Funny Words Quotes

A transposable aphorism is a malaise of the urge to be witty, or in other words, a maxim that is untroubled by the fact that the opposite of what it says is equally true so long as it appears to be funny. ~ Umberto Eco

Kids enjoy laughing and are seldom bored when they find something funny. They also ask questions, often to adults, because they understand that the more words they can comprehend about a funny story or a joke, the more they'll enjoy it. ~ Brian P. Cleary

Don't gobblefunk around with words. ~ Roald Dahl

There was a lot more to magic, as Harry quickly found out, than waving your wand and saying a few funny words. ~ J.K. Rowling

Listeria, wisteria. Ha. Funny words. She ~ Liane Moriarty

Mum insists on calling Sat Nav "the Talking Map," like she's a medieval peasant who believes in witchcraft. ~ Marian Keyes

Writing for young children I find I often use particular jokes with words and exaggerated, funny events, but some of these haunt the more complex stories for older children too. ~ Margaret Mahy

Judah Friedlander, I'm ok with you being the world champion for a few years more. That's a hook with legs. But I think he should make one more hat, that says 'there's a limit to how funny words on a hat can be'. And then move to a chapeau. ~ Andy Kindler

I swear and it comes off a little angry, no matter how funny I'm trying to do it. If I use certain words with a certain intensity, it's like 'Whoa whoa whoa, buddy buddy!' ~ John C. Reilly

When life gets you down, just remember these three words of wisdom. "Bonk!", "Zap!", and "Yowsers!" ~ Tyler Webb

The human brain is a funny thing: it's very susceptible to tempo and melody. You put the right words to it, and it becomes very influential. ~ Ray Stevens

When in doubt dance out ~ Miley Cyrus

A woman appeared and began to generate tea and coffee ~ Max Barry

Like some huge, mutant chicken–I sat there hatching a gas-egg the size of a planet. ~ Ferguson Fartworthy

Amy Bellini and Sasha Tibbles traipsed down the aisle and wriggled into the back seat, Amy right next to me. Her damp brown hair flicked in my face as she turned to make herself more comfortable. I didn't mind. I wouldn't admit this to ANYONE, but I think she's not quite as weird as the rest of the girls. ~ Ferguson Fartworthy

The third boat was quite pretty, too ... this one was an Adirondack fishing boat, and even though it was only half finished, I could picture Jay Gatsby in it, casting a line over the side while he yearned for that shallow tramp, Daisy. ~ Kristan Higgins

When I say, 'I can't stay long, I'm in-between meals,' that plays differently on the radio than it does in person. So I have to pick material that works because the words are funny, not just because of the images. ~ Louie Anderson

Rapping can be repetition sometimes. Sometimes you gotta highlight your words in a certain kind of way. So I always was a fan of sing-rapping. It was always funny to me a little bit, and I think that being funny and being able to laugh, even at yourself, is a form of flattery. ~ ASAP Ferg

Video is a funny thing. It's one thing to be an artist, singer-songwriter, and use words and create pictures in people's minds. And then be asked to do video for it, to actually give a certain visual for your song. ~ Melissa Etheridge

Winners will take what they know and share it with others.
The lips of the righteous feed many: but fools die for want of wisdom. ~ Anonymous

There's no time to waste," Kai said. He did a backflip off the tower and ran off.
"What is it with that guy?" Jay asked. "Always in a rush! ~ Greg Farshtey

I just called you corny and said you were wearing a green dress. That's, like, the least flirtatious thing anyone's ever said."
"I'm willing to believe it's the least flirtatious thing you've ever said."
"Why are you so hard on me when I'm so nice to you?"
"Why are you so nice to me when I'm so hard on you? ~ Claire LaZebnik

The rule of friendship means there should be mutual sympathy between them, each supplying what the other lacks and trying to benefit the other, always using friendly and sincere words. ~ Marcus Tullius Cicero

PU'RIST: one superstitiously nice in the use of words. ~ Samuel Johnson

Again, the endless northern rain between us
like a veil. Tonight, I know exactly where you are,
which row, which seat. I stand at my back door.
The light pollution blindfolds every star.

