Bum Quotes

All my parents' music came from greatest hits albums. It was like the thought of getting even one bum track was too much for them to handle. ~ Carol Rifka Brunt

I thought I was going to be a bum the rest of my life. ~ Jean-Michel Basquiat

The visitor from outer space made a gift to Earth of a new Gospel. In it, Jesus really was a nobody, and a pain in the neck to a lot of people with better connections than he had. He still got to say all the lovely and puzzling things he said in the other Gospels.
So the people amused themselves one day by nailing him to a cross and planting the cross in the ground. There couldn't possibly be any repercussions, the lynchers thought.
The reader would have to think that, too, since the new Gospel hammered home again and again what a nobody Jesus was.
And then, just before the nobody died, the heavens opened up, and there was thunder and lightning. The voice of God came crashing down. He told the people that he was adopting the bum as his son giving him the full powers and privileges of The Son of the Creator of the Universe throughout all eternity. God said this From this moment on, He will punish horribly anybody who torments a bum who has no connections! ~ Kurt Vonnegut Jr.

If you're going to come wanting to work really hard, you're never going to bum me out. ~ Dito Montiel

I enjoy art, architecture, museums, churches and temples; anything that gives me insight into the history and soul of the place I'm in. I can also be a beach bum - I like to laze in the shade of a palm tree with a good book or float in a warm sea at sundown. ~ Cherie Lunghi

It's like each face was a sign like one of those "I'm Blind" signs the dago accordion players in Portland hung around their necks, only these signs say "I'm tired" or "I'm scared" or "I'm dying of a bum liver" or "I'm all bound up with machinery and people pushing me alla time." I can read all the signs, it don't make any difference how little the print gets. ~ Ken Kesey

Love casts out fear; but conversely fear casts out love. And not only love. Fear also casts out intelligence, casts out goodness, casts out all thought of beauty and truth. What remains in the bum or studiedly jocular desperation of one who is aware of the obscene Presence in the corner of the room and knows that the door is locked, that there aren't any windows. And now the thing bears down on him. He feels a hand on his sleeve, smells a stinking breath, as the executioner's assistant leans almost amorously toward him. "Your turn next, brother. Kindly step this way." And in an instant his quiet terror is transmuted into a frenzy as violent as it is futile. There is no longer a man among his fellow men, no longer a rational being speaking articulately to other rational beings; there is only a lacerated animal, screaming and struggling in the trap. For in the end fear casts out even a man's humanity. And fear, my good friends, fear is the very basis and foundation of modern life. Fear of the much touted technology which, while it raises out standard of living, increases the probability of our violently dying. Fear of the science which takes away the one hand even more than what it so profusely gives with the other. Fear of the demonstrably fatal institutions for while, in our suicidal loyalty, we are ready to kill and die. Fear of the Great Men whom we have raised, and by popular acclaim, to a power which they use, inevitably, to murder and enslave us. Fear of the war we don't ~ Aldous Huxley

He may not be in a class all by himself, but it don't take long to call the roll. ~ Bum Phillips

When you're winning, you're a hero. When you're losing, you're a bum ... I'm as bad as the fans, believe me. If they only knew how I hate losing and what we go through to try to win. ~ Alex Spanos

Because she is too ugly to kiss goodbye. ~ Bum Phillips

Two buddies are walking home together. As they get to the fork where they part ways, the one turns to the other and says "Man...life sure stinks!". His pal grins and says "I think life is beautiful." From a nearby park bench an old bum overhears them. With a shaky voice from years of experiences he looks up at them... "You're both right." he say's as he turns to the 2nd fellow. "But I'd rather walk with you. ~ Unknown

Whoever had said in the guidebooks that the bum bag was a sensible device against theft had lied; no single item of dressware ever invented cried out "mug me" more than a pouch of zip-up plastic suspended by your groin. ~ Kate Griffin

My creative hands can't keep up with my creative mind, so I think I'll sit and rest on my creative behind ~ Benny Bellamacina

It is difficult when you pass that way, especially when you are peacefully recovering from sea-sickness with the plush cushions of a boat-train carriage under your bum, to believe that anything is really happening anywhere. Earthquakes in Japan, famines in China, revolutions in Mexico? Don't worry, the milk will be on the doorstep tomorrow morning, the New Statesman will come out on Friday. ~ George Orwell

The trouble with most coaches is that they start with the assumption that everybody is a turd. And that ain't right. ~ Bum Phillips

