Peeing Quotes

I was thinking about dying the other day the death thought came while I was sitting on the toilet peeing - that's where I have my most contemplative thoughts. ~ Madonna Ciccone

Happiness is like peeing in your pants. Everyone can see it, but only you can feel the warmth. ~ Jon Foreman

There was nothing dignified about peeing behind a tree with your super-cute wilderness tour guide lurking nearby. ~ Desni Dantone

I wanted to be a poet. I had a really romantic idea about what that would mean. My parents knew some poets, and I liked how they dressed and acted, but I didn't really acknowledge that I only liked reading some bits of poetry while I was peeing or something. ~ Lena Dunham

Debt is always negative, no matter how positively you try to look at it. The "minus" sign in front of your bank balance is a dead giveaway, despite what you might think about leveraging or whatever. It's even worse when it's a credit card or a student loan, and you can't even remember what you've bought or learned with it. Sure, the minimum repayments will eventually cancel it out, but by that time you will most likely have dentures and be peeing anywhere you damn well please. ~ Ana Spoke

Peeing on a stick is not as easy as it sounds! #WhenRavensFall ~ Matilda Wren

Curran smiled.
"What's so funny?"
"Your panties have a bow," he said.
I looked down. I was wearing a short tank top - not mine - and my blue panties with a narrow white strip of lace at the top and a tiny white bow. Would it have killed me to check what I was wearing before I pulled the blanket down? "What's wrong with bows?"
"Nothing." He was grinning now. "I expected barbed wire. Or one of those steel chains."
Wiseass. "I'm secure enough in myself to wear panties with bows on them. Besides, they are comfy and soft."
"I bet." He almost purred.
I gulped. Okay, I needed to either crawl back into bed and cover myself with the blanket or get the hell to the bathroom and back. Since I didn't fancy peeing on myself, the bathroom was my only option.
"I don't suppose you'd mind giving me a bit of privacy for my trip?"
"Not a chance," he said.
I tried to get off the bed. Everything was under control until my weight actually hit my legs and then the room decided to crawl sideways. Curran caught me. His arm hugged my back, his touch sending an electric shiver along my skin. Oh no.
"Need some help, ass kicker?"
"I'm fine, thanks." I pushed away from him. He held on to me for a second, letting me know that he could restrain me against my will with laughable ease, and let go. I clenched my teeth. Enjoy it while it lasts. I'll be back on my feet soon.
I walked away from him, successfully maintaining vertical position, and ze ~ Ilona Andrews

It was the perfect time and place for an inherently timid person like him to express his
inner pervert by peeing in public. ~ Ryu Murakami

Chutzpah' is best defined as a small boy peeing through someone's letter box, then ringing the doorbell to ask how far it went. ~ Maureen Lipman

Once the minority of House and Senate are comfortable in their minority status, they will have no problem socializing with the Republicans. Any farmer will tell you that certain animals run around and are unpleasant, but when they've been fixed, then they are happy and sedate. They are contented and cheerful. They don't go around peeing on the furniture and such. ~ Grover Norquist

Look, there's not much useful to take away from this book – it's largely stories of a woman who has spent her life peeing on herself. But there is one way I really believe I can help the world, and that is to encourage everyone, in all things, to "Make It a Treat ~ Sarah Silverman

Well, there's two kinds of peeing ... There's regular peeing, because you have to pee. And then there's auxiliary competitive peeing. For acquiring empire. I'm all about the real estate. ~ Merrill Markoe

Adam asked, "What is he doing, anyway?"
"Peeing."
"Trust Lynch to deface a place like this five minutes after getting here."
"Deface? Marking his territory."
"He must own more of Virginia than your father, then."
"I don't think he's ever used an indoor toilet, now that I think about it. ~ Maggie Stiefvater

2387. Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool? (My sentiments exactly!) ~ Olav Laudy

Why did you leave? (Aiden)
I took care of the person harassing him. Threat gone. Job eliminated. Anything else you want to know? Dental records, fingerprints? Retinal scan? (Leta)
Urine sample would work. (Aiden)
What cup you want me to use? (Leta)
Does anything faze you? (Aiden)
I fight people for a living. Do you honestly think peeing in a cup is going to frighten me? (Leta) ~ Sherrilyn Kenyon

Killing demons is like peeing on yourself; everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings. Annr, guard, Zearlach city. ~ Taylor Grace

