Jackass Quotes

Take your patience pill ... You can be joyous, but you can't be a jackass. ~ Michael Nutter

Yup," Heather replied. "Some jackass tries to prick me and I'm gonna prick him right back! Leave the bottle, bucko. Save ya a trip. ~ Jacob D. Lochner

Don't try to explain yourself to stupid people. You're not the jackass whisperer. ~ Lani Lynn Vale

Shut up!" Eve yelled from somewhere upstairs. "Jackass!"
"You know, when people say that, I just hear the word awesome, ~ Rachel Caine

What?" my partner asked suddenly.
I jumped, guilty at having been caught staring. But, hell, I thought, might as well ask. "Are you two
you know?" I made a vaguely obscene gesture with my fingers.
He stopped walking so fast I was shocked he didn't get whiplash. "What?"
I waved toward the building. "You and Shandi."
Instead of answering, he threw his head back and brayed like the jackass he was. ~ Jaye Wells

The thing about letting yourself fall in love with a jackass was - you might be in love, but he was still a jackass. ~ Karen Robards

I let out another groan. "What if I lost her for good this time?"

Garrett and Tucker instantly shake their heads. "You didn't," Garrett assures me.

"How can you be so sure of that?"

"Because she told you she loves you."

"You stupid jackass," Tucker adds with a grin.

I love you, you stupid jackass. Not the words a man wants to hear. The first three, sure. The last three? Pass.

"How do I fix this?" I ask, sighing.

"Quick. Write her another poem," Garrett suggests.

I scowl at him.

"No, I think G's onto something," Tuck says. "I think the only way to save this is to bust out another grand gesture. What else was on her list?"

"Nothing," I moan. "I did everything on the list."

Tucker shrugs. "Then come up with something else."

A grand gesture? I'm a guy, damn it. I need direction. "Is Wellsy coming back here?" I ask Garrett.

He smirks at my pleading tone. "Even if she is, I'm not letting you pick her brain. You're gonna have to fix this one all on your own."

There's a pause, and then…

"You stupid jackass," my friends say in unison. ~ Elle Kennedy

Any jackass can kick down a barn, but it takes a good carpenter to build one. ~ Sam Rayburn

When you call upon a Thoroughbred, he gives you all the speed, strength of heart and sinew in him. When you call on a jackass, he kicks. ~ Patricia Neal

I made some friends for life, the way I usually make them. Any jackass can be pleasant company, but if people help you when you're at your worst, that's a friend. ~ Rick Bragg

Every jackass going the roads thinks he has ideas. ~ James Joyce

When wine drinkers tell me they taste notes of cherries, tobacco and rose petals, usually all I can detect is a whole lot of jackass. ~ Joel Stein

Having a baby or not having one was not his decision. It was mine. There isn't a single couple where when it comes to having a baby the man's decision counted in any real way. Couples who have babies usually have them because the woman involved is determined to do so. The only time a man's POV counts is if he is a domineering, insecure jackass with no respect for you or your body. Most men think it would be 'nice' and then go along with whatever you want. ~ Radhika Vaz

The women take so little stock
In what I do or say
They'd sooner leave their cosseting
To hear a jackass bray ... ~ William Butler Yeats

I once told Nixon that the Presidency is like being a jackass caught in a hail storm. You've got to just stand there and take it. ~ Lyndon B. Johnson

You'd better be careful, they are going to revoke your vampire license if you get any more romantic and mushy."
"Don't worry," Burnett said, his eyes pinched as if serious. "I can still be a jackass, and kick ass, when it's called for. ~ C.C. Hunter

I feel it's important to point out that I've earned my humility by being a jackass - like, I trip and fall on my face and say, "Oh, right. Don't think you're a big shot, because you've got a bloody nose now." So it's hard to say. ~ Nick Offerman

I don't think it's cool when I have to announce that I'm gluten-free; in fact, I feel like a total jackass 99.9 percent of the time. ~ April Peveteaux

The way she saw it, there were some matters of style that simply needed to take precedence over practicality, and right at the top had to be the rule that said one did not wear black dress pants and pink Uggs to a meeting with the FBI. Not anyone who didn't want to look like a jackass, anyway. ~ Julie James

His first two clients were the last two persons hanged in the Maycomb County jail. Atticus had urged them to accept the state's generosity in allowing them to plead Guilty to second-degree murder and escape with their lives, but they were Haverfords, in Maycomb County a name synonymous with jackass. ~ Harper Lee

