Funny Motherhood Quotes

Are you scared of going in to see the raghnaid [the council]?" asked a gray female pup.
"Are you cag mag [crazy]? If a bear was his Milk Giver, you think he's scared of the raghnaid? ~ Kathryn Lasky

I asked mom if I was a gifted child. She said they certainly wouldn't have paid for me. ~ Bill Watterson

My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend. ~ Rodney Dangerfield

Don't forget Mother's Day. Or as they call it in Beverly Hills, Dad's third wife Day. ~ Jay Leno

I suppose you don't care about anyone," said Catherine.

Finn paused. "I find few people are worth the effort."

"A charmer like you?" she said. "No. I don't believe it. ~ Nenia Campbell

It's great when improv is encouraged. It's a really fun thing. It depends on who's in the movie and how their process works, as well. It takes a director who is open to that because you have a script, but then something funny could happen on set. So, to have people around you who encourage improv is really exciting. ~ Lily Collins

Valkyrie: Do we have a plan?
Skulduggery: WE need to get the Grotesquery away from the bad guys, so we'll have to split up I'm going to leave, you're going to go hide under the van, wait until they load the Grotesquery in there, and then you're going to drive off under their noses
Valkyrie: What?
Skulduggery: It'll be really funny trust me ~ Derek Landy

You named the chicken, Chicken?"
She looked embarrassed. "When we decided not to kill it, I got attached. ~ Tracey Garvis-Graves

I parked in the tow-away zone, and when I got back, the entire neighborhood was gone. ~ Steven Wright

Remember that the greatest fool in the world may ask more than the wisest man can answer. ~ Bryant H. McGill

Baby."
"No, do not 'baby' me, and do not come near me … I swear I will take out your eyes if you touch me." Pressing his lips together, I can tell he's trying not to laugh and that he thinks I'm funny, but I'm dead serious "I can't believe I'm fricking married to you."
"Believe it," he barks, pushing up the sleeves of his navy blue Henley up to his elbows. "We're married, baby, and you better get used to the idea, 'cause that shit is not changing. Ever ~ Aurora Rose Reynolds

He knew you can't really be strong until you can see a funny side of things. ~ Ken Kesey

Oh my God, Green," I heard Chubs say from somewhere in the room. "Just take the damn socks
and put the kid out of his misery. ~ Alexandra Bracken

That's the funny thing about religion: it doesn't matter what you say, you're going to upset someone. ~ Lewis Black

Beautiful things such as an African wooden bird, strange things like a singing magnetic pig, and funny things like a solar-powered waving bear are all things that I adore. My vice is really things. It took me a while to understand this, but you can enjoy all these things without owning them. Even though this may sometimes seem quite hard to do, training yourself to enjoy only looking at things, instead of buying them, is very nice and also a good practice. You really can't take everything with you, so maybe it is better to not try to own it all. ~ Margareta Magnusson

I don't think the world should assume that we are all natural mothers. And it does. I don't think it's such a big thing anymore, but the idea that you sacrifice everything for your children - it's a load of rubbish. It leads to very destructive living and thinking, and it has a much worse effect on children than if you go out and live your own life. You're meant to adore your children at all times, and you're not meant to have a bad thought about them. That's facism, you know, and it's elevating the child at the expense of the mother. It's like your life is not valid except in fulfilling this child's needs. What about all your needs, your desires, your wants, your problems? They're going to come out anyway, so it's better they're acknowledged straight off. Having said that, I really do believe that children have to be protected. They have to be loved. Somewhere between the two, I think, something needs to be sorted out. The relationship between parent and child is so difficult and so complex. There's every emotion there. We mostly only acknowledge the good ones. If we were allowed to talk about the other ones, maybe it would alleviate them in some way ~ Marina Carr

In America, you can always find a party.
In Soviet Russia, Party always find you! ~ Yakov Smirnoff

Ooh!" Willy pipes up. "Maybe he'll write a story about Santa and Mrs. Claus getting caught with their pants down with other people. If we get lucky, maybe he'll kill-"

"Don't finish that sentence, elf."

"Randy, you're such a spoilsport. You can't say you haven't conjured up that scenario in your big head a time or a dozen. Continue. Maybe I'll write that story."

"No, you won't. Your idea of a good story is nothing but sex, sex, and more sex. You'd never make it through writing a chapter because you'd have to stop and jerk off a half dozen times."

