Funny Irish Quotes

Collection of famous quotes and sayings about Funny Irish.

Quotes About Funny Irish

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#1. Here's to our wives and girlfriends ... may they never meet! - Author: Groucho Marx
Funny Irish quotes by Groucho Marx
#2. It's better to spend money like there's no tomorrow than to spend tonight like there's no money. - Author: P. J. O'Rourke
Funny Irish quotes by P. J. O'Rourke
#3. Irish Alzheimer's: you forget everything except the grudges - Author: Judy Collins
Funny Irish quotes by Judy Collins
#4. The Irish gave the bagpipes to the Scotts as a joke, but the Scotts haven't seen the joke yet. - Author: Oliver Herford
Funny Irish quotes by Oliver Herford
#5. In Ireland the inevitable never happens and the unexpected constantly occurs. - Author: John Pentland Mahaffy
Funny Irish quotes by John Pentland Mahaffy
#6. We have always found the Irish a bit odd. They refuse to be English. - Author: Winston S. Churchill
Funny Irish quotes by Winston S. Churchill
#7. The great Gaels of Ireland are the men that God made mad,
For all their wars are merry, and all their songs are sad. - Author: G.K. Chesterton
Funny Irish quotes by G.K. Chesterton
#8. Cheaters never prosper, unless they get away with it. - Author: Daniel Tosh
Funny Irish quotes by Daniel Tosh
#9. I only take a drink on two occasions - when I'm thirsty and when I'm not. - Author: Brendan Behan
Funny Irish quotes by Brendan Behan
#10. I had an uneventful few days," it told her. "The most exciting thing was an hour-long lecture from the headmaster on taking our studies seriously. He said next year's exam will arrive sooner than we think."
"No, they won't," Valkyrie said, frowning. "They'll arrive next year, exactly when we expect them."
"That's what I told him," the reflection nodded. "I don't think he's comfortable with logic, because he didn't look happy. He sent me to the Career Guidance counsellor, who asked me what I wanted to do after college."
Valkyrie stowed her black clothes. "What did you say?"
"I told her I wanted to be a Career Guidance counsellor. She started crying, then accused me of mocking her. I told her if she wasn't happy in her job then she should look at other options, then pointed out that I was already doing her job better than she was. She gave me detention. - Author: Derek Landy
Funny Irish quotes by Derek Landy
#11. [On the Irish:] Strange race ... Don't know what they want, but want it like the devil. - Author: Mary Roberts Rinehart
Funny Irish quotes by Mary Roberts Rinehart
#12. I'm out of the room in the next instant, like a man wanting breath, after suffocating through the horror of a burrito eating obese man's fart." - Emily Dolt - Author: Nix Banner
Funny Irish quotes by Nix Banner
#13. When Solomon said there was a time and a place for everything he had not encountered the problem of parking his automobile. - Author: Bob Edwards
Funny Irish quotes by Bob Edwards
#14. Albus Dumbledore had gotten to his feet. He was beaming at the students, his arms opened wide, as if nothing could have pleased him more than to see them all there.
"Welcome!" he said. "Welcome to a new year at Hogwarts! Before we begin our banquet, I would like to say a few words. And here they are: Nitwit! Blubber! Oddment! Tweak!"
"Thank you!"
He sat back down. Everybody clapped and cheered. Harry didn't know whether to laugh or not.
"Is he - a bit mad?" he asked Percy uncertainly.
"Mad?" said Percy airily. "He's a genius! Best wizard in the world! But he is a bit mad, yes. Potatoes, Harry? - Author: J.K. Rowling
Funny Irish quotes by J.K. Rowling
#15. People are writing post-apocalyptic fiction like there's no tomorrow! - Author: Cassandra Page
Funny Irish quotes by Cassandra Page
#16. What do people think about my staying with Harrison with him chasing everything that's hot and hollow? - Author: Dashiell Hammett
Funny Irish quotes by Dashiell Hammett
#17. They calm me, these Stitch and Bitch sessions - Author: T.S. Easton
Funny Irish quotes by T.S. Easton
#18. I love you too." Funny how those words got easier to say the more I voiced them. - Author: Laura Thalassa
Funny Irish quotes by Laura Thalassa
#19. Before I met your father I thought that love and peace would change the whole world, but looking into your eyes, I knew all I had to do was let you be whoever it was that you wanted to be, and to love you, and that would be the best and closest thing I could ever do to change the world for the better.
