Humor Fantasy Quotes

His father was an ass and he is an ass. I imagine sooner than I should like I shall be playing uncle to a litter of asses. ~ T.A. Miles

There is not always a light at the end of the tunnel. That is why you must carry a torch. ~ J. Zachary Pike

Every dude in here has had a fantasy about Jessica Simpson. Here's mine: Jessica, hold your sister Ashlee so I can kick her in the throat. ~ Dave Attell

DECAPITATION.
I simply love the word. Head over heels. ~ Ishbelle Bee

You can't map a sense of humor. Anyway, what is a fantasy map but a space beyond which There Be Dragons? On the Discworld we know that There Be Dragons Everywhere. They might not all have scales and forked tongues, but they Be Here all right, grinning and jostling and trying to sell you souvenirs. ~ Terry Pratchett

In the beginning there was Logos ... and God of course. And it was all extremely boring for Logos because he could never beat God at any game ... ~ Yannis Karatsioris

A man's greatest treasures are his illusions - Durzo Blint ~ Brent Weeks

Your Majesty," Durzo said gravely. "A man of your stature's cursing vocabulary ought to extend beyond a tedious reiteration of the excreta that fills the void between his ears." - Durzo Blint ~ Brent Weeks

Relationships are ropes. Love is a noose. - Durzo Blint ~ Brent Weeks

Moth, that wasn't very nice. ~ Michael Buckley

I like big books and I cannot lie.
You other readers can't deny
That when a kid walks in with The Name of the Wind
Like a hardbound brick of win.
Story bling.
Wanna swipe that thing
Cause you see that boy is speeding
Right through the book he's reading.
I'm hooked and I can't stop pleading.
Wanna curl up with that for ages,
All thousand pages.
Reviewers tried to warn me.
But with that plot you hooked
Me like Bradley.
Ooh, crack that fat spine.
You know I wanna make you mine.
This book is stella 'cause it ain't some quick novella. ~ Jim C. Hines

You know that person on your left shoulder who tells you that you can't do it or that you're not good enough? Tell that person to GET LOST! ~ Dawn M. Plass

Allah did not create man so that he could have fun. The aim of creation was for mankind to be put to the test through hardship and prayer. An Islamic regime must be serious in every field. There are no jokes in Islam. There is no humor in Islam. There is no fun in Islam. There can be no fun and joy in whatever is serious. Islam does not allow swimming in the sea and is opposed to radio and television serials. Islam, however, allows marksmanship, horseback riding and competition. ~ Ruhollah Khomeini

As Jack began to climb the stairs, Fiona looked up at her new home. Five stories of stately mansion
rose above her head. Heavy molding around the large windows and doors bespoke a quality and
craftsmanship that was obvious even in the dim night. "Good God! It's massive!"
Jack paused with his foot on the last step. "I do wish you'd keep those comments until we are in bed,
love. I would appreciate them all the more there. ~ Karen Hawkins

Well, son, you cain't go thru life chunkin' things at all the ugly women you meet. ~ Marjorie Kinnan Rawlings

With just about every script, in almost every corner of the set, I was faced with the truth: This was my parents' life. My mother had sat in handcuffs; my father had once worn an orange jumpsuit like the dozens that sat folded in our wardrobe department. For the other actors and me on our show, this was all fantasy, the re-creation of a world we knew little about; for Mami and Papi, it could not have been any more real or painful...I've had so many scenes in which Flaca & I are doing the dirty work, like cleaning the kitchen or mopping the floors, which is when I think of my parents most. Long before they ended up in prison, they'd spent years handling the nastiest jobs, the ones often avoided by others. Manual labor. Low pay. No respect. They must've felt so trapped. It must've been so hard for them to maintain their dignity when others looked down on them or, worse, didn't see them at all. ~ Diane Guerrero

Onions make me sad. A lot of people don't realize that. ~ Mitch Hedberg

He had spoken with such absolute confidence that I knew he had to be blowing this out of his rectal orifice. ~ Neal Stephenson

I am Serene-Heart-in-the-Chaos-of-Battle. Keep a civil tongue in your head or lose it ~ Sarah Rees Brennan

