Robots Funny Quotes

Use condoms; it's wise not to gamble with your children's future. ~ Bauvard

There are worse occupations in this world than feeling a woman's pulse. ~ Laurence Sterne

The audience. They see the name Mel Brooks, they want something really funny. They don't want to be moved; they don't want to be taught any lessons. But I get more letters for Twelve Chairs and Life Stinks than I get from any other movies, because people actually agree with the philosophy, or were moved, or they love the movie. ~ Mel Brooks

It's funny about paths and rivers," he mused. "You see them go by, and suddenly you feel upset and want to be somewhere else--wherever the path or the river is going, perhaps. ~ Tove Jansson

Very slowly using two fingers, Annabeth drew her dagger. Instead of dropping it, she tossed it as far as she could into the water.
Octavian made a squeaking sound. "What was that for? I didn't say toss it! That could've been evidence. Or spoils of war!"
Annabeth tried for a dumb-blonde smile, like: Oh, silly me. Nobody who knew her would have been fooled. But Octavian seemed to buy it. He huffed in exasperation.
"You other two ... " He pointed his blade a Hazel and Piper. "Put your weapons on the dock. No funny bus
"
All around the Romans, Charleston Harbor erupted like a Las Vegas fountain putting on a show. When the wall of seawater subsided, the three Romans were in the bay, spluttering and frantically trying to stay afloat in their armor. Percy stood on the dock, holding Annabeth's dagger.
"You dropped this," he said, totally poker-faced.
-Heroes of Olympus ~ Rick Riordan

I do a so-called trip into myself: I sit down at the piano and the melody might start to evolve from my playing or then I might start to sing it. ~ Enya

Men should be like Kleenex, soft, strong and disposable. ~ Cher

I love actors, and I love the casting process. It's funny, like, some writers don't like actors because, I think, they are the faces of the show, and so you feel sort of secondary, but I love actors because they elevate the material; they make it better. ~ Bryan Fuller

People think I am funny all the time. But I am not. I am serious, too. Also, I enjoy serious, dramatic films. ~ Kapil Sharma

What he does not yet understand is that whatever makes a woman strong is the reason that certain men will love her, even if behind her strengths there hide great weaknesses. This he will learn from You. He will learn that You are bubbly, funny, and sweet only because You have all Your weaknesses. But by then it will be too late. ~ Francoise Sagan

Anna took his hand to gauge the swelling. 'Let's at least put something cold around it. Frozen peas work pretty well.'
'Do I have to eat them?'
'No, you just have to inject them into a vein,' Anna said. ~ Antonia Michaelis

Fathers are the geniuses of the house because only a person as intelligent as we could fake such stupidity. ~ Bill Cosby

Never trust anything you read in a travel article. Travel articles appear in publications that sell large, expensive advertisements to tourism-related industries, and these industries do not wish to see articles with headlines like: URUGUAY: DON'T BOTHER. ~ Dave Barry

I think that sometimes, romantic comedies have to be really broad, and that the plot of people falling in and out of love or whatever is not enough. 'Enough Said' had that stuff, but I wanted it to be fun and funny while also grounded in reality. ~ Nicole Holofcener

I almost turned around right there. Stupid, yeah, but PTSADS doesn't care how stupid a trigger is. If you need me to spell that out, it's Post-Traumatic Stuffed Animal Death Syndrome. I thought it was pretty funny. Mom and the psychologist did not. The psychologist said I had substituted George for Dad and I actually had post-dad syndrome. I told her George was a fucking bunny. ~ Leah Raeder

Don't get me wrong. I like Disney World. The rest rooms are clean enough for neurosurgery, and the employees say things like "Howdy, folks!" and actually seem to mean it. You wonder: Where do they get these people? My guess: 1952. I think old Walt realized, way back then, that there would eventually be a shortage of cheerful people, so he put all the residents of south western Nebraska into a giant freezer with a huge picture of Jiminy Cricket on the outside, and the corporation has been thawing them out as needed ever since. ~ Dave Barry

It is labour indeed that puts the difference on everything. ~ John Locke

Always telling the truth is no doubt better than always lying, although equally pathological. ~ Robert Breault

It sounds like a horse,' Alice thought to herself. And an extremely small voice, close to her ear, said, 'You might make a joke on that - something about "horse" and "hoarse," you know. ~ Lewis Carroll

The medium is the message, the message is encrypted, and the encryption key is controlled by NSA. ~ The Covert Comic

Last night somebody broke into my apartment and replaced everything with exact duplicates ... When I pointed it out to my roommate, he said, Do I know you? ~ Steven Wright

I won't say I was slow developer, but our teacher was quite pleased to have someone her own age in the class to talk to. ~ Chic Murray

Small men oft feel a need to prove their courage with unseemly boasts," he declared. "I doubt if he could kill a duck."
Tyrion shrugged. "Fetch the duck. ~ George R R Martin

It (Congress) is a funny party. It is the largest political organization in the world but perhaps does not have a single rule or regulation. We create new rules every two minutes and then dump them. Nobody knows the rules in the party ~ Rahul Gandhi

Since the 1980s, I've been known more for my TV work, I used to host 'Live at Jongleurs' and of course 'Grumpy Old Men,' and so it's really all come from there. It's been a funny career really, there are people that know me now as a TV person, a comedian, an interviewer - I've had people genuinely gobsmacked to find out I am a musician. ~ Rick Wakeman

I like persons better than principles, and I like persons with no principles better than anything else in the world. ~ Oscar Wilde

It was funny how just when you thought you knew yourself through and through, you stumbled on a new kind of strength, a fresh reserve of power inside you that you never knew you had, and all at once you found yourself burning a little brighter and hotter than you ever had before. ~ Lev Grossman

During job interviews, when they ask: 'What is your worst quality?', I always say: 'Flatulence'. That way I get my own office. ~ Dan Thompson

You have the maturity of a 14-year-old boy!" Kennedy hisses.
"And you have the chest of one. ~ Emma Chase

I hope it hurts," she said vehemently. "Perhaps that will teach you not to be running about on rooftops! What possessed you to do such a thing?"
Sir Ross gave her a narrow-eyed glance. "For some reason the suspect didn't want to come down to the ground so that I could catch him more easily. ~ Lisa Kleypas

The reading public isn't born that doesn't think foreigners are either funny or faintly sinister. ~ Christopher Hitchens