Fangirl Humor Quotes

Well," she said. "I'm frustrated."
"Don't make me angry-kiss you."
"Give me the laundry."
"Tempers rising, faces flushed ... This is how it happens. ~ Rainbow Rowell

Do I not meet your fangirl expectation? ~ Ashley Poston

Cath thought of Levi's warmth against her arm last night. And his ten thousand smiles. And his forty-acre foreheard. ~ Rainbow Rowell

I'd never before been infatuated with someone living, someone real. ~ Gail Carson Levine

After you, Geekerella.
I sigh - one BuzzFeed article and you've got a nickname for life, apparently - and wrap my free hand around the door handle. Breathe in, breathe out. The whole world is watching. ~ Ashley Poston

Rachel delivered it like an official pronouncement. Like she was one of the fairies gifting Sleeping Beauty's christening: Beauty. Intelligence. Heterosexual. ~ Josh Lanyon

I love your personality, I said with wide eyes and an open smile. I had used this look before when a bank teller at Wells Fargo had threatened to put a ten-day hold on a check from my father because my average balance was $3.56. ~ Chelsea Handler

FMr. Oswald places the telescope on the desk in front of us. "This," he says proudly, "Is a Broadhurst. It was the most powerful telescope for backyard veiwing in its day."
Which was when?" Lizzy asks.
The nineteen thirties," he replies. "Isn't it a beauty? On a clear night, you could see the whole entire solar system with this one."
Unable to stop myself, I blurt out, "My very energetic mother just served us nine pizzas."
Lizzy gawks at me like I have two heads. "He's lost it; he's finally lost it. I knew this day would come."
Mr. Ozwald chuckles. "Jeremy has just given us a mnemonic device for remembering the order of the planets. ~ Wendy Mass

I give him a skeptical look. "You want to show me your dick?"
"If it'll help convince you." He drains the last drops of his Scotch and stands up. "Come on, let's go. ~ Kendall Ryan

Godfrey's wife Charmian sat with her eyes closed, attempting to put her thoughts into alphabetical order which Godfrey had told her was better than no order at all, since she now had grasp of neither logic nor chronology. ~ Muriel Spark

If there's any greater exhibit of the malleability of human nature than the sight of someone standing, absently waiting for the light to change at a deserted intersection, I don't know what it is. ~ Christopher Sorrentino

I like to hold the microphone cord like this, I pinch it together, then I let it go, then you hear a whole bunch of jokes at once. ~ Mitch Hedberg

He knocks once against the side. I don't get it at first, and then I laugh.
Let's establish a code for when you want to go all creeper on me. One knock means you'd like to come in.
"Yes, Evan." I'm laughing so hard, it's starting to hurt. "You can come in. ~ Rick Yancey

In the U.S. there are two types of hipsters: those who know how to program and those who serve coffee. ~ Cesar Hidalgo

You know what's really freaky? Wes segues. "The fact that the psycho in question was the same guy who was after Debbie Marcus."
The whole fiasco with Debbie Marcus had happened at around the same time that I was getting stalked. But instead of taking her seriously, people chalked her stories up to pranks and practical jokes, concluding that Debbie had gotten paranoid as a result.
But there was obviously a lot more to it.
"Actually, its not nearly as freaky as the fact that Camelia decided to go to the psycho's house without even calling us first," Kimmie says.
"I already told you guys, I didn't have my phone."
"And you've obviously never heard of a collect call," Wes says.
"Nor have you heard of nine-one-one." Kimmie's barbell-pierced eyebrow rises high. "Because I hear that's free as well. ~ Laurie Faria Stolarz

One very important key to maintaining our daily sanity is a simple scheduling tactic I call Putting Things the Hell Off. ~ Ian Frazier

Atoms are round balls of wood invented by Dr. Dalton.
(Answer given by a pupil to a question on atomic theory, as reported by Sir Henry Enfield Roscoe.) ~ Henry Enfield Roscoe

I sneak quietly up the stairs and toward my door. It's not very late, but I don't want to arouse Cyclops Eye next door. I've stopped looking as I walk past, but it's difficult not to notice her window open just a few inches and her sitting right next to it, ready at a moment's notice to give me her big one-eyed look. Maybe I should get her a monocle for Christmas, so she can make more of a statement. ~ J.C. Patrick

It was pretty miserable wretches that minded at all whether they were wet or dry. He could not understand why such people had been born. "It's nothing but damned eccentricity to want to be dry" he would say. "I've been wet more than half my life and never been a whit the worse for it. ~ Halldor Laxness

At first, I could lie about my lack of sleep and she'd fall for it, but she started suspecting insomnia when I began seeing purple elephants in the air vents at the office. I knew I shouldn't have asked her about them. I thought maybe she'd redecorated. ~ Darynda Jones

