Birthday Humor Quotes

The biggest fight in my relationship with Danny regards his absurd claim that he invited the popular middle school phenomenon of saying "cha-cha-cha" after each phrase of the Happy Birthday song- an idea his ingenious sixth-grade brain allegedly spawned in a New Jersey Chuck E. Cheese and watched spread across 1993 America with an unprecedented rapidity. ~ Marina Keegan

Pleas'd look forward, pleas'd to look behind,And count each birthday with a grateful mind. ~ Alexander Pope

Mow the fuckers down. ~ Stephen Fry

Come on, guys, don't just stand there. Grab a spoon and let's get busy."

Nobody said anything or moved.

"What? How did you think this worked? That I would wiggle my nose and sniff out the poison? If only. No, you eat it and if you die, I can say, 'Yes, it's been poisoned. ~ Ilona Andrews

Some man go to their graves, others dig them ~ Rodrigo Mortara Almeida

This is so cool," I said loudly as Dad walked away. "Have you met the tattoo artist? Is he hot?" "He's a she," Mom said. "Is she hot? Cause I'm still young, you know. My sexual identity isnt fully formed." "Your father can't hear you anymore, Maya." Mom sighed. ~ Kelley Armstrong

I have a different proposition.'
'I'm all ears.'
'You leave here without any competitions, races or shouting. Of your own accord, without being forced.'
'You can shove such a proposition a d'yeabl aep arse. ~ Andrzej Sapkowski

Jocks usually aren't smart. Their muscles feast on their brains. ~ Katie McGarry

I don't like jokes in speeches. I do like wit and humor. A joke is to humor what pornography is to erotic language in a good novel. ~ James C. Humes

Because I'm like the opposite of Cinderella. My ball only starts after midnight. ~ Cynthia Hand

Martin Luther King was only an activist for 13 years and every year he changed and every year he became more radical. By the end he was calling for revolution. People don't know this because they go to too many prayer breakfasts on his birthday. ~ Bill Ayers

I never saw anybody take so long to dress, and with such little result. ~ Oscar Wilde

One of the first sights that shocked me, when I came to Israel in 1921, was an Arab turning over a field with a very primitive plow; pulling the plow were an ox and a woman. Now, if it means that we have destroyed this romantic picture by bringing in tractors, combines, and threshing machines, this is true: we have. ~ Golda Meir

First thought? Romance movies were bad for her psyche. ~ Kelly Moran

Of course, to be fair, that was a parent's job. The world was so full of sharp bends that if they didn't put a few twists in you, you wouldn't stand a chance of fitting in. ~ Terry Pratchett

The best alternative to good manners is fast reflexes. ~ Anonymous

The grass is always greener when it's covered in money. ~ Craig Benzine

You bring any cannoli?' Mickey whispered, trying to downplay his worry with humor.
'No, but I'm keeping my gun no matter what he says. ~ Genevieve Dewey

Under Colonel Korn's rule, the only people permitted to
ask questions were those who never did. ~ Joseph Heller

Go! And remember! Zebra is fine creature to admire, but you do not have to ride it. ~ John Allison

So how do you do it? Not make a baby, balance an equation. I did biology last year. ~ Hank Green

Without love, without humor, yoga is just a lot of hard work. ~ Steve Ross

And so Graham and I finally got down to our first film script, and I can say with complete confidence that we had absolutely no idea what we were doing. Of course, we had no idea we had no idea what we were doing, and that meant our enthusiasm stayed intact. ~ John Cleese

This is all so silly,' said Diko. 'Who cares about what's real and what isn't real? [ ... ] And as for our own history, the parts that will be lost, who cares if a mathematician calls us dirty names like "unreal"? They say such slanders about the square root of minus two as well. ~ Orson Scott Card

May they run free forever and grow back their limbs! ~ Henry Mosquera

This rain is crazy, huh?"

"Yeah. Hope your ark-building skills are decent, or we could be in trouble."

"We don't need an ark. I have some inflatable pool lounges. They have cup holders."

"Fancy."

