Bill Watterson Quotes

We don't value craftsmanship anymore! All we value is ruthless efficiency, and I say we deny our own humanity that way! Without appreciation for grace and beauty, there's no pleasure in creating things and no pleasure in having them! Our lives are made drearier, rather than richer! How can a person take pride in his work when skill and care are considered luxuries! We're not machines! We have a human need for craftsmanship! ~ Bill Watterson

Miss Wormwood: Calvin, your test was an absolute disgrace! It's obvious you haven't read any of the material. Our first president was not Chef Boy-Ar-Dee and you ought to be ashamed to have turned in such preposterous answers!
Calvin: I just don't test well. ~ Bill Watterson

I guess I just don't have the killer instinct that I think makes a great political cartoonist. ~ Bill Watterson

The best proof of extraterrestrial intelligence is that they haven't contacted us. ~ Bill Watterson

My guess is that the editor [Cincinnati Post] wanted his own Jeff MacNelly (a Pulitzer winner at 24), and I didn't live up to his expectations. My Cincinnati days were pretty Kafkaesque. ~ Bill Watterson

We're not really taught how to recreate constructively. We need to do more than find diversions; we need to restore and expand ourselves. Our idea of relaxing is all too often to plop down in front of the television set and let its pandering idiocy liquefy our brains. Shutting off the thought process is not rejuvenating; the mind is like a car battery
it recharges by running. You may be surprised to find how quickly daily routine and the demands of "just getting by" absorb your waking hours. You may be surprised to find how quickly you start to see your politics and religion become matters of habit rather than thought and inquiry. You may be surprised to find how quickly you start to see your life in terms of other people's expectations rather than issues. You may be surprised to find out how quickly reading a good book sounds like a luxury. ~ Bill Watterson

Don't look into car headlights and freeze, because you'll either get run over or shot! ~ Bill Watterson

I'll bet my autopsy reveals my mouth is too big. ~ Bill Watterson

Hold it. You know what I'd like to see? I'd like to see the three bears eat the three little pigs, and then the bears join up with the big bad wolf and eat Goldilocks and Little Red Riding Hood! Tell me a story like that, OK? ~ Bill Watterson

Shutting off the thought process is not rejuvenating; the mind is like a car battery - it recharges by running. ~ Bill Watterson

You know what's the rage this year? ...Hats. ~ Bill Watterson

I'm learning skills I will use for the rest of my life by doing homework ... procrastinating and negotiation. ~ Bill Watterson

Calvin: Dear Santa, before I submit life to your scrutiny, I demand to know who made YOU the matter of my fate?! Who are YOU to question my behavior, HUH??? What gives you the right?!
Hobbes: Santa makes the toys, so he gets to decide who to give them to.
Calvin: Oh. ~ Bill Watterson

Quick! To the Bat-Fax! ~ Bill Watterson

Calvin: Dad where do babies come from?
Dad: Well Calvin, you simply go to Sears, buy the kit and follow the assembly instructions.
Calvin: I came from Sears?
Dad: No you were a blue-light special at K-Mart - almost as good and a lot cheaper! ~ Bill Watterson

Things are never quite as scary when you've got a best friend. ~ Bill Watterson

Calvin: Somewhere in Communist Russia I'll bet there's a little boy who has never known anything but censorship and oppression. But maybe he's heard of America, and he dreams of living in this land of freedom and opportunity! Someday, I'd like to meet that little boy ... and tell him the awful TRUTH ABOUT THIS PLACE!! Calvin's Dad: Calvin, be quiet and eat the stupid lima beans. ~ Bill Watterson

Your fingernails are a joke, you've got no fangs, you can't see at night, your pink hides are ridiculous, your reflexes are nil, and you don't even have tails! Of course people aren't content! ... Now if tigers weren't content, that would be something to wonder about. ~ Bill Watterson

I'm resolving to just wing it and see what happens. ~ Bill Watterson

People pay more attention when they think you're up to something. ~ Bill Watterson

There's a sort of jet lag when you time-travel to your own past. ~ Bill Watterson

My whole problem is that my lips move when I think. ~ Bill Watterson

I liked things better when I didn't understand them. ~ Bill Watterson

I'd like to see cartoonists measuring their work by higher standards than how many papers their strips are in and how much money they make. ~ Bill Watterson

People who get nostalgic about childhood were obviously never children. ~ Bill Watterson

You can drag my body to school but my spirit refuses to go. ~ Bill Watterson

It's gratifying to hear that from people who care about comic art. I never know what to make of it when someone writes to say, "Calvin and Hobbes is the best strip in the paper. I like it even more than Nancy." ~ Bill Watterson