UnMarketing: Don't try to win over the haters; you're not the jackass whisperer. ~ Brene Brown

Fuck you. Hunter (I decided not to call him Liam anymore - Liam was a nice name for a nice guy, and it didn't fit this bastard at all) glanced at his friend, then rubbed a hand over his face. For a minute he looked tired. Jackass. I was going to laugh at his funeral. ~ Joanna Wylde

Shit," Paul says. "She paid for Matt's treatment." "What?" I'm still dumbfounded. "She went back home for you," he explains. He still has Matt on the phone, and he's talking to both of us at the same time. She did it all for me. "She did it for me," I say out loud. "You lucky fucker," Paul says, punching me in the arm. "She'll be back for the spring session at Juilliard." Warm happiness settles around me like a blanket fresh out of the dryer. Paul nods. "Matt will be home by then." We all hope Matt will be home by then. Matt has a chance to come home, and it's all because of Emily. I jump up, and Paul pulls me into a hug. "She'll be back?" I ask. I can't wrap my head around it all. "She's not gone for good?" "She just told the whole fucking world how much she loves you, you jackass." Paul punches me in the shoulder again. She's coming back. To Juilliard. To me. ~ Tammy Falkner

He's practically stalking me. He just won't let it go. He's just being ... he's being a jackass with a flaky jackass crust and a delicious jackass filling."
"So he's jackass pie? ~ Molly Harper

I have learned that one of the most important rules in politics is poise - which means looking like an owl after you have behaved like a jackass. ~ Ronald Reagan

A woman could love a jackass. She could not love a son of a bitch. Many have tried, Gideon. Many have tried. ~ Deanna Raybourn

From Pearls and Poison ...
"In two minutes the cops are going to come barreling though that door," I whispered to Auntie KiKi hoping to get her mind off the body in the back room. "Any suggestions how we tell these workers out here their candidate just croaked?"
"Yell The jackass bit the big one, hip-hip hooray Gloria wins, then run like the dickens before someone recognizes us. ~ Duffy Brown

This someone you were talking with wouldn't be that Frost fellow, would it?" Ewan's crisp accent floated into the kitchen like a brisk breeze. "The last thing you need is to be talking to that moronic jackass. ~ Monica Burns

Oh, sweetie, you are a jackass. I love you, but you are dumber than a one legged duck in an ass kicking contest when pigs fly. ~ Tara Sivec

Using porn to guide sexual activity, is like using Jackass to model behaviour. ~ Merlyn Gabriel Miller

They?" he said, sounding apprehensive.
"Me. They're like me."
"Don't be a jackass," Roswell said, but not meanly. "No one's like you. ~ Brenna Yovanoff

Do you sell anything that can answer a yes or no question?" I asked him.
"For entertainment purposes," he asked me not bothering to look up, "or for real?"
I squelched the impulse to scream, "What do you think, you jackass?" Maybe he was asking a serious question- though I had my doubts. "You're the one with the metaphysical shop. If I wanted a magic Eight Ball, I'd go to SaverPlus."
He looked up at me and grinned. "Did you notice the new guy who works at the return counter in the SaverPlus basement?He's kind of a creep- which I think I like about him- and he's got this monster bulge in his pants."
I could totally see him getting into someone who was a creep. "Um. No."
"They're still open. Why don't you go buy a Magic Eight Ball so I can return it?"
"No."
"Then what the fuck good are you? ~ Jordan Castillo Price

Do all of your rules pertain to books? I suppose I understand why, since your social shortcomings mean books are your closest friends." He momentarily seemed taken aback at his own rudeness.
Jane narrowed her eyes. "Are you sure your true E∂ian form isn't a jackass? ~ Cynthia Hand

Love can bring out the best and worst in us. We've all been a jackass for love. But love makes us do amazing things. And if love drives us away, love is what brings us back. Love makes us pick up the phone. Love makes us listen. Love makes us say I'm sorry. Love makes us forgive. Love makes us better. Love makes us our best. And love makes more love... ~ Suanne Laqueur

