Jackasses Quotes

Take your patience pill ... You can be joyous, but you can't be a jackass. ~ Michael Nutter

Any jackass can kick down a barn, but it takes a good carpenter to build one. ~ Sam Rayburn

When you call upon a Thoroughbred, he gives you all the speed, strength of heart and sinew in him. When you call on a jackass, he kicks. ~ Patricia Neal

I made some friends for life, the way I usually make them. Any jackass can be pleasant company, but if people help you when you're at your worst, that's a friend. ~ Rick Bragg

The women take so little stock
In what I do or say
They'd sooner leave their cosseting
To hear a jackass bray ... ~ William Butler Yeats

A good writer does not receive anywhere near the number of poison-pen letters that is commonly assumed. Among a hundred jackassesthere are not ten who will admit to being jackasses, and at most one who will put it in writing. ~ Karl Kraus

In the land of bleating sheep and braying jackasses, one brave and honest man is bound to create a scandal. ~ Edward Abbey

I once told Nixon that the Presidency is like being a jackass caught in a hail storm. You've got to just stand there and take it. ~ Lyndon B. Johnson

It didn't make any more sense to me then than it does now, how life can pile troubles up on a man what don't deserve them, while letting some of the biggest jackasses and scoundrels alive waltz their way through long, untroubled existences. ~ Caleb Carr

I feel it's important to point out that I've earned my humility by being a jackass - like, I trip and fall on my face and say, "Oh, right. Don't think you're a big shot, because you've got a bloody nose now." So it's hard to say. ~ Nick Offerman

I have been called a curmudgeon, which my obsolescent dictionary defines as a 'surly, ill-mannered, bad-tempered fellow'. Nowadays, curmudgeon is likely to refer to anyone who hates hypocrisy, cant, sham, dogmatic ideologies, and has the nerve to point out unpleasant facts and takes the trouble to impale these sins on the skewer of humor and roast them over the fires of fact, common sense, and native intelligence. In this nation of bleating sheep and braying jackasses, it then becomes an honor to be labeled curmudgeon. ~ Edward Abbey

To me all men are equal: there are jackasses everywhere, and I have the same contempt for them all. ~ Karl Kraus

It's war, you jackasses," Keyes snapped. "I'm sorry it's not terribly convenient or comfortable for you. ~ John Scalzi

Mules and human jackasses are proverbially stubborn. ~ Thomas Chandler Haliburton

That's where I'm comfortable - playing a jackass on the scene, rolling in with my pocket watch and my buffoon hairdo, with my shoes. ~ Alan Tudyk

No' is golden. 'No' is the kind of power the good witch wields. It's the way whole, healthy, emotionally evolved people manage to have relationships with jackasses while limiting the amount of jackass in their lives. ~ Cheryl Strayed

We all stood in the vast theater of ancient Ephesus ... and had our picture taken. ... We add what dignity we can to a stately ruin with our green umbrellas and jackasses, but it is little," Mark Twain reported with his habitual humor. ~ Sabine Arque

Only a jackass ever talks over his affairs with a woman, whether she be his sweetheart, wife, or sister, or mother. ~ H.L. Mencken

The jackasses at Elections Canada are out of control. ~ Stephen Harper

I was so paranoid that my friends wouldn't like me. I went to a very small school where the consequences of bullying were very real. You couldn't just push some nameless face in the hallway because everybody knew each other's families, so there wasn't the obligatory psychotic jackass that tortured everybody. ~ Kristen Bell

In other words, the man at the ticket office had personally had intimate social and commercial progress with more nitwits, dowagers, traveling salesmen, conventioneers, old fogies, and outright jackasses than the entire population of the City of Brotherly Love. I ~ Joe Queenan

On an otherwise normal Tuesday evening I had the chance to live the American Dream. I was able to throw my incompetent jackass of a boss from a fourteenth-story window. ~ Larry Correia

My proudest moment was when I was in high school, some jackass tried to give me a wedgy. I came prepared, I went commando. It tickled. ~ Jared Leto

