Will Cuppy Quotes

Humor springs from rage, hay fever, overdue rent and miscellaneous hell.

[Footnote:] The Dotterel weighs only four ounces. It has long been a scientific riddle how so much wrong-headedness can manage to exist in so small a space. Still, there's the Least Gnatcatcher.

The stork is voiceless because there is really nothing to say.

As llamas have never heard of oxygen, they do not miss it.

I am billed as a humorist, but of course I am a tragedian at heart.

Let's not be too quick to blame the human race for everything. A great many species of animals became extinct before man ever appeared on earth.

[Footnote:] Pliny the Elder perished in 79 A.D. when he refused to flee from the great eruption of Mt. Vesuvius, insisting that everything would be all right. It wasn't.

To the seeing eye life is mostly Sparrows.

It is really surprising what may be done in the home with a small can of paint, if you aren't careful.

Aristotle described the Crow as chaste. In some departments of knowledge, Aristotle was too innocent for his own good.

Frogs will eat red-flannel worms fed to them by biologists; this proves a great deal about both parties concerned.

A few Cobras in your home will soon clear it of Rats and Mice. Of course, you will still have the Cobras.

Ah, well! We live and learn, or, anyway, we live.

The Love bird is one hundred percent faithful to his mate-who is locked into the same cage.

I do not travel. I am not much of an extrovert, and I'm not much interested in extroverted objects. I do not care for the 'ideas' of novelists. Novels are wonderful, of course, but I prefer newspapers.

Borrowing has a bad name, but you would be surprised how it helps in a pinch.

A hermit is simply a person to whom civilization has failed to adjust itself.

Caesar might have married Cleopatra, but he had a wife at home. There's always something.

I borrow to pay my honest debts and not to squander foolishly. What's more, I confine my borrowing to those who can well afford it. I don't go around sponging on widows and orphans unless they have plenty.

[Footnote:] Much still remains to be learned about his sex life because the Hummingbird is quicker than the eye.

I don't like to boast, but I have probably skipped more poetry than any other person of my age and weight in this country.

[Footnote:] The head of a Pike, served at supper, is said to have caused the death from terror of Theodoric the Goth, who imagined the fish's features to be those of Symmachus, a man he had just killed. But for this story, we of today would have no idea what Symmachus looked like.

Alexander III of Macedon is known as Alexander the Great because he killed more people of more different kinds than any other man of his time.

We all make mistakes, but intelligence enables us to do it on purpose.

Even as a child back in Indiana, whenever I took a Butterbelly off the hook I used to ask myself, "Does this fish think?" I would even ask others, "Do you suppose this Butterbelly can think?" And all I would get in reply was a look. At the age of eighteen, I left the state.

The Mexicans gave the Spaniards malaria, and the Spaniards gave the Mexicans smallpox, whooping cough, diphtheria, and syphilis. The Spaniards believed it was better to give than to receive.

Some people lose all respect for the lion unless he devours them instantly. There is no pleasing some people.

During part of her childhood, Elizabeth was illegitimate. In 1534, Parliament ruled that it was treason to believe her illegitimate. In 1536, it was treason to believe her legitimate. Signals were changed again in 1543, and again in 1553. After that you could believe anything.

Would it not be downright cruel to keep him in semi-captivity in a town or city, where the opportunities for wreaking havoc and destruction upon the landscape are necessarily so limited? In a word, is it right to attract Wombats?

I'm a poetry-skipper myself. I don't like to boast, but I have probably skipped more poetry than any other person of my age and weight in this country - make it any other two persons. This doesn't mean that I hate poetry. I don't feel that strongly about it. It only means that those who wish to communicate with me by means of the written word must do so in prose.

The Bayeux Tapestry is accepted as an authority on many details of life and the fine points of history in the eleventh century. For instance, the horses in those days had green legs, blue bodies, yellow manes, and red heads, while the people were all double-jointed and quite different from what we generally think of as human beings.