Problem?" a silky voice murmured.
I ignored Torin and turned my attention to the stack of notebooks near the couch.
"I am sorry for what I said about your father this morning," he said. "It was beneath me."
I still didn't say anything.
"Being trapped thus is incredibly frustrating for me, and occasionally I take it out on others. Again, I apologize. Now, if you'd like, I can help you with what you're seeking."
Knowing I'd probably regret it, I crossed the rom and yanked the canvas off the mirror. As before, he was sitting on the table, smirking at me.
"Jackass, jackass on the wall, where's the info on Hex Hall?"
Torin laughed long and loud at that, and I saw that his teeth were slightly crooked. Seeing as how he was from the sixteenth century, I guess he was lucky to have any teeth at all.
"Oh, I do like you," he said, wiping tears from his eyes. "All these bloody warrior women are so serious. It's nice to have a real wit around the place again. ~ Rachel Hawkins

Moi?" He put his hand over his heart and did his best wounded-innocent look. "You must be thinking of some other uncouth jackass. Which makes me jealous, by the way. ~ Rachel Caine

What is wrong with you?" I say in lieu of greeting. "You went to Morris's dorm and declared your intentions?"

He offers a faint smile. "Of course. It was the noble thing to do. I can't be chasing after another guy's girl without his knowledge."

"I'm not his girl," I snap. "We went on one date! And now I'm never going to be his girl, because he doesn't want to go out with me again."

"What the hell?" Logan looks startled. "I'm disappointed in him. I thought he had more of a competitive spirit than that."

"Seriously? You're going to pretend to be surprised? He won't see me again because your jackass self told him he couldn't."

Astonishment fills his eyes. "No, I didn't."

"Yes, you did."

"Is that what he told you?" Logan demands.

"Not in so many words."

"I see. Well, what words did he actually use?"

I grit my teeth so hard my jaw aches. "He said he's backing off because he doesn't want to get in the middle of something so complicated. I pointed out that there's nothing complicated about it, seeing as you and I are not together." My aggravation heightens. "And then he insisted that I need to give you a chance, because you're a - " I angrily air-quote Morris's words " - 'stand-up guy who deserves another shot.'"

Logan breaks out in a grin.

I stab the air with my finger. "Don't you dare smile. Obviously you put those words in his mouth. And what the hel ~ Elle Kennedy

A group of ghosts is a fraid. No, really. I don't know what jackass came up with that one, but it's a real thing. A fraid of ghosts. Clearly, they've never seen a group of ghosts. Otherwise it'd be a "Pants-Shitting Terror" of ghosts. ~ Stephen Blackmoore

Jackass, jackass on the wall, where's the info on Hex Hall? ~ Rachel Hawkins

Jackass!" Eve yelled.
"You know, when people say that, I just hear the word awesome," Shane said. ~ Rachel Caine

The way that I look at it is that, when we film for eight months straight for a new 'Jackass' movie, I know that I'm going to wind up with at least two broken bones. I don't know when it's going to happen, but you can't contemplate how you're going to fall and what's going to happen. ~ Bam Margera

The stairs ended. I wished I knew the jackass who'd made the staircase so short. I'd throw him down the damn steps so he could count them with his head. ~ Ilona Andrews

You know it's when like you parents said "I'm not mad at you, just disappointed" You know that hurts so much more. ~ Stephen "Steve-O" Glover

That's where I'm comfortable - playing a jackass on the scene, rolling in with my pocket watch and my buffoon hairdo, with my shoes. ~ Alan Tudyk

Whatever," I said. "It's getting cloying in here. Are we there yet?" He smiled. "Jerk." "Wuss." "Jackass." "Pansy." "Philistine." "Dandysprat." "Butthead." "Whiner ... ~ Jim Butcher

No' is golden. 'No' is the kind of power the good witch wields. It's the way whole, healthy, emotionally evolved people manage to have relationships with jackasses while limiting the amount of jackass in their lives. ~ Cheryl Strayed

Can you see the future, Kerbouchard?"
"Who would wish to? Our lives hold a veil between anticipation and horror. Anticipation is the carrot suspended before the jackass to keep him moving forward. Horror is what he would see if he took his eyes off the carrot. ~ Louis L'Amour

That just proves there's something going on with you and Mr. Jackass. ~ Kody Keplinger

Martin of Sheffield,
Age Twenty-Nine
He kissed her like she knew she was meant to be kissed. He smelled of gardens, tricked her brain into believing she was irresistible, and made the idea of falling in love seem possible again.
But really he was an actor posing as a gardener, who posed as a gentleman during balls in an Austenland estate where she'd gone to find out if she could let her fantasy of Mr. Darcy die at last. Seriously.
Also, he turned out to be a jackass. ~ Shannon Hale

