Funny Swimming Quotes

No one can possibly achieve any real and lasting success or 'get rich' in business by being a conformist. ~ J. Paul Getty

This life is like a swimming pool. You dive into the water, but you can't see how deep it is. ~ Dennis Rodman

Swimming gave me my start, but my pal Tarzan did the real work. He set me up nicely. ~ Johnny Weissmuller

We change into our bathing suits, both of us pale like larvae, and then we walk down to the water. ~ Melissa Bank

All good writing is like swimming underwater and holding your breath. ~ F Scott Fitzgerald

Water for me is so essential, like swimming. ~ Nastassja Kinski

If you want to learn to swim jump into the water. On dry land no frame of mind is ever going to help you. ~ Bruce Lee

All right," Shannen says slowly, tucking a lock of dark brown hair behind her ear. "Why did you glue that dolphin upside down?"
Okay, so I'm a little distracted. "He's doing the back stroke. ~ Tera Lynn Childs

I love sailing and water sports; whether it's water skiing, body boarding or surfing or simply swimming in the ocean. ~ Karolina Kurkova

Nobody cared about swimming. You could draw a crowd for basketball. ~ Merlin Olsen

Traveling to swimming meets took me beyond my small-town existence, gave me a hint of the exciting world outside of my own home. ~ Esther Williams

The Olympics are getting mixed reviews. People are angry at NBC for showing a promo that revealed the winner of a swimming event even though the race hadn't aired yet. NBC apologized saying, 'We're just not used to people watching our network.' ~ Conan O'Brien

I wanna hang a map of the world in my house. Then I'm gonna put pins into all the locations that I've traveled to. But first, I'm gonna have to travel to the top two corners of the map so it won't fall down. ~ Mitch Hedberg

It's not so much what you learn about Mumbai, it's what you learn about yourself, really. It's a funny old hippie thing, but it's true as well. You find out a lot about yourself and your tolerance, and about your inclusiveness. ~ Danny Boyle

This outfit makes me want to get my nose pierced and spend some time at the tattoo parlor," I said, frowning at the clothing.
"Hey, we can make that happen," Nessa, joked.
"That's very funny, Nessa," I said as I pulled out the knee high black combat boots and black fishnet stockings to match.
"It is better than the plaid cowboy shirt and Wranglers they got me," Noah said, as he held up the outfit complete with worn leather cowboy boots.
"Oh, Nessa, we will pay you back dearly for this," I said sarcastically. ~ Andrea Heltsley

I live in Los Angeles, I know it exists. I know you're not supposed to taste air. ~ Marc Maron

Owning a gun proves "In God we trust" is a lie. If you actually trusted in God, you wouldn't feel like you need a gun. ~ Oliver Markus Malloy

Inconceivable!"
"You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means. ~ William Goldman

I just do little jokes all the time and people think I'm serious. I know exactly who Gordon Ramsay is, I know exactly who Gordon Brown is ... I just say jokes but they think I'm serious which I think is funny and I think I kind of play up the image sometimes because - whatever - it's just entertainment. ~ Paris Hilton

Harper said, "But Snuffleupagus was real."
"That is the most wonderful sentence I have ever heard. I want that on my gravestone. Snuffleupagus was real. No more. Just that. ~ Joe Hill

I should like to knock their silly heads together. What is the sense of laughing all the time? They are not saying anything funny. ~ Agatha Christie

Hormones, it seemed, we're making a much-delayed appearance in her life.

Liv was horrified. ~ Danika Stone

I make love like farm equipment - not to farm equipment. There is a difference, though my cousin can't tell it. ~ Dark Jar Tin Zoo

Marriage is a feast where the grace is sometimes better than the dinner. ~ Charles Caleb Colton

Well, enough of this introspection. It's depressing, quite frankly. ~ Sol Luckman

I've always been funny. I look back in the day, when I would take the mic from my dad in church and just start goin', at age six, the first time I did it. I think 14 was when I knew I wanted to do it and promote my own comedy shows at the church. Then, everyone would come. ~ Brandon T. Jackson

Sometimes when reading Goethe I have a paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny. ~ Guy Davenport

Man. I know they say it's good to take the high road. But it's also good to punch assholes in the face, too. ~ Ava Lore

Apollo stepped toward Athena. "Let's break down this idea step-by-step. How would we be able to use Perses? The last time I checked, he was in Tartarus."
"He is still there." Athena tipped her chin up. "And as you know, he is not dead. He is only entombed."
"And how do you think we're going to release him?" Apollo demanded, brows slashed. "Zeus would never agree to this."
"I am Zeus' favorite child." Her smile beamed. Apollo's blue eyes rolled. ~ Jennifer L. Armentrout

