Restroom Quotes

Is that where you took care of him? In a restroom?"
"No. I walked him out to the runway and threw him in front of a Boeing. ~ Max Allan Collins

I found this bag of fireworks in the men's restroom. Would you guys like to light them off? ~ Danny McBride

Mitt Romney looks like a guy modeling briefs on a package of underwear ... He looks like a guy who goes to the restroom when the check comes ... He looks like a guy who would run a seminar on condo flipping ... He looks like he is the closer at a Cadillac dealership ... He looks like that guy on the golf course in the Levitra commercial. ~ David Letterman

The victim had been John Lewis, the theology student. He had been attacked by thugs in a white restroom in Rock Hill, South Carolina. ~ Ken Follett

I was so distracted when walking out of the restroom that I hadn't noticed Rose standing nearby with Dimitri Belikov. They stood arm in arm, smiling at my surprise. I hadn't seen Dimitri tonight, and his black and white guardian attire told me why. He was on duty here and had undoubtedly been one of the shadows darting among the trees of the greenhouse, keeping a watch on everyone. He must be on break now because there was no way he'd be standing so casually here, even with Rose, otherwise. And really, "casual" for Dimitri meant he could still leap into battle at any moment.
They were a striking couple. His dark-haired, dark-eyed looks matched hers, and they were both dazzlingly attractive. It was no wonder Adrian had fallen for her, and I felt surprised at how uncomfortable that memory made me. Like Sonya and Mikhail, there was a bond of love between Rose and Dimitri and Rose that was almost palpable. ~ Richelle Mead

I think. Therefore, I am. I think."
- Anonymous

I found this written in tiny letters in the grout between the wall tiles above a urinal in a restroom at the University of Washington, circa 1980. I don't know if Descartes would have approved but I thought it was brilliant. ~ Gary Val Tenuta

Humour is often linked to shared experience. Like, a guy gets up and says, "Have you noticed public restrooms have really inefficient hand-dryers?" Oh my God, yes I have, hahaha, really
good point, they should ... fix that. It's good to know that somebody finally gets me! ~ Bo Burnham

The code of the road is, if there is anything to eat, eat; if there is a place to sit, sit; if there is a restroom, go. ~ Jessica Savitch

But if you have an opinion, please feel free to offer it to me through the gap in the door of a public restroom. ~ Tina Fey

Speaking of your eyeballs, dear brother,I overheard some girls talking about you in the restroom at the tournament hotel. Apparently rumor now has it that you won't allow anyone to see your eyes - ever. In fact, according to this knowledgeable source, you even sleep and shower with your glasses on in case someone unexpectedly walks in...one of them said she'd seen your eyes for herself two years ago and could only describe them as 'ferocious and roving,' and 'burning white-hot with a primal, raw wildness. ~ Elle Lothlorien

Don't you just hate it how people say 'I'm pressed' or 'I want to ease myself' when they want to go to the bathroom?" Doris asked. Ifemelu laughed. "I know!" "I guess 'bathroom' is very American. But there's 'toilet,' 'restroom,' 'the ladies.' " "I never liked 'the ladies.' I like 'toilet.' " "Me too!" Doris said. "And don't you just hate it when people here use 'on' as a verb? On the light!" "You know what I can't stand? When people say 'take' instead of 'drink.' I will take wine. I don't take beer." "Oh God, I know! ~ Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie

A white American can orbit the earth, but a black American can't enter a restroom. ~ Ken Follett

And then he spoke the very first words he'd ever spoken to me. His deep, rich voice dissolved my bones. I almost responded with "Of course I'll have sex with you before you sacrifice me to your gods." Then I realized he'd asked me where the restroom was. ~ Darynda Jones