When I am paid a compliment, I must compare myself with the little donkey that carried Christ on Palm Sunday. And I say to myself: If that little creature, hearing the applause of the crowd, had become proud and had begun -- jackass that he was -- to bow his thanks left and right like a prima donna, how much hilarity he would have aroused! Don't act the same! ~ Pope John Paul I

You don't know me inside and out. You may have gotten in my skin, but you have never gotten inside my heart. Go ahead, Barrons, make me slice and dice myself. Go ahead, play games with me. Push me around. Lie to me. Bully me. Be your usual constant jackass self. Stalk around all broody and pissy and secretive, but you're wrong about me. There's something inside me you'd better be afraid of. And you can't touch my soul. You will never touch my soul! ~ Karen Marie Moning

Did Mama leave you all alone in here?"

I picked her up out of bed and rubbed her back for a minute while she hiccuped.

"Daddy's here," I murmured against her bald head, rocking her from side to side. "Let's get that wet diaper off you."

I laid her on the bed and grabbed a diaper from the top of Kate's dresser, talking the whole time. "I don't know what your mommy was thinking, leaving my princess in here all alone," I crooned, my voice somehow keeping Iris calm. "She's outside with your brothers and sister and Daddy's friend Miles. He's a jackass. You stay away from him, okay?"

I smiled as Iris froze, like she was listening intently.

"Daddy was not very nice," I said, pulling her little pants down her legs and unbuttoning her onesie. "I wasn't even there when you were born, and I'm really sorry about that. But your mama came home with me anyway, so that means there's a chance, right? As long as Miles keeps his you-know-what in this pants."

Iris lifted her hand to her face and tried really hard to get it to her mouth, her eyes unfocused as I babbled.

"You're doing so good, princess. Look at you, not even crying while I change you. Such a big girl." I finished re-dressing her and pulled her to my chest. "You think your mama could love me again?" I asked, kissing her little cheek. "Probably not, huh? We'll just have to keep working at it so you can live with Daddy forever. ~ Nicole Jacquelyn

Jackass millionaires, hey, hey, Hollywood, here we come. ~ Brad Paisley

Want to copy my stellar notes?" Cooper asked, scooting his desk closer.
Glancing at his notes, I shrugged. "You do have very nice penmanship. Dainty even."
"Bitch."
"Jackass."
"Gorgeous."
"Stud."
"You have no idea. ~ Bijou Hunter

With great care, Amy opened the cellar door.
With ladylike demeanor, she descended the stairs. And as her reward, she had the satisfaction of catching His Mighty Lordship sitting on the cot, his knee crooked sideways and his ankle pulled toward him, cursing at the manacle.
"I got it out of your own castle," she said.
Northcliff jumped like a lad caught at a mischief. "My . . . castle?" At once he realized what she meant. "Here on the island, you mean. The old ancestral pile."
"Yes." She strolled farther into the room. "I went down into the dungeons, crawled around in among the spider webs and the skeleton of your family's enemies - "
"Oh, come on." He straightened his leg. "There aren't any skeletons."
"No," she admitted.
"We had them removed years ago."
For one instant, she was shocked. So his family had been ruthless murderers! Then she realized he was smirking. The big, pompous jackass was making a jest of her labors. "If I could have found manacles that were in good shape I'd have locked both your legs to the wall."
"Why stop there? Why not my hands, too?" He moved his leg to make the chain clink loudly. "Think of your satisfaction at the image of my starving, naked body chained to the cold stone - "
"Starving?" She cast a knowledgeable eye at the empty breakfast tray, then allowed her lips to curve into a sarcastic smile.
"You'd love a look at my naked body, though, wouldn't you?" He fixed his gaze on her, and for on ~ Christina Dodd

