Funny Easter Quotes

Passover and Easter are the only Jewish and Christian holidays that move in sync, like the ice skating pairs we saw during the winter Olympics. ~ Marvin Olasky

Easter was when Hope in person surprised the whole world by coming forward from the future into the present. ~ N. T. Wright

Two Santa Clauses on the corner. How can you tell the Polish one? The one with the Easter basket. ~ Henny Youngman

There's no such thing as too much power! ~ Wolfgang Gullich

There is no such thing as too much snow. ~ Doug Coombs

Christ has not only spoken to us by his life but has also spoken for us by his death. ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Easter is so disappointing. You suffer all the way through lent, and what do you get for it? A ham. ~ Garrison Keillor

No one looks at you funny if you excuse yourself to grab a smoke. Imagine the reactions if you say, "Hey, I'm going to go grab a five-minute prayer. I'll be back."
Or worse, "Hold that thought. I just want to go cry a minute."
Excuses are easy. Quitting is much harder. ~ Taya Kyle

You're not my words, Emma." I said, standing up and staring at the door while pretending to be gazing deep into her pretty hazel eyes. "But you're my numbers. You're all of my numbers." I paused, listened, and figured she had fallen asleep. "You're my infinity. ~ Morgan Parker

It's funny to see the finished product of a movie, stuff that's so beautiful, and to remember the particulars. ~ Amy Ryan

I think just about everyone is doing something that's completely different from what you've seen them do before or a stretch in some way. Like Brandon Routh is so funny, he's awesome. And Chris Evans is hilarious. I mean, he's always funny but just in this character, it's like, I mean I could barely stop laughing on a single take, it was unbelievable. So I think everybody's going to be really, really happy with all the [exes?]. ~ Mary Elizabeth Winstead

I want you to know, chickens aren't sexy. Not to me."
This was met with silence.
"Are you there?" She was slurring her words now, which was embarrassing, so she took a deep breath. "Cam? Can you hear me?"
"Yes, chickens aren't sexy. Uh ... I don't think they're meant to be. ~ Jill Shalvis

... Pfiffikus, whose vulgarity made Rosa Hubermann look like a wordsmith and a saint. ~ Markus Zusak

The seer crow was outraged. "Mangiz does not forget an insult, hedgepig."
Ambrose smiled cheekily. "Good, then here's a few more for you to remember, you pot-bellied, cross-eyed, feather-bottomed excuse for a duck. ~ Brian Jacques

How comes every time I write a book and one of my character's say something remotely offensive, do people stick that "Quote" next to my bloody name on social media? I didn't bloody say it, did I? ~ Jimmy Tudeski

We have to thank God for this retirement. ~ Virgil

When a thing is funny, search it carefully for a hidden truth. ~ George Bernard Shaw

The scholar does not consider gold and jade to be precious treasures, but loyalty and good faith. ~ Confucius

They're always going, don't deal with terrorists. Let's deal with them. What's Allah offering you boys, 100 virgins? We'll give you 50 slags. ~ Frankie Boyle

Funny way to spend your life, though, studying another chap's versifying. ~ A.S. Byatt

Oh. C'mon, pretty girl. I like it when ya scream." The leader breathed into my ear.
I spat as good as I could on his hand. He jumped back glaring. I said, "Funny. You like it when I scream? Yet you cover my mouth!" I laughed then winced. ~ J.L. Clayton

What's up, sulky bear?"

"I was appreciating the beauty of nature," Jared said. "In a sulky way."

"You might have noticed me giving you odd looks occasionally in the past."

"I assumed you were thinking, 'Three fairies clearly attended that guy's christening, and all three gave him the gift of chiseled,' " said Jared. "Why, were you thinking something else?"

"When I first met you, I thought you were a creep with serious behavioral and emotional issues."

"But once you really got to know me," Jared suggested, "you realized I was a creep with behavioral and emotional issues that were quite funny? ~ Sarah Rees Brennan

Alimony - the ransom that the happy pay to the devil. ~ H.L. Mencken

When we come face-to-face with one down a dark alley, we're going to be having a shufti to see if it's solid, aren't we, we're not going to be asking, 'Excuse me, are you the imprint of a departed soul? ~ J.K. Rowling

I feel that this is my first year, that next year is an election year, that the third year is the mid point, and that the fourth year is the last chance I'll have to make a record since the last two years; I'll be a candidate again. Everything I do in those last two years will be posturing for the election. But right now I don't have to do that. ~ Dan Quayle

