Graeme Souness Funny Quotes

I won't be fining players for getting sent off. ~ Graeme Souness

Sometimes you have to play in a position that you may not feel is your best. ~ Graeme Souness

It's the price on the ticket and emphasizes the pressure every manager is under weather you are at the top or bottom of the league. ~ Graeme Souness

Scottish football is full of hammer throwers. ~ Graeme Souness

I remember being in intensive care, looking at the clock and thinking 'don't go to sleep, don't go to sleep'. I can laugh about it now but I was petrified. ~ Graeme Souness

If you're going to win the Premier League, you're going to have to finish ahead of Chelsea and Manchester City. ~ Graeme Souness

There will be internal discipline, but I can envisage both of them playing for Newcastle again. They're top-class players and they don't come along very often. ~ Graeme Souness

God has given him an attitude that he can deal with anything football throws at him.
(on Michael Owen) ~ Graeme Souness

Everton are a bigger club than Liverpool. Everywhere you go on Merseyside you bump into Everton supporters. ~ Graeme Souness

The best signing I ever made at Rangers was Walter Smith. ~ Graeme Souness

With a body like he has, I want him to be a bully. But he is too nice - he is perfect son-in-law material, but I don't want a team of son-in-laws. ~ Graeme Souness

I wish I were dumber so I could be more certain about my opinions. It looks fun. ~ Scott Adams

Popularity, my dear, is as overrated as a large member. ~ Sarah Winman

Films that rely on their cast to be funny are often episodic and feel like a series of loosely connected sketches rather than a satisfyingly structured script. ~ Simon Pegg

I had never thought of him as actually weird - possibly because we might both be weird along the same dimensions. ~ Graeme Simsion

She appears to have a face that would stop a clock and raise hell with small watches, bless her heart. ~ Celia Rivenbark

Marriage is a matter of give and take, but so far I haven't been able to find anybody who'll take what I have to give. ~ Cass Daley

Okay, so let's say we're all in the bubble. What's tonight then? Part of the bubble too? Because, it can't be all bad if there's Nutter Butter pancakes, right?"
He flashed a crooked smile. "This? This is a blip in the bubble. A glitch in the matrix. This is the ultimate not-supposed to. ~ Margaux Froley

Yes!" it exclaimed, bouncing up and down, its ears flapping like sails. "Yes, you hear me! Razor found you! Found girl and funny dark elf. ~ Julie Kagawa

But the love of adventure was in father's blood. ~ Buffalo Bill

I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap. ~ Rodney Dangerfield

I'm sorry, I don't understand. Could you tell me more about this 'profanity'?"
Mrs. Miller nodded at my dictionary. "I'll assume you don't need a definition. Perhaps you'd prefer an example?"
"That would be so helpful, thank you very much."
Without missing a beat, Mrs. Miller rattled off a stream of obscenities so fully and completely unexpected that I fell off my chair. Mothers were defiled, their male and female children, as well as any and all offspring who just happened to be born out of wedlock. AS for the sacred union that produced these innocent babes, the pertinent bodily appendages were catalogued by a list of names so profoundly scurrilous that a grizzled marine, conceived in a brothel and dying of a disease he contracted in one, would've wished he'd been born as smooth as a Ken doll. The act itself was invoked with such a verity of incestuous, scatological, bestial, and just plain bizarre variations that that same marine would've given up on the Ken doll fantasy, and wished instead that all life had been confined to a single-cell stage, forever free of taint of mitosis, let alone procreation.
Somewhere during the course of all this I noticed I'd snapped my pencil in half, and now I used the two ends to gouge out my brain.
"Guhhhhhh guhhhhh guhhhhhh guhhhhh guhhhhh," I said, by which I meant: "You have shattered whatever tattered remnants of pedagogical propriety I still possessed, and my tender young mind has broken beneath the strain." N ~ Dale Peck

Nothing ruins a good thing quite like knowing you share your opinions with mindless little tits. ~ Yahtzee Croshaw

FREEDLEY: Will I feel better after I take it? DR. FITCH (coldly): I, am a physician, Freedley, not an astrologer. If you want a horoscope, there's a gypsy tearoom over on Lexington Avenue. ~ S.J Perelman

As I come to the end of my advice and send you off into the world, I have an alternative way for you to stay on the straight and narrow: periodically watch Groundhog Day. It was made long ago, in 1993, but it's still smart and funny, the chemistry between the stars (Bill Murray and Andie MacDowell) is terrific, and it has a happy ending. Groundhog Day is also a profound moral fable that deals with the most fundamental issues of virtue and happiness. ~ Charles Murray

The funny thing is,' Calvin said, 'I thought I'd been breathing underwater this whole time, but I guess I've been drowning. ~ Shaun David Hutchinson

The older I get, the less time I want to spend with the part of the human race that didn't marry me. ~ Robert Breault

The best time to go fishing is when you can ~ Ed Zern

It's better to spend money like there's no tomorrow than to spend tonight like there's no money. ~ P. J. O'Rourke

The training part," I guessed.
"Yup. You're going to be Dimitri's partner."
A moment of funny silence fell, probably not noticeable to anyone except Dimitri and me. Our eyes met.
"Guarding partner," Dimitri clarified unnecessarily, like maybe he too had been thinking of other kinds of partners. ~ Richelle Mead

And I figured you'd drive a four-hour round-trip before giving up your car to someone else ~ Richelle Mead

Men came in and dragged us apart. It took us five minutes to bring Nora to. She sat up holding her cheek and looked around the room until she saw Morelli, nippers on one wrist, standing between two detectives. Morelli's face was a mess: the coppers had worked him over a little just for the fun of it. Nora glared at me. "You damned fool," she said, "you didn't have to knock me cold. I knew you'd take him, but I wanted to see it."
One of the coppers laughed. "Jesus," he said admiringly, "there's a woman with hair on her chest. ~ Dashiell Hammett

Funny thing about fear. When you cling to it, the fear grows exponentially, a monster morphing into a suffocating mass. But when you face it head-on, conquering the beast before it swallows you whole, you find there was nothing there to fear at all. The chains break, and the whole world feels lighter than ever before. ~ Juliette Cross

One might also say that history is not about the past. If you think about it, no one ever lived in the past. Washington, Jefferson, John Adams, and their contemporaries didn't walk about saying, "Isn't this fascinating living in the past! Aren't we picturesque in our funny clothes!" They lived in the present. The difference is it was their present, not ours. They were caught up in the living moment exactly as we are, and with no more certainty of how things would turn out than we have. ~ David McCullough

It's funny, I started by making fake American movies, 'The Transporter' and stuff like that. I was shooting in France, but everything was in English. But then afterwards, I was looking at real French movies like the Jacques Audiard movies. ~ Louis Leterrier

There are the class clowns that are disruptive and the kids laugh and you earn the teacher's disdain, I was the kind of class clown that also cracked the teacher up. I was funny in a way that was not dissing the teacher; I was funny just to be funny. ~ Jason Mantzoukas