So the carnival steams by, shakes ANY tree: it rains jackasses. ~ Ray Bradbury

You and I are about to show these jackasses what we're made of. ~ Samantha Chase

Hey! Remember the '90s?
The Clintons were in office, everybody was using AOL, Will Ferrell and Cheri Oteri did "the Cheerleaders" on SNL, and everybody thought Oasis was fantastic.
In hindsight, we were all a bunch of potato-salad-eating jackasses. ~ Julie Klausner

I haven't dated Clancy - God help me if I do - but he's tipping my all-men-are-jackasses theory completely over the edge of the scale. To add insult to injury, he looks like the damn cover of a romance novel. I hate those covers. ~ N.L. Gervasio

Philosophy consists very largely of one philosopher arguing that all others are jackasses. He usually proves it, and I should add that he also usually proves that he is one himself. ~ H.L. Mencken

These reasonings will furnish us with an adequate definition of a true critic: that he is a discoverer and collector of writers' faults. Which may be farther put beyond dispute by the following demonstration: that whoever will examine the writings in all kinds, wherewith this ancient sect has honoured the world, shall immediately find, from the whole thread and tenor of them, that the ideas of the authors have been altogether conversant and taken up with the faults and blemishes, and oversights, and mistakes of other writers; and let the subject treated on be whatever it will, their imaginations are so entirely possessed and replete with the defects of other pens, that the very quintessence of what is bad does of necessity distil into their own, by which means the whole appears to be nothing else but an abstract of the criticisms themselves have made. ~ Jonathan Swift

I'm Trey. And you are ... ?"
"Intolerant of jackasses who fuck with my female. ~ Larissa Ione

Democracy is the worship of jackals by jackasses. ~ H.L. Mencken

Th' world's full o' jackasses brayin' an' they never bray nowt but lies. ~ Frances Hodgson Burnett

Knowledge is like the carrot, few know by looking at the green top that the best part, the orange part, is there. Like the carrot, if you don't work for it, it will wither away and rot. And finally, like the carrot, there are a great many donkeys and jackasses that are associated with it. ~ Nasreddin

'Jackass: The Movie' is great. I think it's in the tradition of physical comedy, which I'm really interested in. Its relationship to gravity, and how gravity acts on the body. ~ Matthew Barney

The public are a lot of jackasses. If you yell and scream and throw yourself about you'll always get a lot of damned fools to shout themselves silly. Just barnstorming, that's what you've been doing the last four nights. It was false from beginning to end."
"False? But I felt every word of it."
"I don't care what you felt, you weren't acting it. Your performance was a mess. You were exaggerating; you were over-acting; you didn't carry conviction for a moment. It was about as rotten a piece of ham acting as I've ever seen in my life. ~ W. Somerset Maugham

The look of success, when it is worn a certain way, would infuriate a jackass. ~ Albert Camus

Concerning the difference between man and the jackass: some observers hold that there isn't any. But this wrongs the jackass. ~ Mark Twain

I've been arrested - spent time in lockup with genuinely dangerous guys. I've been in street fights without rules where no one was coming to break it up - and I've won. I've conquered the insurmountable challenge of earning a law degree and dealing with the self-centered jackasses who are my clients without committing aggravated assault. It's a diaper. How hard could it be? I ~ Emma Chase

Dealing with jackasses on every front today. Good thing I have tiger blood and Adonis DNA. (Charlie Sheen Reference) ~ Greg Campbell

If you want to know what you are, you are a set of highly well-intentioned young jackasses. ~ G.K. Chesterton

And I will not be beaten by that jackass."
"Jackass?" said Foaly, wounded. "My favorite uncle is a jackass. ~ Eoin Colfer

A senator got up today in Congress and called his fellow senators sons of wild jackasses. Now, if you think the senators were hot, imagine how the jackasses must feel. ~ Will Rogers

Just because a jackass brays does not mean you have to pay attention. ~ Jeanne Phillips