Wit And Humor Quotes

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Quotes About Wit And Humor

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I don't like jokes in speeches. I do like wit and humor. A joke is to humor what pornography is to erotic language in a good novel. ~ James C. Humes
Wit And Humor quotes by James C. Humes
Wit and humor do not reside in slow minds. ~ Miguel De Cervantes Saavedra
Wit And Humor quotes by Miguel De Cervantes Saavedra
For the qualities of sheer wit and humor, Swift had no superior, ancient or modern. ~ Leigh Hunt
Wit And Humor quotes by Leigh Hunt
Potluck Supper with Meeting to Follow is a marvel, deftly examining the connections between art and everyday life. Andy Sturdevant's lively, unique inquiries into trust fund kids, co-opted flags, gubernatorial portraits, art in second-tier cities, and Upper Midwestern esoterica, brim with both wit and humor. ~ Joe Meno
Wit And Humor quotes by Joe Meno
It is commonly said that ridicule is the best test of truth; for that it will not stick where it is not just. I deny it. A truth learned in a certain light, and attacked in certain words, by men of wit and humor, may, and often doth, become ridiculous, at least so far, that the truth is only remembered and repeated for the sake of the ridicule. ~ Lord Chesterfield
Wit And Humor quotes by Lord Chesterfield
Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions. ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson
Wit And Humor quotes by Ralph Waldo Emerson
Some of the best work done to combat the Republicans has been wit and humor. ~ Julianna Baggott
Wit And Humor quotes by Julianna Baggott
My coping mechanism with my dyslexia is to use wit and humor. ~ Max Brooks
Wit And Humor quotes by Max Brooks
And that is why You do not trifle with the Master of the Domain. ~ Sherry Thomas
Wit And Humor quotes by Sherry Thomas
Some women simply find bad boys hot, attractive, and very bad ones enthralling and mesmerizing ~ Anno Nomius
Wit And Humor quotes by Anno Nomius
The books he and his supporters wanted out of the schools, one of mine among them, were not pornographic, although he would have liked our audience to think so. (There is the word "motherfucker" one time in my Slaughterhouse-Five, as in "Get out of the road, you dumb motherfucker." Ever since that word was published, way back in 1969, children have been attempting to have intercourse with their mothers. When it will stop no one knows.) ~ Kurt Vonnegut
Wit And Humor quotes by Kurt Vonnegut
Barry L. Jacobs and colleagues from the neuroscience program at Princeton University showed that when mice ran every day on an exercise wheel, they developed more brain cells and they learned faster than sedentary controls. I believe in mice. ~ Bernd Heinrich
Wit And Humor quotes by Bernd Heinrich
Uh-oh," Will muttered. "This is going to be ... interesting."
It turned out the creative genius behind the movie was Will's dad - the god Apollo, which meant this was not going to be a typical orientation flick. No, as we soon found out, Apollo had written, directed, produced, hosted and starred in ... a variety show.
For those of you who don't know what a variety show is, imagine a talent show on steroids, complete with canned laughter, pre-recorded applause, and an extra-large helping of hokeyness. For the next hour, we cringe-watched as Apollo and our demigod predecessors performed in song-and-dance numbers, recited poetry, acted in comedy sketches and harmonized in a musical group called the Lyre Choir. Naturally, Apollo featured prominently in most of the acts. The one of him hula-hooping shirtless while satyrs capered around with long rainbow ribbons on sticks ... you can't unsee that kind of thing. ~ Rick Riordan
Wit And Humor quotes by Rick Riordan
Most kids don't believe in fairy tales very long. Once they hit six or seven they put away "Cinderella" and
her shoe fetish, "The Three Little Pigs" with their violation of building codes, "Miss Muffet" and her
well-shaped tuffet - all forgotten or discounted. And maybe that's the way it has to be. To survive in the
world, you have to give up the fantasies, the make-believe. The only trouble is that it's not all
make-believe. Some parts of the fairy tales are all too real, all too true. There might not be a Red Riding
Hood, but there is a Big Bad Wolf. No Snow White, but definitely an Evil Queen. No obnoxiously cute
blond tots, but a child-eating witch ... yeah. Oh yeah. ~ Rob Thurman
Wit And Humor quotes by Rob Thurman
And so the Universe ended. ~ Douglas Adams
Wit And Humor quotes by Douglas Adams
I mean, how does that crazy preacher know where the dead go and how the hell does he know the dead like being there? He's trying to make it sound like the only reason we get born is to bite the dust ~ Vera Jane Cook
Wit And Humor quotes by Vera Jane Cook
What's that around your neck?" asked Emily.