In the right hands, a comic strip attains a beauty and elegance that, really, I would put against any other art. ~ Bill Watterson

CALVIN:
As usual goodness hardly puts up a fight. ~ Bill Watterson

It's not the medium, but the quality of perception and expression, that determines the significance of art. ~ Bill Watterson

I know the world isn't fair, but why isn't it ever unfair in my favor? ~ Bill Watterson

Every day of my life I have to add another name to the list of people who p*ss me off
Calvin, Calvin & Hobbes ~ Bill Watterson

I think most of us would be horrified to meet ourselves and discover what everyone else already knows about us. ~ Bill Watterson

[Calvin, who has the chicken pox, calls Susie on the telephone.]
Susie: Hello?
Calvin: Hi, Susie! It's me, Calvin! I was wondering if you'd like to come over and play.
Susie: Why, sure! Boy, I don't think you've ever invited me to ...
Calvin's Mom: Calvin, what are you doing?
Calvin: Nothing, Mom. Go away.
Calvin's Mom: You're contagious! You can't have anyone over to play!
Calvin: Shhhh! Shhhh! You'll spoil the whole thing! I was going to trick Susie into catching ... HEY! OW! LET GO!
Susie: [Hanging up the phone] Any chance of getting transferred, Dad? ~ Bill Watterson

The more words you have at your disposal, the more precisely you can express yourself. ~ Bill Watterson

I've got plenty of common sense! I just choose to ignore it. ~ Bill Watterson

Scientific Progress goes boink? ~ Bill Watterson

Obviously the great thing about this job is the complete freedom of the schedule. So long as I meet the deadline, they don't care when I work or how I work. ~ Bill Watterson

History will thank me for keeping this journal at such a young age. As one of those rare individuals destined for true greatness, this record of my thoughts and convictions will provide invaluable insight into budding genius. Think of it! A priceless historical document in the making! Wow! ... so who ELSE should I add to my list of total jerks? ~ Bill Watterson

When a person pauses in mid-sentence to choose a word, that's the best time to jump in and change the subject! It's like an interception in football! You grab the others guy's idea and run the opposite way with it! The more sentences you complete, the higher your score! The idea is to block the other guy's thoughts and express your own! That's how you win!

Conversations aren't contests!

Ok, a point for you, but I'm still ahead. ~ Bill Watterson

I've always been a huge fan of fantasy and adventure, putting yourself in someone else's shoes, I'm sure that's why I'm an actor. It's why I played with action figures as a kid, that's why I wrote and drew and read comics as a kid. ~ Bill Watterson

You can present the material, but you can't make me care. ~ Bill Watterson

Like delicate lace, So the threads intertwine, Oh, gossamer web Of wond'rous design! Such beauty and grace Wild nature produces ... Ughh, look at the spider Suck out that bug's juices! ~ Bill Watterson

I hope some historian will confirm that I was the first cartoonist to use the word 'booger' in a newspaper comic strip. ~ Bill Watterson

I can never enjoy Sundays, because in the back of my mind I always know I've got to go to school the next day. It's like trying to enjoy your last meal before the execution. ~ Bill Watterson

I have enough friends who are gamers. I actually enjoy watching them play because of the visuals and the storytelling of the games. I just love being able to go on an adventure and games are just so sophisticated now that you can just get lost in a world for 20 hours and just be someone else in a very visceral, emotional way. And that's just fascinating. ~ Bill Watterson

Cincinnati at that time was also beginning to realize it had major cartooning talent in Jim Borgman, at the city's other paper, and I didn't benefit from the comparison.His footsteps seemed like good ones to follow, so I cultivated an interest in politics, and Borgman helped me a lot in learning how to construct an editorial cartoon. Neither of us dreamed I'd end up in the same town on the opposite paper. ~ Bill Watterson

Even if lives did hang in the balance, it would depend on whose they were. ~ Bill Watterson

You can make your superhero a psychopath, you can draw gut-splattering violence, and you can call it a "graphic novel," but comic books are still incredibly stupid. ~ Bill Watterson

If you can't control your peanut butter, you can't expect to control your life. ~ Bill Watterson

I'm thinking of starting my own talk radio show. I'll spout simplistic opinions for hours on end, ridicule anyone who disagrees with me, and generally foster divisiveness, cynicism, and a lower level of public dialog! ~ Bill Watterson

Well, remember what you said, because in a day or two, I'll have a witty and blistering retort! You'll be devastated THEN ~ Bill Watterson

I don't think I'd have been in such a hurry to reach adulthood if I'd known the whole thing was going to be ad-libbed. ~ Bill Watterson

