Robyn Peterman Quotes

How about Al?" Sam suggested. "Perfect," Dave grinned. "Um ... Hi Poseidon, this is Al." "Al who?" "Al Jacques Yuoff!" Dave snorted, desperately trying not to laugh as Hairy Sam rocked back and forth giggling. "Al Jacques Yuoff?" Poseidon boomed. "You'll jack me off? Thanks you fat bastard!" Dave shrieked and hung up quickly.

What in the hell are you digging for?" "The seat belt." "Oh." She shrugged guiltily. "I cut them out. Everybody's doing it.

I was just pissy and bored and horny and lonely. It was a bad combination. Bad.

That will be fine," Ethan muttered. "Now breathe through the pain." "Come over here," she grunted. "I'll show you how to breathe through my fist.

Do you mind if we leave here so I can chain smoke 'til I throw up so it will be easier to quit?

I'm twenty-nine, happily single and getting it on a regular basis' I said, enjoying the way their thin lips hung open in an impressive O.
'Well I've never,' Jane gasped.
'Clearly. You should try it some time. I understand Mr Smith is so vision impaired you might have a shot there.'
Their appalled shrieks were music to my ears and I quickly made my escape.

Sammy is Upoopia!" my baby shouted and clapped his hands, instantly bringing all the furniture in the room to life. Couches and chairs upended their occupants and began to dance around the room recklessly.
"Outstanding," Satan yelled as he tangoed with a chaise. "My great nephew is tremendous".

Is your name even David?' I asked as I yanked my panties back on.
'Is yours Melanie?' he inquired, buttoning his jeans.
'I asked first,' I countered, wondering for the umpteenth time why being an idiot came so easily to me.

You're my BFF and I would shred someone's skin from their body and shove their bones down their dead ass throat for you.

Hung Island, Georgia,

If you puke in my room, I will make you eat it. Do you understand me?

Anyone who discounts you is a dumbass," I muttered as the golf cart jerked forward.
"And are you a dumbass?" the Pigeon inquired as she peeked under the tarp.
"Absolutely not ... I'm a smartass.

Will you guys by okay?" I asked granny and BFF.
"Oh, hell yeah. We're gonna play Twister and then try on wigs and girdles," Granny informed us.

Do you think five babysitters will be sufficient?" Ethan inquired sardonically.
"No, but I'm willing to leave the compound without panties if we can make that happen."
"I'm on it," he said as he quickly began texting our gaggle of sitters

Then I will skin it and suck all the blood out of it unless it's a Troll. Trolls taste like ass. We tried two of the randy bastards just to make sure and we will not be imbibing Troll again any time soon,

Crazy didn't just run in my family ... it stopped and strolled and hung out.

I love you, Essie. Before you came into my life, I had considered ending myself. Three hundred years is a long time to be alone. You've given me hope, a career as a drag queen and a dysfunctional family. I am supremely grateful. Bite me." And

I opened my mouth and projectile-vomited on her from head to toe. The more I retched, the more I had to retch. It was a disgusting self-fulfilling prophecy. Her howls and screeches were music to my indebted ears. Her hair was covered and her net top held my gift beautifully.

Oookay, that was seriously confusing, especially the part about the Warrior Prince being a taco stand, I laughed, trying to thaw the icy chill in the room.

He shifted his attention back to me and leaned in closer. "I told you to behave. I don't want to have to arrest you ever again."
"Um ... okay."
I felt him slide something under my hand. He leaned in even closer, his mouth by my ear, and whispered, "Although I wouldn't mind handcuffing you."
Oh. My. God.

It occurred to me that might not be the best of ideas, but desperate times led to stupid measures.

