Funny Harry Potter Quotes

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Quotes About Funny Harry Potter

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Honestly, woman, you call yourself our mother? ~ J.K. Rowling
Funny Harry Potter quotes by J.K. Rowling
Ron: Why spiders? Why couldn't it be follow the butterflies? ~ J.K. Rowling
Funny Harry Potter quotes by J.K. Rowling
What's a dementor?"
I mean, I can't even. "Nora, you are no longer my sister."
"So it's some Harry Potter thing," she says. ~ Becky Albertalli
Funny Harry Potter quotes by Becky Albertalli
You don't seem to need many qualifications to liaise with Muggles; all they want is an OWL in Muggle Studies. 'Much more important is your enthusiasm, patience and a good sense of fun.' - 'You'd need more than a good sense of fun to liaise with my uncle', said Harry darkly .'Good sense of when to duck more like. ~ J.K. Rowling
Funny Harry Potter quotes by J.K. Rowling
But you would think, wouldn't you, that getting hit forty-five times in the neck with a blunt axe would qualify you to join the Headless Hunt? - Sir Nicholas de Mimsy ~ J.K. Rowling
Funny Harry Potter quotes by J.K. Rowling
When we come face-to-face with one down a dark alley, we're going to be having a shufti to see if it's solid, aren't we, we're not going to be asking, 'Excuse me, are you the imprint of a departed soul? ~ J.K. Rowling
Funny Harry Potter quotes by J.K. Rowling
He can run faster than Severus Snape confronted with shampoo. ~ J.K. Rowling
Funny Harry Potter quotes by J.K. Rowling
What are we doing here? Has something gone wrong?"
"Oh no, Ron," came Fred's voice, very sarcastically. "No, this is exactly where we wanted to end up. ~ J.K. Rowling
Funny Harry Potter quotes by J.K. Rowling
Why would I go looking for someone I know wants to kill me? ~ J.K. Rowling
Funny Harry Potter quotes by J.K. Rowling
Albus Dumbledore had gotten to his feet. He was beaming at the students, his arms opened wide, as if nothing could have pleased him more than to see them all there.
"Welcome!" he said. "Welcome to a new year at Hogwarts! Before we begin our banquet, I would like to say a few words. And here they are: Nitwit! Blubber! Oddment! Tweak!"
"Thank you!"
He sat back down. Everybody clapped and cheered. Harry didn't know whether to laugh or not.
"Is he - a bit mad?" he asked Percy uncertainly.
"Mad?" said Percy airily. "He's a genius! Best wizard in the world! But he is a bit mad, yes. Potatoes, Harry? ~ J.K. Rowling
Funny Harry Potter quotes by J.K. Rowling
Why were you lurking under our window?"
"Yes - yes, good point, Petunia! What were you doing under our windows, boy?"
"Listening to the news," said Harry in a resigned voice.
His aunt and uncle exchanged looks of outrage.
"Listening to the news! Again?"
"Well, it changes every day, you see," said Harry. ~ J.K. Rowling
Funny Harry Potter quotes by J.K. Rowling
I made a birdhouse," he said confidently. "And I painted it to look like Hogwarts. ~ Megan Duke
Funny Harry Potter quotes by Megan Duke
You think that killing people will make them like you more, but it doesn't,it just makes them dead. ~ Joe Walker
Funny Harry Potter quotes by Joe Walker
What happened down in the dungeons between you and Professor Quirrell is a complete secret, so, naturally the whole school knows. ~ J.K. Rowling
Funny Harry Potter quotes by J.K. Rowling
It's alright" said a dreamy voice from beside Harry as Ron vanished into the coach's dark interior. "You're not going mad or anything. I can see them too."
"Can you?" said Harry desperately, turning to Luna. He could see the bat-winged horses reflected in her wide, silvery eyes.
"Oh yes," said Luna, "I've been able to see them since my first year here. They've always pulled the carriages. Don't worry. You're just as sane as I am."