You groped my bum!"
"It was an accident."
"It was not. You haven't done anything accidental with that hand since you were twelve."
"Fifteen, Mabes. You make me sound like some kind of infant sex prodigy. ~ Lily Morton

Prince Ronald said, Elizabeth, your hair is all dirty. You are wearing an ugly paper bag. You don't have any shoes on and you smell like a dragon's ear. Come back and rescue me when you're dressed like a real princess.
Elizabeth said, Ronald, your hair is all nice. Your clothes are all pretty. You look like a nice guy, but guess what? You are a bum.
They didn't get married after all. ~ Robert Munsch

I do loads of squats with weights. It's great for your bum and legs. ~ Fleur East

He wondered if he'd be better off staying at the bum shelter with his false bum and forgetting about his real bum. But he couldn't. His bum was trying to take over the world. ~ Griffiths, Andy

It may be bliss not to know a tornado is coming because you have no need to worry or take action. But while your head is in the sand your bum is in the air, the tornado is still coming. ~ David Icke

I'm kind of a beach bum from Florida, and I have a very different style. I like tight-fitting, Euro-fitting clothes, colored pants. ~ Chandler Parsons

And a special thanks for not burning up the whole ship. Including yourself, you daft bum-rag. ~ Scott Westerfeld

Courting is always difficult when the one being courted has an elderly female relative in the house; they tend to mutter or cackle or bum cigarettes or, in the worst cases, get out the family photograph album, an act of aggression in the sex war which ought to be banned by a Geneva Convention. ~ Terry Pratchett

No asshole would stop Harley Wright's epic quest for pussy. He would fight every bum in Manhattan for a fine piece of ass like Sorcha! ~ Alan Kinross

I get really tired of getting painted up all the time. Basically, I'm a bum. ~ Morgan Fairchild

We all have, in my family, what we call the 'Vorderman bottom' - a sticky out, bigger-than-normal, signature, of the rear variety. It's been a family joke all our lives - even my lovely brother has one. I know the lines to all the good singalong big bum songs. ~ Carol Vorderman

It would decidedly not be okay to touch the bum. ~ Wendy Higgins

Baboons are very wise animals," Bast said.
"Agh!" Khufu picked his nose, then turned his Technicolor bum our direction. He threw his friends the ball. They began to fight over it, showing one another their fangs and slapping their heads.
"Wise?" I asked. ~ Rick Riordan

I'm not the kind of player to see out my time and sit with my bum on the bench too much. I want to be involved. That's my character. ~ Frank Lampard

Yes. Just now, I was actually trying to rank 'I love you, I like you, I worship you, I have to have my cock inside you,' in terms of relative sincerity.
Did I day that? he said sounding slightly startled.
Yes. Weren't you listening?
No, he admitted. I meant every word of it though. His hand cupped one buttock, weighing it appreciatively. Still do come to that.
What, even that last one? I laughed and rubbed my forehead gently against his chest, feeling his jaw rest snugly on top of my head.
Oh, aye, he said gathering me firmly against him with a sigh. I will say the flesh requires a bit of supper and a wee rest before I think of doin' it again, but the spirit is always willing. God, ye have the sweetest fat wee bum. Only seeing it makes me want to give it yea again directly. It's lucky ye're wed to a decrepit auld man, Sessenach, or ye'd be on your knees with your arse in the air this minute. ~ Diana Gabaldon

This year there will be an eclipse of the Moon on the fourth day of August.9 Saturn will be retrograde; Venus, direct; Mercury, variable. And a mass of other planets will not proceed as they used to.10 As a result, crabs this year will walk sideways, rope-makers work backwards, stools end up on benches, and pillows be found at the foot of the bed;11 many men's bollocks will hang down for lack of a game-bag;12 the belly will go in front and the bum be the first to sit down; nobody will find the bean in their Twelfth Night cake; not one ace will turn up in a flush; the dice will never do what you want, however much you may flatter them;13 and the beasts will talk in sundry places. ~ Francois Rabelais

Fe fi fo fum, I'll put you on your bum! ~ Dave Franklin

I'm nobody
I'm a tramp, a bum, a hobo
I'm a boxcar and a jug of wine
And a straight razor ... if you get too close to me ~ Charles Manson

Street people use cardboard all the time, and bum alleys are just shanties or lean-tos, though. They're nothing like my house! Mine is deluxe! It's a big, thick, super sturdy refrigerator box that I found at an appliance store! ~ Wendelin Van Draanen

