Surfing Humor Quotes

Flotsam said, "He thinks I shouldn't do surfboard self-defense on four squids that flip us off and stole my juices when I was rippin'. They thought it was cooleo till one of them caught my log upside his head when I snaked him on the next wave."

"What?" Ronnie said.

"All I said was," Jetsam said to Flotsam, "You should cap the little surf Nazi if you wanna turn him into part of the food chain, not torpedo him till he's almost dead in the foamy. ~ Joseph Wambaugh

Leo offered his arm and Cassie took it. Sister and brother strolled aimlessly for a few moments. "Perhaps we have not suffered enough to earn happiness?"
Cassie glanced up at him, relieved to note the teasing twinkle in his eye. "I should be happy to make you suffer with a well-placed kick to your backside if that's what you wish."
Leo laughed. "I shall pass if you don't mind. Besides, I am barely nine-and-twenty and have plenty of time left to enjoy myself before the need truly arises to settle myself with a wife." He sobered. "You, however - "
"Don't say it, Leo," Cassie said firmly. "Or I shall be forced to deliver that kick and a great deal more. ~ Victoria Alexander

All the time you're saying to yourself, 'I could do that, but I won't,' - which is just another way of saying that you can't. ~ Richard Feynman

I loved our mutual corny sense of humor. Underneath all his macho bravado, he was a dork. Just like me. ~ Kate Rockland

Humor, warm and all-embracing as the sunshine, bathes its objects in a genial and abiding light. ~ Edwin Percy Whipple

Learning French is trivial: the word for horse is cheval, and everything else follows in the same way. ~ Alan Perlis

I'm a novelist first, and I wrote a bunch of books, and everything I write, I just find people are more interesting when there's an element of humor to it. ~ Jonathan Tropper

The rats we met the size of small dogs and they watched us go by like they'd figured out that what People were for was feeding rats. ~ Sarah Monette

Money is the root of all evil.' Then we hear, 'A fool and his money are soon parted.' What are they talking about? If money is so evil, shouldn't it be, 'A wise man and his money are soon parted'? And another thing, how does a fool get money in the first place? I know some fools who have a lot of money, but they won't tell me how they got it, and I won't tell them. ~ George Burns

Her gaze slid up the thick muscles of his arm, imagining her hand doing the same, imagining what it would feel like to explore a body of such raw, masculine energy. No doubt about it, he was man built for battle. Yet she could seein his sharp, dark eyes, and in the glimpses of humor and caring he'd let slip, that there was so much more to him than the fight. ~ Melissa Cutler

Of course, when you shut off your brain from rational analysis, any book is dangerous. Taking literally ancient parables from thousands of years ago is much more dangerous than playing with a loaded gun. Ancient scrawls, written by different authors in different centuries with different agendas
yeah, let's get mad literal about that.
The literalness problem is compounded in religion by the circular logic of not being allowed to question anything, or else you're lacking faith. ~ Bill Maher

I think a band that doesn't have a sense of humor can come up with their own take on whimsy.Kind of lead-footed and ham-handed, but I think just all the better for that. ~ Michael McKean

You ever look for the remote control, but you can't find it, so you just decide, "Ah, guess I'm not watching TV. I'm not gonna take two steps and turn it on myself. I'll go to the gym if I'm going to work out." ~ Jim Gaffigan

Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions. ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

He sure put things into words good. ~ S.E. Hinton

Israel also deprived the world of its chance of shedding tears of genuine sympathy over her destruction. The world resents this; it likes to feel noble and sympathetic. ~ George Mikes

Superficial knowledge leads to a bland, monotonous telling. With authorial knowledge we can prepare a feast of pleasures. Or at the very least, add humor. ~ Robert McKee

If a fox strangles a goose just to eat the brains, you wouldn't say the fox killed the brains. You'd say the fox offed the goose. ~ Vladimir Lorchenkov

You're only seventeen, you're too young to have a meatloaf recipe ... go get something pierced. ~ Roseanne Barr

There have been better attempts at marching, and they have been made by penguins. ~ Terry Pratchett

I was quite a looker in my time," she said. Was she reading his mind, or only being smart, to know she must be hideous?
"Oh, had they invented time as long ago as that? ~ Gregory Maguire

