Violet Crawley Funny Quotes

I filmed myself drunk, just to see what I'm like. I watched so many funny videos of people drunk on YouTube. ~ Aaron Paul

A hick town is one where there is no place to go where you shouldn't go. ~ Alexander Woollcott

If a woman cannot make her mistakes charming, she is only a female. ~ Oscar Wilde

God willing, we will throw them into the sea. ~ Mohammed Saeed Al-Sahaf

So that's the secret," the Beast Lord said.
I froze with the spoon halfway to my mouth. That was it. He had figured out what I was and now he was playing with me.
"You okay?" he asked. "Gone a bit pale there."
In a moment he would drop the charade and rip me to pieces. If I was lucky. "Secret to what?"
"Secret to shutting you up," he said. "I just have to beat you till you're half-dead, then give you chicken soup and" - he raised his hands - "blessed silence."
I went back to the soup. Ha-ha. Very funny.
"What did you think I meant?"
"I don't know," I mumbled. "The ways of the Beast Lord are a mystery to a humble merc like me."
"You don't do humble. ~ Ilona Andrews

Where did you meet?" he pressed on.
I shrugged and considered a little rephrasing. "I was out for a run."
"From who?"
I leaned back to take a long, very long, slow sip of that beer.
Knox leaned forward. "I think we're both bullsh*tting here, you ever play that card game?"
"With my grandma, every Sunday after church. ~ Dannika Dark

It's obviously funny to be a meme, so I could be down with it in that regard, but it also belittles one's art. ~ Grimes

The thing that's funny is that everyone thinks I'm dead. ~ Charles Nelson Reilly

Congratulations your 18! ... On a list of 20 people I'm going to kill. ~ Frankie Boyle

Being effective at social media, whether for business or personal use, means capturing people who have short attention spans. They're only a click away from a picture of a funny cat, so you have to make your thing more compelling than that cat. And that can be a high bar. ~ Alexis Ohanian

The trouble with her is that she lacks the power of conversation but not the power of speech. ~ George Bernard Shaw

At first the kid kicking the back of my airplane seat was enraging. Then I imagined it was a broken massage chair and I kinda liked it. ~ Kristen Schaal

More than his exterior hit me. I felt warm and safe just being with him. He brought comfort after my terrible day. So often with other people I felt a need to be center of attention, to be funny and always have something clever to say. It was a habit I needed to shake. But with him I never felt like I had to be anything more than what I already was. I didn't have to entertain him or think up jokes or even flirt. It was enough to just be together, to be so completely comfortable in each other's presence - we lost all sense of self-consciousness. ~ Richelle Mead

The printing press is either the greatest blessing or the greatest curse of modern times, sometimes one forgets which it is. ~ E.F. Schumacher

Schiffer recoiled: "Oh, Jesus Christ, Taryn, don't give me a heart attack," she said, clutching at her chest. "Remember: no sense of humor. How many times do I have to tell you that: No sense of humor. Humor can get you in all kinds of shit and we've got this won, if we don't get funny. ~ John Sandford

Oh, storms yes! Everybody, give the Lopen your spheres! I have glowing that needs to be done. ~ Brandon Sanderson

I am who I am and I am who I was, and I am who I will always be! ~ Emrys

Victoria Beckham looks like she has a dump once every four years. That's probably how David knows that there's a World Cup coming up. ~ Frankie Boyle

Most people are scumbags. Accept it. Let go. Chill out, douchebags. ~ Fakeer Ishavardas

Olympus has been a much welcomed return to my Shakespearean roots. King Aegeus demanded a much greater range and depth that I've yet had the opportunity to tap on camera. Lab Rats was a wonderful opportunity for me to just go be a goofy buffoon, which I love. It was exhilarating to listen to all the funny lines the writers would come up with on the spot and then get to play them immediately. ~ Graham Shiels

I've died before. It was boring, so I stood up. ~ Warren Ellis

A classic lecture, rich in sentiment, With scraps of thundrous Epic lilted out By violet-hooded Doctors, elegies And quoted odes, and jewels five-words-long, That on the stretched forefinger of all Time Sparkle for ever. ~ Alfred Lord Tennyson

I find being funny very hard work. I am always asked about it, and I feel guilty saying that, but it's the truth. I love my work, but it ain't easy. ~ Madeline Kahn

The General was essentially a man of peace, except in his domestic life. ~ Oscar Wilde

It's a funny line when you're walking - the creativity, the subjectivity versus the objectivity, creativity versus the business, and recognizing that you are in the music business, so there are certain things that you have to acquiesce to on the business side and certain creative decisions that you have to make for the purposes of serving the business side of it. ~ Lupe Fiasco

Huge Jackman has divorced his wife and happened upon my picture in some old article and decided that I'm the woman for him?

