Funny Poem Quotes

I just know from experience that reading a funny poem aloud, especially at the beginning of a public reading, can have a certain effect. Somehow narrowing the spectrum of possible emotional reactions. So while I like it when people laugh at my poems, and I definitely enjoy being funny in them, I don't really think that's the most important thing that's going on, at least not to me. ~ Matthew Zapruder

Every time I watch
Lady and the Tramp
I think
"SHE'S HAVING SOME OF YOUR PASTA!"
"QUICK! EAT IT ALL! EAT IT ALL, NOW!!!"
"GROWL! BARE YOUR TEETH! DO SOMETHING!
"OH, DON'T GIVE HER THE MEATBALL!
THERE'S MEAT IN IT!"
"IDIOT!"
But then again
I'm not the romantic type. ~ Francesco Marciuliano

Yes, I know," Isadora said, and then read her poem, leaning forward so Carmelita Spats would not overhear:
"I would rather eat a bowl of vampire bats
than spend an hour with Carmelita Spats."
The Baudelaires giggled and then covered their mouths so nobody would know they were laughing at Carmelita.
"That was great," Klaus said. "I like the part about the bowl of bats. ~ Lemony Snicket

Given the current state of publishing, I think it helps to have a brand name on the cover of your book. Comedians are proven commodities with built-in audiences. They may not have the writing chops of a Dave Eggers, but they're salacious and funny and self-reflective. ~ Michael Showalter

I reckon a good poem lasts a whole lot longer than a hundred of those people put together. ~ Sylvia Plath

Beowulf stands out as a poem which makes extensive use of this kind of figurative language. There are over one thousand compounds in the poem, totalling one-third of all the words in the text. Many of these compounds are kennings. The word 'to ken' is still used in many Scottish and Northern English dialects, meaning 'to know'. Such language is a way of knowing and of expressing meanings in striking and memorable ways; it has continuities with the kinds of poetic compounding found in nearly all later poetry but especially in the Modernist texts of Gerard Manley Hopkins and James Joyce. ~ Ronald Carter

Unfair suffering is never funny. ~ Charles R. Swindoll

No need to continually insist upon your unshakable masculinity. ~ Veronica Roth

We are not always funny, but like a life with Fun ~ Jan Jansen

My wife, my daughters, even my grandchildren are funny. You've got to keep a sense of humor because anger destroys you. ~ Michael Caine

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly; but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it too. ~ Tommy Cooper

Ravi buys all four of our tickets, which Peter is really impressed by. "Such a classy move," he whispers to me as we sit down. Peter deftly maneuvers it so we're sitting me, Peter, Ravi, Margot, so he can keep talking to him about soccer. Or football, as Ravi says. Margot gives me an amused look over their heads, and I can tell all the unpleasantness from before is forgotten.
After the movie, Peter suggests we go for frozen custards. "Have you ever had frozen custard before?" he asks Ravi.
"Never," Ravi says.
"It's the best, Rav," he says. "They make it homemade."
"Brilliant," Ravi says.
When the boys are in line, Margot says to me, "I think Peter's in love--with my boyfriend," and we both giggle.
We're still laughing when they get back to our table. Peter hands me my pralines and cream. "What's so funny?"
I just shake my head and dip my spoon into the custard. ~ Jenny Han

Mick Jagger is in better shape than far too many NBA players. It's up in the air whether the same can be said of Keith Richards. ~ Bill Walton

Think about this truck. Make believe this is not the darkest, wettest, most miserable Army truck you have ever ridden in. This truck, you've got to tell yourself, is full of roses and blondes and vitamins. This here is a real pretty truck. This is a swell truck. You were lucky to get this job tonight. When you get back from the dance ... Choose yo' pahtnuhs, folks! ... you can write an immortal poem about this truck. This truck is a potential poem. You can call it, "Trucks I Have Rode In", or "War and Peace", or "This Sandwich Has No Mayonnaise." Keep it simple. ~ J.D. Salinger

I was an only child, eventually. ~ Steven Wright

I am not soft. I do not have that luxury. I am the wolf in girl's clothing; all snarls and claws. My mother once told me: be gentle, be kind. She forgot to mention that the world was full of beasts, and if I wanted to survive I would have to become one myself. ~ Nichole McElhaney

The 'Billionaire' song is what my kids tease me with. They sing it to me. It's funny. ~ Bill Gates

There are all sorts of books offering advice on how to deal with life-threatening situations, but where's the advice on dealing with embarrassing ones? ~ Ellen DeGeneres

I don't like sleeping in the dark jungle by myself.
Ren ~ Colleen Doran

More often than not, these attempts at sociability ended in painful silence. His old friends, who remembered him as a brilliant student and wickedly funny conversationalist, were appalled by what had happened to him. Tom had slipped from the ranks of the anointed, and his downfall seemed to shake their confidence in themselves, to open the door onto a new pessimism about their own prospects in life. It didn't help matters that Tom had gained weight, that his former plumpness now verged on an embarrassing rotundity, but even more disturbing was the fact that he didn't seem to have any plans, that he never spoke about how he was going to undo the damage he'd done to himself and get back on his feet. Whenever he mentioned his new job, he described it in odd, almost religious terms, speculating on such questions as spiritual strength and the importance of finding one's path through patience and humility, and this confused them and made them fidget in their chairs. Tom's intelligence had not been dulled by the job, but no one wanted to hear what he had to say anymore, least of all the women he talked to, who expected young men to be full of brave ideas and clever schemes about how they were going to conquer the world. Tom put them off with his doubts and soul-searchings, his obscure disquisitions on the nature of reality, his hesitant manner. It was bad enough that he drove a taxi for a living, but a philosophical taxi driver who dressed in army-navy clothes and carried a paunch a ~ Paul Auster

