Funny Disney Quotes

You're flying Buzz! No Woody we're falling in style! ~ Walt Disney Company

Some people are funny, and some people are not funny. Many people who are not funny can make a living at it. You don't have to be great to make a living at it. Just like a doctor who doesn't have to be great can still make a living out of it. ~ Woody Allen

Yes, about ten minutes. ~ Duke Of Wellington

It's funny but true: you can much more easily bottle up an emotion when it's hi-grade nuclear. You give away
the little things, but with some small ingenuity, you can conceal some really fucked-up shit, especially in plain
sight. If you can't extract the elephant from the room, paint the walls grey. Just be mindful not to step on
either end of it after. ~ Michael Reilly

Anyone who is funny and doesn't take herself to seriously is attractive to me ~ Niall Horan

I thought my teeth were white until I washed my face with Noxzema. My teeth are off-white. I'm not even white. I'm off-white. It's a new race; we will prevail! ~ Mitch Hedberg

When I was 12, I snapped my arm in two. My wrist still has a funny bump because they didn't join it back together so great. ~ Jessica De Gouw

If you're given a choice between money and sex appeal, take the money. As you get older, the money will become your sex appeal. ~ Katharine Hepburn

I'll lie still for a lot of things - but sex isn't one of them. ~ Joan Rivers

"Repeat that?"
"It's National Talk Like a Pirate Day. Didn't you know?"
"Somehow I missed the memo."
"You mean, 'Somehow I missed the memo, arrr!'"
"Precisely. Arr. So, Mrs. Jack ... Er, is that still your name? Or, I tremble to ask, have you adopted a pirate identity?"
"Arr, matey, of course I have! It's ... " She pulled an eggplant from the grocery bag. "Captain Eggplantier." She needed to stop speaking the first words that popped into her mind.
"Captain Eggplanteir." He sounded very doubtful.
"That's right. A family name. It's Belgian. ~ Shannon Hale

That quiet mutual gaze of a trusting husband and wife is like the first moment of rest or refuge from a great weariness or a great danger - not to be interfered with by speech or action which would distract the sensations from the fresh enjoyment of repose. ~ George Eliot

For years, I was either referred to as a 'rubber-faced funny man' or 'the 'Men Behaving Badly' star.' ~ Martin Clunes

Funny, no matter how fast one travels, the past is just a moment, just a thought away. ~ Van Heerling

I do like to believe there is no stupid and or funny question because in fact if we don't ask than we don't learn. ~ Kai Greene

Bella,leave the aggressive stuff to me."
My heart quirks in my chest. I may not like this guy but that sounded so hot. "Um ... " Focus,focus. "What? ~ Jenny B. Jones

It is better to give than to receive." - Liars ~ Ellen DeGeneres

I find this corpse guilty of carrying a concealed weapon and I fine it $40. ~ Roy Bean

I would rather die than let my kid eat Cup-a-Soup. ~ Gwyneth Paltrow

I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own. ~ Woody Allen

When you go to a bar that has a black light, everybody looks cool. Except for me, because I was under the impression that the mustard stain came out. ~ Mitch Hedberg

Looking scary with a baseball outfit on and a little bouffant, you know, it just does not work. Especially with sculpted eyebrows. ~ Robert Pattinson

I give women two types of orgasms. Fake and none. ~ Adam Carolla

I moved to assist, but never got the chance. there was some pretty violent banging for a minute, and then a tearing sound. Finally the stall door flew open, and Ray's shirtless body emerged and started bitch-slapping everything in sight.
His aim was off, probably due to the difficulty of having his eyes on the other side of the room, but he made up for it with sheer determination. ~ Karen Chance

The British government has urged its citizens to abstain from alcohol at least two days a week. Or to make it easier to remember, whenever they brush their teeth. ~ Conan O'Brien

What? Do you expect me to ask every woman I meet, 'Excuse me are you a goddess, because you look like one to me?' Because frankly, that is cheesy. Even for me. ~ C. Gockel

Our repartee would be rich with subtlety and sarcasm, as smart and funny as midcareer Woody Allen. Our fucking, like Werner Herzog, serious and perplexing. ~ Ottessa Moshfegh

I thought that was a really childish idea. So I did it. ~ John Duover

Parents always make their worst mistakes with their oldest children. That's when parents know the least and care the most, so they're more likely to be wrong and also more likely to insist that they're right. ~ Orson Scott Card

It's funny,' I noted in the diary, 'how often I seem to build a story around one sentence, nearly always the last one, too. The themes are a bit depressing but I just can't get rid of that. ~ Daphne Du Maurier

I went out with this girl the other night, she wore this real slinky number ... She looked great going down the stairs. ~ Milton Jones

Instead I sounded like a little girl on her first day of kindergarten. My name is Bee, and I like coloring and horsies. ~ Kate Avery Ellison