This quick foray onto the toilet has been no different an endeavor than any other time I've used the restroom in my adult life. Try then to imagine my surprise when instead of the waste going down the u-bend like the thousands of times previous, the bowl's contents go not gentle into that good night.
Instead, they shoot directly up at me ... at approximately 80 miles an hour.
As I leap backward, slamming into the glass shower door, the only thought going through my now-banged head is, When did I eat corn?
Pretty in Plaid: A Life, a Witch, and a Wardrobe, or, the Wonder Years Before the Condescending, Egomanical, Self-Centered Smart-Ass Phase ~ Jen Lancaster

When preparing for a trip, we can read about architecture and restaurants. But what ultimately breathes life into the daydreams of anticipation are the people we encounter when we're actually there, including those we merely pass on the street or, in this case, the stairwell. I thought, too, of the man on the pier who offered his hand to steady me as I stepped off the ferry, and of the old woman in the public restroom who motioned for me to come and share with her the sole tiny sink. The possibility of these wordless interactions, to which we can be particularly attuned when alone, didn't cross my mind when I was anticipating my days in Istanbul. I had envisioned ships and minarets, the Grand Bazaar and the Hagia Sofia, yet not these faces, not these moments that silently transmit the warmth of a city. ~ Stephanie Rosenbloom

No, I don't work here, I'm taking pictures of messy bathrooms for a photo essay on the American West. But I'm always up for clean, so if you want to pitch in, I've got Pine Sol and a sponge in my car ... It's that VW microbus parked next to the dumpster, and you don't need a key, just pull hard. ~ Pansy Schneider-Horst

You might be a redneck if your classes at school were cancelled because the path to the restroom was flooded. ~ Jeff Foxworthy

Starbucks is planning to close down all the restrooms in its New York locations. Which explains the most popular new Starbucks order: An empty cup. ~ Jimmy Fallon

Writing about the indignities of old age: the daunting stairway to the restaurant restroom, the benefits of a wheelchair in airports and its disadvantages at cocktail parties, giving the user what he described as a child's-eye view of the party and a crotch-level view of the guests.
Dying is a matter of slapstick and pratfalls. The aging process is not gradual or gentle. It rushes up, pushes you over and runs off laughing. No one should grow old who isn't ready to appear ridiculous. ~ John Mortimer

And I'll be damned if I'm going to settle for a diet of moose and squirrels when this planet is swarming with tasty humans to consume." He became agitated now, balling his fists. "I am sick to death of eating moose and squirrel. I hate moose and squirrel!" Without taking her eyes off him, Dementia shouted in the direction of the restroom. "Naomi, come out of there right now!" "Think about it, Dementia," said Danny, still trying to finesse his way out of this situation. "What are you going to do when the rest of the families want to leave the Colony? Are you going to kill us all? Are you going to kill off the most advanced species to ever walk the earth?" Her response was chilly and unflinching. "Yes. If I have to." Danny noticed Naomi then, sneaking up behind Dementia with the wine bottle. He ~ Jim Stenstrum

Annabeth looked at me. " We have to get out of here."
" You think I want to be in the girls' restroom?"
" I mean the ship, Percy! We have to get off the ship."
" Smells bad," Tyson agreed. " And dogs eat all the eggs. Annabeth is right. We must leave the restroom and the ship. ~ Rick Riordan

One of the stall doors swings open and a fortyish-year-old woman walks out tucking her shirt into her jeans. Her heavy lined eyes land on Seth. "This is the women's restroom." She points a finger to the door. "Can't you read?"
"Can't you see that everyone in this club is about twenty years younger than you?" Seth retorts, turning to the mirror. With his pinkie, he messes with bangs. "Now if you'll excuse us, we're going to have some fun. ~ Jessica Sorensen

Our eyes collided as heat rushed up my arm. The tingling between my legs intensified, the need in my gut moaned with want. All I could see was Braden, all I could smell was Braden, and his body was so close I imagined I could almost feel all of his hard strength pressing against me. Right then I wanted nothing more than to pull him into the ladies restroom and let him screw me hard against the wall. ~ Samantha Young