At that moment, the back door opened, and Great-grandfather wheeled himself outside. Slowly and carefully, Hannah stepped through the door behind him. Aunt Blythe followed, balancing a tray loaded with a pitcher of lemonade and five glasses.
"Come along, you two," Hannah called.
"Tarnation," Andrew muttered. "Am I going to have to see that jackass today?" Without letting me help, he levered himself out of the chair with his cane. "I bet Hannah woke the old coot up just to make me miserable."
When we joined the others on the porch, Great-grandfather refused to look at us. Keeping his head down, he fidgeted with the blanket on his lap.
"This is a fine way to greet me," Andrew said.
"Maybe he doesn't recognize you." Aunt Blythe bent down to peer into Great-grandfather's face. "Your cousins are here, Father. Can you say hello to Hannah and Andrew?"
"It's my house," he mumbled. "They can't have it."
Andrew looked as if he wanted to give his cousin a punch in the nose, but Hannah intervened. "We know the house is yours, Edward," she said. "Don't worry, we haven't come to take it back. Andrew and I have our own home."
Great-grandfather raised his head and stared at Hannah. "You never liked me. Neither did your brothers. I wasn't welcome in this house when you lived here. Now it's mine and you're not welcome."
Ignoring Aunt Blythe's protests, Great-grandfather wheeled himself toward the back door. "You and your Roosevelt," he muttered befo ~ Mary Downing Hahn

Not thinking, I reach my hand across and flick him. I might not want to be here, but that doesn't mean I'm gonna sit idly by and watch some jackass disrespect my mom. ~ Melyssa Winchester

I know. That's not what I'm crying about, you nitwit!" "Nitwit? Are you okay? You do know you just called me a nitwit, right?" "Shut your pie hole, you jackass." "That's better; I was worried for a minute." ~ Devon Herrera

But love doesn't make a mean drunk not a mean drunk or a narcissist not a narcissist or a jackass not a jackass. ~ Cheryl Strayed

The water's not even blue, jackass. ~ Leah Clifford

The rasp in his voice did her in. It wasn't the lazy boredom of a jackass who wanted a warm place to stick his dick. It was edgy. ~ Kit Rocha

Galen?"
"Hmm?"
"You can put me down now."
"I'm not ready yet." He tightens his hold.
"You don't have to hold - "
"Emma? Can you hear me?"
"Uh, yes. I can hear fine. I just can't see - "
"That's a relief. Because for a minute there, I thought maybe you didn't hear me when I said I'm not ready yet."
"Jackass. ~ Anna Banks

Only a jackass ever talks over his affairs with a woman, whether she be his sweetheart, wife, or sister, or mother. ~ H.L. Mencken

I just always had a penchant for performing for people.I'm a jackass clown. ~ Nick Offerman

I was so paranoid that my friends wouldn't like me. I went to a very small school where the consequences of bullying were very real. You couldn't just push some nameless face in the hallway because everybody knew each other's families, so there wasn't the obligatory psychotic jackass that tortured everybody. ~ Kristen Bell

Oh, he's joining the team," Dean declares. "I don't care if I have to suck his dick to get him to agree to it."

Laughter breaks out all around him.

"Sucking dick now, are we?" I ask pleasantly.

An evil gleam lights his eyes. "You know what? I won't just suck it," he says slowly. "I'll suck him off. You know, give him an orgasm."

The other guys exchange mystified looks, but Dean's mocking look tells me exactly where he's going with this. Jackass.

"I'm not sure if you all know this, but an orgasm is the point of completion in the pleasure process." Dean gives me an innocent smile. "Men and women achieve it in different ways. For example, when a woman reaches completion, she might moan or gasp or - ~ Elle Kennedy

You already made your point," I say with a mouthful of fruit.
"Did I?"
"Oh, for the love of dick, yes. Now leave me alone."
"Never. If you want, I'll fuck you now."
The gall. I wouldn't fuck him now if my clit was on fire and needed to be doused with nub-saving cum. I roll my eyes at him.
"No thanks, we have a lifetime of fucking ahead of us," I say mockingly.
He shrugs and starts to walk away as if it makes no difference to him one way or the other. He's such a jackass sometimes. Before I can stop myself I throw my half-eaten banana at him and it hits him on the back of his neck.
He spins around, wipes his neck and looks down at the banana on the floor.
"Did you really just fruitally assault me?"
He thinks he's so damned funny with his wordplay. ~ Ella Dominguez

Magicians think they're wise and witty, full of patter and panache, walking around like they don't deserve to be shot in the back of the head and dumped in a lake. For all the grandeur of its self-regard, magic consists of nothing more than making a total stranger feel stupid. Worse, the magician usually dresses like a jackass". ~ Grady Hendrix

CJ
It took me a moment to figure out the initials.Constant Jackass. I smiled. "Apology accepted, Barrons,
if it's the Ferrari."
It was. ~ Karen Marie Moning

He's practicing his Constitutional right to be a jackass. ~ Julie Miller

I was only beginning to enter into the infinite subtlety of Gregorian chant. It was - and remains - the only public prayer I have ever been able to engage in without feeling like a phony and a jackass. But then, one day in 1965 or so, it was simply abolished. With a stroke of his pen, Pope John XXIII - who had such good ideas about other things - declared that liturgy would henceforth be in the vernacular language of the people. That was, effectively, the end of Latin chant.