"Ew! Not about Santa and Mrs. Claus. Yuck," Willy comes back at him with a sour look on his face. "That's not even funny, Randy. ~ Candi Kay

Why do you always insist on playing while I'm trying to conduct? ~ Eugene Ormandy

Do you recognise me?" he asked. Willie looked hard and considered before finally replying "Lie down so I can recognise you. ~ Willie Pep

It takes a tremendous amount of strength to be a single mother. To hold down the forte of a home, a life and your child's entire happiness. ~ Nikki Rowe

I don't mean to be funny. ~ Yogi Berra

Funny way to spend your life, though, studying another chap's versifying. ~ A.S. Byatt

Everything funny in a not-funny-at-all kind of way. Sarcasm as something you practiced like karate. Later concealing your mute fury when nobody fed you the opening lines. ~ Jonathan Lethem

Knox Masters is exactly the type of guy I want to date. He dominates a sport I love. He's confident but not arrogant. He's funny, able to laugh at himself, and ... shit, hot as the fires of Mordor. I mean, the One Ring could be forged in his hotness.
I want him. ~ Jen Frederick

Five years of regret has a funny way of fermenting inside someone - like wine, it had only gained potency over the years. ~ K.S. Villoso

After all, all he did was string together a lot of old, well-known quotations. ~ H.L. Mencken

Change is the law of life,' she said quietly.
'On the other hand,' I protested, 'some things don't change fast enough!'
'Like what?' Mother asked.
'Like fat, funny-looking me!'
Mother snorted. 'You're extremely good-looking. All my children are.' I expected her to add, 'I wouldn't have it any other way,' but she said, instead, 'If you think you're too heavy, lose some weight.'
'Easier said than done,' I muttered.
'If there's one thing I can't bear,' Mother scolded, 'it's self-pity, particularly from one who has no reason to pity herself. Are you crippled? Are you stupid? Are you hungry, or ill-clothed? If you were then you'd have something to gripe about. You're fatherless, it's true, but then I'm husbandless. Somehow, we manage. ~ Barbara Cohen

Do not think that enlightenment is going to make you special, it's not. If you feel special in any way, then enlightenment has not occurred. I meet a lot of people who think they are enlightened and awake simply because they have had a very moving spiritual experience. They wear their enlightenment on their sleeve like a badge of honor. They sit among friends and talk about how awake they are while sipping coffee at a cafe. The funny thing about enlightenment is that when it is authentic, there is no one to claim it. Enlightenment is very ordinary; it is nothing special. Rather than making you more special, it is going to make you less special. It plants you right in the center of a wonderful humility and innocence. Everyone else may or may not call you enlightened, but when you are enlightened the whole notion of enlightenment and someone who is enlightened is a big joke. I use the word enlightenment all the time; not to point you toward it but to point you beyond it. Do not get stuck in enlightenment. ~ Adyashanti

He's a very funny and very nice man. When you read the script, you want to stick with it. But when you're with Eddie Murphy you've got to improvise. He's always making jokes and making me crack up when the camera's on. ~ Raven-Symone

While I was busy hating Vegas, and hiding from Vegas, a funny thing happened. I grew to love Vegas. ~ J.R. Moehringer

I try to feel my own edges in the
low light. I send my mind to the
outer edges of me - where do I end?
I send myself to my innermost edges,
and I see that in both directions
I am infinite. ~ Jessica Bates

Funny, how things became very simple once a man's course was decided. It was the aimlessness of choice that made mischief, among both sidhe and mortals. ~ Lilith Saintcrow

To buy books would be a good thing if we also could buy the time to read them
l ~ Arthur Schopenhauer

I'm totally comfortable not being as funny as Larry David. ~ Jeff Garlin

I find things funny that aren't self-aware. That don't know they're funny, and I think the same can hold true for drama. If you think you're in this tragedy and you play it for tragedy, there's a self-awareness there that I think takes you out of watching it and I believe it cuts both ways. ~ Steve Carell

As we celebrate Recovery Month, it is time for Congress to knock down the barriers to treatment and recovery for 26 million Americans suffering the ravages of alcohol and drug addiction. ~ Jim Ramstad

Happiness does not depend on any external conditions, it is governed by our mental attitude ~ Dale Carnegie

You know, funny is this weird word for me. I hear is so many times it has no meaning anymore. ~ Bruce McCulloch

If you were half as funny as you thought you were, my boy, you'd be twice as funny as you are. ~ Cassandra Clare

If you survive long enough, you're revered-rather like an old building. ~ Katharine Hepburn

Thing is, I'm a funny actor, but I'm not good at being funny. I'm going to ramble for a second: I'm an actor who can make things funny in the moment, like in stakes or in circumstances or out of character. ~ Matthew Lillard