The one with wormies swelling his belly?" Finn looked disgusted.
"It's not so swollen anymore."
"Right. So it's Maggot Cat pus on my duct tape. As soon as Thomas comes out of the restroom I'm going to wash this in hand sanitizer. Then throw up."
Teagan reached for the duct tape, but he moved it away.
"Don't be touching it, girl. It's disgusting. I'll deal with it. ~ Kersten Hamilton

I propose a limitation be put on how many sqares [sic] of toilet paper can be used in any one sitting. Now, I don't want to rob any law-abiding American of his or her God-given rights, but I think we are an industrious enough people that we can make it work with only one square per restroom visit, except, of course, on those pesky occasions where 2 to 3 could be required.' ~ Sheryl Crow

We don't have much time. Mel will be out of the restroom soon."
"You've got a magician named Mel? ~ Rick Riordan

All we demand are the same rights as men, and slightly more stalls per restroom. And tampon machines. And those little things in the stalls so we can put our used tampons in them. And, okay, just go ahead and make the bathrooms out of tampons. ~ Susan B. Anthony

We segregate men from women, and no matter how many times we insist that men and women are equal, men and women should be treated the same, when it comes to the moment of excretion, even the most modern society - especially the most modern society - segregates two restrooms with little icons outside the doors, one wearing a dress, one wearing pants. ~ W. J. T. Mitchell

I am always behind the shopper at the grocery store who has stitched her coupons in the lining of her coat and wants to talk about a 'strong' chicken she bought two weeks ago. The register tape also runs out just before her sub-total. In the public restroom, I always stand behind the teen-ager who is changing into her band uniform for a parade and doesn't emerge until she has combed the tassels on her boots, shaved her legs, and recovered her contact lens from the commode. ~ Erma Bombeck

New Rule: Republicans must stop pitting the American people against the government. Last week, we heard a speech from Republican leader Bobby Jindal--and he began it with the story that every immigrant tells about going to an American grocery store for the first time and being overwhelmed with the "endless variety on the shelves." And this was just a 7-Eleven--wait till he sees a Safeway. The thing is, that "endless variety"exists only because Americans pay taxes to a government, which maintains roads, irrigates fields, oversees the electrical grid, and everything else that enables the modern American supermarket to carry forty-seven varieties of frozen breakfast pastry.Of course, it's easy to tear government down--Ronald Reagan used to say the nine most terrifying words in the Englishlanguage were "I'm from the government and I'm here to help." But that was before "I'm Sarah Palin, now show me the launch codes."The stimulus package was attacked as typical "tax and spend"--like repairing bridges is left-wing stuff. "There the liberals go again, always wanting to get across the river." Folks, the people are the government--the first responders who put out fires--that's your government. The ranger who shoos pedophiles out of the park restroom, the postman who delivers your porn.How stupid is it when people say, "That's all we need: the federal government telling Detroit how to make cars or Wells Fargo how to run a bank. You want them to look like the post office?"You mean the p ~ Bill Maher

I need to offer a sacred water sacrifice at the porcelain altar. ~ Pawan Mishra

I went to the entrance to the restroom, where the hallway did a sharp bend so nobody could peek into the girls' pee-palace. ~ Lilith Saintcrow

She stands under the hand dryers in the rest room, because she likes the feeling of wind whooshing through her hair, as though she's leaning her head out a car window on the highway, or like she's Superman, circling the Earth. How does the hand dryer know to start as soon as you stick your hands out? It's amazing, this, but the women in the restroom don't notice, and just stare, panicked, into the mirror, trying to work out what's wrong with them before anyone else does. ~ Brooke Davis

With you away, it is as if all the letters in my life are scrambled into an anagram, and I will not be able to put all the letters in order and make sense of anything until you return. I never want to be apart from you again, Beatrice, except in the restroom, at work, and when one of us is at a movie that the other does not want to see. ~ Lemony Snicket