"It's a golden star." Said Reed.
"What did you get it for?"
"Chemistry class."
"What's the star for?" the shadow asked, Usually stars represent a straight A student.
"You get it for having greatness. But Emily doesn't know what that is." He said, answering the shadows question and looking at Emily.
"Greatness, what's greatness?" Emily asked, all wide eyed, and clueless looking
"It's when you do really awesome stuff, and people recognize you for it."
"Oh, no" Emily laughed ."No, I don't know what that is. ~ Rumi Antoinette
Wit And Humor quotes by Rumi Antoinette
If not for me being stoned and clinging to a taco, it would have been terribly romantic. ~ Richelle Mead
Wit And Humor quotes by Richelle Mead
I don't know it is that I always feel that other people can create things but that I can't. I imagine it's simpler living in remote tribes or communities where one is obliged to have a go or else you have to do without. I suppose it is fear of failure in an age where political correctness is trying to erase the word 'failure' from the language. It's OK to fail isn't it, but only if you've tried? What is so bizarre is that when one does try, one rarely falls short. Obviously some people do things better than others but if it gives you pleasure, then so what? As my grandmother used to say, 'patience and perseverance made a bishop of his reverence!' So don't say you can't make candles or soap or that you can't spin or weave until you've tried it. As for mending, well, if you're not throwing everything away, then you have no option but to make do and mend. After all, the only way to get rid of shopping malls and supermarkets with their food miles is for people not to shop in those places and the way to cure this mercenary mercantile world is to make your own things. ~ Clarissa Dickson Wright
Wit And Humor quotes by Clarissa Dickson Wright
People don't walk around thinking of themselves as bad people. You're part of the environment that you grow up in, and there can be decency in that. I always try to find a little glimmer of that, in anything that I do, because you can find places where there's humor or lightness in something that's deep and profound, and that tends to resonate more and make people more human. As an actor and performer, I think it resonates more with the audience when you do have the payoff. ~ Jimmy Smits
Wit And Humor quotes by Jimmy Smits
Clear skin, a manicure, a couple dead zombies, and then fame! ~ Faith McKay
Wit And Humor quotes by Faith McKay
I look ridiculous and stupid. As I check myself in the bathroom mirror, I want to back out. I'm wearing a skintight leotard/body suit obviously designed by women who have no clue about men's plumbing, because the outline of my dick is obscene. Don't dudes who do this ridiculous sport wear a cup or something? I've been on a trampoline, but I've never done synchronized trampolining. Looking at myself in the mirror, I can see why. ~ Simone Elkeles
Wit And Humor quotes by Simone Elkeles
Until then, I would pretend my ankle was made of steel, like some kind of bionic joint, and that I could feel no pain. I was superhuman. I could do anything.
But I'd take some Tylenol, just in case. Lots of Tylenol. ~ Rachel Vincent
Wit And Humor quotes by Rachel Vincent
The rear door was black, the driver's side door was red, and the hood was sunshine-yellow. If Henry Ford and Picasso had gone out on a bender, that car was what the hangover would have looked like. ~ Kathleen O'Reilly
Wit And Humor quotes by Kathleen O'Reilly
I felt like an animal, and animals don't know sin, do they? ~ Jess C. Scott
Wit And Humor quotes by Jess C. Scott
Thin people, God bless them, God curse them, don't get it: If you're not thin, you need to be careful and conscious about when and how you suitors initially see you. ~ Frank Bruni
Wit And Humor quotes by Frank Bruni
Garcia wondered why people with JESUS stickers on their bumper always drove twenty miles per hour under the speed limit. If God was my co-pilot, he thought, I'd be doing a hundred and twenty. ~ Carl Hiaasen
Wit And Humor quotes by Carl Hiaasen
The King's tool. I see.' An oppression settle over me. My brief glimpse of blue skies arching over yellow roads and me travelling down them astride Sooty suddenly vanished. I thought of the hounds in their kennels instead, or of the hawk, hooded and strapped, that rode on the King's wrist and was loosed only to do the King's will. ~ Robin Hobb
Wit And Humor quotes by Robin Hobb
You should go,' Raffe says to me. 'This is no place for a human.'
'What about me being your second for the contest?'
'Nobody will remember that once they see the Watchers.'
'Are you sure you're not just trying to avoid getting back into the truck with me and my mom?'
