Boys Humor Quotes

Boys. I'd turn gay if they weren't so sexy. ~ Rachel Caine

As a boy, Fat Charlie had imagined Mrs. Dunwiddy in Equatorial Africa, peering disapprovingly through her thick spectacles at the newly evolved hominids. "Keep out of my front yard," she would tell a recently evolved and rather nervous specimen of Homo habilis, "or I am going to belt you around your ear hole, I can tell you. ~ Neil Gaiman

On the ground, Cash gave a signal, and all the guys lined up by the pool. In unison, they stripped off their shirts and tossed them onto the grass. An audible sigh- like the ones you hear on a sitcom that is "filmed in front of a live studio audience"- filled the room. It was almost funny, really. Such a strong reaction to a bunch of shirtless boys. ~ Kody Keplinger

Dill was in hearty agreement with this plan of action. Dill was becoming something of a trail anyways, following Jem about ... He only grew closer to Jem. (Lee 55) ~ Harper Lee

Wait -- you kissed a girl you didn't like, tried to make me jealous, and almost got kicked out of school -- and you still didn't learn how to dance?' She looked at the ceiling. 'Why are boys so stupid? ~ Varian Johnson

Girls, if a boy says something that isn't funny, you don't have to laugh. ~ Amy Poehler

Your pussy is a fruit that I wanna juice
Your pussy is a fruit that I wanna juice, yeah
Put the molly in the booty, girl, we turning up tonight
Cos that pussy is a smoothie it know how to do me right. ~ Brendan Lawley

Wooing you? I haven't 'wooed' a chick since before my first record deal. ~ LP Maxa

Just be careful, hon," Rosanna said.
"Oh, are the plates hot?" I flinched back just before my hands made contact.
Rosanna laughed. "No, but hot boys can burn you just as easily. ~ C.J. Duggan

He told me once that he didn't fear conscription as much as everyone else because the dozen bloodthirsty girls he was leaving behind were far more dangerous. ~ Victoria Aveyard

Obsessing over a boy makes the time fly. ~ Alecia Whitaker

Boys are found everywhere- on top of, underneath, inside of, climbing on, swinging from, running around or jumping to. Mothers love them, little girls hate them, older sisters and brothers tolerated them, adults ignore them and Heaven protects them. A boy is Truth with dirt on its face, Beauty with a cut on its finger, Wisdom with bubble gum in its hair and the Hope of the future with a frog in its pocket. A boy is a magical creature- you can lock out of your workshop, but you can't lock him out of your heart. You can get him out of your study, but you can't get him out of your mind. Might as well give up- he is your captor, your jailor, your boss and your master- a freckled-faced, pint-sized, cat-chasing bundle of noise. But when you come home at night with only the shattered pieces of your hopes and dreams, he can mend them like new with two magic words- 'Hi, Dad! ~ Alan Beck

And Nate? You kiss like a slobbering dog, you have bad breath, and you wouldn't know how to punch the right buttons on a girl if we came with manuals. Happy Thanksgiving, Jackass. ~ Elizabeth Eulberg

The thought of Peter and John Ambrose McClaren in the same space together again is discomforting. Where would I even look? ~ Jenny Han

But I didn't. I didn't say anything, if only because I had no idea how to respond to such an overture. If my experience with friends was sparse, what I knew about boys- other than a competitors for grades or class rank- was nonexistent ~ Sarah Dessen

Only a very careless father would be inclined to tell you what I'm going to tell you. I suppose I'm about to act like the disreputable uncle who everyone fears to leave the boys with because he encourages them to drink distilled spirits, stay up late, and do more than merely kiss girls."
"Uh ... what?" Mags replied, utterly bewildered now.
"I am going," Jakyr said, leaning toward Mags, his eyes dancing with laughter, "to tell you how to please a woman."
Max thought for a moment his face that caught fire, because surely it couldn't burn like that without some outside help. ~ Mercedes Lackey

Boyhood, like measles, is one of those complaints which a man should catch young and have done with, for when it comes in middle life it is apt to be serious. ~ P.G. Wodehouse

Like some huge, mutant chicken–I sat there hatching a gas-egg the size of a planet. ~ Ferguson Fartworthy

Delivery boys always look a little sketchy, like they're the kids the malls don't want to hire. ~ Jennifer L. Holm

Amy Bellini and Sasha Tibbles traipsed down the aisle and wriggled into the back seat, Amy right next to me. Her damp brown hair flicked in my face as she turned to make herself more comfortable. I didn't mind. I wouldn't admit this to ANYONE, but I think she's not quite as weird as the rest of the girls. ~ Ferguson Fartworthy