I hold my hand out to the rain, simply to feel it, wet
and literal. It spills and tumbles in my palm,
a broken rosary. Devotion to you lets me see
the concert hall, lit up, the other side of town,

then see you leave there, one of hundreds in the dark,
your black umbrella raised. If rain were words, could talk,
somehow, against your skin, I'd say look up, let it utter
on your face. Now hear my love for you. Now walk.

- Bridgewater Hall ~ Carol Ann Duffy

Those who are near me do not know that you are nearer to me than they are
Those who speak to me do not know that my heart is full with your unspoken words
Those who crowd in my path do not know that I am walking alone with you
Those who love me do not know that their love brings you to my heart ~ Rabindranath Tagore

The West Sister Dating Rules were clear on the matter of apologies. On the evolutionary scale of dating, a guy who apologized solely for the sake of ending the argument and getting back into your good graces was on the level of primeval slime - especially if he was clearly doing so merely because he was hoping for sex. The proper response was to unveil the offender's deceit by demanding he explain what exactly he was apologizing for, and then scorn him when he betrayed his ignorance. ~ Alex Gabriel

This short interval was sufficient to determine d'Artagnan on the part he was to take. It was one of those events which decide the life of a man; it was a choice between the king and the cardinal - the choice made, it must be persisted in. To fight, that was to disobey the law, that was to risk his head, that was to make at one blow an enemy of a minister more powerful than the king himself. All this young man perceived, and yet, to his praise we speak it, he did not hesitate a second. Turning towards Athos and his friends, "Gentlemen," said he, "allow me to correct your words, if you please. You said you were but three, but it appears to me we are four." "But you are not one of us," said Porthos. "That's true," replied d'Artagnan; "I have not the uniform, but I have the spirit. My heart is that of a Musketeer; I feel it, monsieur, and that impels me on." "Withdraw, ~ Alexandre Dumas

They say perhaps we cry when language fails, when words can no longer adequately convey our hurt. ~ Heather Christle

The Dimwit's Guide to the Female Mind might assist your efforts in understanding human females. But it must be pointed out that this subject can be a dangerous adventure and should be undertaken with extreme caution. After all, human males have been trying to understand their females for generations, and most of the time they come away from these encounters looking like someone stuck their tails into an electric socket. ~ Anne Bishop

It's too bad for us 'literary' enthusiasts, but it's the truth nevertheless - pictures tell any story more effectively than words. ~ William Moulton Marston

amusement in her eyes and had to grin.
"How are you feeling?" he asked, his voice dropping to a low, intimate tone that excluded everyone else in the cafe and made several women draw in their
breath.

Her mouth quirked in that self-amusement that made him want to grab her to him.

"This isn't one of my good days. The only thing holding me together is static cling."

"Come home with me, and I'll take care of you."
She looked him in the eye and said quietly, "Give me one good reason why I should."

Right there in front of God and most of Crook, Montana, he drew in a deep breath and took the gamble of a lifetime, his words plain and heard by all, because no one was making even the pretense of not listening.

"Because I love you."

Maddie blinked, and to his surprise he saw her eyes glitter with tears. Before he could start forward, however, her smile broke through like sunshine through a cloud bank. She didn't take the time to go around the counter; she climbed on top of it and slid off on the other side.

"It's about time," she said as she went into his arms. ~ Linda Howard

Things settled into a lazy pattern. School, chores, and long hours down by the river. Kiernan talked about the books he read sometimes, even loaned me a few. But I liked it better when he read to me or just told me the stories. The words were more real that way, more exciting. Huck Finn, Tom Sawyer, Ragged Dick, and all the others seemed flat and dull on the page, but Kiernan was good at making them come alive. ~ Rysa Walker

I am the Bad Wolf. I create myself. I take the words. I scatter them ... in time, and space. A message to lead myself here. ~ Russell T. Davies