Puck Flare's eyes turned blood red and narrowed to slits. "What have you done to me?" he demanded as a spear of fire flew from his lips. "What have you done?" Ducking so I didn't fry was necessary, but he did ask a question. I'd been raised in the South and was occasionally polite. The man deserved an answer. "I

Hooters McHoulihan, let's get the fuck out of here. This G-string is so far up my ass, it's making my brain hurt, Jane grumbled

Oh my god," I shrieked. "Who did I screw over in a former life that those douches get to go to cool cities and I have to go home to an island called Hung?" "Those douches do have hairy asses and not just on a full moon. You're the only female agent I have that looks like a model so you're going to Georgia. Period." "Fine. I'll quit. I'll open a bakery." Angela smiled and an icky feeling skittered down my spine. "Excellent, I'll let you tell the Council that all the money they invested in your training is going to be flushed down the toilet

Don't know. Never let a wolf near my neck." He grinned and gave me a quick hug. "I love you, Essie. Before you came into my life, I had considered ending myself. Three hundred years is a long time to be alone. You've given me hope, a career as a drag queen and a dysfunctional family. I am supremely grateful. Bite me."
And because I trusted him ... I did.

For the love of everything evil," Satan yelled and threw his hands in the air. "What's this crap about everyone doubting me? This is not good for my ego. I'm the fucking Devil - the King

Hanks grin almost sent me into meltdown. The kind where I killed him, but first I would stick my tongue down his throat and ride him till he was blind.

God lets people out to play poker?" This was too much for even me to believe and I was a Vampyre. A myth . . .

Do Dragons eat Mexican?" Hank wondered out loud.
"Dude, they eat people. Mexican is a vast improvement over people.

Can I ask you something weird?" Dwayne inquired. "Does it pertain?" "Yes." "Fine, but hurry. I'm due in the agency in ten." "Don't speak till I finish," Dwayne said in a weary voice I'd never heard. "I am going to bite you. I will drink a very small amount of your blood so I can track you definitively. I don't trust my sense of smell enough where your life is concerned. You will then bite me and drink. You will find it disgusting, disturbing and possibly somewhat erotic, which is gross because you're straight and I'm gay, but you will do it. My blood will give you vampire strength. It's temporary, so don't freak. Let's do it." "Was all that a joke?" I stammered. "What? The straight and gay part?" He was confused. "Or the temporary part?" "All of it," I yelled.

It took a lot to render me silent, like learning my grandma had been a stripper in her youth, and that all male Werewolves were hung like horses ... but this was horrific.

Why should it?" I shrugged. "I'm a Demon Princess, my father is Satan, most of my sisters are raging sluts, I have an invisible friend named Blanche and I've been in therapy for what feels like half of my life because I'm not evil enough. I'm not sure I'm such a great catch either.

Maybe after I saved everyone we could all take a ride on the fucking Ferris wheel ... Fuck was now added to my vocabulary. It was an outstanding word that could basically mean just about anything. It could be used as a noun, verb and adverb. It rolled off the tongue with ease and even if you spoke a foreign language it was difficult not to understand fuck off or off you fuck or fuck you.

Out," I instructed as I began peeling my clothes from my body. "I am going to pee for twenty-seven minutes, and then I'm going to shower for forty-two minutes, followed by scrubbing my teeth for sixty-one minutes.

When you die, the only things you leave behind are memories in the minds of those who loved you. That was how you lived on.

The Vampyres were loosey goosey, the Witches were nuts and the freakin' Fairies were downright pushovers, but not the Weres. Nope, if you enlisted you were in for life.

Ethan chuckled and pulled his child close. "However, it might be nice if you gave your Uncle Satan blue skin tomorrow. He would love that."
The gasps in the room were hilarious. My Vampyre was evil to the core ... I bit my lip to keep from screaming or laughing. Satan would look awesome as a Smurf. I needed to make sure my phone was charged so I could get some good blackmail shots.

Jumping up and down like a Mexican jumping bean on crack.

I'd never read a romance novel about conjoined twins. It was a huge market that had never been tapped. I had just come up with the new Twilight,

Cockmotherhumpershitpissbodoinkeewacker,