Psychologists suggest that when people are no longer in charge of basic elements of a situation (such as where they sit, or when they go to the restroom), they must give over some degree of control that they normally use to define their independence, and thus themselves. ~ Sally Hogshead

I walk into the bathroom and even though I don't need to pee, I do anyway. I'm wearing a skirt that Amber forced me to put on and it's so easy to use the bathroom when you're in a skirt, it's stupid not to take advantage of the opportunity. Besides, I'm pretty sure I'm getting a cab home right after I punch Ben in the face, so I might as well use the restroom while I'm here.
Why am I justifying the fact that I'm peeing? ~ Colleen Hoover

The predicament of a person in a restaurant who is unable to determine his or her designated restroom (e.g., turtles and tortoises). ~ Rich Hall

I have a special pair of poop shoes under my desk. Whenever I need to drop a deuce, I slip them on and scurry to the restroom, and no one ever knows it's me. Like, if I'm wearing Louboutins that day, and my producer sees Earth shoes in the stall ... well, you get the idea. It was truly a lightbulb moment when that came to me. ~ Oprah Winfrey

Don't be silly." I turned to my suitcase, pulling out my pajamas. "I'm just going to go change . . ." He coughed down at his own suitcase, open on a chair in the corner of the room. "Of course." I changed, washed my face, put my hair up, pulled my hair back down, put it up again. Moisturized. I brushed my teeth, used the loo, washed my hands, moisturized again. Brushed my teeth again. I stalled. And then, stepping out, I let him past me to do the same routine, realizing as he walked into the loo that he had only a pair of shorts in his hand. He slept shirtless. Fuck me sideways. However, when he finally came out of the restroom, Jensen was still wearing his T-shirt, to my enormous dismay. "I thought you slept shirtless." What. What did I just say? He looked up at me in surprise. "I mean, I usually do, but . . . ~ Christina Lauren

Why do they call it the restroom? Is there anybody just resting in this room? ~ Dane Cook

The kids came with me to the church. It was the first time they'd gone to a funeral of someone they knew well.
Tears flowed down Angel's face as the ceremony came to an end. We slipped out together to the restroom before going on to the cemetery.
"Mom," she said, leaning against the stall. "Daddy keeps saying he's sorry. Why does he say that?"
"I don't know, honey." I had no doubt she was hearing her dad--their connection was so strong it surely would survive even death. "I don't know if he's sorry that he can't hold you, or that he's not there. But I'm glad you're hearing him."
"Yes. ~ Taya Kyle

Then, I'll find an empty restroom and check my hair and fix my lipstick, or as we cowards like to call it, hide. ~ Katja Millay

When I returned from the restroom and Jase saw how much I was bleeding, he began to grill the doctor with every question imaginable. She remained completely stoic, no matter what he said. Every time he asked her a question, she provided the same measured response: "I will not know until I begin to operate."
She began trying to offer various common medical possibilities for this incident, such as a ruptured cyst and other diagnoses. Jase shot down every explanation with the power and speed he would use to blast a duck out of the sky with a shotgun. He was never disrespectful toward her, but he was intense.
Due to the pain I was experiencing, I did not realize exactly what was going on, but I did know I was lying on the bed while the doctor and my husband were in a Western movie standoff on either side of me. These two strong personalities were about to collide, and I was in the direct line of fire! At one point, the telephone in my pre-op room rang. Without saying a word, the doctor picked up the phone, stretched it across my bed, and handed it to Jase, never taking her eyes off his. To say that one could cut the tension in the room with a knife is a complete understatement.
I was not happy about Jase's confrontational manner, but at the same time, I was grateful that he was asking the questions I never thought to ask and telling the doctor exactly how he wanted her to treat me. "Like your own daughter," he said.
Jase clearly communicated that he wanted t ~ Missy Robertson