America, ever the narcissistic mother, prefers baby bumps to children and expectant mothers to full-fledged bum-and-nose-wiping ones. ~ Koren Zailckas

Once a journey is designed, equipped, and put in process, a new factor enters and takes over. A trip, a safari, an exploration, is an entity, different from all other journeys. It has personality, temperament, individuality, uniqueness. A journey is a person in itself; no two are alike. And all plans, safeguards, policing, and coercion are fruitless. We find after years of struggle that we do not take a trip; a trip takes us. Tour masters, schedules, reservations, brass-bound and inevitable, dash themselves to wreckage on the personality of the trip. Only when this is recognized can the blown-in-the glass bum relax and go along with it. Only then do the frustrations fall away. In this a journey is like marriage. The certain way to be wrong is to think you control it. ~ John Steinbeck

On my way over to Park Avenue to find a cab I pass an ugly, homeless bum
a member of the genetic underclass
and when he softly pleads for change, for "anything," I noticed the Barnes & Noble book bag that sits next to him on the steps of the church he's begging on and I can't help but smirk, out loud, "Oh right, like YOU read ... , ~ Bret Easton Ellis

You're an unemployed bum. Should you live in that Finnish city by the lake with the S-market and K-market? Or how about that other Finnish city by the lake with the S-market and K-market? Finnish cities are all so very different! ~ Phil Schwarzmann

America is a country that prides itself on being able to identify a 'straight shooter' or 'the genuine article' when it comes to our leaders. As a nation, we can 'feel it in our gut' when someone is giving us a bum steer. ~ Adam McKay

The next time you see a bum leaving drug needles in a park where children play or urinating in the street, you are seeing your tax dollars at work and the end result of the vision of the anointed. ~ Thomas Sowell

I think Bhutanese food - long dissed by every food writer out there - has gotten a bum rap. ~ Hanya Yanagihara

When I write a play, and we read it for the first time, the great fear is that everybody is going to say, 'You're a bum and you can't write. This stinks.' and throw the script in the garbage. The great hope is that they're all going to lift me up on their shoulders and carry me to the streets, singing, 'He's a genius, he's a genius!' ~ Tracy Letts

Maybe he'd never come across anybody as well versed at objectifying body parts as I was. In my defense, this was an occupational hazard; one of the tricks of my trade was the ability to work with whatever was at hand. Over the years I'd learned to pinpoint my focus to the width of a pubic hair if there was nothing else to work with. (...) Before my eyes -or, more precisely, in my mind- Rasher became Lovely Bum Man. ~ Aiden Shaw

The music I always liked as a kid was stuff I could bum out to and realize, 'Hey, someone else feels that way, too.' So if someone can do that with my music, it's mission accomplished. ~ Trent Reznor

I didn't ask to be a hero, but I guess I have become one in the Christian community. So I accept it. But if I'm wrong about this, I guess I'll become a bum. ~ Hal Lindsey

Winning is like shaving - you do it every day or you wind up looking like a bum. ~ Jack Kemp

Here's what's not beautiful about it: from here, you can't see the rust or the cracked paint or whatever, but you can tell what the place really is. You can see how fake it all is. It's not even hard enough to be made out of plastic. It's a paper town. I mean, look at it, Q: look at all those culs-de-sac, those streets that turn in on themselves, all the houses that were built to fall apart. All those paper people living in their paper houses, burning the future to stay warm. All the paper kids drinking beer some bum bought for them at the paper convenience store. Everyone demented with the mania of owning things. All the things paper-thin and paper-frail. And all the people, too. I've lived here for eighteen years and I have never once in my life come across anyone who cares about anything that matters. ~ John Green

The world is full of people who say, 'But I had that idea first,' but did they do anything about it? Nope, they sat on their bum dreaming. ~ Rob Manuel

Abraham as a boy crawled around the synagogue bum-in-air with his nose pressed against antique Chinese blue. He never told his mother that his father had reappeared in ceramic form on the synagogue floor a year after he decamped, in a little blue rowing-boat with blue-skinned foreign-looking types by his side, heading off towards an equally blue horizon. ~ Salman Rushdie