[Footnote:] Pliny the Elder described a Whale called "Balaena or Whirlpool, which is so long and broad as to take up more in length and breadth than two acres of ground." This brings up again the old question: Are the classics doomed? Our ancestors believed that four years of this sort of information would inevitably produce a President, or at least a Cabinet Member. It didn't seem to work out that way.

[Footnote:] To give the Beaver his due, he does things because he has to do them, not because he believes that hard work per se will somehow make him a better Beaver
the Beaver may be dumb, but he is not that dumb! The Beaver was made to gnaw, and gnaw he does. There you have him in a nutshell.

[Footnote:] An Ant on a hot stove-lid runs faster than an Ant on a cold one. Who wouldn't?

[Footnote:] Aristotle maintains that the neck of the Lion is composed of a single bone. Aristotle knew nothing at all about Lions, a circumstance which did not prevent him from writing a good deal on the subject.

You can't do much for the poor, as they are not in with the right people.

The wren-box problem is becoming more acute each year, for wrens now demand better housing conditions and labor-saving devices.

Other countries may boast of this and that, but nobody can touch the United States for poisonous snakes. We have about twenty species, most of them deadly, and Europe has only five or six, none of them much good. We have fifteen kinds of Rattlesnakes alone and nobody else has even one. [ There is a species in Central and South America, but it probably came from the United States ].

Intelligence is the capacity to know what we are doing and instinct is just instinct. The results are about the same.

Galvani was mistaken about the amount of electricity in frogs, but he had some good ideas, too, for the galvanometer is named in his honor, and you don't have galvanometers named after you merely for making a mistake about a frog.

The hippopotamus looks monogamous- he looks as if he would have to be.

[Footnote:] We have no Common Vipers in the United States, but we have worse.

If you annoy the Hog-nosed Snake enough, he will roll over on his back and play dead. If you turn him right-side up , he will roll over to prove that he is dead. [Footnote:] While he is playing dead, you can go straight up to him and step on his head or smash him with a big club.

The moral of the story of the Pilgrims is that if you work hard all your life and behave yourself every minute and take no time out for fun you will break practically even, if you can borrow enough money to pay your taxes.

It is because of his brain that [modern man] has risen above the animals. Guess which animals he has risen above.

Aristotle was famous for knowing everything. He taught that the brain exists merely to cool the blood and is not involved in the process of thinking. This is true only of certain persons.

I hear so many things about who I am supposed to be I hardly know what to believe. I am willing to tell all, but what Is it? Doubtless all these myths and legends will be straightened out eventually, but It may take years.

Young normal tigers do not eat people. If eaten by a tiger you may rest assured he was abnormal.

Most people, it seems, think that Robinson Crusoe when he landed on his Island had nothing to keep him from starvation or anything else. As a matter of fact he had twelve raft loads of supplies that he took off the wrecked ship. He had as much food and furniture as if he had had a delicatessen store and Fifth Avenue outside his hut.

Just when you're beginning to think pretty well of people, you run across somebody who puts sugar on sliced tomatoes.

The Earthworm plows the whole world with his tunnels, drains and aerates the earth ... If you ever buy any land, be sure it has plenty of Earthworms toiling and moiling all day so that you can sit down and relax.

Queen Elizabeth was rather a flirt all her life. She finally developed a bad habit of boxing her partners' ears and shouting "god's death, I'll have thy head!" This discouraged some of her more sensitive partners,

There are 2,500 kinds of sponges, all of them consist largely of holes.

[Footnote:] The female of any species is generally regarded as a relatively anabolic organism, more passive than the male, who is relatively katabolic and active. The fact remains that one frequently runs across a rather katabolic female.

Unfortunately, this world is full of people who are ready to think the worst when they see a man sneaking out of the wrong bedroom in the middle of the night.

If an animal does something, we call it instinct. If we do the same thing for the same reason, we call it intelligence.

The Pike is the meanest and most vicious of fresh-water fishes. This is caused by heredity and environment, or unfortunate social conditions in the water.

[Footnote:]Each male has from 2 to 790 females with whom he discusses current events. Of these he marries from 3 to 17.

All Modern Men are descended from a Wormlike creature but it shows more on some people.