Then all those monks and nuns who had devoted hours and hours a day began to sicken and fall into depressions, but nobody noticed for a long time. Maybe, as I can well believe, the music toned up their systems in some mysterious way. Or perhaps chant really was a language that God understood. Faced with numerous liturgical scholas shrieking away in the new vernacular hymns, Divinity may have covered its ears and withdrawn, leaving the monks to pine. We parish musicians, illiterate in anything written after the 13th century, stumbled around trying to score liturgies for guitar and bongo drums, trying to make sense of texts like "Eat his body! Drink his blood!"

It wasn't because the music got so bad that I quit going to Mass, but it certainly was the beginning of my doubts about papal infallibility. ~ Mary Rose O'Reilley

When people say that animal rescuers are crazy, what they really mean is that animal rescuers share a number of fundamental beliefs that makes them easy to marginalize. Among those is the belief that Rene Descartes was a jackass. ~ Steven Kotler

I guess it's true what they say," observed Jace. "There are no straight men in the trenches."
"That's atheists, jackass," said Simon furiously. "There are no atheists in the trenches. ~ Cassandra Clare

In the past men were handsome and great (now they are children and dwarfs), but this is merely one of the many facts that demonstrate the disaster of an aging world. The young no longer want to study anything, learning is in decline, the whole world walks on its head, blind men lead others equally blind and cause them to plunge into the abyss, birds leave the nest before they can fly, the jackass plays the lyre, oxen dance. Mary no longer loves the contemplative life and Martha no longer loves the active life, Leah is sterile, Rachel has a carnal eye, Cato visits brothels, Lucretius becomes a woman. Everything is on the wrong path. In those days, thank God, I acquired from my master the desire to learn and a sense of the straight way, which remains even when the path is tortuous. ~ Umberto Eco

We don't even know what's going on in the rest of the world. All we can do is-is play Scooby-Doo in the cellar."
"That's not all we can do, Sophie," Archer said.
Whenever Archer used my first name, I knew he was serious. "What do you mean?"
He backed up a few steps. "Look, you want the Casnoffs gone and these kids saved, or at least…well, put out of their misery, I guess. You don't want anyone to raise demons ever again. There are other people who want those things, too."
"Please tell me you are not talking about The Eye."
He looked away and shoved his hands in his pockets. "I'm just saying that you and The Eye have a common goal here."
I wasn't sure if I was stunned, or angry, or disgusted. It was kind of a mixture of all three. "Okay, is there a gas leak down here? Or did you hit your head on the tunnel? Because that's really the only excuse for you saying something so freaking stupid."
"Oh, you're right, Mercer," he said. "The idea of a trying to fight an army of demons with a bunch of trained soldiers is beyond ridiculous. Maybe we can go get Nausicaa and see if she'll give us some faerie dust to make the problem go away."
"Don't be a jackass," I snapped.
"Then don't be naïve," he retorted. "This is too big for us to handle, Sophie. This is too big for Prodigium to deal with on their own. But if we could all work together, there's a chance that-"
"What do you think, Cross? That we'll ask The Eye to help us, and they'll be ~ Rachel Hawkins

Muhammad was a jackass. People who believe in him are stupid. Let us call a spade as spade. These people must be laughed at. They, and their screwball prophet have to be ridiculed not respected. Let them cringe, let them wince, let them agonize. We must demolish this fetish and break the shackles of these wretched people. They must be set free and the only way to do that is to demolish their fetish. ~ Ali Sina

Lady, I didn't get up this morning wanting to be a jackass ... but you just pushed my jackass button. ~ Bill Engvall

On an otherwise normal Tuesday evening I had the chance to live the American Dream. I was able to throw my incompetent jackass of a boss from a fourteenth-story window. ~ Larry Correia

