Dorky Humor Quotes

I loved our mutual corny sense of humor. Underneath all his macho bravado, he was a dork. Just like me. ~ Kate Rockland

Who needed drugs when winning felt this good? ~ Melissa Landers

I stopped at a red light, turned my head, and allowed myself to enjoy the handsomeness that was Brent.
He noticed my staring and asked, "What?"
"As if you don't know. You're not the type of guy that a girl gets tired of looking at."
"Oh. Well in that case, you're welcome to look all you want," he said and gestured to himself. "You're allowed to touch, too." He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively.
I lowered my voice into its sexy-husky range. "I was hoping you'd say that." With my flirtiest look on my face, I rubbed my hand slowly up his arm and then pinched him firmly on the shoulder.
"Ow!" Brent rubbed his shoulder and grinned. "Not what I had in mind! ~ Lani Woodland

Boy, there's nothing worse than an inscrutable omen. ~ Bill Watterson

Did you ever see so many pee-wee hats, Carl?"
"They're beanies."
"They call them pee-wees in Brooklyn."
"But I'm not in Brooklyn."
"But you're still a Brooklynite."
"I wouldn't want that to get around, Annie."
"You don't mean that, Carl."
"Ah, we might as well call them beanies, Annie."
"Why?"
"When in Rome do as the Romans do."
"Do they call them beanies in Rome?" she asked artlessly.
"This is the silliest conversation ... ~ Betty Smith

People blame science. Shit, man, people shouldn't blame science. People should blame people. ~ Mira Grant

Well, come back and have tea with us," saidMoon-Face. "Silky's got some Pop Biscuits -andI've made some Google Buns. I don't often makethem-and I tell you they're a treat! ~ Enid Blyton

I believe that if a seven-year old kid has heard of Naked Lunch and is daring enough to want to read it, he's old enough to read it. ~ John Waters

In the past, it was known as a "massive stroke," and you simply died. But improved resuscitation techniques have now prolonged and refined the agony. ~ Jean-Dominique Bauby

Talking to yourself is okay. Answering back is risky. ~ Brian Spellman

A literary academic can no more pass a bookstore than an alcoholic can pass a bar. ~ Carolyn G. Heilbrun

The Disney parks are scripted, and I hate that. Hate it. I think what they are doing down there in Orlando is fun-pimping ... ~ Stephen King

I find I look at this province with very different eyes then when I arrived. I recollect I then thought of it as singularly level, but now after galloping over the montañas my own only surprise is what could have induced me to have ever called it level! ~ Charles Darwin

Dad needs to show an incredible amount of respect and humor and friendship toward his mate so the kids understand their parents are sexy, they're fun, they do things together, they're best friends. Kids learn by example. If I respect Mom, they're going to respect Mom. ~ Tim Allen

I can't give a Professor love! ~ J.K. Rowling

It is a wise child that knows its own father, and an unusual one that unreservedly approves of him. ~ Mark Twain

You had to stand in line to hate him. ~ Hedda Hopper

Perhaps if grown men were issued gold star stickers for proper behavior, there would be less crime. ~ Charlie McDowell

Among our articles of lazy hardware, I recommend the faucet that stops dripping when no one is listening to it. ~ Marcel Duchamp

You're only young once. That is all society can stand. ~ Jane Seabrook

She might have to use her employee discount to buy something more threatening today, although at the moment the most dangerous thing she could think of that Neiman Marcus had to offer was the employee discount itself. ~ Stephanie Bond

There would be a spike in the number of girls who went out for a walk in the woods and were never heard from again. There always were when stories came out portraying the terra indigene as furry humans who just wanted to be loved.
Most of the terra indigene didn't want to love humans; they wanted to eat them. Why did humans have such a hard time understanding that? ~ Anne Bishop

The first time I met Dr. Tuttle, she wore a foam neck brace because of a "taxi accident" and was holding an obese tabby, whom she introduced as "my eldest. ~ Ottessa Moshfegh

In the beginning there was Logos ... and God of course. And it was all extremely boring for Logos because he could never beat God at any game ... ~ Yannis Karatsioris

He can talk!"
"Yes, I can speak any language you want, fly, and breath fire." Air Raid said proudly.
"Can you do anything else?" the boy asked.
Air Raid thought for a moment then said, "I can sing."
"No, he can't. And please don't ask him to prove it," Ally quickly said looking at the fawn haired girl pleadingly.
"I'll believe you this time," the fawn hair girl said. After being proven wrong several times already she didn't want to take any more chances. ~ Jennifer Priester

She cried the first time she was pulled over by a cop. I explained to her that there is no reason to cry when getting pulled over
unless you're coming directly from from a crime scene. ~ Chelsea Handler

I don't know it is that I always feel that other people can create things but that I can't. I imagine it's simpler living in remote tribes or communities where one is obliged to have a go or else you have to do without. I suppose it is fear of failure in an age where political correctness is trying to erase the word 'failure' from the language. It's OK to fail isn't it, but only if you've tried? What is so bizarre is that when one does try, one rarely falls short. Obviously some people do things better than others but if it gives you pleasure, then so what? As my grandmother used to say, 'patience and perseverance made a bishop of his reverence!' So don't say you can't make candles or soap or that you can't spin or weave until you've tried it. As for mending, well, if you're not throwing everything away, then you have no option but to make do and mend. After all, the only way to get rid of shopping malls and supermarkets with their food miles is for people not to shop in those places and the way to cure this mercenary mercantile world is to make your own things. ~ Clarissa Dickson Wright

A six mile meteorite cannot compare with a culinary cataclysm of this magnitude. ~ Michelle Franklin

I spilled spot remover on my dog; now he's gone. ~ Steven Wright

Don't know about my knives, but my gun's made of pain. ~ Devon Monk

The busy snoops like us can leave no stone unturned, Alma said. ~ Ed Lynskey