I may be a bum but God has to rest on something ~ Chobo

When the nurse leaves, Doctor Rose mouths, "Act like you're in pain." Then she mimics a painful expression in case Summer doesn't understand. On the contrary, Summer's an expert at interpreting body language and reading lips. It's all thanks to her observant nature while enslaved on the Cosmos. Who else could tell that Peter's discomfort is due to him wearing the same pair of underwear for a week straight? Ah, yes, she always knew when day six and seven approached. She watched the crew member with much amusement as he waddled, pulled wedgies, and scratched his bum relentlessly. Not that anyone else cared to know that little nugget of information. ~ Laura Kreitzer

Historically, the Germans had a habit of associating the names of objects with the sounds they made. After bell makers-turned-cannon-makers learned that by closing off the mouth of the cannon before lighting the fuse, the entire cannon could be made to explode, the device they invented became known as the 'bum' (for boom!). In keeping with this tradition, the first one-thousand-pound bomb was dubbed 'ein laussen bum' (meaning, "a loud boom"). After the first atomic bomb was dropped on Hiroshima, they called the fission device 'ein grossen laussen bum' (or, "a big loud boom"). The next obvious step was the fusion, or H-bomb, which was pronounced 'ein grossen laussen bum all ist kaput! ~ Charles Pellegrino

I'm not slim. I'm a curvy girl: I've got thighs and a bum. I don't mind baring the fact that I've got a bit of cellulite because everybody has. I find it off-putting when everybody on telly is the same size or looks the same build. For me, it's important for people to watch someone normal. ~ Vicky McClure

A hundred brilliant witticisms died suffocating on the captain's heavy glove. Thus muted, I pumped my codpiece at the duke and tried to force a fart, but my bum tumpet could find no note. ~ Christopher Moore

On breezy days when the wind was not too light and not too strong, Will and Pamela and the children flew their homemade kites in Peaceful Park until they were specks in the blue sky. When the wind was just right, the kites felt so strong and safe up there that Honor imagined nothing could budge them.
'Ho bum, boasted Will, 'I could stand here all day and this kite would hold. It's like fishing.'
'Fishing in reverse,' said Pamela. 'Sky fishing.'
'What do you fish for in the air?' asked Honor.
Pamela and Will started laughing. 'Oh, planets,' said Will. 'The occasional comet. An asteroid or two.'
Honor held one kite string, and Will held the other. Pamela held Quintilian. On those afternoons, four did not seem like the wrong number for a family. Four seemed just right. ~ Allegra Goodman

In England, I'm a horror movie director. In Germany, I'm a filmmaker. In the US, I'm a bum. ~ John Carpenter

Light bulbs up the ass, no big deal!" you say. "On a good night I can fit a Butterball and two sweet potatoes up my bum!"
Aye
But here's the rub:
How did these bulbs come to shine so brightly? They weren't plugged into an electrical socket ...
An hour before her performance, Ida lay spread-eagle on the ground, and she had a helping hand (and how) slowly, carefully, millimeter by millimeter
INSERT A BATTERY PACK INTO HER UPPER INTESTINE. ~ James St. James

You must learn to call on the Lord. Don't sit all alone or lie on the couch, shaking your head and letting your thoughts torture you. Don't worry about how to get out of your situation or brood about your terrible life, how miserable you feel, and what a bad person you are. Instead, say, Get a grip on yourself, you lazy bum! Fall on your knees, and raise your hands and eyes toward heaven. Read a psalm. Say the Lord's Prayer, and tearfully tell God what you need. ~ Martin Luther

You fail all the time, but you aren't a failure until you start blaming someone else. ~ Bum Phillips

The harder we played, the behinder we got. ~ Bum Phillips

There are only two ways to get in and out of an MG Midget sports car – the elegant way or my
way. The elegant way is how you see the film stars do it on TV when they arrive at the Oscars. To get
in, put your bum inside first and then swivel legs round. Similarly, to exit, swivel legs out, bum last.
My way is to get everything but bum in first, leave bum out in the cold for a bit while struggling with
other appendages, and then bum can come in. To get out, I simply fall on to the pavement. ~ Sarah Mason

Merda! Her lace panties had snagged on his ring, the signet ring he'd inherited from his father, Giacomo Casanova. His father had seduced hundred of women without any problems whatsoever, and he was having trouble with just one. This was the real reason he never used the Casanova name. He could never live up to his father's reputation. The old man was probably laughing in his grave.

Nine circles of hell," Jack muttered.

Hell?" Lara asked. "I thought I was the Holy Land."

You're paradise. Unfortunately, I am stuck there."