We are a sacred-living soul. ~ Lailah Gifty Akita

Books contain a special magic. Letters and words - side by side - able to speak and sing to us.
This allows the reader to enter the story. ~ Jason Ellis

Life is funny, and a lot of times, the people that I've met have really gone past anything that I've ever dreamed of, so I'm really grateful. My friendships really go from the West to the East. You'd be amazed at some of the people I call friends. ~ BeBe Winans

I don't know what I was hoping for. Some small praise, I guess. A bit of encouragement. I didn't get it. Miss Parrish took me aside one day after school let out. She said she'd read my stories and found them morbid and dispiriting. She said literature was meant to uplift the heart and that a young woman such as myself ought to turn her mind to topics more cheerful and inspiring than lonely hermits and dead children.

"Look around yourself, Mathilda," she said. "At the magnificence of nature. It should inspire joy and awe. Reverence. Respect. Beautiful thoughts and fine words."

I had looked around. I'd seen all the things she'd spoken of and more besides. I'd seen a bear cub lift it's face to the drenching spring rains. And the sliver moon of winter, so high and blinding. I'd seen the crimson glory of a stand of sugar maples in autumn and the unspeakable stillness of a mountain lake at dawn. I'd seen them and loved them. But I'd also seen the dark of things. The starved carcasses of winter deer. The driving fury of a blizzard wind. And the gloom that broods under the pines always. Even on the brightest days. ~ Jennifer Donnelly

I asked him "Who said you could fool around with my wife" he said everybody. ~ Rodney Dangerfield

It's funny to hear how much certain people resist the lip ring. Sometimes I'll do a piece on an important topic and all the YouTube comments will be about the lip ring. I don't really have a good answer for why I got the lip ring. I just wanted it! But I've had it for a million years. I got my lip pierced when I was like 15. ~ Cara Santa Maria

They were bound for college, husbands, child-rearing, unhappiness only dimly perceived - bound, in other words, for life. ~ Jeffrey Eugenides

The words went round and round and round in my mind and my body, until I knew they were no longer my words but something that had been carved into my heart.
And now my soul was crying. ~ Tracey Emin

Wickedness is witchcraft. ~ Lailah Gifty Akita

Funny sky,' he said, squinting up at the thick-bellied white clouds and the sun shining so hot on them but not breaking through.
'It feels as if there should be a storm,' I said 'but it was like this at haymaking and the weather never properly broke then.'
'If I was at sea I should run for a port,' Ralph said. He was looking towards the horizon where there was a yellow tinge to the sky over the top of the downs. ~ Philippa Gregory

Mouths are longer than they are wide, to ensure words don't come out sideways. Even the word "sideways" comes out straight. ~ Jarod Kintz

I put a dollar in one of those change machines. Nothing changed. ~ George Carlin

Funny how a nice ass, firm pecs, and a great smile could thwart a woman's best plans. ~ Karina Halle

If I had to sum up my philosophy of fuckness in a few words so I could cram it on a bumper sticker or t-shirt, those were the words I would have chosen: "Fuck it. ~ Andersen Prunty

Newton Pulsifer had never...as far as he knew, ever believed in anything. It had been embarrassing, because he quite wanted to believe in something, since he recognized that belief was the lifebelt that got most people through the choppy waters of Life. He'd have liked to believe in a supreme God, although he'd have preferred a half-hour's chat with Him before committing himself, to clear up one or two points. He'd sat in all sorts of churches, waiting for that single flash of blue light, and it hadn't come. And then he'd tried to become an official Atheist and hadn't got the rock-hard, self-satisfied strength of belief even for that. And every single political party had seemed to him equally dishonest. ....

Then he'd tried believing in the Universe, which seemed sound enough until he'd innocently started reading new books with words like Chaos and Time and Quantum in the titles. He'd found that even the people whose job of work was, so to speak, the Universe, didn't really believe in it and were actually quite proud of not knowing what it really was or even if it could theoretically exist.