As Ian looked at her, he felt something in his chest slip and shift. The pressure came with a blood-tingling rush of triumph and satisfaction, pride and a deeply burning sense of possessiveness. His inner caveman warrior had been awakened and wanted to rush around the room, peeing into the corners, marking it - and her - as his own, while shouting Mine! and randomly smashing things for emphasis.
But he knew that was he was feeling was the equivalent of emotional and hormonal indigestion. He hadn't done this in a long time. And he particularly hadn't done it with a woman he liked as much as this one. In fact, he'd never had sex with anyone that he genuinely liked as much as he liked Phoebe. ~ Suzanne Brockmann

The first time I lay actual eyes on the real David Lynch on the set of his movie, he's peeing on a tree ... Mr. David Lynch, a prodigious coffee drinker, apparently pees hard and often. ~ David Foster Wallace

It was in that garage that Alec worked, no longer wearing red bodices or peeing blue, but doing mysterious greasy things. ~ V.S. Naipaul

Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings. ~ Robert Bloch

I know she's just trying to make things nice, so I do my part. Now, when I get up to use the bathroom in the middle of the night, I turn on the light. I used to just go by sonar: just keep peeing 'til you hear water. ~ Adam Ferrara

I saw a bear once. I was peeing then, too. ~ Kirsty McKay

Peeing is like a good book in that it is very, very hard to stop once you start. ~ John Green

I need to stop thinking about peeing. I should focus on dry things.
Like California's drought, month old Christmas trees, British wit. And my vagina while listening to the world's most boring date mansplain to me about his fantasy football club. ~ Daisy Prescott

The rhythm of the footsteps, the sound of whatever is coming down the ladder is driving both me and my mom steadily toward peeing our pants. ~ Kendare Blake

Some boys walk by and you cry, seeing them. They feel good, they look good, they are good. Oh, they're not above peeing off a bridge, or stealing an occasional dime-store pencil sharpener; it's not that. It's just, you know, seeing them pass, that's how they'll be all their life; they'll get hit, hurt, cut, bruised, and always wonder why, why does it happen? how can it happen to them? ~ Ray Bradbury

Anything else you want to know? Dental records, fingerprints? Retinal scan?"
"Urine sample would work."
She rolled her eyes. "What cup you want me to use?"
He was intrigued by her comebacks and the fact that she didn't appear angry over his questioning and word choice. "Does anything faze you?"
"I fight people for a living. Do you honestly think peeing in a cup is going to frighten me?"
She had a point… providing she wasn't lying about her occupation.
Without a word, Aidan pulled a glass out of his cabinet and handed it to her.
Her jaw dropped. "You've got to be kidding me? You really want a urine sample?"
He actually smiled at her question. "Not hardly, but I thought you might be thirsty. The drinks are in the fridge."

For once he saw relief in her gaze before she went and poured herself a glass of milk. "Thanks for showing some mercy."
"Yeah," he said bitterly. "Just remember to return the favor."
"Is that supposed to mean something?"
He shrugged. "Just in my experience, all people do is take. None of them give a damn about helping someone else."
"And sometimes people can surprise you."
"Yeah. You're right. I'm constantly amazed by the unprovoked treachery they're capable of."
She shook her head. "Wow, you arejaded.(Leta & Aidan) ~ Sherrilyn Kenyon

That night, the tent that I had been alone in for so long was suddenly heaving with bodies, and piles of rope and kit--with Neil, Geoffrey, and Graham squeezed in beside me.
I tried to drink as much boiled water as I could get down. I knew that I would need to be as hydrated as I could possibly be to tackle what lay ahead. So I drank and I peed. But still my pee was dark brown.
It was almost impossible to hydrate at this altitude.
The ritual of peeing into a water bottle had become second nature to us all, even in the dark, and even with someone's head inches away from the bottle. We each had two bottles: one for pee, one for water. It was worth having a good system to remember which was which.
At 10:00 P.M. I needed to pee--again. I grabbed my bottle, crouched over and filled it. I screwed it shut--or so I thought--then settled back into my bag to try and find some elusive sleep.
Soon I felt the dampness creeping through my clothes.
You have got to be joking. I swore to myself as I scrambled to the crouch position again.
I looked down. The cap was hanging loosely off the pee bottle.
Dark, stinking brown pee had soaked through all my clothes and sleeping bag. I obviously hadn't done it up properly. Brute of a mistake. Maybe an omen for what lay ahead.
On that note I fell asleep. ~ Bear Grylls