Her eyes widened. "Stuck?"

Normally, I would love being stuck to your lovely bum, but it would look odd if we go sightseeing with my hand under your skirt. Especially in the basilica."

She glanced down. "How can you be stuck?"

My ring. It's caught in the lace. See?" He moved his hand down her hip, dragging her undies down a few inches.

Okay, stop." She bit her lip, frowning, then suddenly giggled. "I can't believe this has happened."

I assure you, as much as I had hoped to get your clothes off, this was not part of my original plan."

She snorted. "No problem. Just rip yourself loose."

Are you sure?" It will destroy you undies."

She narrowed her eyes with a seductuve look. "Rip it."

Very well." He jerked his hand away, but the panties came with him. He yanked his hand back and forth, but the lacy, latex material simply ~ Kerrelyn Sparks

An expert is an ordinary fella away from home. ~ Bum Phillips

I mean, I don't think I'm alone when I look at the homeless person or the bum or the psychotic or the drunk or the drug addict or the criminal and see their baby pictures in my mind's eye. You don't think they were cute like every other baby? ~ Dustin Hoffman

A bum stood at the Lucky Market right in front of Artesia & Blossom. He was begging for money. He looked pretty pathetic, dressed in rancid, oily clothes. He smelled like cigarettes and urine. "Can you spare a dime?" he would ask. People would shake their heads or walk around him. He was getting nowhere. Two hours went by, no money, not a cent. "Please, a dime!" cried the bum. A middle-aged man walked by him, heard his plea and laid upon him a mint new dime. "Thank you, sir! Thank you!" shouted the bum. Dime in hand, the bum limped over to a phone booth and called in the airstrike. ~ Henry Rollins

Young Noah: [humming] Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum.
Young Allie: [laughing] You're a terrible singer.
Young Noah: I know.
Young Allie: [laying her head on his shoulder] But I like this song.
[they continue dancing in the street to I'll Be Seeing You] ~ Nicholas Sparks

Stenchgator, the Great Unwiped Bum... was listed in the Bumper Book of Bums as the stinkiest bum in the world. Most bums only registered one or two points on the Rectum scale, but Stenchgator came in at a nose-bruising 9.8 points. ~ Griffiths, Andy

From "I Exist" in Every Lyric Tells A Story.
His mother thought he was a loser
His father thought he was a bum
Plenty of times he felt like running
But he really had nowhere to run
He fought it with everything he had
With his brains and with his fists
And whenever anyone told him he was nobody
He'd tell himself "I exist ~ Mark Wilkins

After forty-odd years you stop asking," she says. "Want some free advice?"
I nod.
"Don't trip over yourselves trying to be a perfect couple, love. Get out of each other's way; don't be afraid of falling out, shutting up, or telling little porky pies; do your share of the cleaning; don't leave your dirty undies inside out on the carpet; leave the seat down; buy her flowers once a month; and pinch her bum once a week - the rest's up to you. ~ Andy Jones

They really kicked me out?"
"Refunded the tuition and everything."
Julie blinked a couple of times coming to grips with this tidbit. "So what happens now?"
"I expect you'll be a bum. Homeless and jobless begging on the street for a crust of bread ... "
"Kate."
"Oh, alright, I suppose if you come by the office once in a while I'll give you a sandwich. You can squat in the office on the floor when it gets too cold outside. We can even get you a little blanket to lie on ... ~ Ilona Andrews

Keisha, my love," I said in my fey-est, gayest drawl, "your bum doesn't just look big, it is big. No, I take that back. It's enormous. Planets feel inferior beside it . Lesser bums are drawn into orbit around it. Last time it went dark, everyone said, Oh, is it an eclipse? And I told them, 'No, it's Keisha's bum blotting out the sun.' I could compose odes to the size of your bum."

Jude answering Keisha's question "Does my bum look big in this?"

