Bookish Humor Quotes

I'm supposed to push a loose strand of hair out of your face, then let my hand linger on your cheek, or isn't that how, like, every other kissing scene in those books you read goes?" He gently tucked that piece of hair behind my ear and let his fingers slide down to tilt my chin up until my eyes met his. "Well? ~ Isabel Bandeira

I have given up on reality and am now simply searching for a good fantasy. ~ John Jay Simmons

There are those who scoff at the schoolboy, calling him frivolous and
shallow: Yet it was the schoolboy who said 'Faith is believing what you
know ain't so'. ~ Mark Twain

You admit nothing. Deny everything. Demand proof. Did you learn nothing in Boot Camp?
(Mace to Smitty) ~ Shelly Laurenston

He came in. "Yes, Miss Marshall?"
He looked ... so innocent. Stephen was good at looking innocent; a necessary skill for a man who had a dreadfully mischievous sense of humor. ~ Courtney Milan

Some people think they have to marry someone just like themselves. Well, if you want to do that, it's ok. It might be more interesting though if you marry someone who is not just like you. Hmmmmmmm. ~ Art Hochberg

So what did you do, drug me, stuff me in the trunk, then dump me like a sacrificial offering into that vampire's coffin? - Shella ~ Krista Alasti

Thank God Roxane Coss had not fallen in love with one of the Russians. She doubted they could make it up the stairs without stopping for a cigarette and telling at least one loud story that no one could understand. ~ Ann Patchett

I adore your jealousy, especially when it's so misplaced. I expect Shakespeare wrote a sonnet about that. ~ Iris Murdoch

She used to be a teacher but she has no class now. ~ Fred Allen

The blind see what they want to see. ~ Dan Brown

like gravy on a biscut it's all good. ~ ESPN

I'm getting a girlfriend soon," said Michael in a serious tone, and everyone laughed.
"You've got plenty of time for that, kiddo," said his father. "No need to rush."
"Well, I don't want a boyfriend, Daddy," said Madeline. "Boys are dirty, and they make a mess when they eat."
"I'd imagine the six-year-old ones would." Xavier chuckled. "But don't worry, they get better at it. ~ Alexandra Adornetto

He never quarreled with his wife, but he never talked to her;--he never had time to talk, he was so taken up with speaking. ~ Anthony Trollope

You know when you're by yourself you can say the most outrageous things. No one is listening. ~ Art Hochberg

'Tell Suzie she's a lucky cat.' Have sexier words ever been spoken? ~ Ally Carter

Never put off until tomorrow that which may be avoided entirely. ~ Bill McKean

It is that peculiar soldiers' humor which springs from the experience of shared misery and often translates poorly to those not on the spot and enduring the same hardship. ~ Steven Pressfield

'Face death'? Am I going to die?
NDA: I'll take this one. Yes, you will die - some day. When you do, you'll go to live, er, to exist in the Underworld.
PJ: Leo didn't.
NDA: Leo cheated death with a potion that he shouldn't have had. Without it, he'd have stayed dead. Like he was supposed to.
PJ: Hazel came back too.
NDA: That's totally different! I brought her back on purpose.
PJ: Just saying that not everyone who dies stays dead.
NDA: Next question. ~ Rick Riordan

We all make mistakes, but intelligence enables us to do it on purpose. ~ Will Cuppy

Wildcat fights for den or prey;
Watch for tracks and stay away.
Bollusk trample, charge, and kick;
Climb a sturdy tree or cliff."