Smiling faintly, she climbed into the musty interior of the carriage after Ron. Not altogether reassured, Harry followed her. ~ J.K. Rowling
Funny Harry Potter quotes by J.K. Rowling
I thought it sounded a bit like Percy singing ... maybe you've got to attack him while he's in the shower, Harry. ~ J.K. Rowling
Funny Harry Potter quotes by J.K. Rowling
Grabbing a scarf off the chair, I threw it at him.
He caught it, clutching it to his chest as he flew into the air. "You gave Tink a scarf. Tink is free!" He flew out into the hallway like a little cracked-out fairy, screeching, "Tink is freeeeee!"
Ren looked at me. "What the actual f**k?"
I sighed. "He's obsessed with Harry Potter. I'm sorry."
Tink darted back into the room, holding the scarf to his bare chest. "There is no reason to apologize when it comes to Harry Potter."
"You do remember what happened to Dobby, right?" I said.
"S**t." Tink's eyes widened and he dropped the scarf. ~ Jennifer L. Armentrout
Funny Harry Potter quotes by Jennifer L. Armentrout
OH NO YOU DON'T, LADDIE!
Harry spun around. Professor Moody was limping down the marble staircase. His wand was out and it was pointing right at a pure white ferret, which was shivering on the stone-flagged floor, exactly where Malfoy had been standing. ~ J.K. Rowling
Funny Harry Potter quotes by J.K. Rowling
Anyone can speak Troll. All you have to do is point and grunt. ~ J.K. Rowling
Funny Harry Potter quotes by J.K. Rowling
Listen, Harr,y can I have a go on it? Can I?"
"I don't think anyone should ride that broom just yet!" said Hermoine shrilly.
Harry and Ron looked at her.
"What d'you think Harry's going to do with it - sweep the floor?" said Ron. ~ J.K. Rowling
Funny Harry Potter quotes by J.K. Rowling
Zen cuts straight through the Quidditch match in progress and almost gets taken down by a Beater hurling a Nerf quaffle right at his machopartes. ~ Megan McCafferty
Funny Harry Potter quotes by Megan McCafferty
Don't worry. You're just as sane as I am
-Luna Lovegood ~ J.K. Rowling
Funny Harry Potter quotes by J.K. Rowling
George," said Fred, "I think we've outgrown full-time education."
"Yeah, I've been feeling that way myself," said George lightly. ~ J.K. Rowling
Funny Harry Potter quotes by J.K. Rowling
I was very sad to leave Harry Potter but equally there will be an element of excitement about the idea that a script might come in and I don't have to go: "I'm sorry, I'm kind of busy for the next four years." The idea of that is quite exciting. ~ Daniel Radcliffe
Funny Harry Potter quotes by Daniel Radcliffe
He was about to go home, about to return to the place where he had had a family. It was in Godric's Hollow that, but for Voldemort, he would have grown up and spent every school holiday. He could have invited friends to his house ... He might even have had brothers and sisters ... It would have been his mother who had made his seventeenth birthday cake. The life he had lost had hardly ever seemed so real to him as at this moment, when he knew he was about to see the place where it had been taken from him. ~ J.K. Rowling
Funny Harry Potter quotes by J.K. Rowling
Yeah," said Ron, "and lucky Harry doesn't lose his head in a crisis - 'there's no wood,' honestly. ~ J.K. Rowling
Funny Harry Potter quotes by J.K. Rowling
A real girl isn't perfect and a perfect girl isn't real. ~ Harry Styles
Funny Harry Potter quotes by Harry Styles
Look, I'm a coach, I'm not Harry Potter. He is magical, but in reality there is no magic. Magic is fiction and football is real. ~ Jose Mourinho
Funny Harry Potter quotes by Jose Mourinho
By the way, the Harry Potter series is literature, in spite of what some people might say. The way J.K. Rowling worked that world out is quite something. ~ Gary Oldman
Funny Harry Potter quotes by Gary Oldman
And now Snape stood again in the headmaster's study as Phineas Nigellus came hurrying into his portrait.
"Headmaster! They are camping in the Forest of Dean! The Mudblood--"