Merrow, JL (2013-04-09). Slam! (Kindle Locations 35-38). ~ J.L. Merrow

The only discipline that lasts is self-discipline. ~ Bum Phillips

THIS is why I'm single―I'm fat, I'm funny and I won't take it up the bum. ~ Rae Earl

When you get what you want in your struggle for pelf, And the world makes you King for a day, Then go to the mirror and look at yourself, And see what that guy has to say. For it isn't your Father, or Mother, or Wife, Whose judgement upon you must pass. The feller whose verdict counts most in your life Is the guy staring back from the glass. He's the feller to please, never mind all the rest, For he's with you clear up to the end, And you've passed your most dangerous, difficult test If the guy in the glass is your friend. You may be like Jack Horner and "chisel" a plum, And think you're a wonderful guy, But the man in the glass says you're only a bum If you can't look him straight in the eye. You can fool the whole world down the pathway of years, And get pats on the back as you pass, But your final reward will be heartaches and tears If you've cheated the guy in the glass. Dale Wimbrow ~ Shawn Jones

Paris Hilton came in the store occasionally and one day asked me for the song, "Bette Davis Eyes". I found it for her and she proceeded to the front to pay and as the cashier was ringing her up, she was putting on blush. I guess because there was a slew a paparazzi photographers in the parking lot waiting for her to leave the store. It was insane. What is she famous for anyway? I didn't get it then and I still don't get it now. I guess it doesn't matter what I think, I'm just a broke bum living in his van and she's a bazillionaire that people want to take a picture of, I guess she wins! ~ K.D. Sanders

He got into the tub and ran a little cold water. Then he lowered his thin, hairy body into the just-right warmth and stared at the interstices between the tiles. Sadness--he had experienced that emotion ten thousand times. As exhalation is to inhalation, he thought of it as the return from each thrust of happiness.

Lazily soaping himself, he gave examples.

When he was five and Irwin eight, their father had breezed into town with a snowstorm and come to see them where they lived with their grandparents in the small Connecticut city. Their father had been a vagabond salesman and was considered a bum by people who should know. But he had come into the closed, heated house with all the gimcrack and untouchable junk behind glass and he had smelled of cold air and had had snow in his curly black hair. He had raved about the world he lived in, while the old people, his father and mother, had clucked sadly in the shadows. And then he had wakened the boys in the night and forced them out into the yard to worship the swirling wet flakes, to dance around with their hands joined, shrieking at the snow-laden branches. Later, they had gone in to sleep with hearts slowly returning to bearable beatings. Great flowering things had opened and closed in Norman's head, and the resonance of the wild man's voice had squeezed a sweet, tart juice through his heart. But then he had wakened to a gray day with his father gone and the world walking gingerly over the somber crust of ~ Edward Lewis Wallant

What I would really like to do is live in a university town and be an intellectual bum. I just want to write, read, whatever. I'm very eclectic. I read every night until my eyes burn. ~ Wayne Rogers

I never scrimmage Oilers against Oilers ... What for? Houston isn't on our schedule. ~ Bum Phillips

That's the problem, two of us with issues, insecurities and baggage.' He put on a high-pitched whiny voice. 'Does my hair look OK, did I wear the right shoes, does my breath smell, does my bum look big?'
'Not all girls have those issues.'
'I wasn't talking about her, I was talking about me ~ Holly Martin

You're a bum-rag covered in clart! ~ Scott Westerfeld

Don't Suck up to people, the brown might wash of your nose, but those curly bum hairs will leave lines in your face for weeks ~ A.C. Quinn

The Sun in London ran a front page declaring my bum a national treasure. I really did laugh at that. Its not like it can actually do anything, except wiggle. ~ Kylie Minogue

I don't need the news. If they have a war, I figure someone will tell me. ~ Bum Phillips

I was a surf bum wannabe. I left home at age 17 and moved to Southern California to try to take up surfing as a vocation, but this was in 1964, and there was this nasty little thing called the Vietnam War. As a result, I got drafted. ~ Craig Venter

I can't sit on my bum very long in a movie theater seat, and when I'm directing, I always want to move the camera or edit. ~ Tony Scott

Yeah, that test says he's dumb as a fence post, but when he hits he looks like Einstein to me. ~ Bum Phillips

Not yet!" said she [Goneril], trying to roll me over and get back to smacking my bum.
She honked my codpiece.
You honked my codpiece."
Aye, give it up, fool." [ ... ] ~ Christopher Moore

When I was racing, I had learned that you can't set stock in public adoration or your press clippings. By the time I was 26, I'd heard crowds of 100,000 scream my name, but a week later they couldn't remember who I was. You're a hero today and a bum tomorrow - hero to zero, I sometimes say. ~ Eddie Rickenbacker

Tails from My Puppyhood or, What They Don't Teach You at Obedience School
The tail that wags the dog to bliss
Must put his mouth before his heart.
The simple rule of paw is this:
Show your master he's smart.