The whole experience reminded me of my own 'old lady' phase that I went through in high school while I was reading Somerset Maugham ... The embroidered sweaters, the costume jewelry ... I remember genuinely WANTING to be old then, to act as if the business of my life was already all but over, and that I was preternaturally wise because of it ...
God, the stupid things you'll do to try and meet boys ... ~ Chris Ware

I guess its time you officially met the lost boys," I said to Daniel.
"Lost boys? You mean like that old Kiefer Sutherland movie?
"What? No, I mean like Peter Pan and the lost boys."
"Is she calling us fairies?" Asked Slade.
"No," Brent said. "She means the lost boys that never wanted to grow up, and got into mischief with Peter Pan."
"Still sounds like fairies to me." Slade crossed his tattooed arms in front of his chest.
"Still sounds like that Kiefer Sutherland movie to me." Daniel smirked.
"We were in the play together, like, seven years ago. You were mad because my mom made you wear tights, but you wanted to be a pirate."
Daniel held his hand up. "Partial amnesia here, remember? I must have blocked out any and all recollections associations with said tights."
Brent, Zach, and Ryan laughed. Slade almost cracked a smile.


~ Grace, Daniel, and The Lost Boys ~ Bree Despain

I hope the artist who illustrates this work will take care to do justice to his portrait. Mr. Clive himself, let that painter be assured, will not be too well pleased if his countenance and figure do not receive proper attention. ~ William Makepeace Thackeray

I remember when humor was gentle pokes. I used to call it 'arm around the shoulder' humor. Now they go for the jugular and they take no prisoners. It's mean, mean stuff. ~ Robert Orben

That's the funny thing about cars and teenage boys. They never mean to hurt you when they crash, they just do. ~ John Goode

Let's let the Ice Court know the Dregs have come to call. ~ Leigh Bardugo

Etiquette tip: If you're looking for the right time to leave a party, when the host yells, "No one leaves here alive," that's your cue. ~ Rick Riordan

There was practically one handwriting common to the whole school when it came to writing lines. It resembled the movements of a fly that had fallen into an ink-pot, and subsequently taken a little brisk exercise on a sheet of foolscap by way of restoring the circulation. ~ P.G. Wodehouse

You've been reading Gordan's book again, haven't you?"
"It's a white-knuckle roller-coaster ride," she mumbled. ~ Derek Landy

Do you find this...distracting? ~ Suzanne Collins

Surely this marked a new level of achievement in his amatory career. Never before had he charmed the frock off a woman with talk of mathematics. Never before would he have thought to try. ~ Tessa Dare

It's good to see so many friends here in the Rose Garden. This is our first event in this beautiful spot, and it's appropriate we talk about policy that will affect people's lives in a positive way in such a beautiful, beautiful part of our national - really, our national park system, my guess is you would want to call it. ~ George W. Bush

A girl can still admire, can't she? Even those who can't afford to go in the store can still window-shop. Right? Knowing he wasn't for me didn't mean I couldn't covet the merchandise. ~ Colleen Houck

I had a dream about you… but I don't know you…who are you? ~ Rodney Jenkins

Many religions start with the notion that the deity is male and that, therefore, males are superior to women. This irrational idea informs boys' sexual map as they grow into men and breeds ideas such as the following: women are subservient to men; men have control over women's bodies; and men are more intelligent and closer to their god. ~ Darrel Ray

If I hadn't come back today to check on you boys, which one of you would have taken this puppy apart?" she said. "I was going to wing it, ~ Mark Stevens

Molly wondered if these boys really loved baseball, the sound and smell of it, the rhythm of it, the leather and wood, the grass and dirt, the story and surprise in a good game. ~ Mick Cochrane

There is funny ha-ha, and there is funny peculiar, and beneath a trapdoor in Kevin's mind is a place where the two blur together, the place of jokes, churning so furiously frequently, when it kicks up a line, he has no idea what it will turn out to be. ~ Kevin Brockmeier

I reflected on other victims I had met and how they were raped right on the altars of their own churches. Some of them were altar boys, and they were abused before or after mass. An altar boy walked right in front of us as we sat there. I began to shake, sweat, and become very uneasy. I felt frozen in my seat. ~ Charles L. Bailey Jr.

