Sarcastic Humorsm Quotes

Men never forget true love. They always remember all the women they couldn't have. ~ Ljupka Cvetanova

I'm fine, considering I can't walk anymore," Pam replied, a sarcastic edge in her voice. "You look like your bringing news. What is it this time, I'm blind? ~ C.B. Cook

I could never learn to like her, except on a raft at sea with no other provisions in sight. ~ Mark Twain

You had to learn at a certain age what sarcasm is, you know? ~ Penny Marshall

Who taught you to shoot?" he asked when she was standing beside him.
"Our coachman."
"Better the coachman than your brother," Ian mocked, handing her the loaded gun. "The target's that bare twig over there - the one with the leaf hanging off the middle of it."
Elizabeth flinched at his sarcastic reference to his duel with Robert. "I'm truly sorry about that duel," she said, then she concentrated all her attention for the moment on the small twig.
Propping his shoulder against the tree trunk, Ian watched with amusement as she grasped the heavy gun in both her hands and raised it, biting her lip in concentration. "Your brother was a very poor shot," he remarked.
She fired, nicking the leaf at its stem.
"I'm not," she said with a jaunty sidewise smile. And then, because the duel was finally out in the open and he seemed to want to joke about it, she tried to follow suit: "If I'd been there, I daresay I would have - "
His brows lifted. "Waited for the call to fire, I hope? ~ Judith McNaught

He has inhibited discussion by designating admonition as the method of dealing with a heretic- and the first method, too, because he is not a Christian. This is so that he would not seem to require correction again and again and before two or three witnesses as though he were a Christian. He ought to be corrected for the very reason that he is not to be disputed with. In addition, this is said because a controversy over the Scriptures can, clearly, produce no other effect than help to upset either the stomach or the brain. ~ Tertullian

The English have a miraculous power of turning wine into water. ~ Oscar Wilde

We left the nursery in silence, Ma smoking a roll-up, looking like she hadn't slept in a week or maybe like she had slept for a whole week. When the nursery was just a grubby finger smudge behind us Ma looked down at me and said in her poshed-up telephone voice: "Will you speak to Janie about swearing? Fuckin' busybody!"

I laughed and swung our linked hands.

"Aye, fuckin' busybody."

Pleas of laughter escaped us and spiraled up into the hot, blue Scottish sky. We laughed all the way home ~ Kerry Hudson

I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill me. ~ Henny Youngman

Strange as it may seem, my life is based on a true story ~ Ashleigh Brilliant

If there's anything disgusting about the movie business, it's the whoredom of my peers. ~ Sean Penn

Beethoven always sounds to me like the upsetting of a bag of nails, with here and there an also dropped hammer. ~ John Ruskin

I can stand brute force, but brute reason is quite unbearable. There is something unfair about its use. It is hitting below the intellect. ~ Oscar Wilde

Christ's humor is always redemptive, never mocking the individual. But He is sharp and sarcastic in His derision of those institutions such as Pharisaism, which posture in their self-made self-importance. Wisdom ~ John Crowder

Have you noticed we can breathe in here too?
Gosh, I wouldn't have picked up on that. ~ Dan Abnett

This is one race of people for whom psychoanalysis is of no use whatsoever. [speaking about the Irish] ~ Sigmund Freud

At first I thought he was walking a dog. Then I realized it was his date. ~ Edith Massey

Murderous thieves make their home here." She failed to keep the tremor from her voice.
"Absolutely," Jonas replied.
"Dangerous animals too."
"Without a doubt."
She slanted a look toward him. "Perfect place for you."
He repressed a snort. "Oh, such compliments, your highness. You're going to make me blush. ~ Morgan Rhodes

You've turned into a sarcastic, unbalanced, judgmental dick." To herself, she muttered, "Man, can I pick 'em. ~ Kresley Cole

In fact this bad baronet died true to the conditions of his kind--mysteriously in his library, at midnight, while a great deal of snow was falling. ~ Michael Innes

We were invaded today, Lord Malory."
"By a bunch of ungodly thieves and sellers of sin," Reverend Biggs said most indignantly.
Walter latched on to the word "ungodly," asking, "These are different from Godly thieves, I take it?"
He was being sarcastic,but the good reverend took him seriously instead, answering stiffly, "Heathens usually are, m'lord. ~ Johanna Lindsey

Sarcasm is weird. Even not in acting, in life I feel like 'sarcastic' is a word that people use to describe me sometimes so when I meet someone, it's almost like they feel like they have to also be sarcastic, but it can sometimes just come off as mean if it's not used in the right way. ~ Aubrey Plaza