Recently, I was in New York with most of the Robertson family promoting the season-four premiere of Duck Dynasty. We were staying at the Trump International Hotel, which is a really nice place near Central Park. I was already uncomfortable being in the big city. I don't like traffic or concrete, and there are a lot of both in New York. After we checked in, we gathered downstairs to go to a Broadway musical show. I know it might seem bizarre for me to be going to a musical, but my very attractive wife can be mightily persuasive, especially when I have nothing else to do.
As we were waiting or the others in the lobby, I asked a doorman if there was a nearby bathroom. He gave me directions to the nearest restroom, which included a walk through the hotel restaurant. As I entered the restaurant, a well-dressed staffer offered his assistance. I informed him I was only going to the restroom. But he very nicely continued to offer assistance and took the role of my escort, which I thought was quite courteous and professional. At his direction, we took a quick left turn and walked out of the hotel. Befuddled, I asked him, "Where is the bathroom?" He painted down the street or maybe toward Central Park and said, "Good luck to you, sir. Have a nice day." I circled back around to the main entrance of the hotel, where I found Missy, who had witnessed the entire episode.
"I thought you had to go to the bathroom," she said.
I laughed and told her I had been escorted out of the ~ Jase Robertson

One of the clues that I chased was that Dan Cooper, whoever he was, found an old magazine story called "How to Leave Your Life." And followed the directions on how to leave your life, and just went to the beach one day with his wife and kids, and said he needed to go to the bathroom, and went to the restroom at the beach and never came home ~ Geoffrey Gray

that none of the locks on the toilet stalls in the common restroom worked. ~ Stuart Gibbs

Nico danced around like he needed to use the restroom. "Does Zeus really have lightning
bolts that do six hundred damage? Does he get extra movement points for - "
"Nico, shut up!" Bianca put her hands to her face. "This is not your stupid Mythomagic game,
okay? There are no gods! ~ Rick Riordan

What the fuck was that about?" Vaughn said, standing over me.
"I pissed him off."
Dark blue eyes flicking to the restroom, Vaughn reached back and scratched at his shoulder. "All I know is when Judd came back from Texas, he was all hollowed out. Like a ghost, I guess. This morning before his bitch fit, he looked alive again. Whatever you said or did, can't be that big a deal compared to the shit mood he's been in lately."
Glancing at the restroom, I wanted to go back to before I said the words. My honesty ruined our happy morning.
"You can't take it personally," Vaughn added when I just stared at the restroom. "You know how moody Judd is. Always crying and bitching about something. A freaking drama queen."
Grinning, I looked up at him. "Thank you."
"Men like us aren't used to pretty girls looking at them like you look at Judd. He's not sure what to do with you and you're just gonna have to be patient while he figures shit out."
"Okay," I said, studied him. Whereas Judd hid a deep sorrow and iced heart behind his walls, I sensed Vaughn concealed a barely contained rage. He smiled easily enough, but it was a ruse. Just like Judd who acted like the world didn't touch him, Vaughn faked his exterior to avoid showing anything to the world.
"Why do they call you Outlaw?" I asked.
Vaughn sighed. "Because it's better than calling me dead man walking."
"I don't understand."
"You don't need to, darlin. The drama queen ret ~ Bijou Hunter

In it not easy to remain rational and normal mentally in such a setting where, even in our airport in Montgomery, there is a white waiting room ... There are restroom facilities for white ladies and colored women, white men and colored men. We stand outside after being served at the same ticket counter instead of sitting on the inside. ~ Rosa Parks

to be a gentleman and look good out there in the world. you should have to use the restroom every day more than 10 minutes before you go present yourself out there to the world ~ Mino

Merlin seemed really relaxed and lackadaisical for a cat who had just transported through a public restroom into Magic Central and been met by a ghoul at the door. ~ Elizabeth A. Reeves

Air travelers, of course, are famous for their hubris. They carry on too many bags and use the restroom when the seat-belt sign is on. ~ Meghan Daum