A dingy emblem on the door depicted a little boy peeing into a pot. The rest of the bar was equally drab and tasteless. Dim bulbs behind red-tasseled lamp shades barely illuminated each of a dozen maroon vinyl booths, which marched along one wall toward the murky front windows. Chipped Formica tables anchored the booths in place. Opposite the row of booths was a long, scarred wooden bar with uncomfortable-looking stools. Behind the bar, sitting on glass shelves in front of a cloudy mirror, were endless rows of bottles, each looking as forlorn as the folks for whom they waited.
He caught the strong odors of liquor and tobacco smoke, and the weaker scents of cleaning chemicals and vomit. In one of the booths , two heads bobbed with the movement of mug-clenching fists. A scrawny bartender with droopy eyelids picked his teeth with a swizzle stick and chatted quietly with a woman seated at the bar. Otherwise the bar was empty. ~ Robert Liparulo

That was just too embarrassing, although there was a sort of poetic justice to peeing on your enemies when they weren't able to get to you. And it wasn't like they would kill me less painfully if I didn't pee on them. ~ Elle Casey

That night, the booze felt great, as the warmth of the wine in my stomach spread through my body. I didn't like feeling stupid or out of control, but I liked the way it made everything (laughing, crying, peeing in front of your friends) easier. ~ John Green

Essentially, the whole time I'd been here, the security staff hadn't been paid. I would have been harassing the management too, though I probably would have started with a discussion and not so much jumping straight to peeing on someone's bed. You have to work up to that sort of thing. Still, I had essentially staged a hostile takeover, which did kind of explain why they'd been going on the offensive. ~ Lish McBride

It's so scary. And then I end up getting so nervous that I get like [I am] now. I get really hyper. [Squeals.] So then I go in interviews and I'm like, 'I'm like a chihuahua! I'm shaking and peeing!' And then afterwards, I'm like, 'I just talked about peeing on the red carpet.' ~ Jennifer Lawrence

Ben, if you get pee in my brand-new car, I am going to cut your balls off."
Still peeing, Ben looks over at me smirking. "You´re gonna need a hell of a big knife, bro. ~ John Green

Bucks, doe - thank God everything boils down to money, I always say."
"During mating season the doe constructs a bed for herself, and then she urinates all around the outside of it. That's how she gets her mate."
"So that's it," murmured Odette. "I was always peeing in the bed. ~ Lorrie Moore

I know about urinal etiquette. For one thing, you don't say anything beyond "What's up" to another guy while peeing. It's common courtesy. ~ Bill Konigsberg

There is a small, but important, difference between peeing in the pool, and peeing into the pool. ~ Demetri Martin

He turned on the radio, and sure enough, the meteorologists were practically peeing themselves with joy. "Wind gusts up to fifty miles per hour, heavy rains, some local flooding. Stay inside, folks! ~ Kristan Higgins

At first it comes in small drops; that's how pee does, if somebody is watching, then it just won't come. I get more tiny drops, like I'm squeezing a lemon, so I close my eyes tight and concentrate.
Why are you taking so long? Forgiveness says, irritated-like, like she is somebody.
Leave her alone, is she peeing with your thing? Sbho says. Then when I'm beginning to think the pee is really not coming, it comes, so I turn around and give Forgiveness a talking eye that says Say something, uh-uh, uh-uh. ~ NoViolet Bulawayo

This is how it should have been that first night down on the sand," he whispered. "This is our beginning Ivy. I want to make it official. I want there to be no doubt, 'cause I'm gonna do stupid shit all the time." I giggled, and his white teeth flashed. "I'm gonna leave the toilet seat up. I'm gonna be overprotective, probably bossy, and my temper is always gonna run hot." "I don't care," I told him, sliding my hands up to rest on his chest. "Tell me you'll be my girl, and I swear I'll love you with everything I got." "I'm always gonna be stubborn. I'm not gonna take your shit. My makeup will be all over the bathroom, and I still don't have a major. Oh, and I want to keep Prada. You have to like her, too." "I already told Rim to get your adoption paperwork ready for that rat." Then in lower tones, he said, "She's grown on me." I smiled. He totally loved Prada. "So what's my answer?" He tightened his arms around my waist. I pretended to think it over. A girl should never sound too eager-even if she was practically peeing herself with glee. "Blondie," Braeden growled. "I'm already yours, B. I have been for a long time. ~ Cambria Hebert