Be wild; that is how to clear the river. The river does not flow in polluted, we manage that. The river does not dry up, we block it. If we want to allow it its freedom, we have to allow our ideational lives to be let loose, to stream, letting anything come, initially censoring nothing. That is creative life. It is made up of divine paradox. To create one must be willing to be stone stupid, to sit upon a throne on top of a jackass and spill rubies from one's mouth. Then the river will flow, then we can stand in the stream of it raining down. ~ Clarissa Pinkola Estes

It wasn't a question. So, I didn't reply. Instead, I flashed her a smile that I knew affected any
female's panties and took a step toward her. "I got a lot of names, baby," I finally responded.
Her eyebrows arched, straightened her stance and shot me the coldest glare I'd ever
witnessed. What was this chick's deal? "I'm sure you do. Let me guess STD, Loser, Jackass, and Drunk just to name a few," she clipped, stepping out of the door and slamming it behind her. ~ Abbi Glines

We rode to the airport hand in hand, and I giggled as I watched Travis stare at his wedding band without apology. His eyes held the peaceful expression I was becoming accustomed to.

"When we get back to the apartment, I think it will finally hit me, and I'll quit acting like such a jackass."
"Promise?" I smiled.
He kissed my hand and then cradled it in his lap between his palms. "No."
I laughed, resting my head on his shoulder. ~ Jamie McGuire

My proudest moment was when I was in high school, some jackass tried to give me a wedgy. I came prepared, I went commando. It tickled. ~ Jared Leto

I want to hate him for what he did. Leaving us. It's not right. He's gone and I'm stuck here in this fucking funeral home, staring at his casket. There's no way out. Not for me, and certainly not for him. The casket is closed. Bolted shut for eternity. No one forced him to be a Jackass wannabe, though. ~ Jolene Perry

Rachel left," he says, sighing. "Says she's never coming back."
Galen nods. "She always says that. It's probably for the better tonight, though." They both wince as Rayna plants the ball of her foot in Emma's back, splaying her across the sea of shards.
"I taught her that," Toraf says.
"It's a good move."
Neither of the combatants seem to care about the rain, lightning, or the whereabouts of their hostess. The storm billows in, drenching the furniture, the TV, the strange art on the wall. No wonder Rachel didn't want to see this. She fussed over this stuff for days.
"So, it kind of threw me when she said she didn't like fish," Toraf says.
"I noticed. Surprised me, too, but everything else is there."
"Bad temper."
"The eyes."
"That white hair is shocking though, isn't it?"
"Yeah, I like it. Shut up." Galen throws a sideways glare at his friend, whose grin makes him ball his fists.
"Hard bones and thick skin, obviously. There's no sign of blood. And she took some pretty hard hits from Rayna," Toraf continues neutrally.
Galen nods, relaxes his fists.
"Plus, you feel the pull-" Toraf is greeted with a forceful shove that sends him skidding on one foot across the slippery marble floor. Laughing, he comes back to stand beside Galen again.
"Jackass," Galen mutters.
"Jackass? What's a jackass?"
"Not sure. Emma called me that today when she was irritated with me."
"You're insulting me in human-talk no ~ Anna Banks

Mr. Stone is a jackass."
That was Alex's greeting when he found me in the hall Friday afternoon.
"Probably," I agreed, levering myself out of the corner where I'd been waiting, on nervous Hannanda alert, for him to show up. "But I don't think he can help it."
"Generous of you." Alex swung his backpack from his left shoulder to his right, then, like it was the most natural thing in the world, pulled mine out of my hand. I was too surprised to stop him. "Allons-y."
We turned a few heads as we went. I would have happily met him a block away from school, but he'd preempted my cowardice, sliding a note into my locker that morning. Front hall, 3:15. I ignored the stares as Alex held the big front door open for me, my heavily inked bag dangling from his wrist. I figured any speculation would last only as long as it would take for us to hit the street in front of the school. By then, at least one "Wait. Wait. Alex Bainbridge left with Freddy Krueger?" would have been met with "Yeah. He's tutoring her in French. Winslow's making him. ~ Melissa Jensen

Willow,I've treated you shabbily and I'm sorry."
A few tense moments passed before she replied. "If it's the dress I'm wearing that makes you realize you've been acting like a jackass, save your apologies. I've said it before. In a dress or in a pair of britches, I'm the same woman. ~ Charlotte McPherren

How is it that you can go from decent human being to complete jackass in zero-point-two seconds? Did they teach you that in The Eye?"
He stopped, and his eyes glided over my lips.
"Actually, I'm just trying to see if I can make you mad enough to kiss me again. ~ Rachel Hawkins

I said, "Don't do nothing of the kind; it's one of the most jackass ideas I ever struck; ~ Mark Twain

You told me i was your world.
It wasn't me. I was an animal."
My heart pounded. My cheeks burned.
You never wanted it to end.
"Why are you being such a jackass, slamming me in the face with my own humiliation?"
Humilation? That's what you call this? He forced a more detailed reminder on me.
I swallowed. Yes, I certainly remembered that. "I was out of my mind. I'd never have done it otherwise."