Edythe;s vibrant red coloring and her petite stature drew men to her side...that is,until they discovered her sarcastic, cutting wit, which often focused on making them feel like idiots. ~ Michele Sinclair

How did a man like you ever end up at a table of negotiation?" "I was trained by a surly Mistborn, a sarcastic Terrisman, and a group of disrespectful thieves," Elend said, sighing. "Plus, on top of that, I was a fairly insufferable person to begin with. But, kindly continue with your insult - I didn't mean to interrupt. ~ Brandon Sanderson

I wish all teenagers can filter through songs instead of turning to drugs and alcohol. ~ Taylor Swift

My films often have a very strong strain of irony, or even sarcasm, which is definitely related to homosexual camp. But it is by no means straightforward: quite often I am sincere when I appear to be sarcastic, and I am sarcastic when I appear to be sincere. I also try to contradict myself at least once a day, which is a camp must. ~ Bruce LaBruce

I know that there are several people in my life that I love that probably have no idea, but there are plenty of people I love that have been the subject of a "well-placed" sarcastic comment. ~ Will Walker

Seriously, Palta ... " He was honestly puzzled, "I haven't got a clue what you're talking about. What about your ears is supposed to be so bizarre?"
"Um ... You'd have to be blind to miss them," I replied sarcastically. "If you're not, you will be when you poke your eye out on one of them. ~ M.A. George

You have sensible women here [in England] but then, they are very devils
censorious, uncharitable, sarcastic
the women in Scotland have twice
thrice their freedom, with all their virtue
and are very conversable and agreeable
their educations are more finished. ~ Fanny Burney

How is it possible to have a civil war? ~ George Carlin

When friends become overfriendly - smell fish! ~ Adhish Mazumder

Wes is Wes," Alastair said. "One in every family. I love him, but I think of him as a sarcastic pet. ~ John Scalzi

Why are we honoring this man? Have we run out of human beings? ~ Milton Berle

I would not want to put him in charge of snake control in Ireland. ~ Eugene McCarthy

Sometimes I say things that I think are obviously sarcastic and people take them quite literally. ~ Megan Fox

Educational system in America is not as good as in China. You may be an idiot. It is hard to tell with you white people. ~ Kate Danley

But it may be that I betrayed myself. Since Dorcastle, my ability to supress my emotions has diminished. I know feelings are showing, not in ways which commons might see, but clearly enough for Mages to spot. My elders could well have decided that I am ruined, that my contact with you has corrupted me beyond correction." ...
"What does it take to corrupt a Mage, anyway?"
"I told you. They thought that you had attempted to seduce me. Perhaps they thought that you had already succeeded despite my denials that such a thing had happened."
Once again Mari stared at him, her face darkening. "I was under the impression that your elders thought I would try that at some future point. What did you tell them to make them think that I had already put my moves on you? Or that I had already hooked you?"
"Hooked?" Alain asked.
"Ensnared." Mari got the word out between clenched teeth.
"I told them nothing. That is the illusion they wished to believe, not thinking there could be any other reason for a female Mechanic to seek my company." Alain paused in thought. "A young and attractive female Mechanic, that is."
"Oh right. The one with all those physical charms."
"Yes," Alain agreed.
She gasped a laugh. "I was being sarcastic again, Alain. I hope that isn't the only reason you've been attracted to me. Not the only reason anyway."
"You are very pleasant to look upon," Alain said, and Mari's face flushed again. Had he angered her? "But my eld ~ Jack Campbell

Logan leaned over and whispered, Or as I like to call it, the tutorial guide on how to mindfuck entire groups. ~ Tijan

Be great or be gone ~ David Briggs

It's so obvious that you're gonna ask a good looking dude to be with you for the rest of your holiday while you only know his name for like 2 hours, 32 minutes, 12 seconds."
"Trisha! Being mean is my job! June, you're so predictable, like, it's not a shock for us if you're gonna ask a good looking dude to be with you for the rest of your holiday while you only know his name for like 2 hours, 33 minutes, 2 seconds. ~ Rea Lidde

I've had them both, and I don't think much of either. ~ Beatrix Lehmann

Gankis lifted an arm to point at the distant shale cliffs. "And in the face of it there were thousands of little holes, little what-you-call-'ems ... "
"Alcoves," Kennit supplied in an almost dreamy voice. "I call them alcoves, Gankis. As would you, if you could speak your own mother tongue. ~ Robin Hobb

It's not that we have more patience as we grow older, it's just that we're too tired to care about all the pointless drama ~ Karen Gibbs

The typewriting machine, when played with expression, is no more annoying than the piano when played by a sister or near relation. ~ Oscar Wilde

Women's intuition is the result of millions of years of not thinking. ~ Rupert Hughes