He almost smiles. ~ Susan Ee
Wit And Humor quotes by Susan Ee
Disbelief in magic can force a poor soul into believing in government and business. ~ Tom Robbins
Wit And Humor quotes by Tom Robbins
(Wolf) shrugged, without a hint of self-pity. "I don't know what they can or can't grow in the agriculture sectors. Whatever it is, I'm sure it can't compete with Benoit Farms and Gardens." His eyes twinkled, and Scarlet - to her own surprise - started to blush again.
"You two are giving me a stomachache," Thorne griped.
"I'm pretty sure that's the meat," said Cinder, ripping a piece of dried mystery meat with her teeth. ~ Marissa Meyer
Wit And Humor quotes by Marissa Meyer
This is where the wise man turns away. This is where the holy kneel and call on God. These are the last miles, my brothers. Don't look to me to save you. Don't think I will not spend you. Run if you have the wit. Pray if you have the soul. Stand your ground if courage is yours. But don't follow me.
Follow me, and I will break your heart. ~ Mark Lawrence
Wit And Humor quotes by Mark Lawrence
Ever heard of knocking, asshole?" I spat, not bothering to look at him.
"Ever heard of locking the door, whore?"
Turning, I glared at him and slammed the door in his face, locking it.
Smirking, he yanked the door back open. "Oh I guess I forgot to mention that the lock is broken." - Christopher Mason & Mia Ryder ~ Sadie Grubor
Wit And Humor quotes by Sadie Grubor
New Rule: Stop talking about "the gas prices under Obama." As if he's the guy out there changing the numbers on the sign with that long pole. And while they're at the gas station, Republicans who still think human activity doesn't affect air quality should poke their heads in the men's room. ~ Bill Maher
Wit And Humor quotes by Bill Maher
I distrust all dead and mechanical formulas for expressing anything connected with human affairs and human personalities. Putting human affairs in exact formulas shows in itself a lack of the sense of humor and therefore a lack of wisdom. ~ Lin Yutang
Wit And Humor quotes by Lin Yutang
Glancing at the bottle of tequila in Tate's hand, Logan questioned much more calmly than he felt, "How full was that?"

Tate lifted the quarter-empty bottle and shrugged. "Unopened. Why? ~ Ella Frank
Wit And Humor quotes by Ella Frank
Mab: You know, Bill, you should see an optometrist about that rolling-eye problem. Makes you look rude and patronizing. ~ Jennifer Crusie
Wit And Humor quotes by Jennifer Crusie
Still it is true that many same-sex couples want nothing more than to join society as fully integrated socially responsible family-centered taxpaying Little League-coaching nation-serving respectably married citizens. So why not welcome them in Why not recruit them by the vanload to sweep in on heroic wings and save the flagging and battered old institution of matrimony from a bunch of apathetic ne'er-do-well heterosexual deadbeats like me ~ Elizabeth Gilbert
Wit And Humor quotes by Elizabeth Gilbert
Wit was insulting each person as they stepped onto the island. "Brightness Marakal! What a
disaster that hairstyle is; how brave of you to show it to the world. Brightlord Marakal, I wish you'd
warned us you were going to attend; I'd have forgone supper. I do so hate being sick after a full meal.
Brightlord Cadilar! How good it is to see you. Your face reminds me of someone dear to me."
"Really?" wizened Cadilar said, hesitating.
"Yes," Wit said, waving him on, "my horse. Ah, Brightlord Neteb, you smell unique today - did you
attack a wet whitespine, or did one just sneeze on you? Lady Alami! No, please, don't speak - it's much
easier to maintain my illusions regarding your intelligence that way. And Brightlord Dalinar." Wit nodded
to Dalinar as he passed. "Ah, my dear Brightlord Taselin. Still engaged in your experiment to prove a
maximum threshold of human idiocy? Good for you! Very empirical of you. ~ Brandon Sanderson
Wit And Humor quotes by Brandon Sanderson
He is either a pompous ass or helplessly in love with you,' she told me, 'and, from the way you did not colour when you mentioned him, I should say the former. Oh, how disappointing. I had hoped he would have made you his mistress by now. How I could have entertained my tea-circle with that story. But do not worry, I shall anyway. ~ M. R. C. Kasasian
Wit And Humor quotes by M. R. C. Kasasian
If you feel like you're drowning, don't forget that it is just a feeling; it will pass with love and care. If you're actually drowning, then how are you reading this? ~ Dani N M.
Wit And Humor quotes by Dani N M.