In the 1998 Oscars, I found myself in the bathroom in a stall, next to Tom Selleck. So I leaned over and I said 'looks like we're a couple of peeing Toms. His angry silence is something I'll never forget. ~ Tom Hanks

All of the third-world flights docked here, families waiting days for their connections, squatting on the floor in big bacterial clumps, and it was a long trek to where the European-North American travelers came and went, making those brisk, no-nonsense flights with extra leg-room and private TV, whizzing over for a single meeting in such a manner that it was truly hard to imagine they were shitting-peeing, bleeding-weeping humans at all. Silk and cashmere, bleached teeth, Prozac, laptops, and a sandwich for their lunch named the Milano. ~ Kiran Desai

A brick could be used to liven up urinal chatter. Also, instead of just repeating "Yeah" while the guy peeing next to you is talking, try a more positive affirmation, like pinching his butt cheek. ~ Jarod Kintz

so entering a conversation that you'd overheard but hadn't been invited to join was sort of like peeing in someone's coffee while they stood there and watched you do it. ~ Johnny B. Truant

We have always had dogs, and they have faithfully performed many valuable services for us, such as: 1. Peeing on everything. 2. When we're driving in our car, alerting us that we have passed another dog by barking real loud in our ears for the next 114 miles. 3. Trying to kill the Avon lady. ~ Dave Barry

You know I have been issued a public urination pass by the city because of my condition. Unfortunately, my little brother ran out of the house with it this morning. Him and his friends are probably peeing all over the city. ~ Jerry Seinfeld

never seen real darkness, not in the city, but how, if you stood peeing off the cabin porch on a moonless night, or took a walk through the woods where the treetops stitched out the stars, you could almost forget you were there, you felt invisible. Country dark, his mother called it. ~ Tom Franklin

You can watch me pee! It's okay! Here look, I'm peeing! I'm peeing! You can stop uprooting yourself. ~ Elle Casey

Summer said only men are allowed to sleep on the floor. Women just aren't that special and have to have a bed. She said it's like peeing outside." He shrugged. "Some things women just can't do." They all looked at Grace. She was all for women's lib, but not when it came to peeing outside and sleeping on the floor. Put ~ Katie Graykowski

The Congressional Record will forever show that [Obamacare] was passed in a romper room of overgrown children seemingly barely old enough to keep from peeing on themselves. ~ Matt Taibbi

What did those people teach you?" he asked me one night, mystified. "What exactly do Catholics believe?"

I'd been preparing my whole life for this question. "First of all, blood. BLOOD. Second of all, thorns. Third of all, put dirt on your forehead. Do it right now. Fourth of all, Martin Luther was a pig in a cloak. Fifth of all, Jesus is alive, but he's also dead, and he's also immortal, but he's also made of clouds, and his face is a picture of infinite peace, but he also always looks like one of those men in a headache commercial, because you'rec causing him so much suffering whenever you cuss. He is so gentle that sheep seem like demented murderers in his presence, but also rays of sunlight shoot out of his face so hard they can kill people. In fact, they do kill people, and one day they will kill you. He has a tattoo of a daisy on his lower back and he gets his hair permed every eight weeks. He's wearing a flowing white dress, but only because people didn't know about jeans back then. He's holding up two fingers because his dad won't let him have a gun. If he lived on earth, he would have a white truck, plastered with bumper stickers of Calvin peeing on a smaller Calvin who is not a Catholic."

Jason was aghast. "Thorns?" he whispered. "But that's the most dangerous part of the rose. ~ Patricia Lockwood

I walk into the bathroom and even though I don't need to pee, I do anyway. I'm wearing a skirt that Amber forced me to put on and it's so easy to use the bathroom when you're in a skirt, it's stupid not to take advantage of the opportunity. Besides, I'm pretty sure I'm getting a cab home right after I punch Ben in the face, so I might as well use the restroom while I'm here.
Why am I justifying the fact that I'm peeing? ~ Colleen Hoover

A Mystic And A Drunk

The Universe turns on an axis.
Let my soul circle around a table
like a beggar, like a planet
rolling in the vast, totally helpless and free.

The knight and the castle move jaggedly
about the chessboard, but they're actually
centered on the king. They circle.

If love is your center, a ring
gets put on your finger.

Something inside the moth
is made of fire.

