Machinist Funny Quotes

Stock prices have reached what looks like a permanently high plateau. ~ Irving Fisher

I was eight feet tall and made of metal again, and oh how I'd missed it so. ~ Andrew Seiple

My dad was in the army so we moved around a lot and I changed schools every year and had to make new friends, and I found that if I was the funny guy I could do that easier. ~ Jason Gann

Megan looked into Agnes's frightened face. Agnes had been so sharp just a few years back - funny and cutting and wonderfully ribald. ~ Harlan Coben

Amy Poehler and I have been friends for so long, we're like Oprah and Gale. Only we're not denying anything. ~ Tina Fey

War was funny like that: one minute you could try and block it and have the most wonderful thoughts, the next you were back in the nightmare. ~ Mark A. Cooper

I did turn down 'The Virgin Suicides.' I talked to the producers about it, and I just honestly told them that I didn't get it. Is it supposed to be funny, is it a thriller, what is it? ~ Terry Zwigoff

I've just finished my book, I wrote it on penguins. Come to think of it, paper would have been better. ~ Milton Jones

The funny thing about writing is I think a lot of people assume that you're sitting in a garret with a quill pen for hour after hour. ~ Lincoln Child

It's a funny thing, this life. ~ Paul Allih

LIKE THE SUICIDAL RACCOON, I, TOO, WILL FUCK UP YOUR ALIGNMENT IF YOU RUN ME OVER. - T-shirt ~ Darynda Jones

It's a funny thing about Americans, we love to bitch about paying too much for the things we really need and are really a bargain, like gas and postage stamps, but we willingly shell out outrageous amounts for unnecessary crap like gourmet coffee and soap to make your crotch smell good. Two dollars a gallon to go ten miles is too much, but five to the parking valet to go ten feet is okay. ~ Bill Maher

I don't know what I want to be when I grow up. It's funny - people ask me that, and I don't know what to tell them. ~ Mackenzie Rosman

Here in Hollywood you can actually get a marriage license printed on an Etch-A-Sketch. ~ Dennis Miller

Why are there no "during" pictures? ~ Mitch Hedberg

Next time I will do things to you that will make you lose controll in seconds
-Dimitri. ~ Richelle Mead

Treat me like a joke, watch me leave you like its funny ~ Auliq Ice

They would get their shit together, and keep it together, and maintain it neatly and in good working order. ~ Tim O'Brien

I grew up in Middle America and I don't think my family was very funny, but I watched 'The Princess Bride.' I always wanted to be an actor. I didn't know anything about it. I'd never seen any plays or anything and I watched that movie over and over and over again. ~ Missi Pyle

Love doesn't drop on you unexpectedly; you have to give off signals, sort of like an amateur radio operator. ~ Helen Gurley Brown

Funny how one lie leads to another and before you know it, your whole life can be a lie. I sit on the porch swing later, not even ~ Phyllis Reynolds Naylor

The way this country deals with drugs is just not funny. What a waste of everyone's time and effort. What a waste of a lot of people's lives. ~ Dave Barry

Legion hissed like a startled cat, the noise scraping at Reyes's skin. "Me no boy. You think me a boy?"
Everyone stopped, stared. Even Aeron.
Reyes was the first to find his voice. "You're a ... girl?"
A nod. "Me pretty."
"Yes, you are." Reyes exchanged a glance with Lucien. "Beautiful. ~ Gena Showalter

It was going to be our job to annoy someone?"
"I know - it's a dream come true! ~ Joel N. Ross

The main purpose of the stock market is to make fools of as many men as possible. ~ Bernard M. Baruch

being funny is actually all about thinking "what if ?" in a creative way. ~ Shashankbisht

Funny, isn't it, how quickly the future becomes the past. ~ Lauren Oliver

Do you think the Goblin King really did it?" asked Cordelia hesitantly. All the sheep knew she was talking about George's death. Mopple quickly pulled up a tuft of grass.
"Or Satan?" added Lane.
"Nonsense," Rameses snorted nervously. "Satan would never do a thing like that."
several of the sheep bleated in agreement. None of them thought Satan capable of such an act. Satan was an elderly donkey who sometimes grazed in the meadow next to theirs, and uttered blood-curdling cries. his voice was truly dreadful, but otherwise he'd always struck them as harmless. ~ Leonie Swann

What are we doing here? Has something gone wrong?"
"Oh no, Ron," came Fred's voice, very sarcastically. "No, this is exactly where we wanted to end up. ~ J.K. Rowling

I don't care." - Bakura

"I'm not going to kill you, just destroy you a little. Geez, talk about overreacting!" - Marik

"So then he goes to me with the tea pot and he goes, 'Why so British?'." - Bakura

"Now I can't that friggin song out of my head! Thanks Odion, thanks a bunch!" - Marik

"Not a kitty!" - Bakura

"Maybe we should hug him, Bakura. I mean he seems like an okay guy." - Marik ~ Little Kuriboh Marik And Bakura

God, all those months of seeing Kelsey's pictures and hearing about her travels, and I had been raging with jealousy. And now it was my turn.
I wanted to mind the gap at the tube station and eat fish and chips and try to make the Queen's guards laugh. I wanted to see Big Ben and the Globe and the London Bridge and Dame Judi Dench. Or Maggie Smith. Or Alan Rickman. Or Sir Ian McKellen. Or anybody famous and British, really.
Holy crap. This was really happening.
And I wasn't just a tourist. I was visiting with someone who'd grown up in the city. With my fiancé.
Take that, world. ~ Cora Carmack

Since so many people these days don't seem to start their families until around age forty, I predict there will be less child beating, but more slipped disks from lifting babies out of cribs. Even the father of advanced age who's not inclined to spare the rod is likely to suffer more than his victim: The first punch he throws might well be the last straw for his rotator cuff, reducing his disciplinary options to mere verbal abuse and napping. ~ Sarah Silverman

That's why I like to get out there, and get people to see the other side of Mitt, and know us in a different reflection when you see the family and how funny he is with the boys and with the grandkids. And you know, just what a super guy he is. That's part of what I am doing, is letting people see the other side of Mitt. ~ Ann Romney

Britain's last gold medal was a bronze in 1952 in Helsinki ~ Nigel Starmer-Smith