[My mother] really was an extraordinary, inspirational, tough, cool, sexy, funny woman. And that's the kind of woman I've always surrounded myself with, my friends and particularly my wife, who is not only smarter than and stronger than I am, but occasionally taller, too. I think it also goes back to my father and my stepfather, because they prized wit and resolve in the women they were with above all things and they were among the rare men who understood that recognising someone else's power doesn't diminish your own. ~ Joss Whedon
Wit And Humor quotes by Joss Whedon
Are you saying that was real magic?" I said. "That's crazy."
"Well, let's see. Are you telling me you just saw the past in a vision. That a monkey in a top hat was trying to murder my chief costumer and head accountant with the most powerful poison in existence using her makeup jar? If so, perhaps I'm not the crazy one here. ~ Delilah S. Dawson
Wit And Humor quotes by Delilah S. Dawson
A shepherd, in whom the spirit of God works, is more highly esteemed before God than the wisest and most potent in self-wit, without the divine dominion. ~ Jakob Bohme
Wit And Humor quotes by Jakob Bohme
Ask a pig, sometime, about the trouble predicting the future from the past."

"I stared at him, trying to decide if he was joking. "I've been short on prognosticating pigs."

"Life is perfect for a pig," Ruc said. "Plenty of slops. A shed to keep off the rain. A good wallow. Every day for months a pig wakes up to the same perfect life. Sometimes for years. Then someone ties his hind legs together and cuts his throat while he squeals... The fact that my head's still attached at my neck doesn't mean no one's sharpening a knife. ~ Brian Staveley
Wit And Humor quotes by Brian Staveley
Everyone is a little crazy. The only difference between us and them is that they hide it better. ~ Michelle Hodkin
Wit And Humor quotes by Michelle Hodkin
And i was buck-naked. Which probably would have made for an interesting night, but the last time i'd checked i was neither a porn star or a prostitute. ~ Kristin Walker
Wit And Humor quotes by Kristin Walker
Hhhmm. A sense of humor." He cocked his head to the side.
"That actually might annoy me."
She frowned, ignoring the teasing sound to that oh-so-low voice
and, with heavy sarcasm answered, "Oh, well, that'll keep me up
nights. ~ G.A. Aiken
Wit And Humor quotes by G.A. Aiken
At the heart of God is the desire to give and to forgive. Because of this, he set into motion the entire redemptive process that culminated in the cross and was confirmed in the resurrection. The usual notion of what Jesus did on the cross was something like this: people were so bad and so mean and God was so angry with them that he could not forgive them unless somebody big enough took the rap for the whole lot of them. Nothing could be further from the truth. Love, not anger, brought Jesus to the cross. Golgotha came as a result of God's great desire to forgive, not his reluctance. Jesus knew that by his vicarious suffering he could actually absorb all the evil of humanity and so heal it, forgive it, redeem it. This is why Jesus refused the customary painkiller when it was offered him. He wanted to be completely alert for this greatest work of redemption. In a deep and mysterious way he was preparing to take on the collective sin of the human race. Since Jesus lives in the eternal now, this work was not just for those around him, but he took in all the violence, all the fear, all the sin of all the past, all the present, and all the future. This was his highest and most holy work, the work that makes confession and the forgiveness of sins possible…Some seem to think that when Jesus shouted "My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me?" it was a moment of weakness (Mark 15:34). Not at all. This was his moment of greatest triumph. Jesus, who had walked in constant communion wit ~ Richard J. Foster
Wit And Humor quotes by Richard J. Foster
That's our cue," Dr. Chadwick noted, managing to approximate a cheerful smile, addressing the room at large. "Everyone please stand behind the yellow line until the doors open. No food, drink, flash photography, or video cameras are permitted. Once aboard the ride, please keep your hands and arms inside the vehicle at all times until we come to a full and complete stop. Otherwise, they're apt to end up in another universe somewhere without ya, and wouldn't that fry your noggin? ~ Stephanie Osborn
Wit And Humor quotes by Stephanie Osborn
An adequate share of humor and laughter represents an essential part of the diet of the healthy person. ~ Norman Cousins
Wit And Humor quotes by Norman Cousins
I couldn't get laid with a sitcom and a rifle. ~ Jim Norton
Wit And Humor quotes by Jim Norton
I'm assuming you didn't just call me to come out of the closet to a blind woman'

'Oh, it's something I do everyday,' Kate said, enjoying Faith's sense of humor. 'I open up a phone book, randomly select a name, dial it, and when they answer, I proclaim I'm a lesbian and then hang up. ~ Laurie Salzler
Wit And Humor quotes by Laurie Salzler
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