Irreverent Humor Quotes

Cynicism is extremely contagious, and the most pious among us cannot long endure its potency. The gullible should be on their guard, however, since this endearing quality frequently masquerades as wit. ~ Mike Corbett

Manners without sincerity, is called polite society ~ Josh Stern

...I tried to pretend that what we were enacting was nothing more than an intricate kind of handshake." ~Malcolm ~ Kathleen Maher

There is a sort of mental treason
That smothers dreams outside of reason ~ Mike Corbett

No quality imparts apparent strength to its possessors more effectively than faith. From hospital beds to battlefields, it is the iron that strengthens a man to confront his destiny. ~ Mike Corbett

You're sure he's not a vampire?' Claire said.'I've seen movies. They're sneaky.' She was kidding. Eve didn't smile. ~ Rachel Caine

Kelsea didn't recognize the guard, but she knew his voice. After a moment she realized, bemused, that it was Dyer. He'd shaved his red beard.
"Dyer, is that your face under there?"
Dyer flushed bright red. Pen snorted gleefully, and Kibb clapped Dyer on the back. "I told him, Lady...now we can see every time he blushes. ~ Erika Johansen

I guess, for me, I've always thought that there was humor everywhere. And as a kid, I just, you know, I grew up an only child, and I - sort of nothing made me happier than to make my parents laugh. I remember I had costumes and things laying around the house that I was, you know, anything that I could do to make my parents laugh. ~ Justin Timberlake

So he starts getting up and brings me along by my lips. Alright. Now we're being videotaped. His backs to the camera. "Trust me?" He asks.
"Uh ... sure?" Huh?
He starts to lift up my shirt when he kisses me again. I bite his lip and glare at him. "What? I need your shirt for the camera."
"Use your own goddamn shirt! ~ Bella Shadow

THE ANGEL RAZIEL
Teacher? I did an independent study, does that count?
Yes. You may skip this section. Enjoy your newfound sixty seconds ~ Cassandra Clare

Restrooms at gas stations were an unpleasant and shocking surprise; I had never considered the serious drawbacks of such lazily-cleaned rooms. I was completely unable to ignore the filth, and wasted a burst of power to turn the sink, floors and porcelain toilet into sparkling, clean examples of their kind before using the facility. I felt that was a much less judgmental response than simply blowing the place off the face of the Earth, which was also a distinct temptation, especially when the storekeeper overcharged me for a bottle of cold water. ~ Rachel Caine

Judge Walter Henderson, better known as Hatchet Henderson, is a large, imposing hulk of a man who stays in shape by adhering to a no-carbohydrate, no-fat, all-lawyer diet. Open and Shut, 2003 ~ David Rosenfelt

As writers, we're always trying to connect with the audience on a visceral level. We usually do that through drama, through emotion or through humor. ~ Rockne S. O'Bannon

Most of the truly kind people of this world show some measure of discomfort when offered kindness. Their gratitude stems not only from their understanding of the depth of the force of kindness, but also from their conviction that kindness should not be taken for granted. ~ Janvier Chouteu-Chando

Who knows himself a braggart, let him fear this, for it will come to pass that every braggart shall be found an ass. ~ William Shakespeare

Absence makes the clitoris grow fonder. ~ Cassie Mae

I had been reduced to jelly by a brassiere. ~ Rosen Trevithick

Holy mother of rectangles. ~ Dan Howell

I pulled in a soft breath. My lungs were starving, crying out for air. I lay still, and a cough tickled at the back of my throat. It always happens when you're hiding, a cough, a sneeze, something. It's stupid. The body decides to screw around with you, even though it knows being quiet is the only way it's going to go on living. ~ Lilith Saintcrow

Dead people are just great. Meet me when you are. ~ Fakeer Ishavardas

Both of my kids have my sense of humor - they're definitely entertaining. ~ Jodie Sweetin

I think so," she [Claire] said. "Just watch your back, okay?"
"Nah, Michael's got mine." He [Shane] looked straight into her eyes.
"I've got yours. ~ Rachel Caine

Are you fighting evil tonight? ... Then you are doing the Lord's work. Shut the fuck up. ~ James R Tuck

There are a lot of things I can't control. I don't know what's going to happen in the next few days.I don't want what I am going to face, what kind of choices I am going to have to make. I can't predict it. I can't control it. It's too big.' I nodded at my shovel. 'But that, I can predict. I know that if I pick up that shovel and clear the snow from the walkways, it's going to make my neighbors safer and happier.' I glanced at him and shrugged. 'It's worthwhile to me. ~ Jim Butcher

I was walking through the woods, thinking about Christ. If He was a carpenter, I wondered what He charged for bookshelves. ~ Woody Allen

Huh? Oh you have a hidden agenda, do you?" She laughed. His straight-faced humor always surprised her. "You promised me you didn't."
"There is nothing hidden about it," he replied. My objective is obvious. I've decided I'd rather have you describe me as 'sweet' than a 'slagging pain in the tailset.'"
"Really?"
"Well ... " he looked up from the bag. "Maybe not in public."
"I might be able to confine myself to saying it in private, if you gave me a reason." Taya met his eyes, and he blushed. ~ Dru Pagliassotti

We keep a lot of humor and laughter in the home. A lot of times these days, people let the stress of life take the joy from the home. When you can laugh and you can have joy, that's very healthy. Victoria is easy going. She's very spontaneous and fun. I can hear her laughter all through the house. It sets the tone for the house. I like someone who can laugh. The second thing is respect. We just do our best. We don't always agree with each other but we make the decision that we want to treat each other with respect. ~ Joel Osteen

Mrs. Windemere always had a cup of hot coffee waiting for me. Black, which, she said, was the only way to drink it if you wanted to be awake to serve the god of Creativity ~ Gary D. Schmidt

Does getting nailed by a werewolf count as bestiality? ~ Nicki Elson

You better not be dead. This team is already overflowing with ankle spankers. I was looking forward to having more women around."
Yara's eyelids fluttered open. She blinked a few times, focused on him, and frowned.
"Ankle spanker? The only thing you've got that'll reach that far is your ego. ~ Lindsay Buroker

He was afflicted with an education and a sense of humor. He was inspired by a purpose. He was armed with a phone book. He was doomed. ~ Alfred Bester

Succotash my cocker spaniel, you fudging crevasse-hole dipshiitake! ~ Jonathan Safran Foer

When a man first awakens, it sometimes takes several moments before he starts thinking clearly."
"And here I thought it took several years, perhaps a lifetime for the average man's intellect to kick in. ~ Karen Marie Moning

Gentiles are people who eat mayonnaise for no reason. ~ Robin Williams

Welcome to the wonderful world of jealousy, he thought. For the price of admission, you get a splitting headache, a nearly irresistable urge to commit murder, and an inferiority complex. Yippee. ~ J.R. Ward

A wise man once said that any human being is capable of infinite achievement, so long as it's not the work they're supposed to be doing. ~ K.J. Parker

Look what the cat dragged in," Ms. Skoglund said. "Were you waylaid by all your female admirers?"
"It's nothing like that," the boy said. "Besides, you know I only have eyes for you."
"Sure you do," Ms. Skoglund said. "I mean, why bother with one of those skinny little things your age when you can go for someone who's trying to lose another thirty pounds before her twenty-year class reunion next summer? That makes sense. ~ Jon S. Lewis

My ass hurts, Garrett."
"Didn't we have this conversation when we first met? ~ Abigail Roux

My body - I do not fall to pieces and be reduced to a big pile of lovable mush over a woman, never! ~ A.R. Von

I knew something was wrong when you started being so polite. ~ Lloyd Alexander