A mystic touches the annihilating tip
of pure nothing.

A drunkard thinks peeing is absolution.
Lord, take these impurities from me.

The lord replies, First, understand
the nature of impurity. If your key is bent,
the lock will not open.

I fall silent.
King Shams has come.
Always when I close, he opens. ~ Jalaluddin Rumi

One can't go on anymore, she said, electronics seems so clean and yet it dirties, dirties tremendously, and it obliges you to leave traces of yourself everywhere as if you were shitting and peeing on yourself continuously: I want to leave nothing, my favorite key is the one that deletes. ~ Elena Ferrante

« Quote of the day: "Friendship is like peeing your pants; everyone can see it but only you can feel it». ~ Penny Reid

I had definitely never heard of anyone peeing in a cup and leaving it in their own office on a bookshelf to evaporate and be absorbed back into their body through the pores on their face. ~ Tina Fey

During the height of the government enforcement of the Civil Rights Act, some segregated townships filled in their municipal pools rather than let nonwhite kids share in the perverse joy of peeing in the water. ~ Paul Beatty

I don't like to put too much effort into things. I find that once you get involved with special effects it is no longer about what is happening in front of the camera and I really want to concentrate on what is happening in front of the camera, like the man apparently peeing on the surface of the screen. ~ Steve McQueen

He didn't mean it. It happened before he was through. She'd stepped away from him to pick flowers, returned, and at the sound of her footsteps behind him, he'd turned around before he was through. It was becoming a habit––this concentration on things behind him. Almost as though there were no future to be had. ~ Toni Morrison

Why do organizations need to mark everything with their insignia? It's like a dog peeing on every tree. Google is the same way. So was NewBagel. Using ~ Robin Sloan

How I love Bangkok! It's so teeming with everything that should be forbidden. I'm not just talking about the sex trade. I also mean the ways of driving, the ways of putting up buildings, environmental management arrangements, the continual attention of con artists and snatch-thieves, and the quaint local custom of peeing in side-streets. ~ John Dolan

Don't tell me it's raining when you're peeing on me! ~ Mason Cooley

I'm done peeing now."
"Thank you for letting me know. ~ Jessica Park

I learned this summer that peeing in the pool and peeing INTO the pool are very different things. Location, Location, Location. ~ Demetri Martin

I only wanted Uncle Vernon standing by his own car (a Hudson) on a clear day, I got him and the car. Ialso got a bit of Aunt Mary's laundry and Beau Jack, the dog, peeing on the fence, and a row of potted tuberous begonias on the porch and 78 trees and a million pebbles in the driveway and more. It's a generous medium, photography. ~ Lee Friedlander

That reminds me. Make sure you drink a lot of water while you're there, or you'll dehydrate fast. And if you find yourself not peeing, or your urine is dark in color, you're not drinking enough.
The last thing in the world she'd ever wanted to discuss with Zane Alexander was the color of her pee. ~ Cat Johnson

I'll be peeing like a champion in no time ~ M. Leighton

Friday morning, Kylie, Miranda, and Della, each carting suitcases, walked
the trail to meet up with their parents. They walked slowly, like condemned prisoners moving to their executions.
"I'm going to be peeing on a drug test stick every hour," Della
muttered.
Miranda sighed. "I'm going to screw up at my competition and my
mom is going to give me up for adoption."
"I'm going to a ghost hunt," Kylie added. Both girls looked at her.
"Don't ask. ~ C.C. Hunter

She smiled thoughtfully. "I think Jackson was like a lost puppy. He needed purpose, someone to believe in him and love him despite his bullshit. But he didn't have that, so he just went around humping everyone's leg and peeing everywhere. Then you came along and he thought he found that owner that would give him that purpose - something that would make him feel needed - but you chose the fancy pet store puppy instead, so he went back to peeing on everything and destroying all the furniture."
"Um, Whit ... is there a point to this?"
"We all need someone to believe in us. It helps us see our full potential. You were that someone to believe in him. I think he'll be a new man because of it."
"So you're saying I rescued a lost puppy, and now he'll become a topnotch show dog because I'm just so amazing?"
"Exactly."
"You have such an eloquent way with words."
"No shit, right?"
"Precisely."
-Emma and Whitney ~ Rachael Wade

The aunts' conception of the right to privacy went far enough to allow you to close the toilet door when you were peeing, but no further. ~ Zen Cho