don't have $50 million or whatever it was, but say I have $10 million in the bank. The difference in lifestyle is miniscule. ~ Dave Chappelle

What is Thanksgiving without a nutty relative? ~ Judith Martin

Howard's unbelievably nutty, politically incorrect style is probably the single biggest influence on me. ~ Artie Lange

Live nutty. Just occasionally. Just once in a while. And see what happens. It brightens up the day. ~ Leo Buscaglia

Bullfrak," Miranda said. "It's for power. If you're pretending this is about something else, even to yourself, then frak you, you delusional murdering excuse for a nutty professor. ~ Gwenda Bond

Nutty people are always writing me. I always think I must be on some nutty mailing list. ~ Andy Warhol

Life is nutty; anything can happen. ~ Paul Shaffer

My mother was an economics professor. I'm proficient in math, and statistics, game theory, symbolic logic and all of that. ~ Dave Hickey

(The Nutty Professor) was a labor of love. It was a total film. It was the most productive, creative work of my life. ~ Jerry Lewis

We could end up with the world's first Mr and Mrs Dave and Dave Gorman-Gorman! ~ Dave Gorman

As chairman of the Senate subcommittee responsible for NASA appropriations, I say not a penny for this nutty fantasy. ~ William Proxmire

I don't know which is more nutty. All this stuff I do outside of work, or the stuff I do all week. ~ Monica Ali

There's a lot of Dave mania when I speak. ~ Dave Pelzer

Being a grown up was rubbish, Dave decided. ~ Dave Turner

Success is a pile of failure that you are standing on. ~ Dave Ramsey

To me, there were comedies that should go up for Oscars. I think Eddie Murphy in 'The Nutty Professor' was one of the greatest acting performances of all time, but it'd never be recognized that way. They always go for De Niro and Pacino, but Eddie Murphy played seven different people! ~ Terry Crews

I've always liked and appreciated storytellers like Garry Shandling and Bill Cosby - more long-form comedy. So starting in San Francisco, watching all these great comics - Patton Oswalt, Dave Chappelle - you get to see them a bunch, and you go, 'Wow, this is where I need to be.' ~ Al Madrigal

This is the funniest book I've ever held in my hands.
Dave Barry, Pulitzer Prize winning humorist and author says about Radical Sabbatical ~ Dave Barry

I make my patients feel like they're still part of life, part of some grand nutty scheme instead of alone with their diseases. With me, they still feel part of the human race. ~ Samuel Shem

To get over artist's block, make shitty art. ~ Dave Horowitz

"Hear! hear!" screamed the jay from a neighboring tree, where I had heard a tittering for some time, "winter has a concentrated and nutty kernel, if you know where to look for it." ~ Henry David Thoreau

Relentless Savage is a great read! Dave Edlund's writing is on par with Clive Cussler and David Baldacci. Can't wait for the next one! ~ Dave Edlund

I was raised by a black maid by the name of Ida Young and I probably talked to her more than anybody, so whatever is nutty about me was nutty about her, too, I think because I saw a lot more of her than I did of my parents. ~ Kurt Vonnegut