"Do not use that word!"
"--the Granger girl, then, mentioned the place as she opened her bag and I heard her!"
"Good. Very good!" cried the portrait of Dumbledore behind the headmaster's chair. "Now, Severus, the sword! Do not forget that it must be taken under conditions of need and valor--and he must not know that you give it! If Voldemort should read Harry's mind and see you acting for him--"
"I know," said Snape curtly. He approached the portrait of Dumbledore and pulled at its side. It swung forward, revealing a hidden cavity behind it from which he took the sword of Gryffindor.
"And you still aren't going to tell me why it's so important to give Potter the sword?" said Snape as he swung a traveling cloak over his robes.
"No, I don't think so," said Dumbledore's portrait. "He will know what to do with it. And Severus, be very careful, they may not take kindly to your appearance after George Weasley's mishap--"
Snape turned at the door.
"Don't worry, Dumbledore," he said coolly. "I have a plan…"
And Snape left the room. Harry rose up out of the Pensieve, and moments later he lay on the carpeted floor in exactly the same room: Snape might just have closed the door. ~ J.K. Rowling
Funny Harry Potter quotes by J.K. Rowling
I never talk about 'Harry Potter' because I think that would rob children of something that's private to them. I think too many things get explained, so I hate talking about it. ~ Alan Rickman
Funny Harry Potter quotes by Alan Rickman
You know a lot of what worked on this was taken from Harry Potter 2, the little Doby character, we had a lot of our skin stuff worked out and that helped a lot. We have a lot of exchange happening. ~ Dennis Muren
Funny Harry Potter quotes by Dennis Muren
J. K. Rowling was on welfare when she wrote the first Harry Potter book and has stated that she considered herself "the biggest failure I knew," but this didn't stop her. ~ Bob Proctor
Funny Harry Potter quotes by Bob Proctor
If your mom's a witch, what does that make you? Harry Potter? ~ Kendare Blake
Funny Harry Potter quotes by Kendare Blake
Personally, I think the "Potter" books have too many adverbs and not enough sex. ~ Lev Grossman
Funny Harry Potter quotes by Lev Grossman
Dobby has no master!" squealed the elf. "Dobby is a free elf, and Dobby has come to save Harry Potter and his friends! ~ J.K. Rowling
Funny Harry Potter quotes by J.K. Rowling
The teachers were of course forbidden from mentioning the interview by Educational Decree Number Twenty-six, but they found ways to express their feelings about it all the same. [...] and Professor Trelawney broke into hysterical sobs during Divination and announced to the startled class, and a very disapproving Umbridge, that Harry was not going to suffer an early death after all, but would live to a ripe old age, become Minister for Magic and have twelve children ~ J.K. Rowling
Funny Harry Potter quotes by J.K. Rowling
I love books, by the way, way more than movies. Movies tell you what to think. A good book lets you choose a few thoughts for yourself. Movies show you the pink house. A good book tells you there's a pink house and lets you paint some of the finishing touches, maybe choose the roof style,park your own car out front. My imagination has always topped anything a movie could come up with. Case in point, those darned Harry Potter movies. That was so not what that part-Veela-chick, Fleur Delacour, looked like. ~ Karen Marie Moning
Funny Harry Potter quotes by Karen Marie Moning
Yes, my tiara sets off the whole thing nicely," said Auntie Muriel in a rather carrying whisper. "But I must say, Ginevra's dress is far too low-cut."
Ginny glanced round, grinning, winked at Harry, then quickly faced the front again. ~ J.K. Rowling
Funny Harry Potter quotes by J.K. Rowling
'Harry Potter' shouldn't be children's first experience with suspense and plot turns. ~ Berkeley Breathed