And now that I have been scammed once, I felt like it could not happen to me again. ~ Vann Chow

My name is Alexander Solomon Slade. I'm the Global Operations Director, although most here call me God"

"Well Mr Slade, if we are going by acronyms, I guess I could also call you Ass? ~ Jodi Knight

I've always just loved drawing and loved cartoons. Growing up, I loved Disney films, I loved The Simpsons, and I was a big fan of the comic strip Calvin & Hobbes and the way that they would have weird fantasy and then down-to-earth funny character comedy. ~ Alex Hirsch

Motto for latin countries: If you're not late, you're not on time ~ Bogdan Vaida

Forgive me again." He lifts the carafe and refreshes his goblet. "What happened to those two children who laughed at dandelion fuzz?" he says softly. "Are they gone forever, do you think? ~ Melinda Salisbury

Wow. This place looks classy. The smell of fertilizer and rot is really in this season. Remind me, what are we doing here?" she asked looking at him with a coy smile. "Did we come for bait? ~ Dennis Sharpe

If Marilyn Monroe was alive right now, what would she be doing?'
Clawing at the roof of her coffin. ~ Chuck Palahniuk

I get mad when people call me an action movie star. Indiana Jones is an adventure film, a comic book, a fantasy. ~ Harrison Ford

I expertly angled my raison bran to accomodate the g-forces. ~ John Green

The comic spirit is given to us in order that we may analyze, weigh, and clarify things in us which nettle us, or which we are outgrowing, or trying to reshape ~ Thornton Wilder

Whatever story you're telling, it will be more interesting if, at the end you add, and then everything burst into flames. ~ Brian P. Cleary

You might not believe this, but there is no one like her at this school."
"Oh I believe it," I said, thinking back to the time Angeline had forgotten her locker's combination and tried to get into it with an axe.
No one was really sure where she'd gotten it from. ~ Richelle Mead

Next! The taller of the guys at the door called. Saved by the yell. ~ Magan Vernon

You answer to none but the whim of your own black heart. ~ Joshua Winning

I have more respect for somebody who points at his ideal - in this case, the ideal of the pirate - and then becomes something that's more radical, more exciting, more subversive than a pirate could ever be. ~ Will Oldham

Not only can I teach you math, I can teach you math in bed, Jordan. You know, I'll add the bed, you subtract the clothes, you divide the legs, and I'll multiply ~ Miranda Kenneally

I walk up and down the rows. The heads look like rubber halloween masks. They also look like human heads, but my brain has no precedent for human heads on tables or in roasting pans or anywhere other than on top of a human bodies, and so I think it has chosen to interpret the sight in a more comforting manner. - Here we are at the rubber mask factory. Look at the nice men and woman working on the masks. ~ Mary Roach

Within the same hour as the murder took place, Isabel Trumbo sat in her armchair dozing, the Alaskan Outdoor magazine on her lap. Her kid sister Alma fidgeted in the other armchair, from time to time picking up her newspaper folded over to the day's crossword puzzle. ~ Ed Lynskey

Our conversation starts out pretty normal. Matthew does most of the talking, as usual. He tells me about Wesley. He tells me everything. Well, almost everything. I was lucky enough to stop him before he got into the explicit details. Wesley also helped by nudging him with his shoulder. He even covered Matthew's mouth when the conversation took a sudden turn because the word package was used. Yeah, the conversation went from sweet and romantic to soft-core porn in about two seconds. ~ L. Arthur

That was what he wanted to tell his audience at Cambridge. He divided classical satirists into two classes - fierce men starving in garrets, and renouncing popularity and circulation to dwell in tubs, and calm good-livers "who tell amusingly the kind of truth that no one has ever denied." But for the present century the right spirit, he believed, was self-satire, the ability to see humor in the constant small defeats of life, and "the power to be startled by nothing, however extravagant." The subject, in the end, turned out to be more relevant than it had seemed, as anyone could have told who had heard Eddie and Wilfred laughing together. ~ Penelope Fitzgerald

Dangerously close to having to work for a living. ~ Rosen Topuzov

Your lack of geographical knowledge is truly astounding. ~ Chelsea Handler

If you think anyone is sane you just don't know enough about them. ~ Christopher Moore