It's a funny thing when you think you're dead. You're not terrified of it anymore. There's a sort of a epiphany to religious thing; it's not sort of church-based, but you end up with a serenity which you didn't have before, and I just simply enjoy it. It really does sound stupid, but I've got to tell you it's made my life. ~ David Lange

This was not like the poem in Harvers's book, where dawn came like a thief. Nothing had been stolen from me. Maybe it never would be. ~ Marie Rutkoski

Politics and prostitution have to be the only jobs where inexperience is considered a virtue. In what other profession would you brag about not knowing stuff? "I'm not one of those fancy Harvard heart surgeons. I'm just an unlicensed plumber with a dream and I'd like to cut your chest open." The crowd cheers. ~ Tina Fey

I am the Trolley of Love. Free rides before noon and after 11:58 am! ~ Dark Jar Tin Zoo

Alek coughed politely, "If I promise to avoid funny business, could you perhaps remove this knife from my throat? ~ Scott Westerfeld

Never lie when the truth is more profitable. ~ Stanislaw Jerzy Lec

There were many times my pants were so thin I could sit on a dime and tell if it was heads or tails. ~ Jonathan Swift

Buford, my beloved vintage 1930's Underwood Universal Champion Portable typewriter. You are both my writing partner and my best friend. This journey you and I have been on has been fun. Although in 2016 you gave me carpal tunnel. In both hands. Didn't think I knew it was you, did you? You sneaky sombitch. ~ A.K. Kuykendall

Sometimes, the other characters are too normal and then you start to be brought back to reality but then Luna shows up and she is just so funny and cool and honest and slightly mad and she's all that matters. She is 100% true. She puts on no shows, because she is so comfortable with herself. ~ Evanna Lynch

I once asked a policeman how far it was to the subway. he said, "I don't know, no one has ever made it". ~ Rodney Dangerfield

I am you, one day out of five,
Tired, empty, hating what I carry
But afraid to lay it down, stingy,
Angry, doing violence to others
By the sheer freight of my gloom,
Halfway home, wanting to stop, to quit
But keeping going mostly out of spite. ~ Tracy K. Smith

The whole world is watching America, and America is watching TV. ~ Sam Levenson

What they say about a breakthrough is completely an illusion. They are sending their warplanes to fly very low in order to have vibrations on these sacred places. ~ Mohammed Saeed Al-Sahaf

sometimes i play fruit ninja for 2 hours and the i have diaria ~ Roslyn Grant

I know the path by heart, by heart- a funny expression, so true. My heart knows right where to go. ~ Cynthia Hand

The word "future" and females is a dangerous combination. ~ Chetan Bhagat

I became very good at protecting all who would ask.
How are you?
I'm all right. I'm fine. I'm hanging in there. I'm feeling OK. Thanks for asking. I'm good. I'm doing well. I'm a little tired. I'm handling things. I'm fine, thanks to all of you. I'm getting better. I'm keeping busy. I'm making progress. Fine, better, well, good and thank you for asking. ~ Christine Silverstein

A poem is an invitation to a voyage. As in life, we travel to see fresh sights. ~ Charles Simic

Because you were wearing a badge, customers assumed you were an oracle.
'What aisle is the desiccated coconut'
'How long do you cook a butternut squash?'
'What would you have with a pan fried red mullet?'
'Where can I find the holy grail?' Enough already! Some people obviously misread the 'Here to help' as 'Hello I'm your bitch! ~ Alan Carr

Quivering, as if she couldn't decide whether to laugh or frown. I love my mom, and I have no idea how she can find Rafe funny. It must be a gene I missed. "So, are you two excited for your first day?" Mom asked. Changing the subject. Nicely done, Mom. "I can't wait," Rafe and I said together. Only his voice clearly meant "I can wait," while my voice meant "I'm so excited that I'm about to explode! ~ James Patterson

It would be silly for a demon to dress up and go trick-or-treating. What would I be anyways, a human girl? Ha, it's funny. I kind of already am playing dress up. I get random treats, only to be taunted that they were but tricks. Turns out, it's not so funny. ~ Amy Lunderman

Thus, in moments of catastrophe, when hard decisions needed to be made quickly, all AIs included in their calculations a human death toll governed by a factor called 'pigheadedness'. ~ Neal Asher

I miss New York. I still love how people talk to you on the street - just assault you and tell you what they think of your jacket. ~ Madonna Ciccone

A poem is a flexible thing, and a poem is a poem. ~ Juan Felipe Herrera

Neil watched the door close behind him, then sent a questioning look at Matt. Matt was studying him with a curious intensity. "Why are you so special?" Matt asked. "I'm not," Neil said, confused. "Andrew doesn't give ground to anybody. Why does he keep saying yes to you?" "He's high," Neil said, twirling a finger near his temple. "He thinks it's funny." Matt eyed him a bit longer, then shook his head and relaxed against the back of the couch again. ~ Nora Sakavic

One right doesn't remedy a thousand wrongs.'

'You should write a book of quotes. ~ Catherine Doyle

Toph, I want to tell you something. I want to tell you about my nipples. I want to tell you about my nipples, and generally about the nipples of the men in our family. Because someday, son [I do this thing, and he does this thing, where I call him son and he calls me dad, when we are having funny father-son-type chats, mocking them in a way while also being secretly, deeply queasy about using these terms], someday my nipples will be your nipples. Someday you too will have nipples that protrude unnaturally far from your chest, and which will harden at the slightest provocation, preventing you from wearing anything but the heaviest cotton T-shirts. ~ Dave Eggers

Sometimes in football you have to score goals. ~ Thierry Henry

I'm so lazy I've got a smoke alarm with a snooze button. ~ Tim Vine