Non Veg Jokes Quotes

I have time only for cricket, and when I am not playing, I love to be at home, chat with my family, do puja with them, call for some yummy paani puri, etc. Also I love to cook. I can make dal, sabji and chicken! But, at home everybody's a vegetarian, so I can't cook non-veg at home! ~ Suresh Raina

They all laughed when I said I'd become a comedian. Well, they're not laughing now. ~ Bob Monkhouse

When you're an older woman [in a movie], you are the brunt of the joke. ~ Jane Fonda

The one thing I've found you really can't joke about - and people think it's death or something - is money. No one thinks it's funny, whether you have it or you don't. Money is just something no one seems to like joking about. ~ Anthony Jeselnik

What if people start mistreating their robots? Purposefully?"
"Mistreating a robot?" Matt echoed, as though I'd spoken a different language, and then a sly grin spread over his features. "You mean like, pushing its buttons? Get it?"
I had a hard time fighting my smile at his goofiness. "No. I mean - "
"Or playing something other than its favorite music, which everyone knows is heavy metal."
I groaned, laughing and shaking my head. "Oh wow. That was impressive."
"Thank you, thank you." As he examined my face, his smile deepened and his eyes warmed, as though he was both surprised and pleased by my laughter. "Sorry for interrupting, I just have a million robot jokes and no one lets me tell them."
"You can tell them to me, anytime."
"Good to know. ~ Penny Reid

You know that's not what I mean! I just ... I don't know what to do with men. I get nervous. I make too many jokes. I act like a kid sister instead of their fantasy sex machine. ~ Victoria Dahl

The four of us were together at last--me, the angel, the devil, and my demon. I felt like the moment should have seemed more momentous, or at least more pleasant, like we should have made jokes as we meandered down to the beach, collected driftwood for a fire, and leisurely toasted marshmallows. Instead, I was struggling to keep my eyes open, the angel was looking at the ground, Oz was glaring at the trunk, and for some reason I just knew that Forneus, locked down and wrapped in a sheet, was glaring right back. ~ Katherine Pine

America has got to learn to take a joke. ~ Herman Cain

I was going to start off tonight with an Obama joke, but I
don't want to get audited by the IRS. ~ Jay Leno

I have, like, two and a half years of failed jokes that I know I wouldn't repeat, but I certainly have no comprehension of what definitely works. And the only gauge that I can go by is, 'This makes me laugh,' and is joyful ... I like to, if possible, do things that people can enjoy and it doesn't take anybody down. ~ Taran Killam

I'm more of an older school comedian so Tommy Davidson still makes me laugh a lot no matter how many times I've heard his jokes or not. He's just an animated comedian that I don't mind seeing over and over again. ~ Joe Torry

To unwind after training, I love to have a long hot soak in the bath, then veg out on the sofa with a box set. I'm a box-set junkie! I absolutely love 'Grey's Anatomy.' ~ Jessica Ennis

I've learned to have absolutely no regrets about any jokes I've ever done. ~ Joan Rivers

If I can't face my accusers, that's a joke. We did that in medieval times. ~ Lance Armstrong

Round-heads and Wooden-shoes are standing jokes. ~ Joseph Addison

As professionals, we just try to keep the jokes to a minimum, when we're in a certain situation. When we're not doing that, we're joking. ~ Mike Colter

Once upon a time all the men of mind and genius in the world became of one belief- that is to say, of no belief. But it wearied them to think that within a few years after their death many cults and systems and prognostications would be ascribed to them which they had never...intended. So they said to one another: "Let's join together and make a great book that will last forever that will mock the credulity of man...We'll include all the most preposterous old wives' tales now current. We'll choose the keenest satirist alive to compile a deity from all the deities worshipped by mankind, a deity who will be more magnificent than any of them, yet so weakly human that he'll become a byword for laughter the world over- and we'll ascribe to him all sorts of jokes and vanities and rages, in which he'll be supposed to indulge for his own diversion, so that the people will read our book and ponder it, and there'll be no more nonsense in the world. ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald

Inej placed her hands on Nina's shoulders. "We'll see each other again."
"Of course we will. You've saved my life. I've saved yours."
"I think you're ahead on that count."
"No, I don't mean in the big ways." Nina's eyes took them all in. "I mean the little rescues. Laughing at my jokes. Forgiving me when I was foolish. Never trying to make me feel small. It doesn't matter if it's next month, or next year, or ten years from now, those will be the things I remember when I see you again."
Kaz offered his gloved hand to Nina. "Until then, Zenik."
"Count on it, Brekker." They shook. ~ Leigh Bardugo

