Solaris Humor Wtf Quotes

Following the eruption [that took the life] of the 106, and for the first time in Solarist studies, there were petitions demanding thermo-nuclear attacks on the ocean. ~ Stanislaw Lem

Is it rude to Twitter during sex? To go "omg, omg, wtf, zzz"? Is that rude? ~ Robin Williams

Half the time I have no idea what I'm doing. The other half, I'm trying to undo what I did when I didn't know what I was doing. That leaves, let's see now ... one more half. That last half is divided into three halves, one for working, one for writing, and one for asking the mother of all rhetorical questions ... WTF? ~ Suki Michelle

I asked you here today because the police department asked me to assess your mental health."
I huffed and rolled my eyes. "Already? Seriously? It's been a week." I am fucking sunshine. ~ Devon Ashley

Unicorns," I said. "Very dangerous. You go first. ~ Jim Butcher

F. Scott Fitzgerald believed inserting exclamation points was the literary equivalent of an author laughing at his own jokes, but that's not the case in the modern age; now, the exclamation point signifies creative confusion. All it illustrates is that even the writer can't tell if what they're creating is supposed to be meaningful, frivolous, or cruel. It's an attempt to insert humor where none exists, on the off chance that a potential reader will only be pleased if they suspect they're being entertained. Of course, the reader isn't really sure, either. They just want to know when they're supposed to pretend to be amused. ~ Chuck Klosterman

It is perhaps beside the point to remark that bowling alleys and supermarkets have nursery facilities, while schools and colleges and scientific laboratories and government offices do not. ~ Betty Friedan

If I have a spreadsheet that can, whatever, turn soup cans into gold, wouldn't I deserve an office? ~ Charlie Close

In sooth, thy life sounds passing strange and shitty. ~ Austin Grossman

I'll never leave you
Love will keep us together
Or glue. Glue works too ~ Rick Riordan

What are you? The pregnant MacGyver?" "Best compliment I've had in a while. ~ Cristin Harber

This is the sixty-nine," I told him, presenting the magazine in front of him. I put my fingers
two of them
on the action, so that he would not overlook it. "Why is it dubbed sixty-nine?" he asked, because he is a person hot on fire with curiosity. "It was invented in 1969. My friend Gregory knows a friend of the nephew of the inventor." "What did people do before 1969?" "Merely blowjobs and masticating box, but never in chorus. ~ Jonathan Safran Foer

The ignorant ever shun and dread the gifted and enlightened. ~ Francis Alexander Durivage

You were supposed to be my wingman, not my freaking kamikaze pilot. ~ Katelin LaMontagne

He seemed only ... annoyed. Annoyed, and sweaty, and hot.
"Yeah, well," he said, "the next time you decide to sneak out of our magically warded apartment through a door that shouldn't really exist, leave a note. ~ Cassandra Clare

"It's a workshop. Nothing but tools."
"So why would it be locked?" I asked.
"I'd love to say it's suspicious," SImon said. "But if this Banks guy had kids around, then I'm not surprised. My dad isn't exactly Mr. Handyman, but he kept a lock on his toolbox. You know parents, Paranoid."
"Yeah," Derek said. "Especially after their son flattens his fingers trying to nail a drawing to the wall."
"Hey, I'm not the genius who suggested it." Simon glanced at me. "Tape wouldn't hold it, and Science Guy explained that the paper was too heavy for the adhesive. So I got some nails."
Derek rolled his eyes. ~ Kelley Armstrong

I'm sure her vagina isn't sticking out." I look at Poppy. "Jesus, it's not sticking out is it?"
"Go say something encouraging to that girl, Warren."
I pull Lilla's arm along, because I'll be damned, if there's a hideous vagina sticking out I'm not foregoing this shit alone. ~ Pella Grace

Susan had told him once that bravery was when you wanted to pee your pants, but you kept fighting ~ Dan Krokos

Rhett: If you've made up your mind to impale someone, do it with conviction. ~ Rowena Cherry

This story is about the Baudelaires. And they are the sort of people who know that there's always something. Something to invent, something to read, something to bite, and something to do, to make a sanctuary, no matter how small. And for this reason, I am happy to say, the Baudelaires were very fortunate indeed. ~ Lemony Snicket

Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left town. ~ George Carlin

Swap out one of these men with the mute, and I'll be right as rain," Randy said from his spot near the kitchen entrance.
"Thought we were besties," Bride mumbled into the shot of rum she'd pilfered from Randy's cabinet. ~ Shay Rucker

The dentist drills some more and you hear him make a mistake. And to cover it up, they all say the same thing: "Okay, rinse." ~ Bill Cosby

Dirk was unused to making quite such a miniscule impact on anybody. He checked to be sure that he did have his huge leather coat and his absurd red hat on and that he was properly and dramatically silhouetted by the light on the doorway.
He felt momentarily deflated and said, "Er ... " by was of self-introduction, but it didn't get the boy's attention. He didn't like this. The kid was deliberately and maliciously watching television at him. ~ Douglas Adams

Lucius had told him word was out that he was dead. Han decided that being dead made travel much easier. ~ Cinda Williams Chima

The batteries in his radio died and came back so often they could have had regular roles on Buffy the Vampire Slayer. ~ Nevada Barr

Which meant it was time for the centerpiece of the celebration, the reason they were all gathered on Saturday, the weekly episode of what, as far as many of the Davidsons including Jody were concerned was the greatest television show ever made. Hee Haw. While Roy and Buck sang the opening song, everyone would bicker and talk back and forth, what was better about the show, the music or the humor, what have you, the natural result of 40 people crowded around one rabbit eared television set. But once Hee Haw started, the talking was over. After that, it was all about the love. And so was everything before, really. ~ Brian Holers

Myrna was not astigmatic; the lenses were clear glass; she wore the glasses to prove her dedication and intensity of purpose. ~ John Kennedy Toole

Since I don't smoke, I decided to grow a mustache - it is better for the health.
However, I always carried a jewel-studded cigarette case in which, instead of tobacco, were carefully placed several mustaches, Adolphe Menjou style. I offered them politely to my friends: "Mustache? Mustache? Mustache?"
Nobody dared to touch them. This was my test regarding the sacred aspect of mustaches. ~ Salvador Dali

When you get kicked in the teeth, chew on it: don't bite back. ~ K.C. Rhoads

As a species, we would not have survived without humor. ~ Jane Hamilton

Rich dad, poor zombie. ~ Jesse Petersen

The prank is entitled "Subverting the Patriarchal Paradigm". ~ John Green

Every fairy tale, it seems, concludes with the bland phrase "happily ever after." Yet every couple I have ever known would agree that nothing about marriage is forever happy. There are moments of bliss, to be sure, and lengthy spans of satisfied companionship. Yet these come at no small effort, and the girl who reads such fiction dreaming her troubles will end ere she departs the altar is well advised to seek at once a rational women to set her straight. ~ Catherine Gilbert Murdock

Belief is a wise wager. Granted that faith cannot be proved, what harm will come to you if you gamble on its truth and it proves false? If you gain, you gain all; if you lose, you lose nothing. Wager, then, without hesitation, that He exists. ~ Blaise Pascal