"No expense spared to save my woman from the watery apocalypse."

"Nothing says 'I love you' more than quality recreational inflatables."

He makes a noise. "Now I have visions of that inflatable sheep Avery bought for his pool."

"We said we'd never discuss that. ~ Leisa Rayven

I seem to have a one-track mind. When I was having babies, I did nothing else. When I do pictures, I go all out. I really think it is easier to manage my seven. You can't afford to humor each one of them. They have to learn to do things when they are told. ~ Maureen O'Sullivan

This book is written with an open mind and it should be read with the same ~ Adrian Sandvaer

The most hilarious person ever is God ~ Alzenati Zenati

Do you always ask me the same questions you ask him?"
"It depends on whether or not I get an answer. ~ Anne Bishop

There's no drama like wrestling. ~ Andy Kaufman

The most pleasant and alluring curve on a woman is the smile ~ Treasure Stitches

I'm going to walk out and bang the door hard ~ Edna

A woman can make a man feel older or younger than his years if she so chooses. Being a woman is a terribly difficult task since it consists principally in dealing with men. Women were made with a sense of humor so they could love men instead of laughing at them. ~ Will Rogers

Nice to meet you," Brenda replied, I'm a Crank. I'm slowly getting crazy. I keep wanting to chew off my own fingers and randomly kill people. Thomas here promised to save me." Though she was obviously joking, she didn't even crack a smile.

Thomas had to hide a wince. "Funny, Brenda."

"Glad to see you still have a sense of humor about it," Teresa said. But her face could've turned water to ice. ~ James Dashner

Sex with an ex
Is it ever really painless or just inviting stress?
I mean, really
Who does that?
Oh wait, I'm sure if they could, most everyone would ... ~ Natasha Ramsey

Do what you love and the zombies will follow. ~ Jesse Petersen

The simplest strategy for bouts of noxious flatus is to not care. Or perhaps to take advantage of a gastroenterologist I know: get a dog. (To blame.) ~ Mary Roach

He was currently wondering vaguely who Moey and Chandon were. ~ Terry Pratchett

DeAngelo blew up my bus, so I filled his car with shit. Genius, right?"
"DeAngelo didn't blow up the bus," Connie said. "I just got the report from the fire marshal. The coffeemaker shorted out and started the fire."
Some of the color left Vinnie's face. "Say what?"
"Oh man," Lula said. "DeAngelo is gonna be pissed. Least he won't know who did it."
"I left a note," Vinnie said.
Lula gave a hoot of laughter and fell off her chair. ~ Janet Evanovich

In what way did your parents screw up to make you the woman you are today? ~ Nicki Elson

I get no respect. The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest. ~ Rodney Dangerfield

All right, all right, you go right on thinking you an act of God created in his image, and I'll go right on thinking I'm descended from an ape. When you look in the mirror I should think you'd feel pretty discouraged; I wouldn't be happy to look at myself and think that my faces is an Imago Dei. It wouldn't make me feel I'd done very well by God. But when I look in the mirror and that I'm descended from an ape, I feel I've done remarkably well. ~ Madeleine L'Engle

It's ironic that as scientists that don't believe in god, were the ones that are closest to god. ~ Hiromu Arakawa

What's another word for thesaurus? ~ Steven Wright

Books are to me as homemade tattoos are to an inmate. Can't get enough of them. ~ Laurie Notaro

Humans in space suits make monkeys nervous. ~ Richard Preston

It was like looking for a Natural Blonde at Hugh Hefner's ~ Aimee Duffy

I was kidding. Even I'm not that promiscuous. You guru people have no sense of humor."
"I'm not a guru people, and I happen to have a very well developed sense of humor. Why else would I still be talking to you? ~ Susan Elizabeth Phillips

What did the Faerie that attacked you look like?"
"Super creepy. Ripped jeans, weird tattoos, bad hair. And, come to think of it, really nice boots ... "
"Where?"
"On his feet."
Sonny winced and rubbed his temples. "Where were you attacked, Kelley?"
"Okay, see ... that was a joke. ~ Lesley Livingston