Most people just do not give a crap. Especially about you. It is not because you're crap. Mostly it is so because they are. So, you're better than them. Yeah! Now, give a crap! ~ Fakeer Ishavardas

Tino laughed with him and then asked, "What the hell is up with you? You acted like I murdered your mother today."
"Not funny." Chuito sobered. "Mafia doesn't get to make jokes about murdering my mother. ~ Kele Moon

There are jokes I know I want to tell, and there's sort of a rough order, but usually I try to change it up every show, to improvise and talk with the audience. I think when you tell jokes, if you're not careful, you can end up telling the whole list of jokes and then that's it. And that can get a little boring. ~ Demetri Martin

Make a list of all the lovers you've ever had.
Warren Lasher
Ed "Rubberhead" Catapano
Charles Deats or Keats
Alfonse
Tuck it in your pocket. Leave it lying around, conspicuously. Somehow you lose it. Make "mislaid" jokes to yourself. Make another list. ~ Lorrie Moore

What is so often laughable, in the stories of Kundera's Czechoslovakia, is how grimly serious just about everything turns out to be, jokes and games and pleasure included; what's laughable is how terribly little there is to laugh at with any joy. ~ Philip Roth

Then I could not help wondering what the watching gods thought of us, with our clever masks and our jokes. What we think of crickets, perhaps, whose singing we hear with pleasure, though some of us smash them with our heels when they venture into sight. ~ Gene Wolfe

... and do you know what?"
"What?"
"People don't talk about anything."
"Oh, they must!"
"No, not anything. They name a lot of cars or clothes or swimming pools mostly and say how swell! But they all say the same things and nobody says anything different from anyone else. And most of the time in the caves they have the joke boxes on and the same jokes most of the time, or the musical wall lit and all the colored patterns running up and down, but it's only color and all abstract. And at the museums, have you ever been? All abstract. That's all there is now. My uncle says it was different once. A long time back sometimes pictures said things or even showed people. ~ Ray Bradbury

Conversations and jokes together, mutual rendering of good services, the reading together of sweetly phrased books, the sharing of nonsense and mutual attentions. ~ Robertson Davies

America sometimes resembles, at least from the point of view of a black man, an exceedingly monotonous minstrel show; the same dances, same music, same jokes. One has done (or been) the show so long that one can do it in one's own sleep. ~ James A. Baldwin

Teenagers are never joking. when seeking to prove a point, principals and teachers should remember that teenagers are never, ever sarcasic or ironic. if they say "I wish someone would drop a bomb on this school right now," that means they have arranged for a nuclear arsenal to be emptied onto the school and should be immediately suspended and ridiculed. if they say they were merely coming up with a joking excuse to postpone a bio test, reply that all jokes are funny, and that since dropping a bomb on a school is not funny, it is therefore
not
a
joke. ~ David Levithan

His chief failing was a habit of cracking heavy pedantic jokes; he was unable to let a good idea drop, and remarked several times during the course of the film that the heroine looked like she ought to be playing the horse. The comment had some truth in it, in that the heroine did have an equine cast of feature, but he made it too often, and with too little variation; however, she was willing to forgive him, in view of his evident tolerance of her social errors, such as an inability to say whether or not she wanted an ice cream. ~ Margaret Drabble

Scout - oblivious to our jokes at her expense - pushed forward. "I don't understand why you're arguing with me. You know you have no chance."
Michael clutched at his chest dramatically. "You're killing me, Scout. Really. There's chest pain - a tightness." He faked a groan. ~ Chloe Neill

There is something about being a director where, for me personally, I get to ... it's the closest I'll ever come to being able to be a stand up. And to use my particular sense of humor, and hear people laughing, without me having to stand up in front of an audience and tell jokes. ~ Barry Sonnenfeld

I always thought my genitals were the result of some crude practical joke. ~ Steven Morrissey

He loved me. He'd loved me as long as he he'd known me! I hadn't loved him as long perhaps, but now I loved him equally well, or better. I loved his laugh, his handwriting, his steady gaze, his honorableness, his freckles, his appreciation of my jokes, his hands, his determination that I should know the worst of him. And, most of all, shameful though it might be, I loved his love for me. ~ Gail Carson Levine

The Australian sense of humor is very dry, sarcastic, and very undercover. Like if I tell any jokes in America, people just think I'm serious! So I just quit telling any jokes whatsoever. ~ Heath Ledger

Awards shows have devolved into self-parodies - liberals in limos, corny insider jokes delivered by the hosts among bad teleprompter reading from the some of the best thespians on the planet. ~ John Ridley

Nonchalant putts count the same as chalant putts. ~ Henry Beard