HOBBES:
If you don't get a goodnight kiss you get Kafka dreams. ~ Bill Watterson

Is it truly being good if the only reason I behave well is so I can get more loot at Christmas? I mean, really, all I'm doing is saying I can be bribed. ~ Bill Watterson

Rainy days should be spent at home with a cup of tea and a good book. ~ Bill Watterson

It's going to be a grim day when the world is run by a generation that doesn't know anything but what it's seen on TV. ~ Bill Watterson

How come we play war and not peace?" "Too few role models. ~ Bill Watterson

You can't just turn on creativity like a faucet. You have to be in the right mood.
What mood is that?
Last-minute panic. ~ Bill Watterson

I've never understood people who remember childhood as an idyllic time. ~ Bill Watterson

So long, Pop! I'm off to check my tiger trap! ~ Bill Watterson

I wasn't having any luck getting accepted anyway and it forced me to re-examine what it was that I really wanted to do. In my experience in political cartooning, I was never one of those people who read the headlines and foams at the mouth with rabid opinion that I've just got to get down on paper. ~ Bill Watterson

It's surprising how hard we'll work when the work is done just for ourselves. ~ Bill Watterson

I always think of "Popeye" and "Barney Google" as quintessential comic strips in that old rollicky, slapstick way we've sort of lost. ~ Bill Watterson

Some people are pragmatists, taking things as they come and making the best of the choices available. Some people are idealists, standing for principle and refusing to compromise. And some people just act on any whim that enters their heads. I wonder which YOU are. I pragmatically turn my whims into principles! ~ Bill Watterson

Mom says death is as natural as birth, and it's all part of the life cycle.
She says we don't really understand it, but there are many things we don't understand, and we just have to do the best we can with the knowledge we have.
I guess that makes sense. ~ Bill Watterson

They can't chain my spirit! My spirit runs free! Walls can't contain it! Laws can't restrain it! Authority has no power over it! ~ Bill Watterson

Everybody I know fails the acid test of friendship. ~ Bill Watterson

Ah, the life of a newspaper cartoonist
how I miss the groupies, drugs and trashed hotel rooms! ~ Bill Watterson

We consume everything like potato chips. In this environment, I suspect the cartoonist's connection with readers is likely to be superficial and fleeting, unless he taps into some fervent special interest niche. And that audience, almost by definition, will be tiny. ~ Bill Watterson

I've been interested in cartooning all my life. I read the comics as a kid, and I did cartoons for high school publications - the newspaper and yearbook and soon. In college, I got interested in political cartooning and did political cartoons. ~ Bill Watterson

CALVIN: Hey, I got some mail! It's a Valentine card.
HOBBES: From Susie Derkins!
CALVIN: It says "Please be my Valentine."
HOBBES: You're Susie's Valentine!
CALVIN: I'm not her Valentine just because I got this in the mail, am I? Does the Post Master General know about this?
HOBBES: Calvin and Susie, sitting in a tree-ee! Kay-eye-ess-ess-eye-en-gee!
CALVIN: I don't have the KISS her, do I?! Is that what Valentines do??! Oh, gross!
HOBBES: First comes lo-ove, then comes marriage, then comes a baby in a baby carriage!
CALVIN: This can't be happening! I need a lawyer! She can't make me be her Valentine!
HOBBES: Here she comes! Here comes Susie!
SUSIE: Hi, Calvin.
CALVIN: Get away from me! I'm not your Valentine! Take your card back! Eww! Girls! YECCHH!
SUSIE: That card wasn't for YOU, you Moron. Didn't you read the back of the envelope?
CALVIN: "Calvin, please give this to Hobbes." HOBBES?!
HOBBES: Me? Really? Hot dog! Smooch City, here I come! ~ Bill Watterson

Hobbes: "Whatcha doin'?"
Calvin: "Getting rich!"
Hobbes: "Really?"
Calvin: "Yep. I'm writing a self-help book! There's a huge market for this stuff."
Calvin: "First you convince people there's something wrong with them. That's easy because advertising has already conditioned people to feel insecure about their weight, looks, social status, sex appeal, and so on."
Calvin: "Next, you convince them that the problem is not their fault and that they're victims of larger forces. That's easy, because it's what people believe anyway. Nobody wants to be responsible for his own situation."
Calvin: "Finally, you convince them that with your expert advice and encouragement, they can conquer their problem and be happy."
Hobbes: "Ingenious. What problem will you help people solve?"
Calvin: "Their addiction to self-help books!"
Calvin: "My book is called, "Shut up and stop whining: How to do something with your life besides think about yourself.""
Hobbes: "You should probably wait for the advance before you buy anything."
Calvin: "The trouble is... If my program works, I won't be able to write a sequel. ~ Bill Watterson