The dog intent on happiness
Knows it pays to learn the tricks
Of when to sit and when to piss
And how to accept his master's kiss.

I know the human breath is foul,
But you must let him pet your head.
The dog that turns away its jowls
Will keep his pride but won't be fed.

When he throws you food upon the floor,
Swallow it with a smile.
Smack your lips and beg for more:
Show the bum your style.

When you fetch your master's stick
Drop it gently to his feet.
If you whine, pretend you're sick;
He'll then fetch you more to eat.

I know it's tough to be a hound
And forsake all that you hold dear.
But remember, when he's not around
You can always piss right on his chair. ~ Beryl Dov

Look at all those cul-de-sacs, the streets that turn in on themselves all the houses that were built to fall apart. All those paper people in their paper houses burning the furniture to stay warm. All the paper kids drinking the beer some bum bought for them at the paper convenience store. Everyone demented with the mania of owning things. All the things paper-thin and paper-frail. ~ John Green

For a beach bum you're not very chill," said Benny.
Bob frowned. "This beach bum is a retired death god who is getting a little agitated," he said. ~ Adam Christopher

That doesn't sound too smart, I thought. If we come in from every direction, we'll be shooting each other. Usually our ambushes are planned in an L-shape to avoid that. I looked at the chief. The chief looked at me. Suddenly, his serious expression gave way to a shit-ass grin. With that, the rest of the platoon bum-rushed me. I hit the floor a second later. They cuffed me to a chair, and then began my kangaroo court. ~ Chris Kyle

If you don't burn out at the end of each day, you're a bum. ~ George Lois

Lou felt as though she would rather jump from her bathroom window than open the door and smile at him then, she managed it. And she even pinched his bum as the passed in the doorway. Not because she wanted him to act on the flirtatious gesture. But he deserved it. Because he was a great bloke and she knew she should be grateful to have him and perhaps, one day, if she let herself believe that someone that fantastic might really be the one for her, she'd get over it and they'd live happily ever after. ~ Chris Manby

It's a paper town. I mean look at it, Q: look at all those cul-de-sacs, those streets that turn in on themselves, all the houses that were built to fall apart. All those paper people living in their paper houses, burning the future to stay warm. All those paper kids drinking beer some bum bought for them at the paper convenient store. Everyone demented with the mania of owning things. All the thing paper-thin and paper-frail. ~ John Green

Winning is only half of it. Having fun is the other half. ~ Bum Phillips

His favourite word, one for which I have a great deal of time myself as a matter of fact, was "arse." Everyone was more or less an arse most of the time, but I was arsier than just about everyone else in the school. In fact, in my case he would often go further - I was on many occasions a bumptious arse. Before I learned what bumptious actually meant I assumed that it derived from "bum" and believed therefore with great pride that as a bumptious arse I was doubly arsey - twice the arse of ordinary arses. ~ Stephen Fry

I guess, you know, if I didn't make it with the piano, I guess I would've been the biggest bum. ~ Thelonious Monk

I have always noticed in high school yearbooks the similarity of all the graduate write-ups - how, after only a few pages, the identities of all the unsullied young faces blur, how one person melts into another and another: Susan likes to eat at Wendy's; Donald was on the basketball team; Norman is vain about his varsity sweater; Gillian broke her arm on Spring Retreat; Brian is a car nut; Sue wants to live in Hawaii; Don wants to make a million and be a ski bum; Noreen wants to live in Europe; Gordon wants to be a radio deejay in Australia. At what point in our lives do we stop blurring? When do we become crisp individuals? What must we do in order to end these fuzzy identities - to clarify just who it is we really are? ~ Douglas Coupland

I drink because I don't stand a chance and I know it. I couldn't drive a truck and I couldn't get on the cops with my build. I got to sling beer and sing when I just want to sing. I drink because I got responsibilities that I can't handle ... I am not a happy man. I got a wife and children and I don't happen to be a hard-working man. I never wanted a family ... Yes, your mother works hard. I love my wife and I love my children. But shouldn't a man have a better life? Maybe someday it will be that the Unions will arrange for a man to work and to have time for himself too. But that won't be in my time. Now, it's work hard all the time or be a bum ... no in-between. When I die, nobody will remember me for long. No one will say, "He was a man who loved his family and believed in the Union." All they will say is," Too bad. But he was nothing but a drunk no matter which way you look at it." Yes they'll say that. ~ Betty Smith