"You are going to be brilliant," I told you. "You are going to be clever, and funny. Brave and strong. You're going to be a feminist, and a peace campaigner and a dancer. And one day you are going to be a mother yourself. You are going to fall in love and have adventures and do things I can't even imagine. You, little Claire Armstrong, you are going to be the most wonderful woman, and you are going to have the most amazing life: a life that no one will ever forget. - Author: Jojo Moyes
Funny Irish quotes by Jojo Moyes
#20. The best ideas come as jokes. Make your thinking as funny as possible. - Author: David Ogilvy
Funny Irish quotes by David Ogilvy
#21. I too turned to Webster's Dictionary and it defined Harvard University as a season for gathering crops. - Author: Andy Samberg
Funny Irish quotes by Andy Samberg
#22. Elder sisters never can do younger ones justice! - Author: Charlotte Mary Yonge
Funny Irish quotes by Charlotte Mary Yonge
#23. Are you guys getting to know each other pretty well? I'm sure it's a little bit awkward at first.'
'Yeah,' I said. 'I'd say we're getting to know each other *really* well. Wouldn't you, Nathan?'
He kicked me under the table and mouthed, *Not funny*. - Author: Kody Keplinger
Funny Irish quotes by Kody Keplinger
#24. I walked by a dry cleaner at 3 am, and there was a sign: "Sorry, we're closed" You don't have to be sorry, it's 3 am, and you're a dry cleaner! It would be ridiculous for me to expect you to be open! I'm not gonna walk in at 10 am and say "I walked by here at 3 and you were closed - somebody owes me an apology!" - Author: Mitch Hedberg
Funny Irish quotes by Mitch Hedberg
#25. Then, as she twisted to the right, she revealed her talking partner. I literally broke step, my body deciding before my brain that my presence would not be needed in their interaction. Carol was gorgeous. A tall, confident, amazon of a woman. The lines of her gold lamay dress skimming every curve of her body. She was clearly not wearing underwear. She looked like a glossy magazine perfume ad. And this man was her magazine equal. He was perfect. Tall. Substantial. He looked muscular without giving the impression that he worked out. Maybe he was a rower. Or it could be tennis. Maybe he chopped down trees. Yes, he'd be very good at chopping trees down. I remember feeling an unnaturally strong desire to watch him do that. - Author: Catherine Steadman
Funny Irish quotes by Catherine Steadman
#26. She was a keen observer, a precise user of language, sharp-tongued and funny. She could stir your emotions. Yes, really, that's what she was so good at - stirring people's emotions, moving you. And she knew she had this power ... I only realized later. At the time, I had no idea what she was doing to me. - Author: Haruki Murakami
Funny Irish quotes by Haruki Murakami
#27. You can imagine me as a kid growing up in redneck Texas with ballet shoes, tucking the violin under my arm. I had to fight my way up. - Author: Patrick Swayze
Funny Irish quotes by Patrick Swayze
#28. The funny thing is you oddly don't really say goodbye to all the characters you've played. There's like a chest of drawers in your head that you can always access. They're always around. I'm not sure if that's healthy. But they're all there. - Author: Johnny Depp
Funny Irish quotes by Johnny Depp
#29. He felt like the world didn't want him, like he was born hated, and he was. He was smart, he was funny, he'd never done a bad deed in his life, born innocent just like all the rest of us… but he was black in a white world, and I think somewhere along the way, he stopped feeling like a human being. - Author: Rebecca McNutt
Funny Irish quotes by Rebecca McNutt
#30. Somewhere, in some shadowy bedroom of a leaf-strewn town, a father bolts the door to a child's room, then steps closer to the bed. In a neighbor's garden lurks a weed with a funny, blade-petaled flower, its poison choking the red roses. Somewhere a car is crashing; a phone is ringing in the center of night. The spider waits poised in the slipper. The bird swoops headlong into glass it thought was farther air. The strangler envisions a neighborhood of throats. The head finds the noose; the foot kicks the chair. - Author: Scott Heim
Funny Irish quotes by Scott Heim
#31. Well, friend, I don't know about your tastes, but I tend to like it very bloody," Myrnin said. He shifted position, dragging Claire along like a rag doll without any effort at all. "Have we been introduced?"