She broke off as Payne leaned over and said in a stage whisper to one of the girls, "I don't think she's remembering it right. The real verse is, 'Bollusk charge and like to trample; climb, or be a flat soil sample. ~ Tara K. Harper

Grant didn't look like a sophomore - Grant looked like Brad Pitt's body double. ~ Ally Carter

Half of seeming clever is keeping your mouth shut at the right times. ~ Patrick Rothfuss

The kid poured him another straight rye and I think he doctored it with water down behind the bar because when he came up with it he looked as guilty as if he'd kicked his grandmother. ~ Raymond Chandler

I've always felt there are two things a woman should never do after the age of thirty-five: stand in natural light and have a baby ... ~ Erma Bombeck

I'm not for gratuitous nudity, but if there's humor, I don't have a problem. ~ Rebecca Romijn

And this is the library," Mrs. Simcosky said, leading Beth into a generous room with a fire flickering in a river rock fireplace. "Or, as Mason liked to call it, my love den." She drifted to one of the floor to ceiling book shelves and trailed her fingers down a bevy of colorful spines. "He used to call my books 'the other men'. ~ Trish McCallan

You can take the barbarian out of the tavern, but he can take the blood out of your body. ~ Greg X. Graves

I'm bringing body back.
Returning corpses, but they're not intact.
Kids, this is a Justin Timberlake reference. You're fine not knowing who that is. ~ Caitlin Doughty

She raised us with humor, and she raised us to understand that not everything was going to be great-but how to laugh through it. ~ Liza Minnelli

So, what do you go for in a girl?"
He crows, lifting a lager to his lips
Gestures where his mate sits
Downs his glass
"He prefers tits I prefer ass. What do you go for in a girl?"
I don't feel comfortable
The air left the room a long time ago
All eyes are on me
Well, if you must know I want a girl who reads
Yeah. Reads.
I'm not trying to call you a chauvinist
Cos I know you're not alone in this but…
I want a girl who reads
Who needs the written word & uses the added vocabulary
She gleans from novels and poetry
To hold lively conversation In a range of social situations
I want a girl who reads
Who's heart bleeds at the words of Graham Greene Or even Heat magazine
Who'll tie back her hair while reading Jane Eyre
And goes cover to cover with each water stones three for two offer but
I want a girl who doesn't stop there
I want a girl who reads
Who feeds her addiction for fiction
With unusual poems and plays
That she hunts out in crooked bookshops for days and days and days
She'll sit addicted at breakfast, soaking up the back of the cornflakes box
And the information she gets from what she reads makes her a total fox
Cos she's interesting & unique & her theories make me go weak at the knees
I want a girl who reads
A girl who's eyes will analyze
The menu over dinner
Who'll use what she learn ~ Mark Grist

You can think about gloves. You can think about snuvs. You can think a long time about snuvs and their gloves. ~ Dr. Seuss

He scrambled to grab a hose and pointed it at us. A pathetic stream of water trickled out.
What are you going to do? Giguhl said. Moisten us? ~ Jaye Wells

The United States was a big country where everybody wore funny t-shirts and ate too much. ~ Adam Rex

I have a sudden urge to pee.- Spader ~ D.J. MacHale

So the first thing we're gonna do," I told him, "is push you off the roof. ~ James Patterson

I don't mind being a recluse, really. It seems the extroverts are always talking. ~ Iimani David

Well you seemed too busy to call him a prat and I thought someone should. ~ J.K. Rowling

Smoking is extremely hazardous to you and those around you it said on the label. He glanced around. The few termites that might thrive down here could probably handle it. ~ Jussi Adler-Olsen

Who knew Demon Child would have such a normal name? I expected something exotic like Serena or Destiny or the Evil One That Comes in the Night to Make Us Chilly. ~ Darynda Jones

He crouched at the care window and looked in. "What a lovely family you have. What a charming family. They're all lovely. Except for that one." His finger jabbed the glass. "That one's a bit ugly."
The American stepped towards him. "What? What did you say?"
"Oh, don't worry. I'm sure his personality makes up for his face. ~ Derek Landy

Humor is most powerful thing that uses laughter as it base to chase your blues away. ~ Kareena Kapoor

It seems to me that a man who can think straight along for forty-seven years without changing a single idea ought to be kept in a cabinet as a curiosity. ~ Jean Webster

What makes a Ford run faster? when its being hauled by Duramax! ~ Kassi

If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back? ~ Steven Wright