Well, let's see. Guardians spend all their time watching out for
others, risking their lives, and wearing bad shoes. Me? I have great
shoes, am currently massaging a pretty girl, and sleep in an awesome
bed."
I made a face. "Let's not talk about where you sleep, okay? ~ Richelle Mead

So a deeper look at which verbs participate in the locative alternation has forced us to take a deeper look at what compels the mind to construe physical events in certain ways. And at that depth we have discovered a new layer of concepts that the mind uses to organize mundane experience: concepts about substance, space, time, and force. These concepts encourage the mind to unite events that have nothing in common in terms of what they look like, smell like, or feel like, yet they obviously matter to the mind a great deal. They are so pervasive that some philosophers consider them to be the very scaffolding that organizes mental life, and in chapter 4 I will show how they saturate our science, our storytelling, our morals, our law, even our humor. ~ Steven Pinker

Good-humor is the clear blue sky of the soul. ~ Arthur Frederick Saunders

[Reverend James] Dobson says that the [Spongebob Squarepants] video would be watched by millions of elementary school students and includes a reference to being 'tolerant of differences.' The nerve! Who does Spongebob think he is? Jesus Christ? Tolerance will not be, uh, tolerated. Oh, and tolerance is quite possibly closesly connected to gay-ance. ~ Celia Rivenbark

In regard to propaganda the early advocates of universal literacy and a free press envisaged only two possibilities: the propaganda might be true, or the propaganda might be false. They did not foresee what in fact has happened, above all in our Western capitalist democracies - the development of a vast mass communications industry, concerned in the main neither with the true nor the false, but with the unreal, the more or less totally irrelevant. In a word, they failed to take into account man's almost infinite appetite for distractions.
In the past most people never got a chance of fully satisfying this appetite. They might long for distractions, but the distractions were not provided. Christmas came but once a year, feasts were "solemn and rare," there were few readers and very little to read, and the nearest approach to a neighborhood movie theater was the parish church, where the performances though frequent, were somewhat monotonous. For conditions even remotely comparable to those now prevailing we must return to imperial Rome, where the populace was kept in good humor by frequent, gratuitous doses of many kinds of entertainment - from poetical dramas to gladiatorial fights, from recitations of Virgil to all-out boxing, from concerts to military reviews and public executions. But even in Rome there was nothing like the non-stop distractions now provided by newspapers and magazines, by radio, television and the cinema. In "Brave New World" non-stop distractions of ~ Aldous Huxley

My sense of humor doesn't translate well into print, some of the things I say can be offensive or found offensive even though I don't mean them that way. So I have been told to try and censor myself here and there. I'm trying, but I'm not really succeeding at it. ~ Megan Fox

Maybe," he said in a slow, rural drawl, "you could explain to me why I found you in the middle of an orgy."
"Well," I said, "if you're going to be in an orgy, the middle is the best spot, isn't it. ~ Jim Butcher

The memorability of a fact is inversely proportional to its usefulness.

- Jason's Third Law ~ Jason Dias

How can such scary looking parents create something so cute? ~ Chetan Bhagat

Three be the things I shall never attain:
Envy, content, and sufficient champagne. ~ Dorothy Parker

I have a plot, but not much happens. ~ Howard Nemerov

I couldn't have loved her more if she was my own child. But sometimes I considered shaving her eyebrows off while she slept.
For the sake of developing her character. ~ Molly Harper

Darling? That's a funny name for a guy. Last person I called darling was pregnant twenty seconds later.

― Lord Flasheart (Rik Mayall), Blackadder: Goes Forth ~ Rik Mayall

Darkness was cheap, and Scrooge liked it. ~ Charles Dickens

Artemis said, "I don't like lollipops." It was a woefully inadequate response, and Artemis was instantly appalled with himself. Pathetic really. I don't like lollipops. No self respecting criminal mastermind would be caught dead using the word lollipops. He really would have to put together a database of witty responses for occasions such a this. ~ Eoin Colfer

Every day we're told that we live in the greatest country on earth. And it's always stated as an undeniable fact: Leos are born between July 23 and August 22, fitted queen-size sheets measure sixty by eighty inches, and America is the greatest country on earth. Having grown up with this in our ears, it's startling to realize that other countries have nationalistic slogans of their own, none of which are 'We're number two! ~ David Sedaris

When you graduate from college, they tell you to follow your dreams. Does anyone say you have to wake up first? ~ Bill Cosby

You can do this (this thing, where your body will cease to produce hormones and your skin, hair, muscles and bones ... basically every part of you will notice, go into withdrawals, and stage a coup). Be prepared for this mentally, and you'll own this thing. ~ Lisa Jey Davis