"Probably not. Why, are you asking me out, sweetheart?"
"You're not my type, darling. Is this one yours?"
"No," Frank said, and looked at Shane, just in a quick flicker. "Let's say she's a friend of the family. - Author: Rachel Caine
Funny Irish quotes by Rachel Caine
#32. In modern America, food is abundant everywhere except aboard commercial airplanes. - Author: Dave Barry
Funny Irish quotes by Dave Barry
#33. Boys. It's late. If you're not gonna kill me, what do you want? - Author: Edward Falco
Funny Irish quotes by Edward Falco
#34. He wondered if her spy had stumbled upon his last night. When did he start thinking like his mother? - Author: Johanna Lindsey
Funny Irish quotes by Johanna Lindsey
#35. So is the English Parliament provincial. Mere country bumpkins, they betray themselves, when any more important question arises for them to settle, the Irish question, for instance,
the English question why did I not say? Their natures are subdued to what they work in. Their "good breeding" respects only secondary objects. - Author: Henry David Thoreau
Funny Irish quotes by Henry David Thoreau
#36. Well, now," Mrs. Havisham said, all but purring as she leaned forward, ample cleavage on display. "You've grown up, haven't you? Tell me, Gustavo. What are your thoughts on having an experienced lover?"
"Not many," Gus said. "In fact, none at all. Also? I came out when I was thirteen. You were there. As was the whole town. Pastor Tommy announced it at the Fall Harvest Festival. On stage. Into a microphone. There was apple pie afterward."
"Still?" she said with an exaggerated pout.
"Yes," Gus said, deadpan as he could make it. "Still. Funny how that works."
"Well, if you change your mind, you know where to find me," she said, dragging a pink fingernail down his arm. "My door is always open. Like my body."
"That's not even remotely healthy," Gus said with a sniff.
"Maybe that's why I need your protein," she said with a wink.
"Nope," Gus said. "Nope, nope, nope."
"You sure about that?"
"Maybe you should close that door. And your legs. - Author: T.J. Klune
Funny Irish quotes by T.J. Klune
#37. So here he sits one drunk nigger in a puclic libary after closing, with the book open in front of me and the bottle of Old Kentucky on my left. 'Tell the truth and shame the devil,' my mom used to say , but she forgot to tell me that sometimes you can't shame Mr Splitfoot sober. The Irish know, but of course they're God's white niggers and who knows maybe they're a step ahead. - Author: Stephen King
Funny Irish quotes by Stephen King
#38. An artist should paint from the heart, and not always what people expect. Predictability often leads to the dullest work, in my opinion, and we have been bored stiff long enough I think. - Author: E.A. Bucchianeri
Funny Irish quotes by E.A. Bucchianeri
#39. There go my people. I must find out where they are going so I can lead them. - Author: Alexandre Auguste Ledru-Rollin
Funny Irish quotes by Alexandre Auguste Ledru-Rollin
#40. This isn't a trunk monkey, is it." Nick
"No. It's not. It's a memento from your enemies." Caleb
"Yeah, well, at least it makes my heart surgery scar look cooler." Nick - Author: Sherrilyn Kenyon
Funny Irish quotes by Sherrilyn Kenyon
#41. Statistics show that teen pregnancy drops off significantly after age 2 - Author: MaryAnne Tebedo
Funny Irish quotes by MaryAnne Tebedo

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