Even bad coffee is better than no coffee at all. ~ David Lynch

Sometimes you fall, spinning through space, grasping for the things that keep you on this earth. Sometimes you catch them. They can be the hands of the people you love. They can be your pets- pups with funny names, cats with ferocious old souls. The thing that keeps you here can be your art. It can be things you have collected and invested with a certain sense of meaning. A flowered, buckled treasure chest of secrets. Shoes that make you taller and, therefore, closer to the heavens. A suit that belonged to your fairy godmother. A dress that makes you feel a little like the Goddess herself.
Sometimes you keep falling; you don't catch anything.
Sometimes you fall, spinning through space, grasping for the things that keep you here. Sometimes you catch them. Sometimes you don't.
Sometimes they catch you. ~ Francesca Lia Block

...it was a funny idea, writing in a language not your own. It almost makes you feel guilty, she said, the way people feel forced to use English, how much of themselves must get left behind in that transition, like people being told to leave their homes and take only a few essential items with them. Yet there was also a purity to that image that attracted her, filled as it was with possibilities for self-reinvention. To be freed from clutter, both mental and verbal, was in some ways an appealing prospect; until you remembered something you needed that you had had to leave behind. She, for instance, found herself unable to make jokes when she spoke in another language...So it was not, she imagined, a question of translation so much as one of adaptation. The personality was forced to adapt to its new linguistic circumstances, to create itself anew... ~ Rachel Cusk

My sister Wendy has a husband and two children, and they have a family photo on top of the VCR, where they're all looking slightly to the left. As though something is going on over there! I guess something happened over to the left that made everybody happy! Except my sister is cross-eyed, so she can't quite pull it off. One eye is right-on. ~ Mitch Hedberg

A man's plumbing is like his mind: simple, very few surprises. You ladies, on the other hand ... well, God put a lot of thought in making you. ~ Khaled Hosseini

I try to do something every day. I lift weights at least three to four days per week, and I'll intersperse that with cardio. For example, on Tuesdays and Thursdays, I'll run and do heavy lifting, and on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, I'll spend two hours lifting weights, as well as something like swimming. ~ Misty May-Treanor

Ladies,

I have bad news for you. Men are pigs. No really. I know you think you know what I'm talking about but you don't know the half of it. You have no idea how depraved we men really are.

I'm about to tell you the truth about men. The whole truth. Not that sanitized holier-than-thou shit they feed you in all those other relationship books.

I'm gonna take you into the abyss that is the male mind. It's a dark and scary place. You're not gonna like it. It's dirty in there. Icky. Don't touch anything. Bring hand sanitizer. ~ Oliver Markus Malloy

The appropriate age for marrige is around eighteen and thirty-seven for man ~ Aristotle.

At school I was very shy. I wasn't funny really. ~ Michel Gondry

She shuddered. What is it with slobbery kissers? Are they trying to drown us in spit? I mean, Jesus, swallow every now and then. ~ Tammara Webber

I always loved that boy as if he'd been my
my
my own grandfather. ~ Charles Dickens

Do you like flora and fauna? How about plants and animals? Because we have more of that beautiful crap than we know what to do with. Charmingly domesticated troops of monkeys swing freely throughout our orchid-laden property. You're probably thinking that a lot of all-inclusive resorts have monkeys. True, but only one resort packs a monkey for each of their guests to take home. You'll be showing off more than a tan to your friends, you'll be showing off a gibbon. ~ Colin Nissan

There's just the memory of that time he walked in on her while she was dressing, and afterward couldn't string a sentence together.
And not only that, but she hadn't even made fun of him for it. She hadn't! Oh no, why not? Also ... had the sight of her boobs possibly sort of made him fall in love with her? It had to be the boobs. ~ Charlotte Stein

Sometimes you have to take the focus off of you and put it on someone else and it's funny what you can accomplish and how much strength you really have. ~ Hoda Kotb

When a dog bites a man that is not news, but when a man bites a dog that is news. ~ Charles A. Dana

The training part," I guessed.
"Yup. You're going to be Dimitri's partner."
A moment of funny silence fell, probably not noticeable to anyone except Dimitri and me. Our eyes met.
"Guarding partner," Dimitri clarified unnecessarily, like maybe he too had been thinking of other kinds of partners. ~ Richelle Mead