Finally, I must acknowledge the role my lovely wife Annie, to whom I have dedicated the book, played in its production. I had the good luck to have married a woman who is incredibly smart and whose sound intuitions are untainted by philosophy. The price she pays for this is that she is subjected to calls interrupting her own work in which I ask her things like: 'What's an example of a gesture that gives an instruction?' or 'Is the following sentence intuitively true: 'Jeff owns more surfboards than Napoleon'?' She handles this with remarkable grace and humor, while providing excellent answers. In addition, while I was working on the book, she bent over backwards to do things for me that would allow me more time to write at crucial junctures. This even before we were married! And finally, the love and support she gave me while I worked on this book were of incalculable value to me. My friends say she is too good for me. They're right ~ Anonymous

Righteous people have no sense of humor. ~ Bertolt Brecht

Progress is a continuing effort to make the things we eat, drink, and wear as good as they used to be. ~ Bill Vaughan

Evelyn was followed in by a sour-faced woman with long, glamorous dark hair and a stern-looking gentleman in a tuxedo who looked just like Julian, but with less hair. They both looked as though they might buy the auditorium just to burn it to the ground. Even in this crowd they seemed assuredly a cut above the rest. ~ Kristopher Jansma

Feel this arm," said Simon. "Rock hard! I don't mean to brag, but it's all bone. All bone. ~ Cassandra Clare

When the Attorney-General ceased, a buzz arose in the court as if a cloud of great blue-flies were swarming about the prisoner, in anticipation of what he was soon to become. ~ Charles Dickens

And he won her freedom by playing beautiful music,' Roland added. 'I think he played a lute. Or maybe it was a lyre.'
'Ach, weel, that'll suit us fine,' said Daft Wullie. 'We're experts at lootin' an' then lyin' aboot it. ~ Terry Pratchett

The people were all busy in their cars, listening to the radio, so there was no one to smile at, so I just sent my love to the traffic lights. No one ever appreciates them, all day long, working so hard to turn red and yellow and green, right in time with us to make sure we don't crash into each other. If there was any tiny chance, even the tiniest chance, that they happened to be alive, I bet I was the first person ever to tell them they were special. You are special, I said out loud in my car, but in case they couldn't hear, I cracked my window open. "You are special," I said, to the night air.
And just like that, a green light. ~ Aimee Bender

Well aware that to bring the voice of sober reason to bear upon the exaggerations of agitated females was both fruitless and perilous, Freddy wisely let this pass ... ~ Georgette Heyer

Come on, guys, don't just stand there. Grab a spoon and let's get busy."

Nobody said anything or moved.

"What? How did you think this worked? That I would wiggle my nose and sniff out the poison? If only. No, you eat it and if you die, I can say, 'Yes, it's been poisoned. ~ Ilona Andrews

Well, land sakes!" Hiro says. "Lookee here!" He whips his blade sideways, cutting off both of the businessman's forearms, causing the sword to clatter onto the floor.
"Better fire up the ol' barbeque, Jemima!" Hiro continues, whipping the sword around sideways, cutting the businessman's body in half just above the navel. Then he leans down so he's looking right into the businessman's face. "Didn't anyone tell you," he says, losing the dialect, "that I was a hacker?"
Then he hacks the guy's head off. ~ Neal Stephenson

He hasn't an enemy in the world, and none of his friend like him. ~ Oscar Wilde

And that was when I learned from my own experience that a laugh can be a terrifying weapon. With a laugh you can kill even murder itself. ~ Yevgeny Zamyatin

Your Excellency, I have no need of this hypothesis. ~ Pierre Laplace

Some people won't have kids, but I'm not going to have parents. I'm burning their birth certificates and defacing their gravestones tonight. ~ Bauvard

My name is Nicomo Cosca, famed solider of fortune, and I am here for dinner. ~ Joe Abercrombie

Good satire is about attacking the powerful, and that tends to be more the purview of the left. Maybe there's something about the conservative mindset that confuses mean-spirited name-calling and insults with actual humor. ~ Tom Tomorrow

Is she crazy, like it says on her bracelet, or is she just looking at my sheets? I dunno! ~ Dave Attell

Invisible things are the only realities. ~ Edgar Allan Poe

If the president and the Vice President dies who becomes President" "Thats easy Arnold Swartzanager ~ Dan Gutman

It's a long ride home with nothing but me for company. I bore myself sometimes. Not often. Just now and again. ~ David Hewson

Gods take whoever designed this crawlspace and jam them inside a sardine can. Then put that sardine can inside a pill box and shoot both into a black hole. Ugh, and I am having a very long discussion with Orn and his habit of throwing old candy sticks through the grates! ~ Sabrina Zbasnik

She wished, as almost all kids wish at one point or another, that she could turn into a pterodactyl and fly away and never come back. ~ Gina Damico

Someday son all this will be yours. Father and son atop a garbage dump. ~ Kurt Vonnegut