Really, his dark eyes mocked, and in them I was demanding more, telling him I wanted it to always be this way.
I remembered what he'd replied: that one day I would wonder if it was possible to hate him more. ~ Karen Marie Moning

You're hammered, Jack!" Jenna yells back.
The male voice laughs. "Hammered Jack. Jack hammer. I'm a jackhammer."
"You're a jackass," she shouts ~ Chelsea Fine

Is everything okay with you and Jackass over there?" "I can hear you," Seth replied, dumping the eggs in a heated skillet. ~ Jennifer L. Armentrout

Oh no, this was real. And it just went to show that her secret weakness in literary escapism did not translate well into reality. The last thing she needed or wanted in real life was a bonded alpha male. Romantic fiction aside, they were serious jackass material. ~ Trisha McCallan

Hugh got up. "Would love to stay and play doctor, love, but duty calls." He headed for the door.
Play doctor? "Jackass."
"Harpy."
"Thank you for saving me in the woods," she said to his back. "And for healing Alex."
"You're welcome. I'll see you downstairs in ten minutes."
A moment later Rook slipped into her room and held out his writing pad. Hugh needed help?
"No," Elara said. "He was terrifying. ~ Ilona Andrews

I have felt the swaying of the elephant's shoulders;
and now you want me to climb
on a jackass? Try to be serious. ~ Mirabai

You idiot! You misbegotten son of a jinn's meeting with a jackass, may the grave of your maternal grandmother be defiled by the dung of ten thousand syphilitic she-camels! ~ Anne McCaffrey

I haven't been with anyone since my break-up with Jackass. Yes, Jackass is his name. Officially. ~ Adela Knight

And Nate? You kiss like a slobbering dog, you have bad breath, and you wouldn't know how to punch the right buttons on a girl if we came with manuals. Happy Thanksgiving, Jackass. ~ Elizabeth Eulberg

The young no longer want to study anything, learning is in decline, the whole world walks on its head, blind men lead others equally blind and cause them to plunge into the abyss, birds leave the nest before they can fly, the jackass plays the lyre, oxen dance. ~ Umberto Eco

Billy's voice is sarcastic, drawing her fire away from me. "Hey, Delores, it's good to see you too. I'm great, thanks for asking. The album? Doin' awesome - triple platinum. California? Fabulous, couldn't be happier. Again . . ." He cups his hands around his mouth, megaphone style, ". . . thanks for asking."

Delores's eyes zero in on him, looking him over head to toe. Not happy with what she sees. "It's called a razor; you should get one. If ancient man could figure it out, you've got a slim chance. Oh - and Pearl Jam called. They want their flannel back."

Billy's brows go up. "You're criticizing my style? Really, Cruella? How many puppies had to die so you could wear that coat?"

"Eat shit."

"Cooking again, are you? I thought the health department banned you for life the last time you tried?"

Delores opens her mouth for a rebuttal, but nothing comes out. Her glossy lips stretch slowly into a smile. "I've missed you, Jackass."

Billy winks. "Right back at you, cuz. ~ Emma Chase

But ... you're not passing out, you're just sleeping? There's a difference."
I yawn again. "Just sleep. Maybe I just need a nap."
He nods into my hair. "You did look tired today after school."
"You can put me on the couch now."
He doesn't move, just keeps rocking me. Staying alert is a slippery slope right now.
"Galen?"
"Hmm?"
"You can put me down now."
"I'm not ready yet." He tightens his hold.
"You don't have to hold-"
"Emma? Can you hear me?"
"Uh, yes. I can hear fine. I just can't see-"
"That's a relief. Because for a minute there, I thought maybe you didn't hear me when I said I'm not ready yet."
"Jackass."
He chuckles into my hair. "Go to sleep."
It's the last thing I remember. ~ Anna Banks