To Newt's straightforward mind this was intolerable. ~ Neil Gaiman

In other words, you need to be a bureaucracy in order to survive one. This is the overwhelming narrative of modern American economics, that the individual, particularly the individual without a lot of money, is inherently overmatched. He's a loser. And if he falls into any part of the machine, he goes straight to the bottom.
And then there's the most disturbing truth of all. People assume that a system that favors the rich likes rich people. This isn't true. Our bureaucracies respond to the money rich people have, and they bend to the legal might the rich can hire, but they don't give a damn about rich people. You can be rich and still fall into any one of a dozen financial/legal meat grinders, from an erroneously collapsed credit score to a robo-signed foreclosure to a stolen identity to a retirement account vaporized by institutional theft and fraud.
The system eats up rich people, too, because it's not concerned with protecting any individuals, even the rich ones. These bureaucracies accomplish just two things: they make small piles of money smaller and big piles of money bigger. It's a system that doesn't care whose hands end up holding the bag, or how long those hands get to hold the bag. It just relentlessly creates and punishes losers, who get to sit beneath an ever-narrowing group of winners, who may or may not stay on top for long.
What does get preserved, in all cases, is a small constellation of sprawling, interconnected financial companies, whose na ~ Matt Taibbi

There is no hell. There is only France. ~ Frank Zappa

You know ... there is a name for people who are always wrong about everything all the time ... husband!!! ~ Bill Maher

You and I must realize that the English language is filled with words that, in addition to their literal meanings, convey distinct emotional intensity. For example, if you develop a habit of saying you 'hate' things - you 'hate' your hair; you 'hate' your job; you 'hate' having to do something - do you think this raises the intensity of your negative emotional states more than if you use a phrase like 'I prefer something else'? ~ Tony Robbins

That's the funny thing about mazes: what's baffling on the ground begins to makes sense when you can begin to rise above it, the better to understand your history and fix yourself. (p. 717) ~ Wally Lamb

And you told Mr. Marsh at that time that a refinance was impossible, did you not?" "I did." Every teacher of cross-examination points out that you never ask a question that you do not know the answer to, and you never ask the question "why" because that gives the witness the opportunity to answer in a narrative, but Brent wanted the jury to hear the answer to the next question in Bernstein's own words, so he took the calculated risk. "Why was it impossible?" "Because Mr. Marsh was delinquent in his loan payments." "But Mr. Bernstein, didn't you tell Mr. Marsh about six months earlier that, in order to qualify for a loan modification, he had to be delinquent in his loan payments?" "That's for a modification, not a refinance, and that was Tentane's policy ... " "Object ~ Kenneth Eade

Mother did not spend all her time in paying dull calls to dull ladies, and sitting dully at home waiting for dull ladies to pay calls to her. She was almost always there, ready to play with the children, and read to them, and help them to do their home-lessons. Besides this she used to write stories for them while they were at school, and read them aloud after tea, and she always made up funny pieces of poetry for their birthdays and for other great occasions, such as the christening of the new kittens, or the refurnishing of the doll's house, or the time when they were getting over the mumps. ~ E. Nesbit

It was a running joke; everyone was aware of how ridiculous the rumor mill was, and yet they all shamelessly participated in it. ~ Jamie McGuire

Marriage is the perfection of what love aimed at, ignorant of what it sought. ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

Calling a taxi in Texas is like calling a rabbi in Iraq. ~ Fran Lebowitz

The General was essentially a man of peace, except in his domestic life. ~ Oscar Wilde

Well, I woke up one morning around Christmas, went as far as the shops, and when I got to the corner I felt this violent pain in me left leg. I mentioned it to my daughter and she took me instantly to the hospital. It turned out it was vasculitis. In other words, you can have your leg off. ~ Beryl Bainbridge

She became fascinated by the statue of Edith Cavell and would stand at the base of it in the freezing cold of a December morning, looking up: -
Patriotism is not enough. I must have no hatred or bitterness for anyone-. Sometimes those words made her cry. The tears would come uncontrollably and they would not stop. And in those moments Anna found forgiveness and it made her free. But they were only moments. Forgiveness is a hard thing to hang on to. ~ Miranda Emmerson