~ Susan ~ Sherrilyn Kenyon

I've always enjoyed making people laugh. But in order for me to be funny, I have to get ticked off about something. ~ Carl Hiaasen

The scholar does not consider gold and jade to be precious treasures, but loyalty and good faith. ~ Confucius

Being strong means allowing yourself to cry over the things you can't change; laugh when things are funny; smile when you're happy. It means understanding where your breaking point is, and yet, going further and still remaining whole. Strong people push themselves to the limits of pain and joy. They fall to their knees in agony, then they lift up their faces to find the beautiful morning rays shining down on them, and they rise to their feet. Being strong means never giving up, no matter how crushed you are, and finding happiness in the smallest parts of life. ~ D. Nichole King

Philadelphia is just the tip of the Pittsburgh. ~ The Covert Comic

How much of my fever-induced dream was real? I felt safe assuming that my time as a bee was fiction, as well as a few mythological animals that I swear I'd seen. Then I'd lived on the sun with aliens. ~ Cora Carmack

Americans have different ways of saying things. They say 'elevator', we say 'lift' ... they say 'President', we say 'stupid psychopathic git. ~ Alexei Sayle

It was like watching an angsty hormone-fueled train wreck and firmly cemented my resolve to be at least twenty-five before I considered getting hitched. ~ Stacey Jay

Bless your heart, they don't mind
they're exceedingly
kind
They don't blame you
as long as you're funny! ~ W.S. Gilbert

Is that how it is now, we're back to just friends?" Violet asked, rasing her eyebrows at him challengingly. "I'll remember to keep that in mind next time we're 'doing homework'. ~ Kimberly Derting

So just talking would be nice…would you like to come over to my place tonight for a glass of wine?"
"Not even if Jesus was pouring it," Day responded quickly."
--Johnson-the-Stalker to Day ~ A.E. Via

You'd think someone as resourceful as Rachel would know whether or not Toraf was the identical twin of a known terrorist. But nooooo. So we wait by our guard in the corridor of the security office of LAX airport while about a dozen people work to verify our identity.
My identity comes back fine and clean and boring.
Toraf's identity doesn't come back for a few hours. Which is not cool, because he's been puking in the trash can next to our bench seats and it's got to be almost full by now. Because of the regional storms in Jersey, we'd had a rough takeoff. Coupled with the reaction Toraf had to the Dramamine-excitability, no less-it was all I could do to coax him out of the tiny bathroom to get him to sit still and not puke while doing so.
His fingerprints could not be matched and his violet eyes were throwing them for a loop, since they physically verified that they aren't contacts. A lady security officer asked us several times in several different ways why our tickets would be one-way to Hawaii if we lived in Jersey and only had a carry-on bag full of miscellaneous crap that you don't really need. Where were we going? What were we doing?
I'd told them we were going to Honolulu to pick a place to get married and weren't in a hurry to come back, so we only purchased one-way tickets and blah blah blah. It's a BS story and they know it, but sometimes BS stories can't be proven false. Finally, I asked for an attorney, and since they hadn't charged us with any ~ Anna Banks

I wondered if Bill Goldman had ever experienced the same giant rats I had encountered while living in Manhattan - the ones the size of cats, that make you freeze in your tracks. The kind that are not afraid of human beings and carry themselves with that swagger and give you that look that seems to imply, "Yeah, what are you gonna do about it? ~ Cary Elwes

Flying is hours and hours of boredom sprinkled with a few seconds of sheer terror. ~ Pappy Boyington

I think just about everyone is doing something that's completely different from what you've seen them do before or a stretch in some way. Like Brandon Routh is so funny, he's awesome. And Chris Evans is hilarious. I mean, he's always funny but just in this character, it's like, I mean I could barely stop laughing on a single take, it was unbelievable. So I think everybody's going to be really, really happy with all the [exes?]. ~ Mary Elizabeth Winstead

One of my fears is that I'm suddenly not going to be funny, but still think I am. That's like my nightmare that I can wake up in a cold sweat from. ~ Judd Apatow

You must pay for your sins. If you have already paid, please ignore this notice. ~ Sam Levenson

Folks always look good in their coffins. ~ Elvis Presley

We were so poor; the ultimate luxury in our house at the time was ashtrays without advertisements. ~ Chic Murray

It's funny how you take things like electricity for granted. You hit the button that turns everything on and it just comes on. You get used to that and it just works every single time. So what happens when it suddenly doesn't? things very well could get messy. ~ Robin Burks

Easter is so disappointing. You suffer all the way through lent, and what do you get for it? A ham. ~ Garrison Keillor