It is with some regret that I here besmirch the nobility of our airmen, but boys, you killed an appalling lot of women and children. ~ Kurt Vonnegut

You're like seven feet tall, aren't you?"
"I am not seven feet tall," he snapped at her as if she'd really insulted him. "I'm six-eleven." When she smirked in disbelief, he added, "And three-quarters. ~ Shelly Laurenston

He got a tan over break. I used to tell him he was so pale he looked like a marshmallow. He hated that I compared him to food. I told him that's what he got for calling me caramel. It shut him up. ~ Angie Thomas

When a woman tries on clothing from her closet that feels tight, she will assume she has gained weight. When a man tries something from his closet that feels tight, he will assume the clothing has shrunk. ~ Rita Rudner

He slouches,' DeeDee contributes.
'True--he needs to work on his posture,' Thelma says.
'You guys,' I say.
'I'm serious,' Thelma says. 'What if you get married? Don't you want to go to fancy dinners with him and be proud?'
'You guys. We are not getting married!'
'I love his eyes,' Jolene says. 'If your kids get his blue eyes and your dark hair--wouldn't that be fabulous?'
'The thing is,' Thelma says, 'and yes, I know, this is the tricky part--but I'm thinking Bliss has to actually talk to him. Am I right? Before they have their brood of brown-haired, blue-eyed children?'
I swat her. "I'm not having Mitchell's children!'
'I'm sorry--what?' Thelma says.
Jolene is shaking her head and pressing back laughter. Her expressing says, Shhh, you crazy girl!
But I don't care. If they're going to embarrass me, then I'll embarrass them right back.
'I said'--I raise my voice--'I am not having Mitchell Truman's children!'
Jolene turns beet red, and she and DeeDee dissolve into mad giggles.
'Um, Bliss?' Thelma says. Her gaze travels upward to someone behind me. The way she sucks on her lip makes me nervous.
'Okaaay, I think maybe I won't turn around,' I announce.
A person of the male persuasion clears his throat.
'Definitely not turning around,' I say. My cheeks are burning. It's freaky and alarming how much heat is radiating from one little me.
'If you change your mind, we might be able to work something o ~ Lauren Myracle

The river that never run Dry, always have a generous amend to flourish ~ Bobby Vj

Women are aroused by the strangest things, like a rock going through their bedroom window ~ Josh Stern

Why aren't you at school?" I ask suddenly.
"It's a holiday," he says, a little too quickly.
"Right. What holiday would that be? National Talk Out of Your Ass Day? ~ Gretchen Powell

There's lots of sides. The CD doesn't really create a mood. It creates more of a journey. It starts out with a simple bluegrass tune, sort of melancholy and sad, like "Lovin' and Lyin'," then it's sexy and there's some funny songs in there where I'm talking, like "Designated Drunk." There's a humor side, a sexy side, but there's also a pretty sad side, the country side. It's the backwards side of me! ~ Laura Bell Bundy

I wrote a song, but I can't read music so I don't know what it is. Every once in a while I'll be listening to the radio and I say, "I think I might have written that." ~ Steven Wright

The True-Blue American"

Jeremiah Dickson was a true-blue American,
For he was a little boy who understood America, for he felt that he must
Think about everything; because that's all there is to think about,
Knowing immediately the intimacy of truth and comedy,
Knowing intuitively how a sense of humor was a necessity
For one and for all who live in America. Thus, natively, and
Naturally when on an April Sunday in an ice cream parlor Jeremiah
Was requested to choose between a chocolate sundae and a banana split
He answered unhesitatingly, having no need to think of it
Being a true-blue American, determined to continue as he began:
Rejecting the either-or of Kierkegaard, and many another European;
Refusing to accept alternatives, refusing to believe the choice of between;
Rejecting selection; denying dilemma; electing absolute affirmation: knowing
in his breast
The infinite and the gold
Of the endless frontier, the deathless West.

"Both: I will have them both!" declared this true-blue American
In Cambridge, Massachusetts, on an April Sunday, instructed
By the great department stores, by the Five-and-Ten,
Taught by Christmas, by the circus, by the vulgarity and grandeur of
Niagara Falls and the Grand Canyon,
Tutored by the grandeur, vulgarity, and infinite appetite gratified and
Shining in the darkness, of the light
On Saturdays at th ~ Delmore Schwartz

He was a glass half full kind of person and she was ... what? The glass is going to break before you can even pour kind of person. Yikes. ~ Erin McCarthy

Every time I've built character, I've regretted it. ~ Bill Watterson

The kiss originated when the first male reptile licked the first female reptile, implying in a subtle way that she was as succulent as the small reptile he had for dinner the night before. ~ F Scott Fitzgerald

Each one of us comes out of our mother's body crying, with or without exceptions. But we are not aware of it. Are you? Do you remember that you cried the very first time you come out of your mother's body? If not, then why are you crying now? ~ Santosh Kalwar

I thought you of all people would understand."
"Understand what? Being an idiot?"
That seems to surprise him enough to add something new to his countenance. A trace of humor softens the stark lines of his face. "No." A wry smile just barely curves his lips. "Maybe."
"I am an expert idiot," I say. "I practice all the time. ~ Amanda Bouchet

The men who made the joke saw something deep which they could not express except by something silly and emphatic. ~ G.K. Chesterton