Hello World Funny Quotes

Given enough coffee I could rule the world ~ Terry Pratchett

You deserve good sperm. You've waited a long time. ~ Buffy Andrews

Angel Bob: Doctor? Excuse me, hello, Doctor? Angel Bob here, sir.
The Doctor: Ah, there you are, Angel Bob. How's life? Sorry, bad subject.
Angel Bob: The Angels are wondering what you hope to achieve.
The Doctor: Achieve? We're not achieving anything. We're just hanging, it's nice in here: consoles; comfy chairs; a forest ... how's things with you?
Angel Bob: The Angels are feasting, sir. Soon we will be able to absorb enough power to consume this vessel, this world, and all the stars and worlds beyond.
The Doctor: Yeah, but we've got comfy chairs. Did I mention?
Angel Bob: We have no need for comfy chairs.
The Doctor: [amused] I made him say 'comfy chairs'. ~ Steven Moffat

Well, let's just hope it doesn't come to that." I started back down the alley. "Truthfully, it's not you I'm so much worried about as your ass. It's like the Eighth Wonder of the World or something. Be a shame to deprive future generations of Dreamers, don't you think?" My stomach rumbled. "Come on, I'm starving." A snort escaped him. "Nice to know you care." I patted my belly and shrugged. "Yeah, well. A girl's gotta have priorities. ~ Allison Pang

San Francisco leads the world in the category of Most People On The Sidewalk Holding Conversations With Purely Imaginary Companions. ~ Dave Barry

Ingrid Kristiansen then has smashed the world record, running the 5000 metres in 14:58.89. Truly amazing. Incidentally, this is a personal best for Ingrid Kristiansen. ~ David Coleman

I can't stand girls who laugh at everything I say like I'm the funniest guy in the world. I like girls who tell it like it is, no kissing up to me because I'm on TV. ~ Jeremy London

Our parents would not be 'The best parents in the world' (to us) if they were not our parents. ~ Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Funny how you can think that the world is ending but still believe things will work out. We always think there's going to be a happy ending somewhere. ~ Lorna Jane Cook

Werewolves protect their own. Vampires protect their own. Mages protect their own. Faeries are just bat-shit crazy and dump their kids on people's doorsteps. It's a funny old world. ~ Alexis Hall

Sport is singularly able to give us peak experience where we feel completely one with the world and transcend all conflicts as we finally become our own potential. ~ George A. Sheehan

If I stand here, I can see the Little Red Haired girl when she comes out of her house ... Of course, if she sees me peeking around this tree, she'll think I'm the dumbest person in the world ... But if I don't peek around the tree, I'll never see her ... Which means I probably AM the dumbest person in the world ... which explains why I'm standing in a batch of poison oak. ~ Charles M. Schulz

Humans are most imaginative when they need a means of self-destruction. If the world existed in an overflowing amount of happiness; a utopian state, then the suicide rate would dwarf any extinction level threat. Humans cannot be trusted with their own survival. Their minds have been trained to be blindly and unconsciously subjugated. In a time related to Heaven-on-Earth, the smallest amount of worry, will drive a human into the arms of death. This is how weak and fragile the human mind and will is. It's funny, because the best friend of humanity, is none other than Chaos itself. ~ Lionel Suggs

not that I'd even been thinking about Cinzia until the moment before, but it had all seemed so solid, so immutable, the whole social system of the building, a nexus where I could always stop in and see people, say hello, find out what was going on. People who had known my mother. People who had known my dad. And the farther I walked away, the more upset I got, at the loss of one of the few stable and unchanging docking-points in the world that I'd taken for granted: familiar faces, glad greetings: hey manito! For ~ Donna Tartt

Orchestras have often been used to conjure up the natural world: Swans, sharks, trout, but not, as far as I know, the often maligned jellyfish. ~ Bill Bailey

The best doctors in the world are Doctor Diet, Doctor Quiet, and Doctor Merryman.
~ Jonathan Swift

Mortimer had maxed three credit cards stocking the cave with canned goods and medical supplies and tools and everything a man needed to live through the end of the world. There were more than a thousand books along shelves in the driest part of the cave. There used to be several boxes of pornography until Mortimer realized that he'd spent nearly ten days in a row sitting in the cave masturbating. He burned the dirty magazines to keep from doing some terrible whacking injury to himself. ~ Victor Gischler

It's never happened in the World Series competition, and it still hasn't. ~ Yogi Berra

If everyone listened to me, the world would be a better place. ~ Aviva Moore

Whether it's an innate ability or an acquired way of regarding the world around us, being labeled as funny can only be accepted as a compliment. ~ Alan Zweibel