[Calvin and Hobbes are playing Scrabble.]
Calvin: Ha! I've got a great word and it's on a "Double word score" box!
Hobbes: "ZQFMGB" isn't a word! It doesn't even have a vowel!
Calvin: It is so a word! It's a worm found in New Guinea! Everyone knows that!
Hobbes: I'm looking it up.
Calvin: You do, and I'll look up that 12-letter word you played with all the Xs and Js!
Hobbes: What's your score for ZQFMGB?
Calvin: 957. ~ Bill Watterson

Too often cartoonists just look at other cartoonists and, after a lot of inbreeding, everyone has the same funny look. The challenge of drawing is that there is no one right way to visually describe something. It's a good thing to confront your limitations and preconceptions every so often. ~ Bill Watterson

- I should be doing my homework now. But the way I look at it, playing in the snow is a lot more important. Out here I'm learning real skills that I can apply throughout the rest of my life.
- Such as?
- Procrastination and rationalization. ~ Bill Watterson

That's one of the remarkable things about life. It's never so bad that it can't get worse. ~ Bill Watterson

I hate to think that all my current experiences will someday become stories with no point. ~ Bill Watterson

What I try to do in writing any character is to put myself in his position. ~ Bill Watterson

Why can't the world ever be unfair in my favor? ~ Bill Watterson

It's psychosomatic. You need a lobotomy. I'll get a saw. ~ Bill Watterson

It's always better to leave the party early. ~ Bill Watterson

Calvin: Do you believe in the devil? You know, a supreme evil being dedicated to the temptation, corruption, and destruction of man? Hobbes: I'm not sure man needs the help. ~ Bill Watterson

Paul Gauguin asked, "whence do we come? What are we? Where are we going?" Well, I don't know about anyone else, but I came from my room, I'm a kid with big plans, and I'm going outside! See ya later! Say, who the heck is Paul Gauguin anyway? ~ Bill Watterson

What fun is it being cool if you can't wear a sombrero? ~ Bill Watterson

Once it's too late, you appreciate what a miracle life is. ~ Bill Watterson

I think life should be more like TV. I think all of life's problems ought to be solved in 30 minutes with simple homilies, don't you? I think weight and oral hygiene ought to be our biggest concerns. I think we should all have powerful, high-paying jobs, and everyone should drive fancy sports cars. All our desires should be instantly gratified. Women should always wear tight clothing, and men should carry powerful handguns. Life overall should be more glamorous, thrill-packed, and filled with applause, don't you think? ... Then again, if real life was like that, what would we watch on television? ~ Bill Watterson

Calvin: Trick or Treat!
Adult: Where's your costume? What are you supposed to be?
Calvin: I'm yet another resource-consuming kid in an overpopulated planet, raised to an alarming extent by Madison Avenue and Hollywood, poised with my cynical and alienated peers to take over the world when you're old and weak!
... Boy, am I scary or what? ~ Bill Watterson

You know, maybe we don't need enemies."
"Yeah, best friends aree about all I can take. ~ Bill Watterson

I'd hate to have a kid like me. ~ Bill Watterson

If you have the personalities down, you understand them and identify with them; you can stick them in any situation and have a pretty good idea of how they're going to respond. Then it's just a matter of sanding and polishing up the jokes. But if you've got more ambiguous characters or stock stereotypes, the plastic comes through and they don't work as well. These two characters clicked for me almost immediately and I feel very comfortable working with them. ~ Bill Watterson

Years from now, when I'm successful and happy, ... and he's in prison ... I hope I'm not too mature to gloat. ~ Bill Watterson

You know, sometimes kids get bad grades in school because the class moves too slow for them. Einstein got D's in school. Well guess what, I get F's!!! ~ Bill Watterson

Why does man create? Is it man's purpose on earth to express himself, to bring form to thought, and to discover meaning in experience? Or is it just something to do when he's bored? ~ Bill Watterson

I'm killing time while I wait for life to shower me with meaning and happiness. ~ Bill Watterson

If you're a painter, it's simply taken for granted that you'll spend a lot of time in museums studying great paintings, but if you're a cartoonist, it used to be very hard to see an original cartoon drawing. ~ Bill Watterson

Well, coming at a new work requires a certain amount of patience and energy, and there's always the risk of disappointment. You can't really blame people for preferring more of what they already know and like. The trade-off, of course, is that predictability is boring. Repetition is the death of magic. ~ Bill Watterson

It's a cruel season that makes you get ready for bed while it's light out. ~ Bill Watterson

Verbing weirds language. ~ Bill Watterson

Good friends are hard to come by.. I need more money. ~ Bill Watterson