Funny Harry Potter quotes by Berkeley Breathed
The wand chooses the wizard, ~ J.K. Rowling
Funny Harry Potter quotes by J.K. Rowling
What is the difference, Potter, between monkshood and wolfsbane?"
At this, Hermione stood up, her hand stretching towards the dungeon ceiling.
I don't know," said Harry quietly. "I think Hermione does, though, why don't you try asking her?"
A few people laughed; Harry caught sight of Seamus's eye and Seamus winked. Snape, however, was not pleased.
Sit down," he snapped at Hermione. "For your information, Potter, asphodel and wormwood make a sleeping potion so powerful it is known as the Draught of Living Death. A bezoar is a stone taken from the stomach of a goat and it will save you from most poisons. As for monkshood and wolfsbane, they are the same plant, which also goes by the name of aconite. Well? Why aren't you all copying that down?"
There was a sudden rummaging for quills and parchment. Over the noise, Snape said, "And a point will be taken from Gryffindor house for your cheek, Potter. ~ J.K. Rowling
Funny Harry Potter quotes by J.K. Rowling
I can be 100 years old but I will always be proud to say I was in Harry Potter. ~ Emma Watson
Funny Harry Potter quotes by Emma Watson
Potter wasn't such an unusual name. He was sure there were lots of people called Potter who had a son called Harry. Come to think of it, he wasn't even sure his nephew was called Harry. He'd never even seen the boy. It might have been Harvey. Or Harold. ~ J.K. Rowling
Funny Harry Potter quotes by J.K. Rowling
When I was here there was still a requirement that students had to swim 50 yards to graduate ... because Harry Elkins Widener had drowned with the sinking of the Titanic. And it made me very grateful at the time that he had not gone down in a plane crash. ~ Barney Frank
Funny Harry Potter quotes by Barney Frank
Harry: This book belongs to Harry Potter.
Ron: Shared by Ron Weasley, because his fell apart.
Hermione: Why don't you buy a new one then?
Ron: Write on your own book, Hermione.
Hermione: You bought all those dungbombs on Saturday. You could have bought a new book instead.
Ron: Dungbombs rule. ~ J.K. Rowling
Funny Harry Potter quotes by J.K. Rowling
McLaggen makes Grawp look like a gentleman. ~ J.K. Rowling
Funny Harry Potter quotes by J.K. Rowling
I am equivalent of what in the Harry Potter world is called a sqib. A damp Squib. As the seventh child, all had expected me to come loaded with the whole box of fireworlks. Instead they got a girl who could tell you where you left your keys. Yes, that's right. I'm equivalent of a whistling key fob. ~ Joss Stirling
Funny Harry Potter quotes by Joss Stirling
I've got my life and 'Harry Potter,' where I travel the world, I make films, I meet amazing people, I do press junkets and stuff. And then I go back home to Leeds, where I live, and I've got the same friends from before. ~ Matthew Lewis
Funny Harry Potter quotes by Matthew Lewis
Greatness inspires envy, envy engenders spite, spite spawns lies. ~ J.K. Rowling
Funny Harry Potter quotes by J.K. Rowling
When she finally got to the desk, the airline employee was surprisingly upbeat. "Your best bet is to Apparate."
"Sorry?"
"Just a little Harry Potter humor," he said. ~ Rainbow Rowell
Funny Harry Potter quotes by Rainbow Rowell
He pulled out handcuffs and snapped them around my wrists. "Where's your bag? You didn't bring your staff?"
"I have it. It's hidden." Charlie was currently tucked inside the leg of my Harry Potter pajama bottoms, which were beneath my jeans, but that fell under the category of TMI. ~ Suzanne Johnson
Funny Harry Potter quotes by Suzanne Johnson
When sushi-suit girl calls up entrants to show off their costumes, Cole manages to pull Wallace out of his seat to stand awkwardly out there, but I refuse when my name is called.