Kylie stormed into Holiday's office. She dropped down into the seat across from the desk and looked her friend and camp leader right in the eyes. "I hate boys. I'm seriously considering going lesbian."
Holiday's expression was part grin, part groan. "If it was that easy, ninety percent of the women in the world would be gay." She made a funny little face and then asked, "So ... boy problems? ~ C.C. Hunter

The art of living. Isn't that a funny expression? ~ Anne Frank

Tell me I'm beautiful, it's nothing. Tell me I'm intellectual - I know it. Tell me I'm funny, and it's the greatest compliment in the world anyone could give me. ~ Julie Newmar

American husbands are the best in the world; no other husbands are so generous to their wives, or can be so easily divorced. ~ Elinor Glyn

I live in a world where school is in a precarious balance with social life, parties, and sports games. He lives in a world where school is all-consuming, and when his homework isn't, Star Wars and video games are. ~ Selena Brooks

Yeah, like Bizarro Superman, Superman's exact opposite, who lives in the backwards Bizarro world. Up is down, down is up, he says hello when he leaves, goodbye when he arrives. ~ Jerry Seinfeld

The butterflies were performing circus tricks now, flying through hoops of fire. Lexi had read about infatuation once. Some writer had doused the romantic notion of winged insects. He'd said the funny feeling was simply the motion of common sense fleeing the body. It made more sense, in a world where few things did. Lexi smiled, reveling in the feeling. ~ Angela Panayotopulos

I mean, I'm married first of all to one of, if not the most wonderful women in the world. She is everything - funny, attractive, hard-working, she has integrity, she loves me to bits. ~ Seal

The reason faeries don't like iron is that it ties them too strongly to this world. The Paths aren't part of this world - you can't take iron there. It won't let you.'
I frowned. "You do realize that makes no sense."
'Unlike being able to open a door in the wall and take you to another hemisphere in a matter of minutes? How odd. Everything about Faerie is usually so rational. ~ Kiersten White

Overproduction of gas is not a pleasant thing - it bloats the gut, making us feel uncomfortable - but passing a bit of wind is not only necessary, it is healthy, too. We are living creatures with a miniature world living inside us, working away and producing many things. Just as we release exhaust fumes into the Earth's atmosphere, so must our microbes, too. It may make a funny sound and it may smell a bit, but not necessarily. Bifidobacteria and Lactobacilli, for instance, do not produce any unpleasant odors. People who never need to break wind are starving their gut bacteria and are not good hosts for their microbe guests. Pure prebiotics can be bought at ~ Giulia Enders

My mother is an actress, and my aunt Margaux was a model. And it's funny, as much as I'm all about I'm my own person, and I'm making my own name for myself, I have grown up in a world where most of these people who are like me are children of famous parents. So it's easy to become the socialite and be famous for that. ~ Dree Hemingway

I have always been fascinated by youth.

This fire that makes us feel glorious, insolent, immortal.

I will have to come to terms with it - everything has been reduced to ashes.
(I tried in vain not to burn myself in the way.)

I believe that the deep tenderness I feel for man comes from the fact that he is so full of certainty – yet, he doubts all the time. It is a funny paradox. He is constantly misled.

He gives great importance to things that do not have any, and misses those which have.

I would like to be like a flower. Going through life, just like this, regardless of whether I will be born again or if anyone will remember my beauty.

Just passing by like this, to make the world a little more beautiful, or a little more breathable, for a little while.

I would like to be a flower of those in the bouquets for the hospitals. Of those who are plucked to die near those who are going to die.

Or those who are just born.

So that we can watch life together for a moment, as long as it is there.

To die because I am beautiful and I represent life.

To die because the love of the flower never offers itself as a trophy, for the love of the flower is always humble.

And I love to love with humility.
We should always love with humility. ~ Emmanuelle Soni-Dessaigne

Hello, Uncle Brother Zachariah," James said without opening his eyes. "I would say that I'm sorry to bother you, but I'm sure this is the most excitement you've had all year. Not so lively in the City of Bones, now is it?"
"James!" Will snapped. "Don't talk to Jem like that."
"As if I am not used to badly behaved Herondales, Brother Zachariah said, in the way Jem had always tried to make peace between Will and the world. ~ Cassandra Clare

With apologies to Judy Garland and Cole Porter, all the world does NOT love a clown. John Wayne Gacy might have been the final nail in the coffin in terms of anyone associating clowns with funny (if a bunch of clowns die, do they all fit into one coffin?) ~ Christopher Lombardo

The world is a funny paper read backwards. And that way it isn't so funny. ~ Tennessee Williams

Did I mention how cute you look in my clothes?"
Blushing I just look at what I'm wearing and laugh.
"Chicks Dig me? And Sponge Bob boxers?"
"Chicks do dig me! And Sponge Bob is a great cartoon in your world. ~ Sara Daniell