Bullying is about judging. It's about establishing who is more worthy or important. The more powerful kids judge the less powerful kids. They judge them to be less valuable human beings, and they rub their faces in it on a daily basis. Like the boys in Sheri Levy's study, they get a boost in self-esteem. It's not that bullies are low in self-esteem, but judging and demanding others can give them a self-esteeem rush. Bullies also gain social status from their actions. Others may look up to them and judge them to be cool, powerful, or funny. Or may fear them. Either way, they've upped their standing. ~ Carol S. Dweck

Procrastination always gives you something to look forward to. ~ Joan Konner

You must never underestimate the power of the eyebrow. ~ Jack Black

We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations - we're doing everything we can to keep our marriage together. ~ Rodney Dangerfield

I have an older sister named Haley and she wanted to be an actress. So I wanted to be an actress. It's really funny the way that some people don't give kids enough credit for like really being driven, and really wanting to do things so badly. ~ Hilary Duff

It's funny: not only with the title of the album but also the song [It's Decided]. I kind of felt nostalgic. The beginning lyric is, "There's almost a sentimental feeling to another time," and when I got together with Kevin, he just absolutely, in his own fashion, just pushed me to go deeper than I usually would want people to know. That was the most difficult part for me was to bring someone in. ~ Andy Kim

Is it not late? A late time to be living? Are not our generations the crucial ones? For we have changed the world. Are not our heightened times the important ones? For we have nuclear bombs. Are we not especially significant because our century is? - our century and its unique Holocaust, its refugee populations, its serial totalitarian exterminations; our century and its antibiotics, silicon chips, men on the moon, and spliced genes? No, we are not and it is not. These times of ours are ordinary times, a slice of life like any other. Who can bear to hear this, or who will consider it?...

Take away the bomb threat and what are we? Ordinary beads on a never-ending string. Our time is a routine twist of an improbable yarn...There must be something heroic about our time, something that lifts it above all those other times. Plague? Funny weather? Dire things are happening...
Why are we watching the news, reading the news, keeping up with the news? Only to enforce our fancy - probably a necessary lie - that these are crucial times, and we are in on them. Newly revealed, and we are in the know: crazy people, bunches of them. New diseases, shifts in power, floods! Can the news from dynastic Egypt have been any different? ~ Annie Dillard

For years, I was either referred to as a 'rubber-faced funny man' or 'the 'Men Behaving Badly' star.' ~ Martin Clunes

In Manhattan, marriage is a trend. Couples kiss over their arugula and radicchio salads. They fondle each other's genitals while devouring their pasta puttanesca. By the time the tiramisu arrives, they've slid under the table. ~ Cynthia Heimel

Life is way too short, so try to enjoy every minute of it with a sense of humor! ~ Christina Scalise

Parents have funny ways of showing their love sometimes. Mom says my life is all black and white right now, as a kid. But she says when I get older, become a women, that changes, and there's a lot of gray area. I think adult love is more complicated. ~ Brooklyn James

It' so funny how small moments can ruin everything. ~ Robyn Schneider

People wince when something is in bad taste. They laugh when it's funny. If it's too dirty or wrong, they won't laugh. But if it's a big, dirty, smart, funny laugh, they love it. ~ Michael Patrick King

In democracy both a deep reverence and a sense of the comic are requisite. ~ Carl Sandburg

This situation was a heart attack waiting to happen. He just knew it. The stress of the job, now this. Yep, he was going to keel over. He could see the writing on his tombstone now: Sloane Brodie departed this world at age 37 due to massive coronary trauma as a result of idiot partner Dexter J. Daley.
--Sloane ~ Charlie Cochet

I hope his breath wasn't too bad for 'Bron.' ~ Paul George

Nothing echoes like an empty mailbox. ~ Charles M. Schulz

I think it's wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly. ~ Steven Wright

You can analyse a joke and say it's funny because this guy thought this was going to happen, and that happened, and it's surprising. But not all surprising things are funny. ~ John Lloyd

We told Stanley Roberts to go on a water diet, and Lake Superior disappeared. Pat Williams When Xavier McDaniel plays against Orlando Wooldridge, it's a coach's dream - X vs O. ~ Mychal Thompson

You're not very fond of your room by day. You never think about it. You're in and out, the door opens and slams, the cupboard creaks. You sit down on the side of your bed, change your shoes and dash out again. A dive down to the glass, two pins in your hair, powder your nose and off again. But now–at night time- it's suddenly dear to you. It's a darling little funny room. It's yours. Oh, what a joy it is to own things! ~ Katherine Mansfield