"It's just for a second," Cole says, motioning me out with his hands. "Come on. Just a second."

"I don't . . . I don't really want to."

Wallace gently pushes Cole out of the way so he can get back to his seat and grab his phone.

If she doesn't want to, don't make her do it.

Cole sighs so overdramatically he must be joking, then turns to tell sushi girl I won't be participating after all. A few more people from other groups around the room go up. There's a panel of teenaged judges stationed behind one short bookcase like it's a desk, and at the very end they get together to deliberate before they announce one of the Hogwarts students as the winner.

"Oh, come on!" Cole cries. "The Harry Potter people always win! They've had like twelve years to put their costumes together!"

"I've done my waiting," Megan says to Hazel, pulling up the little girl's arms. "Twelve years of it! In Azkaban! ~ Francesca Zappia
Funny Harry Potter quotes by Francesca Zappia
The wacky thing about those bad guys is that you can't count on them to be obvious. They forget to wax their mustaches and goatees, leave their horns at home, send their black hats to the dry cleaner's. They're funny like that. ~ Jim Butcher
Funny Harry Potter quotes by Jim Butcher
Ron gave a tiny jerk of the head that Harry understood to mean, Well - if you must. ~ J.K. Rowling
Funny Harry Potter quotes by J.K. Rowling
I'm never going to be in something as commercially successful as 'Harry Potter' ever again. It's impossible. So that gives me incredible freedom to go off and make the slightly off-the-wall films that I want to make. ~ Daniel Radcliffe
Funny Harry Potter quotes by Daniel Radcliffe
Just - just to be clear," he said. "You want to leave Tonks at her parents' house and come away with us?"
"She'll be perfectly safe there, they'll look after her," said Lupin. He spoke with a finality bordering on indifference. "Harry, I'm sure James would have wanted me to stick with you."
"Well," said Harry slowly, "I'm not. I'm pretty sure my father would have wanted to know why you aren't sticking with your own kid, actually. ~ J.K. Rowling
Funny Harry Potter quotes by J.K. Rowling
It's leviOsa, not levioSA! ~ J.K. Rowling
Funny Harry Potter quotes by J.K. Rowling
Now, Potter," said McGonagall, "you and Miss Lovegood had better return to your friends and bring them to the Great Hall--I shall rouse the other Gryffindors."
They parted at the top of the next staircase, Harry and Luna running back toward the concealed entrance to the Room of Requirement. As they ran, they met crowds of students, most wearing traveling cloaks over their pajamas, being shepherded down to the Great Hall by teachers and prefects.
"That was Potter!"
"Harry Potter!"
"It was him, I swear, I just saw him!"
But Harry did not look back, and at last they reached the entrance to the Room of Requirement. Harry leaned against the enchanted wall, which opened to admit them, and he and Luna sped back down the steep staircase.
"Wh--?"
As the room came into view, Harry slipped down a few stairs in shock. It was packed, far more crowded than when he had last been in there. Kingsley and Lupin were looking up at him, as were Oliver Wood, Katie Bell, Angelina Johnson and Alicia Spinnet, Bill and Fleur, and Mr. and Mrs. Weasley.
"Harry, what's happening?" said Lupin, meeting him at the foot of the stairs.
"Voldemort's on his way, they're barricading the school--Snape's run for it--What are you doing here? How did you know?"
"We sent messages to the rest of Dumbledore's Army," Fred explained. "You couldn't expect everyone to miss the fun, Harry, and the D.A. let the Order of the Phoenix know, and it all kind of snowballed."
" ~ J.K. Rowling
Funny Harry Potter quotes by J.K. Rowling
Daddy's gone mad, hasn't he? ~ J.K. Rowling
Funny Harry Potter quotes by J.K. Rowling
I am a big defender of 'Harry Potter,' and I think any book that gets kids to read are books that we should cherish, we should be thankful for them. ~ Judy Blume
Funny Harry Potter quotes by Judy Blume
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